Starting Over
by AnnMarie94
Summary: Harry is expelled after the dementor attack before the start of his fifth year. But he isn't going to take it sitting down. He doesn't care what Dumbledore says- he's doing things his own way that will allow him to live his life the way he's always wanted with the only family he has left.
1. Chapter 1

_"Don't worry," Sirius said. Harry looked up and realized that Sirius had been watching him. "I'm sure they're going to clear you, there's definitely something in the International Statute of Secrecy about being allowed to use magic to save your own life."_

_"But if they do expel me," said Harry quietly, "can I come back here and live with you?"_

_Sirius smiled sadly. "We'll see."_

_Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (American version pages 115-116)_

* * *

The room was filled with the soft sounds of the fire as it crackled in the hearth. He had watched bemusedly as the Weasley kids had spent the first ten minutes of their wait chanting loudly as they marched about the house. Mrs. Weasley had finally had enough however and sent them upstairs to clean.

Now however, as he sat in front of the fire, he wished they were down here once more if for no other reason than to give him something else to focus on. Dinner had been over for twenty minutes now and they had not yet returned.

He stood up suddenly, intent on making his way to the kitchen to see if they needed any help cleaning up. As luck would have it, the kitchen seemed to be as dirty as it had been earlier. Thank Merlin for small favors.

"Dinner was lovely, Molly, I must say," Sirius said pleasantly, coming up to stand behind the woman.

Molly yelped as the dish she had been washing fell to the floor with a noisy clatter. She huffed as she caught sight of Sirius, a small teasing smile adorned his slightly filthy face. "Sirius Black, I swear," she muttered under her breath, taking the plate he held in his hands. She dropped it back into the soapy water, wiping her face with the back of her hand.

She looked tired, but didn't seem anywhere close to stopping. He figured she must be wanting to give herself something to do as well instead of waiting at the table for them to return. "You are going to be the death of me." she said in a clipped tone, her tone a bit more snappish than usual due to stress.

Sirius shrugged good-naturedly as he rolled up his sleeves, joining Molly at the sink. "I hear that a lot," he smirked, waggling his eyebrows.

Molly rolled her eyes. "I'll bet you do. I'm well off here," she said, shooing him away. "However, the rest of the table needs to be cleared off. Those people," she clucked. "You'd find better table manners in a barn." She handed Sirius a wet rag and sent him off, shaking her head. _That man_, she thought to herself. _He's as bad as Fred and George, if not worse._

"Hey now," Sirius said, getting a closer look at the table. "_I_ was sitting here. You're not telling me I have deplorable table manners now are you?" he asked, his tone slightly teasing. He smirked to himself after a moment when Molly didn't answer.

It seemed like they had been cleaning for hours before someone else came down into the kitchen.

"Now here's a sight I never thought I'd see," Tonks said. "Sirius Black cleaning."

Sirius turned around, ready to throw the dirty wash rag at her when another voice chimed in. "This is definitely one to go down in the history books," Remus said, a sly smile on his face as he quickly dodged the rag.

"You're a prat, you know that," Sirius said through a small laugh. "First you leave before helping Molly finish up the cleaning and don't come down for hours, leaving me to slave away like a house-elf while you're snogging my cousin."

"We didn't snog," they said simultaneously. They glanced at each other then quickly away, their faces flushed, causing Sirius to grin fiendishly.

"Uh, huh," he said not convinced in the least, "You expect me to believe you?" he asked. He shook his head. "Mate, I thought you were supposed to be the believable one."

"Yes, I seem to have forgotten you had the cantankerous one down cold," Remus said dryly.

"So Tonks, eh?" He said, giving a quick wink in his cousin's direction. "Can't say I'm surprised much. She's had a crush on you for the longest time."

There was a low growling noise beside him, and he flinched back slightly, catching the look on Tonks' face and the fiery color of her hair, matching identically with her eyes that suggested he ought to shut up if he wished to see Harry and Arthur return.

Sirius wisely decided to change the subject. "So, have the kids resumed their little musical thing?"

"In fact they have," Remus replied, grinning. "I must say, they are rather talented. You must be so proud Molly," he directed towards the woman standing a few feet in front of him, who he saw drop another plate, causing water to splash everywhere.

"Those four," she huffed. "I thought I told them to stop that."

"Oh come on Molly," Tonks said, twirling her wand in her hand as she leaned against the table."They're just happy. You can't blame them."

"Tonks, don't stand there!" Molly cried. She sighed as she caught sight of Tonks' robes that were now splattered with leftovers from dessert.

"No fuss, Molly," she waved off the irritated woman. "It's just a spot of food. Honestly, you're worse than my mother," she said, waving her wand over the mess on her robes, watching proudly as it disappeared. She looked up at Molly, waggling her eyebrows in imitation of Sirius as though to say, 'what did I tell you?'

"I can imagine," she said dryly. "They don't need to be ranting like a pair of banshees. I don't care if they're excited or not. They ought to save it for when they come back." As an afterthought she added, "And besides, there's no certainty that he will get off."

She looked up after a moment to find the three of them glaring at her. "What?" she asked defensively. "I'm just saying we ought to be prepared both ways."

Remus had to agree with her. He cared for Harry like no one else, except for Sirius, of course. Harry was a good boy, there was no doubt about that fact, but he had a certain talent for finding trouble at every turn. He desperately hoped this was not one of those times.

"She's right," Remus put in.

Sirius scoffed. "You're both of your rockers." He moved past Remus to gather up the rag, taking a little more time than necessary.

"Come on, Sirius," Tonks said, thinking it over seriously. "You can't say you haven't thought about the possibility that Harry could be expelled."

Sirius didn't comment. Of course he'd thought about it. He couldn't stop thinking about it, actually. But come on, it was Harry for Merlin's sake. Sure, the boy seemed to find more trouble than anyone he had ever known, but he always managed to smuggle through it somehow. Part of him, however, wanted for them to expel Harry. It was selfish of him, he knew, but once school started again, he'd be left on his own for months until Christmas. He wasn't exactly a patient man.

There was loud pounding on the stairs, causing Molly to give an aggravated sigh. Padding. That's what this house needed. And lots of it.

"Who got expelled?" Ron asked, jumping the last few stairs and joining the adults in the kitchen, followed by the twins and Ginny. "Are you talking about Harry?"

"No Ron," Fred replied, rolling his eyes.

"No, no, of course they're not talking about Harry," George chimed in. "They're talking about Barnaby the Rabbit. He's the hottest topic of discussion tonight, didn't you know?"

"You prat," Fred said, swatting the back of Ron's head. "Honestly, I thought you were brighter than you looked."

"I guess the joke's on us, Fred," George said sadly, shaking his head.

"Gits," Ron muttered angrily, rubbing the spot that Fred had swatted.

"Boys, stop picking on your brother," Molly snapped.

"Oh, come on, mum," George said. "Surely you know why parents bother to have more than one child?"

"I don't think she does, George. No matter, mum. We've got you covered. You see it's so that the older child has someone to pick on when they get bored. You must remember how it was when you were a child."

"Yeah, that was only… what do you think Fred… fifty to sixty years?"

"Yeah, I'll bite."

Tonks, Remus, and Sirius had settled for taking a seat at the table, keeping their heads bowed to smother their laughter.

"And here I thought it was so you could ship them off to boarding school," Molly said.

"We're already in boarding school," they said smirking.

"My mistake, I meant to say military school."

Over at the table, the three gave a small snort of laughter. The twins looked at her in confusion. "What's military school?" they asked.

"Oh, it's terrible boys," she said in mock- horror.

"Yeah," Ron interjected, smiling smugly at them. "It's where they gut you the first day and then take out your intestines and put them in a glass and make you drink them for breakfast."

Sirius had collapsed on the floor from laughter. Tonks was laughing so hard she had tears streaming down her face, and Remus was squealing in laughter, unable to catch his breath as his face turned red.

After a moment to catch her breath, Tonks hit him repeatedly on his back, unsure of what to do.

"Seriously, Remus," she said, "you're going to kill yourself. And you're not any better Sirius," she said as she saw that he had managed to pull himself up from the floor and was now banging his head on the table.

Molly's lips twitched as she fought back a smile. "Ronald," she attempted to scold him, but was unable to keep the amusement from her voice.

"Uh huh," Fred said, crossing his arms. "And how come we haven't heard of this 'military school?'"

Ron scoffed. "What are you? Idiots?"

"Hey!" They shouted.

"Everyone's heard of it. I can't help it if you were kept out of the loop."

Fred and George looked at each other. "What do you think George? If we're going to be sent off to this 'military school' place, don't you think we ought to be prepared? A bit of practice, if you will?"

"Fred, I couldn't agree more. I'll grab a knife and you catch him."

"Why not a wand?" Fred asked. "It works just as well."

"Fred, Fred, Fred," George said, shaking his head. "Honestly, we don't want to seriously hurt our beloved little brother."

"We don't?" Fred asked, quirking an eyebrow. "Are you sure about that?"

George thought about that for a moment before shaking his head. "Nah, what am I? A nutter? Grab him!"

"Get away from me!" Ron yelped, narrowly escaping Fred and George's hands as he dashed about the dining room.

"Stop running in the house!" Molly scolded. "You're going to break something. And you three aren't helping anything!" she said, looking over to the table to find that the three 'adults' had resumed their raucous laughter.

They finally managed to tackle Ron and pin him down to the floor. "Ow!" Fred yelled, as Ron's foot caught him in the face.

"I told you it was dangerous down there!" George told him, holding Ron's wrists down firmly . "Now enough of that, young man," he said in perfect imitation of his mother. "Now how should we do this? Oh, bother." He sighed as he looked down at his twin. "Fred, we're idiots. We forgot to grab the knife."

"Oh, Sirius, be a mate and grab one for us would you?" Fred said, grunting as he fought to hold on to Ron's kicking legs.

"Sirius Black, don't you dare!" Molly shrieked, though Sirius hadn't moved from his spot. "Get up from the floor. What are you? Four year olds?"

Before they could answer, Ginny spoke up. "Quiet!" she shouted and suddenly the laughter died. She perked her ears, listening hard. Her eyes immediately widened. "Hermione's coming down." She said. "She said she saw dad and Harry walking up the street."

"Oh my goodness," Molly cried. "How could we have let time get away from us? I should have had this place cleaned and had a cake made for Harry."

"There's no time for that," Tonks said, rising to her feet along with Sirius and Remus, following Ginny out of the room.

They met Hermione at the bottom of the stairs. "I just saw Harry and Mr. Weasley."

"We know," Remus said, pushing his way past her.

"How did Harry look? Could you tell?" Molly asked.

"No. It was too dark." Hermione told her.

The twins and Ginny and Ron were huddled together in a little group, their little spat from earlier forgotten. "Okay, the minute he opens the door, we'll break out in a chorus of 'He got off.' Alright?" Fred said.

"Oi, Fred," George said. "Where's that box of pranks we got for him?"

"Oh damn," Fred muttered. "It's upstairs in our room. Ron, be a mate and go get it."

"No way!" Ron shouted. "You go get it."

"Quiet!" Sirius barked, just as the door opened.

Arthur opened the door and let Harry go in. Molly was there in an instant hugging him close, not noticing the look on the boy's face. "Oh, Harry, dear, I was never worried for a second," she said, holding him close. "I'm dreadfully sorry you were put through all that. If you come into the kitchen I'll have a cake made for you in a flash."

"I knew you'd get off, mate," Ron said grinning. "There was no way they wouldn't let you go."

Remus, Tonks, Sirius and Hermione seemed to be the only four who realized that something wasn't quite right. Molly was squeezing the life out of Harry and the twins and Ron and Ginny had resumed their chanting from earlier, only instead coming up with a little jig dance as they screamed at the top of their lungs.

"Really Harry, dear, you're much too skinny for my liking," Molly fretted as she finally released him. "Come into the kitchen and have another plate of dinner. I haven't finished cleaning the kitchen yet, and then you should get to bed. You've had a busy day. Oh Arthur, this is so exciting. We should go into town tomorrow and celebrate."

"Molly," he said quietly, holding up his hand to quiet her. "Stop."

"What?" she asked, a bit annoyed. "What's the matter?" The chanting immediately stopped, and instantly everyone seemed to be concerned.

Arthur looked down at Harry, and he gripped his shoulder gently. Arthur cleared his throat quietly. "Should I tell them?" he asked Harry. "Or do you want to?"

Harry shook his head, keeping his gaze averted, his ears ringing slightly. Arthur gave his shoulder a slight squeeze. He took a deep breath. He wasn't sure how to go about telling them, and from the way Harry's shoulders were tensing he had a feeling that he'd rather be anywhere else but here, standing about as they all stared at him.

He squeezed Harry's shoulder once more before giving him a little nudge. "Why don't you go on upstairs Harry, while I tell them?"

Harry nodded, grateful to be leaving. He stepped carefully around all of them, feeling their stares upon him, but didn't bother looking back as he bounded up the stairs, closing the door to his room with a soft click.

They all watched as Harry walked away, and a horrible feeling settled within each of them. Even without being told they had a terrible suspicion about what had happened.

Remus was the first to break the silence. "They didn't let him off, did they?" he asked, though he already thought he knew the answer.

Arthur shook his head sadly as he stepped out of his robes. He sighed heavily as he turned to face them. "No, they didn't."

Molly stepped away, her hand clutching her throat as she gave a small choking sound.

Sirius rubbed a hand down his face. _Sweet Merlin_, he sighed to himself. "Poor kid," he said quietly, looking at Remus who had his face hidden in his hands, while Tonks rubbed his shoulders, looking equally upset.

"I know," Arthur agreed. "He hardly ever stood a chance really," he said. "He was tried before the entire Wizengamot."

"That is rather extensive," Sirius muttered quietly.

"Apparently, there were only a few who found him not guilty, but it was nearly unanimous. They had Arabella Figg for a witness."

"Arabella Figg," Sirius said, wracking his brain. "Isn't she the lady who used to babysit Harry?"

"The very same." Arthur noticed that the kids were staring up the stairs, and had been ever since Harry had made his leave. "Kids why don't you go on up and see if you can keep Harry company."

They didn't need to be told twice and they nearly bowled one another over trying to get up the staircase. "A fair warning," he warned them. "Harry may not feel like having visitors right now, and in that case, I'd leave him alone for a while."

They weren't worried, they assured him. Harry may be brooding but he always wanted to see them.

"Do tell Harry I'll be up in a bit, will you?" Sirius called up after them.

Once the children were out of sight, Molly led them into the dining area, having them sit as she got out five glasses and watched as Sirius reached into a cabinet and brought out two bottles of whiskey. Normally she would strongly discourage it, but after what they had just been told she felt as if they all deserved a little pick me up.

"I can't believe this," Tonks said, nodding in thanks as Sirius filled her glass. "What could have possibly happened? This is completely unfair."

Remus nodded. "Very much so, but unfortunately life isn't always fair. Especially for Harry."

"There was a woman there," Arthur suddenly remembered. "Very mean looking Harry told me, and in his words she had a very toad like appearance about her."

"Wonder who she was," Molly asked. "Do you know Arthur?" she asked, taking Arthur's hand.

"I don't," Arthur shook his head, "but from what Harry told me, she doesn't sound like the kind of woman you'd want to cross. She's the one who gave Fudge the final push in expelling him apparently."

"I'll bet you anything it was her who sent the dementors after him in the first place." Everyone turned to look at Sirius.

"Don't be absurd, Sirius," Molly told him. "A ministry official or whatever she is isn't going to send dementors after Harry."

"You're absolutely certain about that Molly?" Sirius asked. "You don't think it is the slightest bit odd?"

"You're fishing, Sirius, that's all there is to it," she said, waving him off. Around the table there wasn't anybody who seemed to agree with her, but didn't bother saying anything. The last thing they wanted to do was get into it with Molly Weasley.

Sirius gave Remus a pointed look, as though expecting him to back him up. Remus quirked his eyebrow as if to say, 'What can you do about it? It's over and done with and no amount of arguing is going to change anything.'

Sirius chuckled darkly and replied with a look that all too clearly said, 'You want to make a bet on that?' Remus gave a shake of his head.

Sirius bit back a snappy report and instead scooted his chair back and stood up. "I'm going to go check on Harry," he told them.

"Sirius if you go up there all broody you're just going to make Harry feel even worse," Molly warned him, but didn't bother trying to stop him.

Sirius ignored her as he took the stairs one at a time. The door to the room Harry was staying in was closed, and he couldn't hear any voices behind the door. Either the kids figured Harry was sulking and didn't wish to be disturbed or else Harry hadn't let them in. He knocked softly on his godson's door, hoping he wasn't waking the kid, but he honestly didn't expect for Harry to be asleep.

He was just getting ready to knock once more when a morose voice called out, "Go away!"

Sirius hesitated. Surely Harry would want to see him. He knocked again. "Harry, it's Sirius."

He was almost afraid Harry wasn't about to let him in when Harry called, "Come in!"

Opening the door, he found his godson hanging over the edge of his bed. Sirius approached him slowly and took a seat next to him on the bed. He waited for Harry to speak first.

"I guess Mr. Weasley told you," Harry said, rolling over and draping an arm across his face.

"He did," Sirius said quietly. "It's completely stupid."

"Complete bollocks is more like it," Harry corrected as he sat crisscross on the bed facing Sirius. "I can't believe this! I mean come on. I didn't do anything wrong and yet I'm being punished for it. It's ridiculous."

"You're not telling me anything I don't already know kid," Sirius said, looking at him sadly. "Well, I suppose you can look at the bright side," he said, hoping to cheer the kid up.

Harry looked at him. "What bright side?" he asked sullenly.

"You don't have to worry about getting detentions with Snape anymore." He flinched back slightly as Harry gave him a look. "Too soon?" he asked. Harry quirked an eyebrow. "It's too soon." Sirius said, answering his own question.

Harry gave a sniff as he flopped on his back. His entire insides felt numb, but yet at the same time it felt as if they were burning. He couldn't describe what he was feeling at the moment. Certainly he was disappointed that he was expelled- no, there wasn't a word to say how he was feeling. This was insane.

Mrs. Figg was the only one besides three others who had stood by him, not to mention the entire Weasley family, along with the Order and Sirius. He would have felt more gratified if the weight in his chest didn't feel as if it were crushing him.

"Things will be alright," Sirius told him, the quiet voice breaking into his thoughts.

Harry shook his head. "You don't believe that," he said. He felt Sirius squeeze his knee and he finally looked up.

"I don't believe anything else, Harry," he said firmly. "It's horrible what happened, but you'll be alright. I know you will."

"How can you possibly know that?" Harry gripped.

"Because I'm your godfather," Sirius said. When Harry gave him a look as if to say, 'And that means what exactly', he shrugged. "It's in the godfather job description to know everything and to have all the answers. I have the book in my room, if you want to see," he gestured towards the door, willing to prove to his godson that he indeed knew what he was talking about for once.

For the first time all night, Harry's lips gave a slight twitch as if a small smile was about to peek through, but nothing of the sort happened.

Harry's face grew grim as he asked the question he desperately hoped had the answer he was looking for. "Have you thought anymore on me coming to live here with you?"

Sirius looked at the kid for a long moment before he sighed. He noticed Harry's almost frightened look- as though he was fearing that Sirius had changed his mind about wanting to take him in. He reached over and ruffled his hair. "You really are a nutter aren't you?" he said with a feeble smile. "As if I've thought about anything else." It's true that he hadn't. There was nothing more that Sirius wanted than to have his godson with him, but it was quite obvious that Dumbledore had other ideas.

"So, that means yes?" Harry asked as his face lit up with excitement. His smile dropped as he caught sight of the look on Sirius' face. He slumped back down on an elbow. "I'm not coming to live with you, am I?" he asked.

"If it was up to me, you know it would 'yes' in a heartbeat." Sirius told him firmly. "But you have to realize Harry that favor really isn't on my side in this matter. It's not that I don't want you too, or anything like that-"

"I know," Harry interrupted him, giving him a quick smile. He sighed. "I know you want to. It's Dumbledore. He wants for me to return to my relatives. They're not that bad, honestly, but that's when I'm gone nine to ten months out of the year. I don't know how I'll be able to manage them all year round."

"I'd kidnap you and take you far away from them before that happened." Sirius assured him.

Harry didn't seem to have heard him. "But he's not my godfather." he said with a pointed look. "He shouldn't have a say in anything in regards to me, now should he?"

"No," Sirius agreed quietly, sighing. "No, he shouldn't. But unfortunately he does. Not that I'm happy about it, because I'm not, but you and I both very well know that he is hard pressed to change his mind."

"I don't give a damn." Harry swore angrily. It had been Dumbledore's fault anyways. If he hadn't stuck him with the Dursleys after everything that had happened in the graveyard he never would have been attacked by the dementors and he never would have been expelled. "He can send me back there if he wants, but I won't stay. Either I stay with you or- or I don't know what I'll do. I'll runaway I guess." He said a bit flippantly.

"You'll do no such thing." Sirius warned quietly. "I don't know what's going to happen, but I promise you that we'll figure something out, alright? Just have some faith in me."

Harry bit back the retort that was on his tongue. He knew Sirius was doing everything in his power to try and comfort him but it hardly helped anything. His godfather couldn't know what would happen. He had no say whenever it came to Dumbledore. It was either the old man's way or no way at all.

"I do." Harry said quietly. "But Sirius you can't deny that you have no power whatsoever when it comes to Dumbledore. He'll do what he thinks is best and you know he will. He'll send me back to my relatives; you know he will. And then how on earth am I supposed to learn magic? How am I supposed to be able to learn how to defeat Voldemort?"

Sirius couldn't think of a thing to say to that because his godson was right. He wouldn't be able to do anything cooped up at his vile relatives. Sirius tried to believe that he had a little say when it came to his godson, but he knew he was no match for the headmaster. But he wasn't going to take it sitting down. He didn't care what the old man did or said; Harry was not going to be separated from him... not again.

"Listen to me, alright?" Sirius said softly, gripping his godson's shoulder just tight enough to get his attention. "Things will be alright. I can promise you that until I'm blue in the face and I will if that's what it takes to get you to believe me."

"I do-"

"I'm talking." Sirius cut him off firmly and Harry snapped his mouth shut. "We are going to get through this together. You will not go back to your relatives- not while I'm around."

Harry's stomach was twisting painfully and he wanted so much to believe his godfather's words. But years of experiences told him to always be on his guard and to always expect disappointment. Sirius was staring expectantly at him, as though waiting for him to answer. Harry wasn't sure what he wanted him to say.

His throat suddenly dry he opened and closed his mouth several times before managing to say, "I know." It was a lie; he and Sirius both knew that, but he knew his godfather wasn't going to press him right then, not after he had gone through so much that night.

Sirius sighed. He had heard the hesitation in his voice and knew that there wasn't much more he could say right then that would prove to the kid that he knew what he was talking about."You don't, but in time you will. We'll talk more tomorrow, alright? It's late and I can tell that you're knackered just by looking at you."

"A fair bit," Harry conceded with a small yawn.

Sirius squeezed his shoulder before standing up from the bed. "What do you think you're doing?"

Harry got to his feet as well and hesitated slightly at his godfather's face. "I never got a chance to thank Mr. Weasley for taking me to my trial."

"I'm sure he understands and you can tell him tomorrow." Sirius said firmly, pushing him back into bed. "Now please shut your trap and get into bed before I'm forced to tuck you in."

Harry blushed furiously at the threat, but noticed the slight glint in his godfather's eyes and knew he was taking the mickey out of him. He rolled his eyes. "You're cruel, you know that?" Harry said tiredly.

Sirius smirked. "Must come with the territory of being your godfather. Now would you like me to stay until you're asleep?" He was mostly teasing, but he would have gladly stayed if Harry actually wanted him to. He saw his godson's cheeks redden and knew that the kid would be beyond mortified if he stayed by his bed until he fell asleep.

"I'm sure I can get to sleep without you by my side." Harry said with a cheeky smile. "But what you can do is shut off my light so I can pretend to be asleep before Ron comes in."

Sirius chuckled warmly at that before ruffling the kid's hair once more. "I suppose I could do that." He replied. He reached into his robes, pulled out his wand and gave it a quick flick, watching as the lights dimmed.

"Thanks." Harry mumbled. "Night Sirius."

"Night mate," Sirius said quietly. "See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, see you," he replied, turning over to lie on his side, already succumbing to sleep as his eyelids fluttered heavily.

He heard Sirius leave and listened as Ron entered a while later. Ron wasn't stupid and knew he had to be pretending to sleep, but he knew his friend well enough to know he'd leave him be. After everything that had taken place that day he knew there was no way on earth he'd be able to sleep, but he was too tired to go wander about the house.

A few hours later he rolled over on his back and before he could stop it a small smile flitted across his lips. He really was glad he had Sirius, and really glad that the man went to great lengths to offer whatever comfort he could. No one had ever done that before- not really. While he knew there was no way on earth the headmaster would let him stay he couldn't help but imagine how his life could change if for one moment the headmaster actually thought about him for once and allowed him to live his life the way he wanted.

He knew it wasn't possible, however, but the thought of being with his last remaining family after so many years apart- well, it was enough to lighten the ache that overtook him, and he found as he finally managed to fall asleep that it was a little easier to breathe.


	2. Chapter 2

There was a soft rap at the door the next morning. Ron, having already gotten dressed, crossed the room quietly to find Hermione and Ginny outside the door.

"Your mum says it's time for breakfast," Hermione muttered quietly, peering inside, relieved when she saw that Harry was asleep. Sleep was the best thing for him and that might be the very thing that would help her friend's sullen attitude.

Ron caught the look on her face and gave a small snort. "Don't get your hopes up, Hermione," he grumbled, pushing past her and Ginny and closed the door to the room softly. "He hardly got any sleep last night. I came in and he was pretending to be asleep. I think he finally fell asleep around three o'clock."

"You left him alone, didn't you?" Hermione asked, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

"Yeah, Hermione," He said sarcastically. "I spent the entire night asking how his trial went. Do I look stupid? Don't answer that," Ron snapped, catching the look on his sister's face.

Ginny shrugged, a small smirk on her face. Actually, she wasn't about to say anything. Ron's paranoia always got the best of him. It wasn't always fun to watch, but she couldn't deny that at times she couldn't help but laugh.

"Come on," he grumbled as he caught sight of the two girls grinning at each other. "Let's go eat. I'm starving."

Ginny sniffed. "Yeah, care more about your stomach than your best friend."

"It's not like he actually wants to see anyone right now," Ron said defensively.

"Whatever," she said as she and Hermione walked down the staircase. "Oh, by the way," she said, suddenly remembering. "Mum told me to tell you that she wants you to finish cleaning up the attic today."

"What?" Ron roared, earning hard looks from the two girls. "It's the holidays," he grumbled. "And I've spent most of my holiday cleaning up this dump."

He didn't notice the sly smiles that had developed on their faces. "All I know is that she said she wanted it finished before we leave for Hogwarts." Ginny remarked.

"It's not my fault this place isn't fit to live in," he said sullenly, evidently having not having noticed the amused tone in her voice. "And besides, it's the attic. Who goes up there anyways?"

"Well, I happen to spend a lot of time up there actually." A voice from behind caused Ron to yelp and quickly turn around, coming face to face with a smirking Sirius.

"Sirius!" he said, blushing from embarrassment. "I- uh- I," he laughed a bit nervously as Sirius quirked an eyebrow. Ron cleared his throat. "You have a very lovely home, mate," he said hoping to sound casual. "Really. What I wouldn't give to live here."

Sirius tried hard to look annoyed, but he couldn't help the smile that was forming on his face. He threw back his head and let out a bark like laugh. He ruffled Ron's hair. "Oh kid, you really are something you know that? Come on, I heard your mother's cooking breakfast, and quite honestly I'm famished."

Ron smiled innocently at him and watched him trudge down the stairs before rounding on the girls who he found to his annoyance were choking on their laughter. "You gits," he hissed. "You could have told me he was behind me all that time."

"It was too much fun to watch you squirm," Ginny managed to get through her peals of laughter. Hermione was wiping at her eyes, trying to regain her composure.

"I'm definitely getting you back for this," he warned darkly as he followed Sirius down, leaving the two behind laughing at his blunder.

Walking into the dining area he found that only three other seats were occupied. His mother stood at the counter talking with his dad, and Sirius and Remus were deep in conversation, an untouched plate of breakfast in front of each of them.

Tonks had set about entertaining Hermione and Ginny by changing her appearance to having the snout of a pig, to having an ugly shade of yellow hair that matched her duck face, and… he didn't know what the hell _that _was.

"Did you get a chance to talk to him last night?" he heard Remus ask Sirius as he moved to join them at the table.

"For a bit," Sirius replied. "He was pretty tired when I left him. I assume he won't be up for a while yet."

"I suppose that's a good thing," Remus murmured. "He looked exhausted yesterday when he came back here last night and after the day he had I wouldn't blame him for wanting to sleep for a bit longer."

"Or hide away from everyone," Sirius said with a knowing look.

"Fair point," Remus conceded. "Although, I don't think he'd mind if you were to go up…" Remus let the conversation trail off as he saw Ron take a seat a few seats away from Sirius, his plate full of food.

Remus gave him a warm smile. "Good morning, Ron," he said.

"Morning," he replied. He glanced sideways at Sirius. "Er- it's alright if I sit here, yeah?" he asked uncertainly.

"Of course you may," Sirius said as a smirk took over his face. "That is of course if you find my kitchen to be up to standards, and if not you might want to reconsider finding a different place to eat."

"Oh shut up," Ron grumbled, going pink in the face.

"Ronald Weasley!" came the shocked voice of his mother. She couldn't believe what she had heard from her youngest son. "Where are your manners?"

"Oh come of it, mum," he muttered, rolling his eyes a bit. "I was joking. Besides, Sirius knows I wasn't serious." He turned to grin at Sirius to show his mum that it was all good fun between the pair of them.

Sirius chuckled a little at the play on words. "Don't worry, Molly," he told her reassuringly. "It's just two mates having a fun time together."

Molly huffed, but turned around to resume her conversation with her husband.

"Give the poor boy a break, Padfoot," Remus said, mirth evident in his voice. "He's had quite a morning already. The great mangy mutt himself almost pounded on him after all." Remus gave Ron a quick wink at the slight pout on the boy's face while Sirius was protesting against his earlier comment.

They ate in companionable silence for the next few moments, Ron listening hard to make out what they were saying. His parents had already left the kitchen, Molly trying to get Arthur to take the day off and stay at the house.

"Oh!" Ron was startled by Ginny's sudden yell. "Tonks that was bloody brilliant!" she gushed, as Hermione nodded beside her. "You have to show us that one again."

"Seriously, aren't you girls bored _yet_?" she asked exasperatedly, but couldn't keep the slight grin off her face at their amusement.

"Oh, come on Tonks," Ginny begged. "Do it one last time. I want to get a picture of it." She turned to her brother. "Ron, go upstairs and get my camera from my dresser."

Ron sputtered as he choked on a piece of sausage, only catching his breath after Sirius pounded him on the back a few times. "Breathe mate," Sirius muttered.

"No way!" he said. "I'm not some ruddy house-elf. You go get it."

Ginny rolled her eyes, but stood from her chair. "Fine," she said. "Tonks keep that face until I get back," she said. She threw a glare at Ron as she passed him. "If I come back and that face is gone, I'm going to hex you." She grinned at the horrified look on his face.

"Hurry back!" Hermione called after her, thinking that Tonks' face had to be hurting a bit from holding one face for a long time. But she found that Tonks looked quite at ease; as though she did this everyday for entertainment.

Ginny rushed up the stairs, not noticing that Harry was headed back to his room and ran into him causing them both to fall to the ground, resulting in a loud thump.

"Hey, watch it!" she snapped, thinking it to be one of the twins. She couldn't count the number of times she managed to find herself on the floor due to one of their pranks.

"Sorry," Harry muttered quietly, grunting a bit as he stood up, rubbing at his arm that Ginny had crushed.

Ginny looked up. "Harry!" she yelped. "Sorry," she apologized quickly as she hefted herself to her feet. "Didn't mean to knock you over."

"No worries," he said with the smallest of smiles. "Only I don't think I'd want to get in your way again."

Ginny laughed. "Are you sure I didn't hurt you?" she asked.

Harry waved her off. "Of course. You know me; 'The Indestructible Hero of the Wizarding World," he said with a smirk.

Ginny whacked his arm. "Shut up, you prat," she said in amusement. She noticed that Harry was standing to the door of his room. She gave him a look. "You're not going back in your room are you?"

"I was planning on it," Harry told her, trying to make his way past.

"You touch that door Harry Potter and I will cut your hand off," she said seriously, causing Harry to jerk back slightly.

Harry quirked an eyebrow at her.

"Oh, come on," she told him in a highly annoyed voice. "You've been avoiding everyone since last night. You need to come downstairs and join us. Mum made breakfast."

"No offense, Ginny," he told her. "But I really don't feel like eating. And I'm not avoiding anyone," he said after a moment. And he hadn't been… much. Could he help it if he was tired?

"Sure you're not," she snorted.

They regarded each other hotly for a moment and just when Harry was certain he was about to lose the glaring contest Ginny let out a mild huff and finally moved away from the door.

"Fine," she said coldly. "Only after a short while longer this will be the last we're all together until Christmas. You think you'd want to spend that time with your best friends instead of brooding up in your room."

_Wow_, Harry thought snidely. And he thought _Ron _had no tact. He found himself glaring at her back as she retreated down the stairs, but after a moment sighed heavily and walked into the room, closing the door behind him.

"Did you grab the camera?" Hermione asked once Ginny had rejoined them. Hermione immediately noticed the irritated look on her face. It looked as though things hadn't gone very well.

Ginny groaned as she slumped back down into her chair. "I completely forgot it," becoming only that much more upset with Harry. She looked at Tonks and was disappointed that Tonks had ceased her transformations.

"What took you so long?" Ron asked from across the table. "You were gone forever."

"It wasn't forever," Ginny said. "It was what; five minutes?"

"Does it take that long to get a camera?" Ron asked.

"So I had a little run in with Harry," she said, shrugging.

"Harry's up?" Sirius piped up. He honestly hadn't expected the kid to be up until later on in the afternoon. Maybe he had snapped out of it, though he very much doubted it.

Ginny snorted. "In a manner of speaking. If you can count sulking up in his room as up, then yeah, he's up."

"What's got your wand in a twist?" Ron asked confused. He had never seen Ginny look quite so upset with Harry. Usually it was the exact opposite. He still didn't think she was over her crush despite what she said.

"Nothing's got my wand in a twist, Ron," she snapped. She sighed. "Honestly, we're leaving in a couple of weeks. Don't you think he ought to be down here with us before we leave?"

"Ginny, you can't blame him for being upset," Remus told her softly.

"Being upset is one thing, but he's hiding himself away from everyone. I don't think he plans to come down until the day we leave." she said with a hint of sadness in her tone. "You think he'll come to see us off don't you?" she asked worriedly.

"I imagine he will," Remus assured her. "I don't think he'd miss it for the world."

"And in the meantime I think he's earned himself the right to a good sulk," Sirius said in a tone that dared her to argue with him. "He'll be out soon. I'm certain of it."

Ginny crossed her arms. "I still think it's incredibly selfish of him." Nobody missed the small gleam of hurt that flashed across her face.

* * *

It was a good while later as he listened at the door that he found there were no more sounds coming from the dining room. He wasn't really up to seeing anyone at the moment, but he was getting a bit hungry. Mrs. Weasley always left the food out until about nine thirty, so he figured he still had some time to grab a bite to eat.

Ron hadn't come back to the room, and there was no doubt that Ginny had told everyone at breakfast about their run in earlier. He hadn't heard the twins from next door, so maybe everyone decided to go out for a bit.

Harry stood in the doorway, unsure of what to do when he heard soft footsteps approaching. He lazily rolled his head around, sighing in relief when he found that it was only Sirius.

"Hello, Harry," he said pleasantly. "Nice to see you're up and about. Everyone was starting to think you'd gone into a coma."

Harry gave a roll of his eyes at his godfather's teasing. "Hey, Sirius," he said, a small smile on his face.

"You look no worse for wear," Sirius commented as he drew nearer. "I suppose that means that you got _some _sleep last night."

"Some I suppose," he shrugged. "Where'd everybody get to?"

"Oh, they left ages ago," Sirius said simply, gesturing for his godson to follow him. "Molly treated them to a spot of lunch in town." He continued when he noticed Harry was indeed following behind.

"Lunch?" he asked in surprise, his eyes widening. "What time is it?"

"It's a little after two," Sirius replied. "They all waited around a bit to see if you would come down before they headed out."

As Harry entered the kitchen he noticed that Sirius was right. The kitchen was clean and all the dishes had been washed and put away, and the floor had been cleaned. A bit miffed Harry said, "Why didn't anyone come and get me?"

"Well, geez mate," he said dryly. "It's not as though you've been wanting to be around anyone lately and after what happened I don't blame you. Nobody really liked the thought of waking you up if you happened to be asleep."

After a moment Harry gave his neck a quick rub. "Sorry," he said a bit sheepishly. "Didn't mean to be short with you. Only I was hoping for a quick snack or something."

Sirius' eyes widened suddenly. "Blimey, I'm an idiot. Of course you're hungry," he said, remembering that Harry had yet to eat anything since lunch yesterday, and even then he had only picked at his food. "Here, take a seat and I'll whip you up something."

"You don't have to-" Harry said, but was cut off as Sirius literally dragged him over and pushed him into a chair.

Harry watched as Sirius rummaged about in the cupboard pulling out some eggs along with toast. "Ron pretty much took care of everything else, but he was kind enough to leave some sausage. How does that sound with some eggs and toast? Or would you care for something else?"

"No," Harry said quickly. "That's fine. But really Sirius, you don't have to. I'm used to cooking."

Sirius looked up and from the look on the kid's face he could tell that he was quite serious. He gave him a small smile. "My eggs are delicious though mate, and I haven't burnt anything in…" he trailed off as he seemed to calculate this up. "Well, I don't know how long, but it's a new record for me. And besides with Molly here and constantly breathing down my neck, I haven't gotten a chance to upstage her." He gave Harry a quick wink and Harry fought back a smile.

Harry's face grew grim once more. "But really, Sirius, you don't have to cook for me."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "I know I don't have to, Harry, I want to."

"Well, at least let me help you," he said, rising from his chair.

His godfather's stern voice had him quickly sitting back down. "Absolutely not. Not that I don't think you're not a wonderful cook Harry, but quite honestly I really don't need your help with this. Just sit back and relax. It'll be done soon."

Harry did as Sirius commanded, feeling quite suddenly embarrassed. It wasn't as though he hadn't had somebody cook for him before, but he had grown accustomed to taking care of himself.

"Did you hear about my run in with Ginny this morning?" Harry asked.

Sirius inclined his head as he cracked an egg in the pan.

"I reckon she thinks I'm a right tosser, now, doesn't she?" Harry ventured after a moment when Sirius had yet to say anything.

Sirius fought back the urge to give a small laugh, but was unable to keep a small smile off his face. "Maybe a bit," he finally consented.

Harry sighed. "I figured as much. Did she tell you she threatened to cut off my hand if I didn't come down and join you guys?"

Sirius couldn't help but laugh at that as he brought a plate to the table. "No, that wasn't brought up unfortunately. You like pumpkin juice, don't you, mate?" Sirius asked, turning to fetch a drink.

"Yeah, sure," Harry said.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "Are you quite certain?"

"Yeah, sorry," Harry said. "No, I really do like it. Thanks," he murmured quietly as Sirius settled a glass next to the plate.

"Don't mention it," Sirius said, sitting across from him. "I wouldn't worry too much about her Harry. She doesn't know how you're feeling and if you want to brood, feel free to do so. You've earned it in my opinion."

Harry couldn't help but agree with him, but even so, it didn't make him feel at all better. "I suppose everyone else is upset with me too?"

"Nah, they're not upset," Sirius said. "If they are you shouldn't worry too much about it. Doesn't really matter if they are or not."

Harry wasn't sure how to reply, so he settled for just poking at his eggs, watching as the yolk ran, soaking up his toast. In truth he cared very much about what the others thought, but he didn't think it was very fair of Ginny to round on him. It wasn't as if she or any of the others could understand what he was feeling.

A moment later he felt a gentle kick at his shin, and he jerked his head up to find Sirius looking expectantly at him. "Oi, Harry, I think your eggs have had enough. I thought you were going to eat them, not annihilate them."

"Sorry," he said, grinning sheepishly.

"Don't apologize, just eat." He gave Harry a quick wink and settled back in his chair watching as Harry took his first bite.

It was good.

* * *

Ron grunted as he pulled once more on a weed that seemed to be growing inside itself. Beside him Harry and the twins weren't having much luck either. He gave a mild huff and finally gave up. It was no use. That weed wasn't going anywhere.

"This is ridiculous," Ron grumbled, taking off his gloves and throwing them on the ground. Molly had sent them outside to weed the garden while Hermione and Ginny finished cleaning up the drawing room. The girls had gotten the easiest job. The room wasn't even that dirty. This wasn't even his house, so why in the bloody hell was he being made to clean it? It had been nearly three and a half hours.

"For Merlin's sake, Ron, stop complaining," Fred said, throwing a clump of dirt at him. "It's not like any of us actually want to be out here anyways."

"Yeah, stuff it will you?" George put in.

Ron scowled as he turned to face Harry who he saw was in the middle of a losing battle. "Blimey mate, you're like a weed machine," he said. "Give it a rest why don't you? That weed's not going anywhere."

"No, I've almost got it," Harry told him giving a grunt. Just a little more and he would have it. He reached down a little further, trying to get to the root and counting to three gave a mighty pull, yelping as he fell backwards, the weed lying lazily beside him.

Ron let out a laugh as he helped Harry up. "Honestly, mate, you're barmy. I don't even know why you're out here. Mum didn't tell you that you had to help us."

"_He _doesn't have to help?" Fred cut in indignantly. "What about us? We're of age."

"Yeah, don't know why _we _have to do this either." George said, dropping the weed he had been pulling and wiping at the sweat that had gathered along his brow. How much longer were they going to have to put up with their mother ordering them around?

"As long as you live under my roof you will follow my rules," she had told them sternly just before sending them outside.

"Technically, it's Sirius' house, mum," George had replied.

"Yeah, you think if he wanted it cleaned up he would have said something."

Molly glared at Fred and had sent them outside to work until dinner rolled around. Harry honestly hoped she would let them in soon. The breakfast Sirius had made for him had filled him up, but he was starting to smell he reckoned and nothing sounded better right then than a nice warm shower.

"Just imagine having to do this by yourself." Ron said suddenly with a smirk at his friend.

Harry glanced over his shoulder as he busied himself with trying to uproot another weed. "What on earth are you talking about?"

Ron laughed. "Come on mate, with all the trouble you get into you'll probably be out here every other day." Harry threw him a quick glare as he resumed his attack on the stubborn thing.

"You're lucky mate- having Sirius for a guardian. He'll let you get away with anything." Ron said enviously shaking his head.

Harry didn't want to think about anything but tidying up his godfather's garden. He didn't want to focus on Dumbledore, the dementor attack, or the fact that he was going to be sent back to his relatives. But he had meant what he had told his godfather; he had no qualms about running away. He had done it before and he would do it again if the point came to it.

He knew what Ron was trying to do and he greatly appreciated it. Only when he was out here, knee deep in muck with his friends did his mind take pity on him and allow him to dwell on happier and simpler times.

It was another half hour or so that they were out there that one of the twins had finally had enough and stopped what he was doing. It was quite obvious he was fighting a losing battle anyways. "Fred, maybe we ought to leave these two out here and have them clean it out themselves," George said.

"George, I think that sounds like a splendid idea. We'll tell mum you boys are doing a lovely job and then maybe she'll let you in before it gets too dark out."

"Oi!" Ron shouted as they started to head back to the house. "You can't leave us out here alone. We don't deserve to be out here either."

Fred seemed to consider this. "You're right," he agreed. "Harry, mate, you can come with us," he said directing his attention to Harry. "Leave this prat to finish up."

Losing his temper, Ron grabbed the largest clump of dirt he could find and chucked it at them. He smiled in triumph as it hit Fred full in the face, and beside him Harry couldn't help but laugh.

"Bloody!" Fred cried in outrage. "That hurt you wanker!"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" George yelled.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Ron sniped back. "I didn't realize you were feeling left out. Let me fix that." Harry nearly collapsed from laughter as he saw the fury on George's face as it whizzed past, grazing his ear.

If it hadn't been too bloody hysterical he might have found that Ron and he were in danger of retaliation.

"Oh you think it's funny do you?" They yelled at Harry.

Harry fought to control his laughter, and he was doing a pretty good job of it to until Ron said, "Yeah, he does. It's not every day you see a pair of nitwits being pelted with dirt clumps. I must say, you _do _look quite smashing with that dirt in your hair." He told Fred. "It really brings out your eyes."

By mistake Harry let out a small snort.

Fred and George turned towards each other. "You know, he's right," George said. "It really does bring out your eyes."

Fred smirked. "George, I think you're right. But really, we shouldn't keep these dashing good looks all to ourselves. We should share them with our dear brother and our good mate."

"Fred, you may be onto something here."

Fred reached into his pocket and pulled out his wand twirling it in his hand, George followed suit.

"But really George, you know what I think would bring out their eyes even more?"

"Tell me."

"Mud." Fred said with a sly grin on his face.

"But Fred, there is no mud. It has to be wet for it to be muddy." George said in mock-despair.

"Well, I suppose we'll just have to fix that."

Harry raised his hands in defense as he and Ron backed away slowly. "Now guys," he said. "That's not fair; you're blocking our escape." They continued to advance on them. Harry tried a different tactic. "And besides, _Ron _was the one who started it. Get him instead."

"What?" Ron sputtered in shock.

"Get them!" Fred yelled.

"Aguamenti!" George barked and he watched as Ron's face was pelted with water.

"Thanks a lot mate!" Ron said squinting, though the mirth was quite clear on his face.

"Oh, you're welcome," Harry said smiling. "Hey!" he yelled suddenly as Fred sprayed water on him. He sputtered. He watched in horror through his drenched fringe as the two raving lunatics charged towards them. He turned to Ron. "Ron, do you reckon it'd be a good idea to run away now?" he asked.

"Yes, Harry, I think that's a fabulous idea." Ron replied. "Oh, and don't forget to scream."

"Oh, of course not."

The next several moments found a pair of sopping wet boys running around the back yard, being sprayed with water coming out from the two wands, and every once in a while, Fred and George would stoop down and picked up a clump of mud and throw it at them. Harry found himself laughing when he saw that Fred had managed to catch Ron right in his eye.

The yard was filled with laughter and screaming as Harry and Ron tried to escape, but it was no use as Fred and George blocked them at every turn. All too quickly, the memory of his expulsion was cleared from his mind. Of course that might have been because someone had sprayed water in his ear.

* * *

Inside the house the adults gathered around the table were quite oblivious to what was going on just outside. They were all each talking over each other, their anger rising as they tried to decide what should be done regarding Harry.

"Don't be ridiculous, Sirius," Molly snapped. "Harry cannot possibly come and stay here." She had originally planned for the boys to clean up the attic, but there was no doubt in her mind that they would find some way to eavesdrop so she had sent them outside instead. It would give them time to decide what they would do with Harry.

"And why possibly can't he?" Sirius barked out, waving off Remus as he tried to cut in. Remus shrugged and engaged Tonks and Arthur in conversation instead.

"Sirius," she sputtered. "This house isn't fit to live in. Do you honestly believe that Harry would be happy here?" she asked.

"As long as he's with Sirius, I don't think he would give it a thought," Remus told her before Sirius had time to get edgy. Sirius gave him an appreciative smile and found himself smiling rather smugly at Molly.

"I'm not saying that," Molly said in defense. "But Harry deserves a real home where he can run around and be a child for once."

"And you're saying he can't do that here?" Sirius asked, crossing his arms as he settled himself back down in the chair.

Molly had no answer to that, and what she wanted to say she swallowed back. Everything was stressful enough without getting into an endless battle with Sirius.

Arthur cleared his throat after a moment of silence. "What I think," he said quietly, contributing his thoughts to the conversation, "is that we ought to talk this over with Harry first and then decide where to go from there."

Sirius suddenly felt grateful to the Weasley patriarch. Of course there was no doubt in his mind what Harry wanted. They had had this conversation not twenty four hours ago. He knew exactly what his godson wanted. It was what he himself had wanted for years.

"I think that's a good idea," Tonks said. "Brilliant really."

"Yes it is," Remus interjected. "But you have to realize that no matter what we decide we'll still have to fight it out with Dumbledore."

"And we all know what _he _thinks." Sirius grumbled under his breath. Remus gave him a sad smile. All of a sudden his original thought about kidnapping Harry didn't sound too bad right then. In fact it sounded quite appealing.

"Why don't we finish discussing this later and have dinner," Tonks said. "It's getting awfully late and I'm hungry." She slapped Remus when she found him smirking at her.

"I think that's a good idea," Molly said. "I'll go get the boys and then we can all sit down to a nice dinner."

"Tonks, would you mind getting Hermione and Ginny?" Arthur asked.

"Sure, Arthur." She was near the staircase when she burst out laughing as she saw an enraged Molly ushering a pair of filthy boys into the room, while Fred and George walked behind. "Best water fight ever!" they high-fived each other.

Through his muddy fringe he could see his godfather's face scrunch up as though he was fighting back a laugh, though hearing Tonks' laughter as she bounded up the stairs was not helping anything.

"One thing!" she shrieked. "I send you outside to do one thing. How hard is it to weed a garden?" she asked. Harry's fringe was down into his eyes, blurring up his vision. He could feel the mud drying and he was starting to get cold.

"Well, not really hard at all mum," Fred said. "But really, you never said how you wanted us to do it."

Sirius snorted. That was something the marauders would have done in their younger years he was certain. He was really starting to like these two. They certainly had charisma.

"And why is it that these two are soaking wet and you two don't have a splash of water on you?" She rounded on him.

George began twisting around, lifting up his arms, and feeling on top of his head. "Oh, no worries mum," he said as he felt a wet spot on his ear. "I have a splash on me. It's all good."

"Oh, yeah, me too," Fred commented as he felt the top of his head.

"Would you mind?" Molly barked as Sirius had finally given into his amusement and was laughing wildly. "I swear Sirius Black, you are worse than a four year old."

Sirius considered this. "Gee mate, she sure swears at me a lot, don't you think?" Sirius asked, turning to Remus.

"I wonder if she's trying to tell you something."

Molly huffed as she found that she was the only one perturbed by this. Was she the only adult here?

A moment later, Harry let out a small sneeze.

"Oh goodness," Molly fretted a bit irritably. "You two are going to catch your deaths standing here in those wet clothes." She shooed them up the stairs just as Tonks, along with Hermione and Ginny started to descend, fighting to keep from laughing at the sight of them.

"Go upstairs and change and then hop in the shower. Dinner will be ready once you come back down."

Molly flitted about the kitchen, pulling out dining ware and setting the table. "Honestly," she said scolding the two smirking boys as they pulled up a chair. "What were you thinking?"

Fred turned to George. "What were we thinking George?" he asked.

"Well, Fred I _do _believe we were thinking about getting revenge on the two sods for throwing dirt at us and laughing at us." George told him.

"Yes, I do believe you're right, George." Fred said as he turned back to his mother. "There you go, mum. That's what we were thinking."

"Give them a break, Molly," Sirius said, grinning widely. "It was brilliant. Harry's hardly smiled at all since he's been here."

Fred and George gave their mother a look as if to say, 'see?'

Apparently, they had been successful in cheering up Harry, Sirius thought as though thinking that had been their original plan. As he looked up towards the ceiling, he turned towards Remus and smiled as he heard Ron and Harry joking around as laughter rang out that could only belong to his godson.

Yep. Quite successful indeed.


	3. Chapter 3

Ron and Harry were seated side by side on Harry's bed with Hermione occupying the other. They were talking in low voices just as Ginny came running into the room, followed by Fred and George.

"What's up?" Ron asked, noticing the tiny glimpse of fear that had streaked past Ginny's face. Fred who was looking quite displeased shut the door to the room a little bit louder than necessary.

It was George who answered as he perched himself against the wall. "We heard the others talking down in the kitchen."

Harry glanced in Hermione's direction as he heard her let out an agitated breath. "Really, I don't think it's right to eavesdrop. It's not any of our business."

"Oh, come of it Hermione," Ginny grumbled, plopping next to her on the bed.

"It's a good thing we did listen in," Fred shot back. "You wouldn't believe what they were talking about."

"Why?" Harry asked, becoming slightly suspicious. "What happened?"

"Apparently they got word that Dumbledore will be over some time tonight," George told him. "They said something about discussing what's going to happen to you."

More like Dumbledore was going to tell them what was going to happen to him, Harry thought becoming more annoyed by the minute. He had known this moment was coming. There was no way it couldn't be.

Ever since his trial, even beforehand, he had tried preparing himself for being sent back to the Dursleys. A tiny ray of hope had emitted at the idea of actually living with Sirius at Grimmauld Place, but while he would like nothing more, he knew deep down it was just a crazy idea. There was no way on earth Dumbledore would let him stay.

"Why would we find that hard to believe?" Hermione asked confused.

Fred waved her question away as he sat himself in a chair, George leaning against the side. "Of course we all know what's going to happen," Fred said. He rolled his eyes at their confused expressions.

"Come on. You really think Dumbledore's going to let Harry stay here with Sirius?" He knew it sounded a bit harsh, but it wasn't as though they weren't all thinking it.

"No offense, mate," George put in quickly, seeing the sullen look that had crossed Harry's face. Harry gave a slight shrug, even as his stomach was tightening into knots.

"So what are we supposed to do about it?" Ron asked.

"It's quite obvious isn't it?" Ginny exclaimed. "We have to come up with a plan to keep Dumbledore from sending Harry back to his relatives."

"Exactly," Fred said, noticing as Ron straightened himself and scooted to the edge of the bed.

"What do you suppose we come up with?" Hermione asked exasperated. "This is Dumbledore we're talking about. If he thinks this is the best thing for Harry he's not going to change his mind very easily, or even at all."

"Well, you see Hermione, that's where we come in," George told her smirking. "You seemed to have forgotten who you're dealing with. Dumbledore is no match for us."

Hermione rolled her eyes. Oh, of course, she thought mockingly. How is Dumbledore going to be outsmarted by a pair of pranksters who aren't even through with their schooling? There was absolutely no way, and they were quite delusional if they thought their plan was going to work.

"So what is your plan then?" Hermione asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"That," Fred said, "we haven't figured out yet." He huffed as Hermione gave him a knowing look. "Come on Hermione, give us a break. We're not miracle workers after all."

Harry sighed. He knew they meant well, but Hermione was right. Nothing they said or did was going to change Dumbledore's mind. But no matter what Dumbledore said, he wasn't going back to the Dursleys. He would run away the first chance he got. He had done it once and he was prepared to do it again. He had had enough.

"Mum's thinking about asking Dumbledore if Harry can come and stay with us," Ginny said quietly, not looking at Harry as she said this.

A burning rage filled Harry. He couldn't listen to another word. Could not listen as everyone seemed to talk about what they were going to do with him. He was not a box you could ship around all the time. It wasn't as though he didn't like the Weasleys, but was there anyone besides Sirius who cared about what he wanted?

"That'd be wicked!" Ron gushed.

"How would it be wicked, Ron?" Harry finally snapped, surprising all of them. He stood up from the bed and faced all of them. "Your dad works all the time, Bill and Charlie are gone, you say Percy's being a right git, and the rest of you are going to be at Hogwarts. What am I supposed to do all that time?" He asked.

Unsurprisingly, no one seemed to have an answer for him, because they knew he was right. They would all be off to Hogwarts learning magic, and he'd be the one left behind. Again. Because of his expulsion, nothing would ever be the same again.

"You see?" he said shrewdly.

Hermione got off the bed and approached him. "It'll be alright, Harry," she said with more confidence than she felt. "The six of us… we'll figure something out. We will."

Harry shrugged her hand off as she gingerly touched his shoulder. Even Hermione's brilliant mind couldn't fix this. He shook his head. "Never mind. Just forget it." He said resignedly. "I'll be in the attic."

All of them, besides Ginny, watched sadly as he made his way out.

"What do we do now?" Hermione asked quietly, her eyes still fixed on the door even after Harry left.

There was silence from all around as no one had the slightest clue.

* * *

As he left the room, Harry gave a big sigh and leaned against the wall for a moment. He hadn't meant to snap at Ron. It was none of their faults for what had happened. They were all only trying to help. So why didn't that make him feel better at all?

It's just that they hadn't been there with him at the Ministry of Magic. Hadn't been there as he sat with his heart thumping madly inside his chest as he waited for the final decision to come. They hadn't felt the underlying sense of helplessness as he was found guilty; being literally stripped away from the only place he had ever called home. They hadn't watched with such fear that nearly made him sick up as they took his wand away and snapped it before his very eyes, seeming to enjoy it, leaving him unprotected and completely vulnerable.

All of a sudden, he felt a great desire to run, to hide away for the rest of his life, to somehow disappear without a trace. He had meant what he told Sirius, but he watched helplessly as the dream of a new life with his godfather slowly drifted further and further away before his very eyes.

He could hear the adults down in the kitchen as their voices became louder and louder, and despite Hermione's words, he found himself drawing nearer and nearer to listen in. It was a bit muffled without the extendable ears, but he could still make out their conversation quite clearly.

"Sirius, would you sit down?" Remus told his friend as he watched Sirius jump up from his seat for the tenth time since they had started their discussion.

Sirius threw him a poisonous look, but complied, slowly easing himself down into his chair, glaring at Molly as though he couldn't believe what she had just proposed. He rubbed his face tiredly as he sighed. He dropped his hands down on the table. "In your words, Molly, I'd have to say that idea is quite absurd."

"Don't be ridiculous, Sirius," she said sharply. "We love Harry and would like nothing more than to make him part of our family." Sirius sniffed disdainfully. Molly ignored him. "We can provide him with the stability he needs-"

"Now hold on a minute!" Sirius cried in protest. "I may have misheard you Molly, I do have my Uncle Alphard's terrible hearing, after all, but it sounded as though you were accusing me of being unstable."

Remus inwardly groaned. This was not going to be good. Could life ever be easy for them?

"I did not say that Sirius," she said sternly, though that didn't mean she wasn't thinking it. "I'm just saying that Arthur and I have more experience when it comes to raising children-"

Sirius held up his hand, interrupting her once again. "First off, Harry isn't a child, and secondly I think I would do a fine job as his guardian, as I would have had him all those years if it hadn't been for Azkaban."

Molly pursed her lips in a tight line. She couldn't stop the words that stumbled out of her mouth the next second. "And whose fault is that?"

Sirius' face fell a considerable amount at hearing this. Around the room there were loud sounds of protest.

Regaining his bearings the next moment, he looked at her and spoke in a deceptively calm voice that was nonetheless filled with venom. "That was below the belt, Molly, and you know it. I may not have raised Harry all those years, but the fact still remains that he is my godson and I love him more than anything."

"You have a habit of acting recklessly, Sirius," Molly said, not backing down, "and I just don't want to see Harry get hurt."

"Molly, Sirius would never intentionally hurt Harry, and you know it." Remus told her firmly.

Molly retreated slightly at the looks they were all giving her. It seemed as though she was all alone on the matter. She sighed in defeat a moment later. "I know you love Harry, Sirius," she told him softly, "but sometimes I wonder if you actually love him for being him, and not for being the son of your dead best friend."

From outside the room Harry was breathing heavily. He could hear nothing on the other side of the door; no protests from any of them. Either his godfather was too shocked to say anything, or he had no retort.

Like a small child, he couldn't help but feel a bit rejected and after a few minutes, he wrenched himself away from the door and went with his original idea of heading to the attic.

The dust engulfed him as he opened the door and stepped into the room. Except for the sunlight that was gleaming through the small open window that was settled towards the middle of the room it was completely dark.

He could see Buckbeak nestled towards the back, resting his head as he slept, an empty bowl of food beside him.

If only he could be like Buckbeak; no responsibilities, no people telling him what to do, no people deciding his life for him.

No wonder Sirius spent so much time up here. Besides a few boxes, the attic wasn't at all dirty. He didn't know what Mrs. Weasley was going on about. It was just him and a sleeping Hippogriff; the perfect place to think and plan his next move.

Lily Potter. Those were the only two words, there was nothing else, and yet it seemed to be reeling him in. He crossed the room and landed on his knees in front of a few boxes. He moved the box that was in front of the pile and saw what else the box read. Lily Potter and Harry: The First Year.

Before he could help it, his breath caught at those few short words. Becoming intrigued, and hoping Sirius wouldn't mind, he opened the lid and reached inside. There was not much in there, it was a tiny box after all, but what was in there touched him more than anything ever could.

For in his hand he held a picture that quite clearly showed him and his mother. Her long red flowing hair was wrapped around in his tiny, yet pudgy hands as he yanked on it, and from the look on her face, it was quite apparent that he was pulling rather hard.

There was a smile on his young face, quite possibly the biggest smile he had ever made. He had cake smeared on his face and in his hair as his emerald eyes shown with happiness while he was being held in his mother's loving arms.

After a few moments, he gently settled it on the floor beside him and reached in again. This one was of his mother asleep in her rocking chair that was stationed near his crib. Her eyes were shut, and he could see her chest rising and falling with every deep breath she took. He was asleep on her chest, his left hand rubbing his nose as he gave a small yawn. He turned his head over and grasped a handful of her shirt and slept on.

Sirius, with his arms crossed, was leaning against the doorframe, watching as Harry reached in and discovered the long ago, but never forgotten treasures. He saw Harry set them aside and made a mental note to himself to make copies of the pictures for Harry. Not that he minded sharing, but he was quite certain the boy would want his own collection to keep in his room.

He watched on for a while longer, seeing the tension melt away. Being up here always had that effect on him too.

Harry was just about to reach in for the fourth time when he heard a gentle shuffling from behind him, and turning around, he quickly jumped up as he saw his godfather standing not five feet away.

"Oh, wow," Harry said, becoming embarrassed as guilt immediately took over. "Gosh, I'm really sorry," Harry stammered, reaching down to collect his pile and settle them back inside. "I shouldn't have gotten into your things."

Sirius regarded him for a long moment, not angry in the least. He stepped inside the room, digging his hands inside his trousers as he did so. "What have you got there?" he asked, jerking his head towards the box.

Harry palmed the back of his neck and slowly reached down to grab the box, grasping it tightly with both hands. "I didn't mean, to, honestly," Harry told him. "It was just that the box had mum's name on it and..." He shrugged as he trailed off, knowing that wasn't the greatest response.

Sirius held out his hands and Harry handed the box over. Sirius sorted through the pictures, his eyes becoming the slightest bit moist as a fond look of remembrance lighted his face. "I remember this," he said softly, a sad smile on his face.

He looked at Harry and gave a small chuckle. "Your father was a maniac with the camera during that first year. Never let it out of his sight as he wanted to document every last thing you did, whether it be taking a nap with your stuffed dog in your arm, or making a mess with your food as you attempted to feed yourself, and I'm not sure, but he may have also gotten one of you having your nappy changed." He laughed as he saw Harry blanch at the idea.

"What are you doing up here, you nutter?" Sirius asked after a minute, handing the box over.

Harry shrugged. "I needed to be alone to think and this place seemed as good a place as any." He hesitated a moment. "You're not mad are you? That I looked through your stuff?" Even if Sirius wasn't, Harry knew he ought to be. Harry knew he would be furious if he found someone snooping through his most personal belongings.

"No, I'm not mad," Sirius assured him softly. "I'm quite surprised actually that it took you this long to find them. I've been waiting to show them to you."

"Yeah?" Harry asked, feeling the guilt ebb away. He put the box with the others as he saw Sirius sort through another one.

"Sure have," Sirius said smiling softly. Harry couldn't make out what this next box said, but as he saw Sirius pull out a picture of a baby Harry riding around on a big black dog he had a feeling he knew what it was.

"You used to love riding around on my back when you were a baby," Sirius said, holding the picture out for Harry to see. Harry suddenly felt himself go red when he saw that he was riding on Sirius' back with nothing on but a nappy. Sirius didn't seem the least bit bothered by it as he ran around what looked to be the living room with a squealing Harry on his back, so he didn't say anything.

When Harry had had his look, Sirius pulled out another one. "Now this has got to be my absolute favorite." Catching the interested look on his godson's face, he gave a smirk and handed the picture to Harry.

The look on Harry's face was priceless and he couldn't help but laugh. Apparently Harry didn't find the picture of his younger self running around the house in nothing but his birthday suit with Lily chasing him around with his pajamas while Sirius, Remus, and Peter laughed in the background quite as funny as he did.

"Here you go," Harry said in an uncharacteristically high voice as he averted his eyes from the picture.

Sirius chuckled softly, but stayed silent as he didn't want to add to his godson's embarrassment.

Catching his godfather's amusement, Harry playfully rammed his elbow into his side. "Prat," he muttered teasingly.

"Hey, now," Sirius cried through a laugh. "Is that any way to treat your godfather, young man?"

Harry snorted. "I haven't ever been called that before. It sounded awfully parental, Padfoot."

"Yes, well, I'll try and tone it down a bit if you wish," said Sirius dryly, though he gave Harry a quick wink, showing him he didn't mean a word of it. For Harry's part, he would guess that Harry wouldn't mind a bit of parental guidance from him.

Harry gave a half smile. The air around them was tense despite his godfather's best efforts to keep his spirits up and there was a question nagging him in the back of his mind that he just had to ask. He hesitated a moment, hoping he wasn't being too upfront. "Do you remember what it was like for you- when you had your wand snapped I mean?" Harry asked softly.

Sirius inhaled sharply. That was not a question he had been expecting, but he wasn't really surprised that Harry asked. "I do," he answered, just as softly. "I felt so incomplete and vulnerable. I felt like half a man. It was an awful feeling; so awful there aren't words to describe it."

It had been so long ago, Sirius knew, but he could understand where Harry was coming from. Still, the pain of losing his family hurt worse than he could possibly explain; much more so than getting his wand snapped.

Harry nodded in understanding, feeling his throat begin to constrict painfully.

"I'm very sorry, Harry," Sirius said quietly. "Honestly, I am. It's a terrible thing what they did to you."

Sirius wasn't the one who had expelled him. He had no reason to be sorry. Sirius was the only one who could possibly have an inkling of understanding of how he was feeling. He had given Harry hope…. If only for a little while.

"Fudge is a right foul git," Sirius told him, hoping to offer whatever sort of comfort he could at the moment. "He has his head so far up in the clouds he doesn't realize what he's done."

Harry turned and kicked gently at the wall. He gave a loud huff, running his hand through his hair angrily. "Dumbledore's going to send me back to my relatives and now I won't even have my wand to defend myself. Ron and Hermione are leaving for Hogwarts," Harry gave a little laugh. "They're going to go off and become great wizards and I'm going to be stuck with the Dursleys cleaning and picking weeds until my fingers bleed."

"Harry," said Sirius softly. "I told you I wasn't going to let that happen. You believe me don't you?"

But Harry was past the point of listening. He shook his head as he turned to face Sirius, his expression fierce. "I'm not going back," he said resolutely, his tone just daring Sirius to argue with him. "I'm not. And I'm not going with the Weasleys either."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "So you were listening."

Harry's eyes widened a bit as his face slackened. "I may have said a bit much there," Harry said sheepishly.

"Remus thought he heard footsteps outside the door."

Damn that werewolf hearing. But to Harry's surprise Sirius didn't look the least bit upset. "Ginny said that you guys were talking and I thought-"

Sirius held up his hand and Harry immediately fell silent. "While I agree that you have every right to be a part of our discussions that involve you that was not a conversation I would have wanted you to listen in on."

Harry immediately blushed, dropping his gaze to the floor, feeling suddenly very chastened.

"I'm not upset," Sirius said quickly, catching the look on Harry's face. "It's just that we all were on edge and some of us- meaning Molly- said things that she had absolutely no right saying. I don't want you to believe a single word that you heard down there, except for the part where I said that I love you more than anything. Do you understand me?"

Harry gave a jerky nod, his face still red and his throat constricting once more.

Sirius gripped his shoulders tightly, crouched down and tilted Harry's chin up so that he was looking his godson full in the face. "I want you to listen to me very carefully, alright? You are all I care about, Harry James," he said sternly. "I love you more than you could possibly know, and while your father was my best mate, you are not him; you are you. You're the barmy nutter who's going to give me gray hair before I reach the age of forty, and that's who I love. You got that?"

Harry gave a watery laugh, and nodded, leaning into his godfather's embrace. Sirius palmed the back of his head and held him close, sighing into the top of his head. "I've got you kid. You'll never be alone, Harry, I promise. Not ever again."

Harry hadn't even said anything, and yet Sirius knew just what he needed to hear. It hadn't even occurred to him that his godfather would love him just for being his best friend's son, but the moment Molly said it, he had felt his heart plummet into his stomach, destroying the only hope he felt at finally having a real family.

But with Sirius' reassurance his world was righted again. In that moment nothing else mattered except his godfather holding him, and he couldn't help but think that things would indeed be alright just as Sirius had said.

* * *

They had stayed upstairs so long sorting through pictures and talking that by the time they left for downstairs it was nearing supper and Harry only remembered as he saw Molly slaving away at the stove that Dumbledore would be over soon.

He wheeled his head around as he felt Sirius grasp his shoulder. He returned the small smile and allowed himself to be led in for dinner. He sat down between Ron and George, briefly catching the murderous glare on Ginny's face before she went back to her conversation with Hermione.

"Don't worry about her, mate," Ron said in a low voice as he helped himself to sausage. "She's being a git in my opinion. She takes after Percy."

Harry gave a small smile at that. It wasn't everyday your best mate defended you against their sister. Especially Ron.

"You'd better eat, mate," Ron told him through mushed cheeks, when he noticed that Harry had yet to take a bite of anything. "Mum will be upset if she finds you not eating. Especially considering as how you didn't come down for breakfast or lunch."

Sirius caught the conversation and, it may have just been his imagination, but he could have sworn he saw Harry scoot his plate even further away at that as he set his jaw stubbornly.

Sirius wondered if he should say anything, but noticing the slightly pale pallor of his godson's face that had been present for days even before his trial, he decided against it. Food was obviously the last thing Harry wanted, and he doubted it would settle with him at all. He would fix the kid a drink later, he told himself, hoping that might compensate for not having Harry eat.

Molly, noticing that everyone besides Harry was enjoying her food, gave a shake of her head, her face clearly saying that this would not continue. She was about ready to get onto Harry, but after catching Sirius' firm glare and Arthur's slight head shake, finally relented and busied herself once more.

* * *

Harry picked at the hem of his shirt as he stood nervously in the entryway waiting for Dumbledore's arrival. Mrs. Weasley had sent the others upstairs, telling them they had no right to be a part of the discussion and after a fair amount of arguing, the twins, Ron, Ginny, and Hermione finally retreated up the stairs.

He heard the door to a room slam, but he knew that they were at the top of the stairs listening in. As the moment drew nearer however, he wished nothing more than that they would have done as Mrs. Weasley told them to and actually shut themselves in their rooms.

He felt the tension rising in his chest and all of a sudden he was really regretting that after dinner drink that Sirius had made for him.

Sirius was standing behind him, rubbing his shoulders gently. Remus was standing a few feet away, leaning against the banister offering him an encouraging smile, and Molly and Arthur were off to the side, talking in hushed voices. It didn't take a genius to figure out what they were talking about as Mrs. Weasley's voice grew with excitement and Harry felt his irritation increase tenfold.

They stood waiting for what seemed like decades when finally there was a knock at the door. Harry released a huge breath he hadn't realized he had been holding and watched with trepidation and annoyance as Arthur moved to open the door.

There in the doorway, in his purple colored robes and half -moon spectacles with his beard brushing against the front of his lower waist was Albus Dumbledore. There was no smile on the old man's face, and no sparkle in his eyes. There hadn't been since the end of last year. He looked older than Harry had ever seen him, his face grave and wrinkled as he stepped into the house.

Harry knew this moment was coming, but now that it was here he wished more than ever to go upstairs to his room and hide; to wake up and find that this whole thing had been nothing but a bad dream. And he really wished the Weasleys weren't standing there with him; Molly with her hopeful smile on her face.

"Good evening all," Dumbledore said calmly. "I trust you have had a relaxing past few days. No?" he asked, catching their disbelieving looks. "Well, I can't say I'm surprised. No matter," he said, and Harry was disturbed to find that Dumbledore didn't look the least bit affected by what had occurred only days before. "Why don't we adjourn to the dining room-"

"There's no need for that Albus," Sirius interrupted evenly. "I think we all know how this is going to turn out. I don't see any reason to cause a delay."

Albus regarded him over the top of his spectacles, and after a rather pointed look in Sirius' direction said, "I see. Well, I shall not be here long then. Harry go collect your things if you would while I have a quick word with your godfather. Now Harry." He said sternly when Harry had yet to move.

Harry was about to open his mouth to tell Dumbledore what he thought about that when he felt Sirius hold him closer to his chest. "He's not going anywhere, Albus," Sirius said softly.

Albus had already prepared himself for this, and as much as he wanted to, Harry could not come and live with Sirius. It was too dangerous.

"Sirius, we have been over this before," Albus said sternly. "Harry is to return to his relatives every summer."

"The hell he is," Sirius snapped viciously, surprising Harry a bit. "You always go on and on about how it's not safe, but as you have given us no reason for the fact that you declare Harry to be safer with his relatives, I don't see any reason why he can't be with someone who could actually give him protection."

"Sirius, you know nothing of what you speak," Albus said. "But you are right; Harry indeed needs protection. Now more than ever."

"He could come stay with us," Molly said quickly. "We would love to have him."

"Absolutely not," Sirius told her quickly. "Harry is not going anywhere. I'm his godfather and he belongs with me."

"He belongs with people who can actually care for him," Molly snapped back. Just as Sirius was about to round on her Albus held up his hand before either one of them could get too carried away.

"Sirius is right Molly," he said, much to the surprise of everyone in the room. "No matter how much protection we put around your house it will not be enough to keep Harry and the rest of your family safe. This isn't even adding to the fact that you have no room for him."

"So we'll make room," Molly exclaimed.

Suddenly Harry very much felt like he was up on a platform about to be auctioned off and whoever made the better offer would be allowed to take him home. He was tired of this. All of it. He was tired of feeling like someone's liability.

Albus shook his head. "I'm afraid that Harry needs to be with his family. It's the best place for him."

"No." Harry finally spoke up, taking Dumbledore by surprise. "Sir I don't care what you say, but I don't belong there. It's not my world and never will be. I belong here... with Sirius."

"You are a child, Harry." Dumbledore said firmly as though that settled the matter. "It's not up to you to decide what will be done."

Harry flushed with anger. A child was he? It was plainly obvious that the headmaster didn't think him a child when he was eleven and saved the sorcerer's stone, or twelve when he had saved Ginny and killed a basilisk, defeating Voldemort once more. Why was now different? He knew the answer; it was because Dumbledore knew he wasn't as young as he once was and he realized that no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't keep Harry under his wing forever. Someday he would have to make his own decisions- it wouldn't be up to Dumbledore or anyone else to decide what was best for him.

"I think you'll find sir," Harry stressed the word, glaring furiously at the man. "That I am fifteen years old. I'm not a child anymore. I never got that chance. I was forced to grow up at a young age and ever since then I've been taking care of myself. So you'll have to forgive me if I don't consider your word as law when it comes to how I should live my life."

The room was tense and Harry could have sworn that Sirius' hands had tightened a bit, but he supposed his godfather had been able to sense he was about ready to snap. He didn't care what happened anymore. He had lost all respect for the man in front of him. He would not allow himself to be treated like a pawn in Dumbledore's game anymore.

If Dumbledore was surprised by his sudden outburst he didn't appear it; in fact he looked as though he had been expecting it. "I realize that I am no longer your headmaster, but I must insist that you treat me with respect." He said quietly.

"I'm sorry sir, but I really don't think you've done anything to deserve it." Harry said bluntly. "And you said it yourself; you're not my headmaster anymore, so I don't see how it's up to you to decide what is 'best' for me."

"Perhaps we really should take this into the kitchen." Molly said a bit nervously as she eyed the two of them wearily. "I can fix us all something to drink and we can talk about this calmly."

"I'm afraid my dear that there is nothing to discuss." Dumbledore told her calmly. "Harry is coming with me tonight and I would really appreciate it if I didn't have to use force."

"You dare to threaten him?" Sirius hissed, grasping Harry's shoulders so tightly it was painful, causing Harry to gasp sharply. "We've already gone through this Dumbledore. Harry is staying with me and I don't care if I have to use force, but you'll leave right now if you know what's good for you."

"Certainly, I'll leave." Dumbledore said with a small nod before turning his attention to Harry once more. "You'll go upstairs and gather your things Harry, say your goodbyes, and then leave with me. I really am on a tight schedule so we really must not dawdle. I assure you now that although I am an old man I have many tricks up my sleeve. So please no funny business."

Angry tears stung the backs of Harry's eyes and he felt his heart stop as it dove into his toes. Suddenly feeling very ill, and hoping he wasn't making too big a fool of himself, he wrenched himself away from Sirius and stomped up the stairs, not caring if he was behaving like a spoiled child. His anger was coursing off him with every step he took, even more so when he saw the others scurry to their rooms.

He could hear his godfather's angry shouts which only seemed to infuriate him more. He didn't know what he was going to do, but he couldn't stay here and have them plan his future for him.

Opening the door to his room he saw Ron jolt back in surprise as he entered. He felt Ron's gaze on him as he began throwing everything he owned into his suitcase, and was grateful that Ron had kept quiet.

There was a soft knock at the door and as Ron moved to open it he wasn't the least bit surprised to find the others standing there, looking unsure of themselves. They made no move to enter the room, but stared at him as he continued to pack.

After several moments, Hermione couldn't take it anymore. She cleared her throat quietly. "Harry, what happened?" she asked, wincing as Harry threw a glare at her.

"Like you don't know," he said coolly, finally turning around to face them. "But I don't care anymore. I'm leaving," he told them, ignoring their bewildered expressions. "I've had enough."

"Harry, you can't leave," Hermione scolded him.

"Like hell I can't," he snapped. "You don't get it Hermione," he looked at all of them. "None of you have the slightest idea what it's like being me. You don't have everyone planning your whole life for you. You're all going off to Hogwarts soon and I'm being left behind. And I'm happy for you guys, really I am, but… I just can't put up with it anymore. I'm tired of pretending that everything is fine. I'm not like you guys; I don't have my own life, I don't have a home, and I don't have a family."

"Harry," she said tearfully, "please don't say that; it's not true. We are your family." They all nodded at this, even Ginny who Harry was surprised to see had tears in her eyes.

Hermione was right. They had been his family ever since they were first years. They had been on so many adventures through the years, but it had all come to an end. There would be no more adventures for them.

He sighed. "Look…" he said, gazing at each of them, hoping they might understand. "I love you guys, but I can't handle this anymore. You heard what Dumbledore said. But I can't _not_ leave and I can't be sent back to the Dursleys. I've got to learn magic somehow. Do you honestly believe I'm going to learn anything about how to protect myself while I'm stuck at the Dursleys? Voldemort's going to be after me now more than ever and I need to train so when the time comes I'm prepared."

"Well," Ron said firmly, coming to stand next to him. He looked at them all. "If Harry doesn't go I'm not going either."

"Don't be stupid Ron," Harry mumbled, though at the sight of Ron standing by him, he felt the tension slowly melting away. "You can't run away with me. You belong here with your family."

"No, this prat's actually right for once," Fred said, considering his brother. "We're your friends, mate, and friends stick together."

"Families also stick together," Harry told him firmly. "And I'm not allowing you to desert yours to join me on the run. I don't know when I'll be back, if ever, and that's much too long a time for you guys to be away from the people who love you."

"He won't leave." Ginny said glaring dangerously at him. "Because he knows that we'll tell Sirius if he does."

Never in all his life had he felt such anger towards Ginny Weasley. He had no doubt in his mind that she would tell Sirius, and he was becoming quite perturbed with her 'holier than thou' attitude she seemed to have picked up. But he knew that if she was really his friend as she claimed to be that she would let him do what he knew was best and that would make him happy. He had hoped that she cared about his happiness somewhat.

"Harry, just think about this for a moment, please." Hermione begged him before he had a chance to retort.

"I've already thought about this Hermione. I've already made my decision," He told her resolutely. "I'm leaving. Without you."

* * *

The night air was cool and breezy and as he inhaled deeply with the idea of finally being his own man he couldn't help but feel more alive than ever before.

He had made his goodbyes with Hermione crying forlornly in his arms while Ginny merely stomped out of the room. He was a bit weary thinking that she had been as good as her word and had left to immediately tell Sirius, but he heard the door to her room slam and breathed a collective sigh of relief. Even Ron and the twins looked tearful. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, but in his heart he knew it had been for the best.

He had stopped by Sirius' room beforehand while the adults were still downstairs and left him a small note. Afterwards he had made his way up to the attic, and after saying goodbye to Buckbeak collected the picture of him riding on his godfather's back as a small child.

With the twins shrinking everything down to fit in his trunk; his broomstick shrunk down to fit in his pocket, he wrapped his invisibility cloak firmly around his shoulders and with Hedwig's cage in his hand, left as quickly and as silently as he could.

Now as he stared back at the spot where Grimmauld Place would be, a sense of longing filled him. It only occurred to him at that moment that he had not thanked everyone for what they had done for him. Had not thanked Sirius for being there for him and filling his heart with hope and understanding that no matter where he went he would always have someone that loved him.

Maybe one day they would finally be able to be the family they dreamed so longingly about. But that day was too far down the road for him to even see at that moment and until that time came he was determined to get back the life that had been stolen from him so long ago.


	4. Chapter 4

Sirius was perfectly attuned to his godson's temper that was quickly rising to the surface as he mounted the stairs. He himself felt like he was about to do something that he knew he would regret as he stared at the calm face of the man in front of him.

He knew he would never hex Dumbledore, but all the same, he felt his hand itching towards the insides of his robes where his wand was lying lazily. At that moment, he was willing to do almost anything to get the foolish old man out of his house.

He forced himself to take deep, calming breaths before he did something he didn't want to. He wasn't about to prove Molly right that he often had a tendency to act rashly.

Sirius spoke in a low voice; a voice weaker men than Dumbledore would have trembled at. "Harry is staying with me, Albus."

"Sirius as I have told Harry, the matter is not up for discussion," Albus spoke in a voice generally used for self-willed teenagers. He saw the stubborn set of Sirius' jaw give the briefest of twitches as his face adopted an expression that Albus knew quite well from his Hogwarts days that meant that his temper was close to surfacing, and at that moment, Albus knew he was no safer against it then the chance that Sirius ever had of changing his mind.

Remus recognized Sirius' expression as well, and after sharing a dorm room with the man for seven years, he- maybe more than anybody here, except perhaps Tonks- knew that there was no talking to Sirius when he was at his most stubborn.

Remus stepped in to let Sirius' ever increasing anger have a chance to diffuse. "Albus, it's too late for any of us to think through this properly and with that fact, there really is no point in having this discussion."

"Remus, as I have said before-"

"We all bloody well know what you've said!" Sirius had finally given into his anger; his face flushed and his chest rising and falling as he breathed heavily.

Arthur, who was watching his wife attempt to try to maintain her composure cut in before the conversation had a chance to escalate any further. The look on Sirius' face didn't bode well for anyone at the moment.

"Albus the children leave for Hogwarts in less than three weeks' time. Let Harry stay and see them off and then we can revisit the subject later."

Instantly Sirius knew there would be no more talk on the subject. He had heard enough. Only Harry's stubbornness rivaled his and he knew he would have done anything to get Albus out of his house and make it so that he and Harry were never separated again.

Sirius could see the motors in Albus' head turning as he thought about this, and, after what had seemed like ages, Albus finally relented; albeit a bit reluctantly. Sirius was glad he had not resorted to threatening the old man, as he had a feeling that might have impacted Albus' decision.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw Molly and Arthur retreat to the kitchen the moment Albus had left. He inwardly grimaced as he heard Molly's enraged shouts, and couldn't help but feel the slightest bit satisfied knowing that despite how they got along they were all on the same side here.

He heaved a deep sigh as he ran his hand through his tousled hair; his face troubled, but clearly showing his displeasure as his eyes burned with such rage it was almost painful. He found it quite a bit odd that the muffled sounds from the floor above them had all but vanished.

More than likely Harry was in his room, having had kicked Ron out, and had resumed his sulking. He would go up in a bit; just as soon as he had time to wrap his mind around this whole thing. He knew what he wanted to do, but he was an adult now, and surely he should show some maturity. He knew he had a habit of doing things without thinking through them, but if he wanted this to work for him and Harry he knew he had to stop. His godson deserved far better than that.

He briefly heard Tonks whisper something to Remus before she left as well, and in that moment he felt more than a bit relieved that he and Remus were the only two left standing near the entrance. He saw Remus shuffle a bit near the banister, but made no move towards him. He knew that Remus wasn't going to say anything until he spoke.

For what seemed like the hundredth time that night, Sirius ran a hand through his hair, although this time it was accompanied by a whispered, but clearly upset, "damn." He put his hands on his hips as he stood rigidly.

Remus stared at his friend, and despite his troubled demeanor, he knew there was only so little Sirius would take before he finally snapped. It had been the same ever since they were children, but Remus had hoped that Azkaban might have finally calmed his friend's all too well-known reckless behavior. But as he saw Sirius began to pace, grabbing at his hair as he did so, he knew that was only a case of wishful thinking.

Sirius could only remember feeling this way one another time, and that time had resulting with him winding up in Azkaban. It took every last ounce of self-control he had within him not to barge up the stairs like a maniac and disappear into the night with his godson. He didn't know where they would go anyways and if wanted to prove to himself, everyone else, and most importantly Harry that he was fit to be his guardian then he really need to start thinking things through before acting.

"Do you want to talk, or would you like for me to leave?" Remus asked quietly.

Sirius didn't answer right away. Part of him wanted Remus to stay, but another part- the more reckless part of him- wanted to confound Remus and run off, but he wouldn't do that either, no matter how much he wanted to. He settled for ignoring the question altogether and instead said, "The time for talking is over with, Remus." He said quietly, purposefully overlooking his friend's all too familiar look that screamed, 'please don't do anything rash.' He had learned his lesson the first time, and was in no hurry to repeat it.

"What are you planning on doing, mate?" Remus asked, wincing slightly. Even as he asked it, he already had a sneaky suspicion and wanted nothing more than to knock some sense into him.

Sirius let out a blubbery sigh as he shook his head. "I'm not entirely sure right now. Actually, I want to go upstairs and sleep this off if you'll believe it," he chuckled bitterly. "I honestly don't know what I'm going to do Rem." he said using his friend's childhood nickname, hoping that it would transfer him back to simpler times- back when James and Lily were still alive and before his godson was a marked man.

"You know we're all here for you and Harry." Remus said gripping his friend's shoulder gently. "Even Molly if you can believe that." he smirked slightly.

"I know and I appreciate it. Really." Sirius said. "If I had an inclining of where we could go I'd kidnap him and run off this very night. But I can't do that to him. He deserves far better than that."

Remus smiled softly. He was glad to see the change in his friend. The old Sirius would have no trouble taking off into the night to heaven knows where. His friend had changed and he knew Azkaban and his love for Harry contributed to that.

"Do you remember the Potter's Manor?" Remus asked. "We'd go there every summer for about two weeks after we had started Hogwarts."

Sirius nodded. "Don't think that that idea hasn't crossed my mind. But it hasn't been lived in for years and who knows what's left of it. But I assure you we won't stay here... we can't. I can't just run off with him now though- not when I don't have any idea where we could go. I don't even have my money out yet or my father's things packed up." Sirius sighed. "No, as much as I don't want to I'll have to keep him here- for now at least, until we find out something else to do and until I find something to do about Kreacher."

That was another issue about running away. Kreacher had been around all summer and had listened in on their meetings. He couldn't set him free no matter how much he wished he could and he couldn't leave him by himself again; he knew far too much and he knew that the elf would have no qualms about using that information to his advantage the first chance he got. He would have to treat this very carefully if he didn't want the other side to glean any information.

Remus quirked an eyebrow. "I hate to put a damper on your plan but how exactly are you planning to hide Harry from Dumbledore when he knows where you live?"

Remus had a good point, Sirius knew. But one advantage of being a Black- the only advantage- was that he had grown up learning all different sorts of magic and he also had his father's library at hand. When he had been younger he and his brother had learned all the enchantments their father had placed on the house to keep out unwanted guests and he didn't think he would have any trouble with finding a way to keep Dumbledore out when he sat down and set to work.

"I am rather brilliant," Sirius smirked. "I'm sure I can think of something. And as you so generously offered your help I'm rather certain we can come up with an idea. Besides as Arthur said, the rest of them leave soon. If Harry wants to stay to see them off I won't stop him." However, he knew if he were the kid that would be the last thing he wanted, but he'd let Harry decide.

Whatever Remus was about to say next was cut off as he felt his ears perk up as the silence from the floor above seemed entirely too loud in his ears.

"Something's wrong," he murmured, catching sight of the look on Sirius' face when it appeared as though he had sensed it as well.

Remus had watched closely as Harry left, feeling helpless, and more upset with the headmaster than he could ever remember. He had tried listening carefully for the slightest clue that might herald to the fact that Harry was angry and hurt, but as the uncharacteristic anger coursed through him, he found it almost impossible and had to resort to listening to the conversation that was taking place around him.

They had reached the top landing and it was quite clear that Sirius was anxious as he made a beeline for Harry's room. Remus waited near the top of the stairs as the sounds of muffled sobbing met his ears the next moment.

"He's not there," Sirius said, his face pale as fear immediately took over him. Despite his best efforts to remain calm, and think through this logically, he couldn't help feel slightly ill as his fear increased with every passing moment. He made his way to the attic with hopes that his godson was up there hiding, but understanding was slowly dawning on him as he saw that the box that held all his pictures was open and that one in particular was missing.

Using his canine sense, he quickly sniffed to find any scent of Harry about the house, but he could find none and as Remus came out from his room with an envelope in his hands, his fears quickly became real.

He took the letter with shaking hands, his heart nearly plummeting into his stomach as he read the familiar small scratch-like writing.

**Sirius,**

**By the time you read this I will hopefully be long gone. I told the twins and everyone else not to tell you, but I couldn't leave without saying goodbye. I'm sorry for running off earlier, but I couldn't stand it. I know you said that you wouldn't let Dumbledore take me away, but I couldn't take that chance and it didn't appear as though he was going to give in anytime soon. Like I told Hermione, I've got to learn magic somehow and I can't very well do that at the Dursleys. I don't know where I'm going, I hadn't planned that part out yet, but I just know that I can't stay here. I'll try and write when I can, but it probably won't be soon. Thanks for everything.**

**Harry**

**P.S. In case you haven't realized I was the one who stole that picture from the attic. I know it wasn't my place and I hope you're not upset with me. I'll take good care of it. I promise.**

Anger immediately was drowning out his fear as he crumpled the note up in his hand and threw it against the wall. Damn that meddling old coot! He inhaled deeply, holding his breath for a long while as he rubbed his face in agitation.

"Fucking hell," he breathed, repeating his godson's earlier actions and kicking at the wall, only this time was a lot harder. He was surprised there wasn't a hole in the wall from the impact.

He wanted to yell, to scream, to rage. He wanted to shake those bloody kids and demand to know what happened, but he already could guess. His stomach was twisting painfully, but his anger was outweighing any thought he had of sicking up in the middle of the corridor.

While his heart was beating erratically out of fear for his godson, he couldn't help the sudden surge of anger and disappointment that coursed through him. Harry had proposed such an idea when they had talked the other night, but it had been a flippant remark- he couldn't believe he'd actually done it.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and forced himself to take several deep breaths before he did something he knew he'd regret. He needed to think through this calmly and rationally- if that was at all possible right then. He'd talk it over with the others- listen to Molly's snide remarks- and then he'd drag back his godson's sorry backside and ground him until he became of age.

* * *

"He what?!" Molly shrieked, her face drained of all color. Remus had collected the children and becoming quite flustered under Sirius' gaze that promised death, they quickly retreated to the parlor, spilling out the whole story.

Being seated side by side, under the intense gaze of the adults, Hermione was beside herself with worry and shame and Ginny, with her arms crossed over her chest looked as though she was rather bored with the whole thing. Ron was looking as though he might sick up and there was no trace of humor on the twins' face.

For some unknown reason she rounded on Sirius. "Didn't I tell you that you were incapable of caring for a child?"

"Molly!" Tonks hissed. Molly ignored her.

"You're saying this is my fault? You think I drove him away?" Sirius asked in outrage, not believing what he was hearing, even though he had been expecting nothing less.

"I think that if you showed half the responsibility you should in regards to Harry instead of upstairs feeling sorry for yourself we wouldn't have this problem in the first place."

Ron felt his neck warm, feeling suddenly quite embarrassed as they listened in on his mother speaking so bluntly with Sirius. Sirius, for his part, was unyielding.

"Maybe, Molly, that if you weren't over here speaking out of turn Harry wouldn't have felt the need to run off."

"So it's a crime to show some motherly concern every now and then is it?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips.

"Stop it." Remus and Arthur both cut in, before either one of them had a chance to say anything more.

"Getting in each other's faces isn't going to help anything. All that matters is finding Harry before he gets too far away." Remus said glaring at the pair of them.

As much as Sirius wanted to argue, he knew that Remus was right, but still there was something he had to get off his chest. "Harry is not your son, Molly, and you shouldn't act as if he is," he said quietly.

Molly inhaled deeply, her gaze murderous. "You are not applicable enough to raise a child, Sirius. And yes he is still a child." She insisted seeing the protest on Sirius' lips. "I may not be his mother but I care for him just as much as you do, if not more."

Sirius didn't know how many times they would get into this, but right now they didn't have the time. With every moment they spent arguing, that was every moment Harry got further and further away from them.

He heard Remus following him up the stairs as a moment later Molly's shriek of, "What could you have possibly been thinking? Allowing him to run off like that?" penetrated their ears.

"Merlin she sure can yell." Sirius said with a slight wince. Only Remus knew how upset his friend actually was and saw how much restraint it took him to keep his temper in check.

"So what are you planning on doing now?" Remus asked.

Sirius snorted. "Now really mate, that's a pretty pathetic question- especially coming from you. I'm going to track him down, hug him to death, make sure he's alright, and then I'm going to flay him to within an inch of his life." He knew that last part was probably out of line, but he couldn't deny that the thought hadn't crossed his mind once or twice.

Despite the seriousness of the situation Remus couldn't suppress a smirk. "You'd do nothing of the sort." he said in amusement.

That much was true, Sirius thought. No, he'd most likely give him an earful and then some. Of course, he couldn't deny that after what Harry had done that the kid wouldn't deserve at least that.

"You go on." Remus said. "I'll stay here and try to keep everyone sane. Of course there might not be much left of them once Molly's had her say."

Sirius tried to give a small smile, but it was trapped. He knew he couldn't waste another minute; his stomach twisted painfully with every passing moment and he didn't even want to imagine what he would do if he wasn't able to find the kid.

That wasn't even an option, he told himself firmly. He'd find Harry and then they'd figure out what to do from there.

* * *

A soft rain had started to descend from above as Harry wrapped his cloak more firmly around his shoulders to keep as warm as he possibly could; squinting through the slightly fogged material as he eyed his surroundings carefully.

He didn't know how long he had been gone, but it couldn't have been more than an hour. He briefly slipped in a puddle of water that had collected along the sidewalk, earning a soft hoot of protest from Hedwig. He mumbled an apology even as the rain started to fall heavier.

He shivered in his skin, sputtering slightly as cars drove by, splashing him with water. He heard a rumble of thunder as a bolt of lightning lit up the sky. After a few more showers of rain fell upon him, he set Hedwig's cage down upon the sidewalk a few blocks down, and settled himself down along a brick wall.

He didn't understand why he hadn't stopped a bus and climbed aboard; there were plenty he could have ridden on, being a lot warmer than he was now. But that would give Sirius a tougher time of finding him, he thought, blushing at how childish that sounded in his mind.

He couldn't help but notice that the block he was on was not the nicest, and though he knew he could have probably taken on any gits who tried messing with him, he stayed hidden, feeling powerless without his wand beside him. That was his first course of action, he thought to himself; retrieve a new wand.

He couldn't very well go to Ollivanders. His only other option was to steal one, and he didn't very much think it worth enough to be sentenced to Azkaban for. He didn't want to think about what would happen when Dumbledore found out that he had run away, but he didn't very much care. He was through with Dumbledore. From now on he was the master of his own destiny.

He could hear Hedwig's soft hooting as she gently slept, and Harry felt forever grateful to at least have her with him. Reaching through the iron bars, he gently rubbed her feathers with the tips of his fingers; the softness of the feeling reminding him of simpler days.

As the first rumble of thunder sounded through the cloudy night sky that foreshadowed a wet night, Sirius smiled to himself as he trotted down the sidewalk, his paws quick and soft as he did so. Finding Harry was going to be so much easier now.

Sirius hadn't been sure at first which way to go, but as he climbed out the window- as he would find out later that Harry had done as well- landing gracefully on his feet, he picked up his godson's faint smell amidst the coolness of the night.

He had taken a wrong path only a few times, giving a low growl in the back of his throat when someone came too close.

As the scent started to fade however, he was starting to worry that his godson had gotten on a bus and could now be anywhere. But somewhere in the back of his mind told him that Harry had not done that and Sirius had learned to trust his instincts.

He growled in annoyance as a moment later he was soaked to the bone with water. If he hadn't been so bent on finding Harry he might have chased after it. Strange instincts these animals had, Sirius thought to himself, giving a slight head shake.

He was getting closer. He could sense it. He quickened his pace, nearly smashing into a few people. With every step he took Harry's familiar scent only became that much stronger. He felt a surge of annoyance sweep through him.

He stopped in his tracks, sniffing at the ground. He listened carefully for the slightest movement, but he heard none. Harry had definitely been here, but the further away he stepped the scent faded. It was as if he were right on top of the kid, and yet he couldn't see him.

He could have kicked himself for being so daft. In his rousing, he had completely forgotten that the kid had his invisibility cloak about him. He sniffed at the ground again, his heart quickening in anticipation as he drew nearer to the deserted wall.

Something soft rubbed up against his nose. He could hear short breaths coming from beyond the cloak. He didn't even bother looking around before he changed back into his human form and the next moment as he pulled the cloak away, Harry's slightly nervous face came into view, but it was quickly being taken over by shock.

"Sirius?" he gasped in surprise, hardly daring to believe it. The next moment Sirius grabbed his arm before pulling him roughly to his feet, squeezing him tightly to his chest as he palmed the back of his head and breathed deeply.

Harry returned the embrace; guilt immediately engulfing him as he heard Sirius give a dry sniff, realizing just how much he had frightened the other man.

It seemed a lifetime before Sirius released him, grasping his shoulders tightly as he bent down to stare his godson full in the face. "Are you alright? You're not hurt are you?" his gray eyes crinkling in concern.

Harry could see through his godfather's mask and knew that despite the fear that was overpowering him he was greatly upset. He wasn't the Sirius that Harry knew. There was no trace of amusement on his face; something that greatly unsettled him as he became a bit flustered under the intense gaze.

"No, I'm fine." Harry's voice sounded garbled to his own ears, but he couldn't help it.

"Thank God." Sirius breathed as he felt the terrible ache starting to recede somewhat.

"You found my letter," Harry said, seeming to sigh in relief, but his relief was quickly disappearing as he saw that that statement only seemed to infuriate his godfather more. Of course he had found the letter; he wouldn't be here if he hadn't.

"I did," Sirius said sharply. "And if I wasn't so happy to see you, you'd be getting an earful right now." He felt a strange urge to scold Harry to within an inch of his life; his fear and anger overpowering any sense of hypocrisy he felt.

"What could you have possibly been _thinking _Harry James; running off like that?" He spoke in a gravely hoarse voice, as his eyes furrowed together in distress; only his face showing any sign of the anger he felt.

Harry licked at his lips that were suddenly dry as his ears were ringing with the overwhelming admonishment that his godfather was administering. "Sirius, look, I didn't think-"

"Like hell you didn't think at all!" Sirius shouted in a hoarse voice, his insides twisting with guilt as he saw his godson's face redden. "Do you realize what you put me through? Do you have any idea of how frantic I was when I found out that you had left?"

Harry dropped his gaze to the ground, unable to feel upset with his godfather as he continued to scold him. What right did he have anyways? Dumbledore and Mrs. Weasley both had made it perfectly clear that they thought Sirius incapable of being any sort of guardian to him.

But Sirius had every right, he realized. He was still his godfather; even if he might be regretting that title a little bit now.

He heard Sirius sigh above him and slowly lifted his head. Sirius was staring at him so desperately Harry felt as if he had just been punched in the stomach. He swallowed thickly. "I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have done it but I couldn't take it anymore," he mumbled a moment later. "You told me that I would never go back to the Dursleys, but even you don't have that kind of power over Dumbledore. So, I ran. I didn't mean to upset you. I was just too angry that I couldn't think straight."

Sirius' expression softened somewhat as he took in his godson's downtrodden expression. "Listen," he sighed as he rubbed his face tiredly. "I get that you were upset, I do. Hell, even _I _wanted to blast his arse into oblivion."

Harry's lips gave the briefest of twitches, but he found that it was nearly impossible to force even the tiniest of smiles right then.

"We talked about this, Harry and I don't know how hard I've tried to make you believe what I said, but it's like you weren't even listening to me. Or if you were you obviously weren't taking me seriously."

"I was listening to you." Harry told him almost pleadingly. "Really, I was. But Dumbledore-"

Sirius could feel that an explosion was imminent, but he had no desire to take his frustration out on his godson. He forced himself to take several deep breaths before speaking. "I don't give a rat's arse about Dumbledore. And as you've said before he's not your godfather and has no say over you. You were _never _going to go back to the Dursleys Harry. Do you think I lived off rats for over a year just to lose you to them again?"

Harry stared at him for the longest moment before averting his gaze; watching the rain splatter against the metal railing. He fought back the lump that had formed in his throat, berating himself for appearing so weak. He didn't want his godfather to realize just how much the scolding was affecting him. He'd been reprimanded more times than he could count over the years, but this was different. Unlike his relatives, Sirius actually cared about what happened to him and the weight was bearing down so heavily upon him that he found he could barely breathe.

He felt a gentle hand grasp his chin, forcing him to stare into his godfather's face once more. All traces of anger were gone as his face was wrinkled with worry, hurt, and disappointment. Harry couldn't decide which was worse.

Sirius took in his godson's expression and fought the urge to offer any sort of apology- nothing could be any more counterproductive than that. Besides if he was being entirely truthful with himself, the kid deserved a whole lot more than that.

"I won't tell you that I don't understand why you did it, because I do." Sirius said quietly. "I would have done the same thing if I was in your position. You're more like your old godfather than I thought." Sirius said with a small sad smile and Harry wished he could return it.

"Why didn't you just come and talk to me?" He asked quietly.

Harry merely shrugged but after catching sight of his godfather's face he knew that wasn't an acceptable response.

Harry sighed softly through his nose. "I don't know. I was too upset and just didn't think about it I guess." It was a lame excuse but he couldn't think of what else to say.

Sirius gave him a half hearted glare. "That much is obvious and if there's ever a next time- I don't care what the reason is- you'll come to me. Are we clear on that Harry James?" He asked as he gave Harry's chin a firm shake.

Harry swallowed thickly. "Yes sir." He said in a voice no louder than a whisper.

For the longest while they listened only to the soft sounds of the night around them. The rain had long ago stopped falling, and at that moment Sirius was quite sure that it had only been for him that it rained earlier as he searched for that brat of a godson of his. He brought him in for another hug as he laid his cheek atop Harry's unruly hair, breathing in his godson's familiar aroma. Merlin how he loved this kid, and how he was sure to be the death of him.

A moment later he felt Harry mumble something quite unintelligible. He leaned back slightly. "What was that?" he asked.

"You're not still terribly upset with me, are you?" Harry asked softly, quite aware that he was sounding like a young child.

"No, not really." he replied just as softly. "I was incredibly worried more than anything." Even as he said it, he knew in his right mind that he very well ought to be, but he couldn't make himself be for some odd reason.

"I'm sorry," Harry said, taking in his godfather's comfort. "I really didn't mean it. I wasn't thinking."

Sirius sighed as he considered this for a moment. They both knew that Harry had meant to; the kid apparently had it all planned since he returned back at Grimmauld Place after his trial.

"I know. I know you didn't, and it's all over with- for now anyways. Just _please_, don't ever do anything like this again, Harry. You frightened me out of my mind. "

"I won't. I promise." Harry said seriously.

"Good. I'll hold you to that." Sirius mumbled, hugging him closer to his chest before releasing him. "Now come on, let's head on back. The others must be worried sick. Give me your cloak, yeah? So I can keep under it."

Harry handed his cloak over, unable to help the grimace that overcame his face as he could only imagine what Remus and Mrs. Weasley would have to say once they returned. He didn't honestly care- not really. He just didn't feel like being shouted at in front of everyone. He already felt as though Dumbledore's actions had already caused him enough suffering to last a lifetime.

"Hey." Sirius quipped softly, nudging his chin. "Don't worry, alright? Everything will be fine, I promise you."

"They're going to be mad." Harry pointed out as his godfather reached down to gather Hedwig.

"Oh definitely." Sirius replied, glancing up at him. "But neither of them are your guardian so it doesn't really matter does it?"

Before Harry had a chance to reply, he draped an arm around his shoulders, his other hand carrying Hedwig as he began leading them back to the house.

* * *

If Harry thought his godfather seemed upset that was nothing compared to how Mrs. Weasley was. Merlin, he didn't know someone could yell that loudly. His only consolation was that Remus hadn't done or said anything, except to hug him the minute he walked through the door. He was standing over by Sirius who both were deep in conversation about something, though he could tell that Sirius was keeping a close eye on the woman who had deemed it her mission to make him go deaf before the night was over.

Before they had arrived Sirius had informed him that he was going to make no move to stop anyone from saying anything. He had worried all of them so he was going to answer to them as well, Sirius told him. Harry found that a bit unfair, but after a particularly hard look from the man he thought it wise not to argue.

After the initial shock wore off, during which he had been hugged and slapped more times then he cared to admit he found his friends standing beside the banister, smirking madly as Harry suffered the brunt end of Molly's displeasure.

Finally after what seemed like hours Sirius figured he must have suffered enough and took pity on him. "Straight up to bed with you." He said firmly. Harry had never felt more grateful to be ordered to bed.

"That's all you have to say?" Molly screeched. "If he were my son he'd be getting nothing less than a good smacking."

Harry blushed furiously at the threat and couldn't help but send his godfather a searching look. "Molly that's enough." Sirius told her firmly. "I know he worried you- he worried all of us- but you've had more than your say, so drop it. He's not your godson and unless we hear otherwise you really have no right to be giving the orders around here."

She pursed her lips until they turned white but seemed to have realized that she had lost this round. Harry looked round at all of them and felt his guilt increase tenfold. He felt like such an arse for worrying them all. They had tried to talk him out of it but he hadn't listened and he was determined to get back in their good graces before they left.

Part of him figured he owed Mrs. Weasley another apology because even though she wasn't his mother she still had been there for him and treated him like one of her own, making him feel even worse if it was at all possible.

The other more sensible part of him knew it would be in his best interests to obey the pressure on his back as Sirius tried to send him off to bed.

The twins, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny followed behind as Molly sent them off to bed as well. None of them thought it wise to argue with her.

He sent Sirius a questioning look but his godfather merely smiled back and gave him an encouraging nod. Harry tried to return it but it came out as a grimace.

Harry found it nearly impossible to sleep that night. While he was glad to be back he couldn't help but worry about what would happen now. He settled for the realization that Sirius had to be the most stubborn man he had ever met and he knew that he would stop at nothing to make sure that Harry stayed safe and with him. The thought gave him comfort as he finally nodded off into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

**Some of you may be upset that I didn't have Sirius and Harry run off into the night, leaving everything and everyone behind. But, I wanted to plan it better. Sirius is trying really hard to make an effort to be a responsible guardian for Harry and I wanted them to have the chance to think through it better before just acting on the spot. Sirius will have the chance to be able to care for his godson when they run off; he'll have money and won't have to rely on others to take care of them. No, I'll still have them run away because I can't honestly see them staying there, but just not yet. It's coming though so just sit tight. Thanks for all the reviews :)**


	5. Chapter 5

A bead of sweat trickled down Harry's face while he slept; tossing and turning as the scenes flashed across his mind. He had been plagued by nightmares ever since he had arrived at the Dursleys and he usually woke up screaming almost every night. He'd always pay for it the next day.

They were usually always the same; a green flash and Cedric lied dead beside him... being tied to the tombstone watching in horror as Voldemort arose from the cauldron. But for some reason this one was different. However, no matter how the dreams differed he knew that for as long as he lived he would never forget those glowing red eyes.

_He was running through a maze that never seemed to end as he chased after Cedric's voice that was echoing in his ears, begging for his help. Harry ran and ran until he couldn't breathe due to the stitch in his side. No matter how far he ran he never seemed to get any closer and Cedric's voice was getting louder and louder- growing more desperate._

_He wanted to shout out and tell Cedric that he was on his way, but the words were stuck in his throat. Somewhere there was a green light and Cedric's voice died away._

_He couldn't have been late. Any minute now he was going to reach Cedric and find that he was alright... any minute now..._

_A chill ran down his spine as he sensed more than heard someone close by. He slowly turned his head but he could not see anyone through the dense fog. There was a high cackling laugh and Harry felt his heart race. He felt around for his wand but it was nowhere to be found. He was powerless._

_The fog was now so thick he couldn't see in front of him and had no idea which way to go. The hedges seemed to be closing in on him until he could hardly move and then he was falling into darkness._

_He landed on something hard and fought to get to his feet, but it was impossible. The cackling was growing higher and louder as it neared him and Cedric's voice was back. There were figures in the distance but he couldn't make out who they were._

"_Why Harry?" Cedric's voice called out. "Why didn't you save me? Why did you leave me to die?"_

"_No, I didn't!" Harry tried to respond, but it came out all muffled._

_The figures were moving closer and still Harry fought uselessly to move to try and defend himself._

"_You made me take the cup with you." Cedric's voice said fiercely. "If it wasn't for you I'd be alive right now."_

"_No, I'm sorry!"_

"You _should have been the one to die! They wanted_you!"

_Harry closed his eyes, wanting nothing more than to wake up and find that this was nothing more than a dream, but when he squinted all he saw was the darkness. The figures were gone but he could still hear them._

"_You should have been the one to die, Harry! It's your fault I'm dead!"_

_Harry knew what was happening even before it did. A familiar chill ran through his body as he waited to hear his mother's last words as she shielded him from Voldemort, but they never came._

_The darkness was caving in on him and he felt as if he was falling again but he knew he hadn't moved an inch._

_Something cold touched his cheek and pain like he had never felt before erupted in his scar. He screamed and writhed but it was useless._

"_Bow to death, Harry," a cold voice whispered in his ear, sending chills down his spine. "It will be over quick... it might even be painless... of course I would never know- I have never died."_

"_No." Harry groaned, but even as he said it he knew there was nothing he could do. He was going to die- alone and powerless. He saw the figure raise its arm and saw the outline of something long that he brandished like a sword._

"_Say hello to your dear mudblood mother for me Harry."_

_He never heard the words, but in a flash of green light he saw the reflection of Voldemort's glowing red eyes._

"NO!" Harry screamed. "NO! CEDRIC! DON'T KILL HIM!"

Someone stumbled forward in the darkness over to where Harry was. They hesitated only a second before grasping his shoulders and shaking him.

"Harry! Harry, wake up!" They yelled.

"No. Mum, he's going to kill me!" Harry moaned, quite unaware that someone was there.

"Harry, wake up! Please, wake up!" They said desperately.

"NO, GET AWAY FROM ME!"

"Harry, it's me. It's Ron!" But still, Harry continued to flail. Ron was unsure of what he should do. They had been sharing a room for the past few weeks and every once in awhile he would wake up to Harry's screams, but they had been nothing like this before, and he wasn't sure of how to free his friend from the state he was in.

He jerked his head around when he heard the door open and through the darkness he was able to barely make out the forms of Hermione, Ginny, and the twins.

"What's going on?" Hermione asked worriedly, her eyes wide and fearful as she took in the scene before her.

"What do you think is going on?" Ron snapped. "He's having a nightmare and I can't wake him up! Someone come help me! Not you!" he groused as his sister stepped forward. "You'll be lucky if he doesn't hurt you the way he's flailing around."

"I'm perfectly capable of handling myself, Ron." Ginny snapped, but she stayed back. The sight nearly scared her. "Someone needs to go wake mum and dad!"

"No way; mum would just baby him. Go get Sirius or Remus." Fred said as he and George moved over to help Ron.

Hermione and Ginny wasted no time in hurrying out of the room. Harry's screams were growing louder in their ears, making them feel as though they might be sick.

In less than thirty seconds Sirius barreled into the room, Remus hot on his heels. Sirius made his way to the bed. "Come on guys, move over!" he snapped. "Remus, turn on the damn light will you before I give him a heart attack!"

The light nearly blinded them and as they saw the state Harry was in more clearly they wanted nothing more to turn the lights back off. Harry was laying in a puddle of his own sweat, tears were pouring down his face, and he had the look of someone who had just kissed death_._

"Harry, wake up for me!" Sirius said, giving him a rough shake. "Come on, kid!"

"Sirius, if you shake him any harder you're going to bruise him!" Remus said in a loud voice in an effort to be heard over Harry's screams.

That much was true. Harry had always been skinny for his age, but Sirius could feel his bones nearly protesting from his harsh grip. Keeping a firm grasp on one arm, he reached inside his pocket and pulled out his wand and waved it over Harry. At first he thought it hadn't worked, but slowly but surely the screams were dying away and he stopped wriggling. He was breathing shallowly and silent tears were still streaming from his tightly closed eyes.

"Harry, open your eyes now." Sirius said quietly, so as to not frighten his godson. "Come on kid, open 'em for me."

That voice. He knew that voice. Unlike the one from his dream it was warm and gentle. He felt someone gently caressing his cheek and was unable to stop the shiver that ran through his body.

"Easy now, it's me." Sirius whispered softly. "It's Sirius."

He was still stuck in his nightmarish state and was unwilling to open his eyes as he didn't want the darkness to overcome him, or see the figures in the distance, or the flash of green light as it hurtled towards him. But somewhere in the back of his mind he knew- that at least for right now- he was safe.

Hesitantly, he squinted his eyes open and was able to make out the curly locks of shoulder length hair that could only belong to one person.

"Sirius?" he whispered through strangled chords.

Sirius sighed in relief as he gave Harry a warm smile. "Yeah, it's me. You're alright now."

Harry raised a hand to wipe at his grimy face. His eyes were blurred and he desperately hoped it was nothing more than sweat. In the distance he could make out his friends' frightened faces and Remus' worried expression. He couldn't believe he had woken them up and now they all were staring at him as though he was some sort of freak.

He wanted nothing more than to hide underneath the covers for the rest of his life and pretend that none of this had happened. He felt like such a baby. But Sirius was there, still wiping away the last traces of his tears and sweat, and he felt the last visages of terror slowly ebb away under his godfather's gentle touch.

"Come on, let's go get you something to drink." Sirius said softly. Harry allowed him to help untangle the blankets that were twisted around his body and pull the covers back. He felt a cool breeze on his back as Sirius helped him out of bed, putting a gentle hand on his shoulder as he led him slowly from the room. Harry tried to give them a small smile as he passed to somehow let them know that he was alright, but it seemed trapped inside.

Sirius guided him down the stairs and he was unable to feel the least bit embarrassed as he leaned heavily onto the man. As Sirius pushed the kitchen door open Harry found that they were not alone. Arthur was sitting at the table and Molly was waiting anxiously for them by the door. They both looked exhausted but it was clear that they weren't going to be able to sleep until they knew he was alright.

"Oh, Harry, dear." she said as they entered. "I'm so sorry. We heard you screaming and wanted to help, but Arthur was sure that you were well taken care of." She threw her husband a glare, but Harry felt grateful to the man. The last thing he wanted was to be coddled like a baby.

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked worriedly as she approached him. "Would you like something to help you sleep? Maybe a warm bath? I could go right up and fix you one; it wouldn't be any trouble."

Harry opened his mouth to say something, but Sirius beat him to it. "That's quite alright Molly. I think I can take it from here." Although he didn't sound _too_annoyed, Harry was still able to make out the slight dismissal in his tone. Molly must have picked up on it as well, because she eyed him coldly. He always hated to be the one that they argued over, but he couldn't help but feel oddly warm inside to know that they both cared about him so much. However, he was grateful when the others left, leaving him and Sirius alone once more.

"Here, take a seat, and I'll fix you something to drink." Harry knew that he could have made his way to a chair by himself if left to his own devices, but he still felt cold and a bit feverish so he allowed Sirius to help him.

He was mortified to find that he couldn't stop shaking. It was just because it was cold, he told himself firmly. It has absolutely nothing to do with the nightmare. And he believed that... almost.

He watched as Sirius rummaged through his cupboards and pulled out two cups. He could make out the scent of melting chocolate as it wafted through the air and felt his stomach nearly churn. It seemed almost a lifetime ago that he had eaten food of any kind and he wasn't sure how it would settle on his stomach.

Sirius turned off the stove and poured them both a glass of refreshing hot chocolate, making sure that Harry's was a little more full than his. He offered Harry a gentle smile as he placed the cup in front of him, purposefully ignoring the shiver his godson gave as he reached forward. They sat in silence for awhile as Sirius wasn't going to say anything until Harry was significantly calmer, though he kept an attentive eye on the kid.

Harry hadn't looked at him once since he had joined him at the table and he knew it was mainly because of embarrassment. After fifteen more minutes he had calmed down immensely, though he was still shivering occasionally.

"I haven't poisoned it you know." Sirius said softly once he noticed that Harry still hadn't touched his drink, but rather continued to run his finger around the rim of it with a far off look in his eyes, clearly unaware that he was doing so.

Harry glanced up at him fleetingly before staring back down at the table. He had quite forgotten it was there to be honest as he had been too focused on his thoughts. "Sorry," Harry mumbled quietly. "I'm just not really thirsty right now."

"That's fine." Sirius said softly. "It'll be there if you want it." Harry gave a small nod. The first question that came to Sirius' mind was 'Are you alright?' But it was quite obvious that he wasn't. It was clear that whatever had happened had deeply shaken him. He knew he would have sat there in silence for as long as Harry wanted him to, but the deadened look in his godson's eyes was greatly affecting him and he hoped that Harry would be willing to talk soon so they could straighten this out.

"I'm sorry." Harry glanced up at him.

"Whatever for?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

Harry shrugged. "You were probably asleep. I didn't mean to wake you."

"Oh Harry, don't worry about that." Sirius sighed. "To tell you the truth I wasn't sleeping all that well anyways. I was too busy thinking about other things to even think about going to sleep."

Harry didn't think it was even possible, but he felt ten times worse than he had previously. No doubt his godfather had been thinking of what had happened not twenty-four hours ago. He hadn't even thought how his running away would affect the man; he had been too caught up with his own feelings. He felt truly horrid that it was because of him his godfather was losing sleep.

Harry wanted to apologize but the words wouldn't come. He opted for listening to the quiet tick of the clock as the minutes passed by slowly. It was almost three fifteen he noticed as he squinted. He eyes still stung a bit from tears and sweat but he found he didn't care.

Sirius looked as though he would like nothing more than to head on up to bed. Despite his godfather's words, he couldn't help but feel guilty for keeping the man awake with him. But Sirius didn't seem to mind- quite the contrary. He looked as though he would gladly stay up with him for as long as he wanted and Harry felt a sense of deep affection for the man surge through him.

"You're starting to get a bit more color in your face." Sirius remarked. "Are you feeling any better?"

"I think so." Harry muttered. "At least a bit. I'd probably feel loads better if I could actually get some decent sleep for once."

"How long have you been having nightmares?" Sirius asked quietly. It may have been too personal a question, but Sirius was determined to have a completely open relationship with his godson, and he wanted Harry to know that he could talk to him about anything without the fear of feeling embarrassed.

Harry flushed. The last thing he wanted was for people to know about his nightmares. He could only imagine trying to sleep while they stood near his bed waiting until he started to scream. He might have laughed at the absurdity of the idea if the dream wasn't still fresh in his mind.

"You don't have to tell me." Sirius said after a moment when he had noticed the kid's hesitation. "But I'll be here whenever you want to talk about it alright? I don't care what time it is."

Harry gave him the tiniest of smiles, feeling the tension slowly begin to melt away. "If it's alright I think I'll try and get some more sleep." he finally muttered.

"That's fine. Why don't you stay here and drink a bit of your chocolate before it goes cold and I'll draw you a bath. You'd be surprised at how well it helps you sleep."

As Sirius stood up from the chair Harry felt his ears and neck grow warm from embarrassment. "That's okay." He stuttered. "Really. I can do it myself."

Sirius quirked an eyebrow. "I've no doubt that you can but you're exhausted and this way it'll be ready for you once you're done. So finish your drink and don't argue."

Harry would have given anything to evaporate on the spot but the tone of his godfather's voice was just daring him to complain.

* * *

Sirius had made the temperature just right and Harry felt his muscles begin to relax as he sat in the warm water. Feeling himself grow more tired as the minutes passed by, he forced himself out of the tub before he fell asleep. Redressing, he made his way back to his bed only to find that the sheets had been changed. The warming spell that Sirius had placed on the bed would have been enough to make anyone fall right to sleep but no matter how hard he tried sleep would not overcome him.

Even now his scar was still throbbing painfully from the aftereffects of the dream, but he supposed this was something he would have to get used to now that Voldemort was back.

The first thing that he had noticed when he had re-entered the room was that Ron had lost no time in going back to sleep. He was glad that he was the only one awake at the moment. He didn't think he could stand to talk about what had happened right now. It would only lead to uncomfortable questions and the last thing he wanted was to see Ron's frightened and concerned expression; making him feel even more embarrassed if at all possible.

He couldn't understand why he was still having those dreams as it had been over a month since the third task. The twins would most likely try and make a joke out of it; trying to help him forget about it.

He nearly laughed when he imagined what Hermione would have to say about it. She'd fret over it, then offer her 'words of wisdom' and if all else failed... go to the library.

He couldn't speak to Ginny about it... he wouldn't; she'd most likely blow him off or else glare at him which seemed to be her favorite past-time now for which he couldn't understand.

The last person he'd go to was Mrs. Weasley as the last thing he wanted was to be fussed over like a freaking toddler.

There was no one to talk to... not really.

He thought about going to Sirius once or twice but he dismissed the idea quite quickly. The man had undoubtedly gone back to bed and Harry didn't want to wake him just to talk about his dream. He knew his godfather cared for him but that's not what he needed to deal with at the moment- an emotional teenager with a target on his back that woke up every night screaming in terror.

The alarm clock read three forty-two but Harry felt more energized than he had all day. This usually happened after he woke himself up and if you added the whole situation with Dumbledore... he was surprised he was still able to stand straight.

After what felt like a year but in reality was only ten minutes he made his way to the bathroom, turning on the faucet as he splashed cold water on his face. He stood there allowing the water to drip off his chin as he stared at himself in the mirror. Through his blood shot eyes he noticed that his face was still frightfully white, but he could see a hint of red tinge his cheeks. He looked and felt completely miserable.

He could still hear Ron snoring softly from the next room; completely and blissfully unaware of what was going on and that Harry stood in the middle of the bathroom trying to make sense of it all. The idea of getting back under the warm blankets and sleeping until noon sounded like a dream come true, but he knew from experience that it would be useless to even try and get back to sleep. At the Dursleys he would always stare out the window as he waited impatiently for the sun to rise so his day could begin. He would rather do chores all day everyday than torment himself with thoughts of Cedric.

This night was no different. He perched himself on the window sill; watching on jealousy as he saw cars drive by, most likely headed back to their cozy homes after a long night at work. If they were like his uncle they'd sit themselves in front of the TV with a beer in their hands, kick off their shoes and relax; not having to worry themselves about anything but what stupid show they were going to watch.

He leaned forward and let his forehead fall onto the cold window as he sighed softly through his nose. It was at times like these when he really hated being who he was. No one else alive had to worry about scars on their heads, or how they were supposed to learn how to survive when all the odds were against them. Yes, he knew he wasn't the only one that had been affected by Voldemort but he didn't think there was one person who could deny that out of everyone in the entire Wizarding world there was no one that Voldemort wished to destroy more than him.

For hours he sat looking out the window as his mind was overridden by thoughts and memories when he saw the first rays of sunshine begin to intrude. After a while morning dew started to collect along the edge of the window and he could see it shining off the grass and the bushes. He could hear the soft chirps of birds as they slowly emerged from their nests and went out to explore what the new day had in store for them. If- for a moment only- he could be like the birds; no responsibilities, no worries... free.

He heard the slight creak of bed-springs as Ron rolled over, waiting a moment or two before giving an almost tortured groan as he forced himself out from beneath the comfort of the covers. At least _one_of them looked well rested. He had been awake for hours and he was sure he must look absolutely horrible.

"Merlin, mate," Ron gaped in surprise as he caught sight of Harry. "You seriously look like crap. Not even dog crap more like... hippogriff crap."

Harry let out a snort of laughter, happy to see that Ron had enough tact and sympathy to know that Harry didn't wish to discuss the events from the night before. The bathroom door had just snapped shut when the bedroom door opened to reveal Hermione. She hesitated a moment before entering. Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes when it was apparent that she wasn't going to be like Ron.

"How are you?" she asked a bit worriedly. "Do you feel alright? You look-"

"Like crap." Harry finished for her. "Hippogriff crap apparently." He smirked as he heard a muffled laugh through the bathroom door. "Ron's input, not mine." he said shrugging at her raised eyebrow.

Hermione rolled her eyes but Harry could see a hint of poorly hidden amusement on her face. She was still concerned about the state of her friend but she must have realized that he was desperately wanting to overlook the incident and she decided it would be best for all of them if she dropped it. "Anyways, breakfast is ready so if you're wanting to get anything to eat you'd best go down now before you know who has a chance to eat it all." she said, jerking her head towards the bathroom door.

"I'm not very hungry actually." Harry told her. "Don't look at me like that, Hermione." he groused when he saw that look on her face- that look that practically screamed _Mrs. Weasley. _Honestly, he didn't need _two_women fussing over him like he was made of porcelain.

He saw a streak of red and they were soon joined by Ginny. For some strange reason Harry felt a great desire to slam the door in her face. "You're going to have to wait." she said haughtily. "They're in the kitchen having a 'meeting' and mum says we're supposed to stay up here until they're done."

"What are they talking about?" Harry asked, though he already knew the answer to _that_question.

"_You _of course," she grumbled. "What else?"

As always, Harry thought angrily. He really wished everyone would stop talking about him when he wasn't around. It was his life after all; his complicated, messed up life that nobody besides him had to live every day. You think the least they could do was be kind enough to include him in on their meetings. He could only imagine what they were discussing.

Mrs. Weasley was probably fretting over him like some mother hen as she always did. Remus was probably trying to keep everything in order and trying to keep Mrs. Weasley and Sirius from jumping down each other's throats. The only consolation he could think of was that his godfather was refusing to discuss anything about him until he joined them. After all it was Sirius who had said that Harry ought to be allowed to listen in on their meetings that had to do with him. Mrs. Weasley and Remus were most likely against the idea, thinking him to be much too young, but the only opinion he cared about was that of his godfather. It was high time the others belted up and allowed Sirius to be the guardian his parents had wanted him to be.

"Where are you going?" Hermione asked just as Ron re-entered the room.

"They're discussing _me_, aren't they?" Harry told her already making his way to the door. "I should be there don't you think?"

"Good luck." Ginny snorted. "Fred and George have been trying to get in on their conversations all summer."

Harry ignored her and made his way out the room and down the steps; the others waited no time in following him.

Unsurprisingly he found Fred and George standing outside the door with the extendable ear pressed against the door. Harry offered them an all too pleasant smile before pushing past them and strolling casually into the kitchen. It was more than obvious that he had intruded upon something important. Mrs. Weasley was bearing down on Sirius like a lion getting ready to pounce, but he merely sat there looking at her blankly, but even still Harry knew there was only so much more his godfather would take before he finally snapped. He was surprised that the man had lasted this long in all honesty. The others looked as though they wanted nothing more than to leave and Harry couldn't really blame them.

Everyone besides Mrs. Weasley and Sirius greeted him warmly with smiles. Tonks waggled in her eyebrows in Mrs. Weasley's direction and rolled her eyes. Harry couldn't help but agree.

"Harry, dear, you are still too pale for my liking." Molly fretted as she approached him. "You should go up to bed for a few more hours and then come down for breakfast." He heard Sirius clear his throat loudly but Mrs. Weasley pretended she hadn't heard. "Out!" She snapped when she noticed the others in the doorway. "You know perfectly well that we're having a meeting down here. I'll call you down later when we're through."

"Well that's rubbish." Ron snapped, ignoring his father's slightly disapproving look. "If Harry's staying down here then we are too!"

"Harry isn't staying down here," she said firmly. "He's going to go back upstairs along with you lot and get some more rest and so help you if you wake him."

"Actually I don't recall _Harry _saying anything about leaving." Harry cut in with a small glare at her. "I also don't remember _Harry _saying anything about going back to sleep. In fact I do believe _Harry _wants to have breakfast and be a part of this 'meeting.'" He wasn't hungry at all, but just to make his point he grabbed an apple from the counter and plunked himself down beside his godfather, offering the man a big toothy grin before taking a bit of his apple.

Sirius smirked as he leaned back in his chair, smiling smugly at Molly when he heard her sputtered protests. "Back off, Molly." he cut her off sharply before she had a chance to say something. "I've already told you that I wasn't willing to discuss anything until he was here. So now that _that's _taken care of we can begin. Come and join us," he gestured to the kids who were standing in the entryway looking quite stunned. "There's more than enough food."

"Alright, Harry can stay," she said in an exasperated tone. "But the rest of them leave. This has nothing to do with them."

"Oh shut up, mum." Fred said with a smile. "Sirius told us to stay and you always told us to mind our elders."

Overlooking the slight guilt that had erupted inside, Harry found himself looking quite pleased as they all made their way around her to join him at the table; leaving Mrs. Weasley gaping in shock as though she were a dying fish.

In regards to their previous meals, this one was quite happy and enjoyable. Harry could be heard laughing the loudest as he and Ron listened to Remus tell them about all the sorts of trouble the marauders had gotten into during their years at school. Sirius was talking with Fred and George, looking like a child at Christmas as they talked about ideas for new jokes. Tonks was entertaining Ginny and Hermione by changing her appearance and once or twice Harry found Ginny staring at him, though she quickly looked away, a red glow tinting her cheeks whenever he looked at her.

_Girls were so bloody confusing, _he thought highly annoyed, though dismissed all thoughts of Ginny Weasley from his mind. The day was already going well and he had no desire to ruin it.

In Harry's opinion breakfast had ended much too soon, though he found himself growing anxious at their upcoming discussion; the first that he was going to be a part of. After much protesting and threatening the others reluctantly left the kitchen, though Harry knew they hadn't really left as they were fighting to listen in on the conversation. He was a bit surprised that Mrs. Weasley hadn't placed a silencing charm on the room, though with the excitement clearly visible on her face he knew that the thought hadn't even dawned on her.

"Harry, dear," she started in a sickly sweet voice. "Arthur and I were talking last night." He saw Mr. Weasley shuffle in his seat and knew that he had probably had no say in the matter. "You really frightened us with that little stunt you pulled. You could have been killed- no wand and absolutely no way to defend yourself!"

"Excuse me." Sirius interjected. "I'm sorry but when did this become a lecture?"

"When he so foolishly decided to risk his life that's when." She snapped.

Sirius let out a small chuckle. "Why Harry I do believe she's become your mother all of a sudden. I can't think of any other reason why she'd be lecturing you when she knows perfectly well that we had already discussed this last night before we returned. Oh but wait..." he said with a calculating look on his face. "She looks nothing like your mother does she? Either Lily didn't really die or else she's been brought back to life. Now I don't really think that either of those choices are possible so..." he let out a gasp of surprise. "She must not be your mother after all."

"You are behaving like a child Sirius." She snapped.

"I believe that I'm entitled to behave anyway I want seeing as how this is _my _house." He said in a low voice as he slowly rose from his seat. "In case you haven't noticed Molly this is the _Ancient and Most Noble House of _Black- not _Weasley,_so I'll thank you for not giving the orders around here. Harry and I have talked and he realizes what he's done wrong and I don't see any reason to bring it up anymore."

"You obviously haven't handled it like you should have then." She said crossing her arms, looking down on him like one would a small child.

"What was I supposed to do Molly?" Sirius yelled. "Throw him over my knee and spank him like a bloody four year old?"

Harry blushed brilliantly and really wished that the floor would just swallow him up. He couldn't believe what his godfather was suggesting... and in front of people no less. Remus caught his eye and gave him a sympathetic smile which did nothing to ease Harry's embarrassment- in fact it may have made it even worse.

"That may be fine for _you _Molly, but I don't _hit _kids- especially not someone who is fifteen years old; that's not my territory."

"Well it should be obviously. Maybe if you acted the part you wish to play _well _Harry would have seen no reason to run away and we wouldn't be here having this discussion."

"Oh, so it's _my _fault is it?" Sirius roared, his face reddening as anger overcame him. "I'm sorry but who's the one who didn't want him to have any part of our discussions? Who's the one who wanted to coddle him all the time when it was more than clear to _everyone else _that that's the _last _thing he wanted?"

"As I've said before Sirius, there is absolutely nothing wrong with showing a little motherly concern every once in awhile." She said with a hint of finality in her tone as she waved away his words. "Now, Arthur and I have talked and we _both_-" she shot Arthur a pointed look "agreed that Harry needed someone who could care for him better. After all, we wouldn't want this to happen again now would we?"

"You really are a stupid woman aren't you?" Sirius scoffed. "As I've said before we have talked and Harry has assured me that it won't happen again."

"Yes, that's all fine. But what about the next time he gets upset?" Molly countered. "He needs discipline Sirius. He needs a guardian who can lay down the law every once in awhile instead of joking around with him all the time. That is something that _we _can offer him."

The silence seemed entirely too loud in Harry's ears; he really wished the room would stop spinning so he could try and wrap his mind around what he was hearing. Sirius looked stunned for only a moment before he started in on her. Harry didn't hear all that was said as his head felt much too muddled to make sense of anything right then.

No one besides him saw Remus and Tonks make a swift exit, clearly thinking that this was a conversation they had no part in. Harry wished he could have gone with them but his legs seemed to have stopped working all of a sudden. He knew exactly what Mrs. Weasley was proposing and he couldn't remember ever feeling more disgusted in his entire life. How could she even _think _about adopting him- especially when she still had four other children at home; children who barely even got her attention in the first place?

Didn't she realize that the only thing Harry wanted was to be with his godfather? _Of course she knows,_he thought angrily. _She just doesn't give a damn. She only wants what _she _wants and no one else had better try to contradict her or else there would be hell to pay. It's happening right now._

_Enough of _this _rubbish_.

"Stop it!" He shouted, jumping up from his chair, taking the both of them by surprise. "_Both _of you!" He purposefully ignored the shocked look on his godfather's face as he stared determinedly at Molly . "Oh, yes I _know _Mrs. Weasley; _Harry dear, it's not polite to yell. Go upstairs now and think about what you've done and once you've calmed down you can come back and join us. Oh, and then I think I'll fix you something to eat; you're far too skinny for my liking._"

Surprise was evident on all their faces; he himself couldn't believe what he was saying... after everything Mrs. Weasley had done for him. But he found he didn't care. He had never felt so angry, hurt, and betrayed in all his life. Anger was coursing through him with every breath he took.

"You care for me Mrs. Weasley, I get that, and don't get me wrong I appreciate it. But the truth of the matter is you're _not _my mother and I'd really like it if you'd stop trying to act like it. _Sirius _is the one my parents chose to look after me should anything happen to them- not _you. _And despite what you seem to believe I think he's doing a fantastic job at what he's doing. He may not have much experience but the thing is neither do I but I'm more than sure that we'll figure it out together, but you don't even want to give us that chance."

"But Harry," she said, overcoming the shock and hurt at hearing his words. "We've been parents for years. Wouldn't you like someone who has more experience? We could adopt you and you'd have two parents who absolutely adore you and not to mention six brothers and a sister- a _real _family. Doesn't that sound nice?"

"Don't you understand?!" He bellowed. "I'm not going with you; I absolutely refuse! Even if you _did _manage to get custody you can bet I'd run away the first chance I get. You don't get it do you? I _want _to stay with Sirius, Mrs. Weasley; I _need _to. _He's _my family; the only family I've got left. But you don't care do you? All you care about is what _you _want. Well I'm sorry, but this is something that you can't have so you can just stop wasting your breath and forget about it."

He was aware that both Mr. Weasley and Sirius were staring at him and he couldn't help but think that Sirius was enjoying every moment of it but he had eyes for only Mrs. Weasley. It absolutely hurt him to say the things he was, but he couldn't deny that she didn't have it coming to her. Ever since she had met Sirius she had treated him terribly; even when he had offered her room at his house. He was the last remainder of the family he once had had and the idea of living with him after all those years apart... he finally felt as though the life and family he had lost in Godric's Hollow was- in some small way- returning to him. He was only sorry the others couldn't understand that.

Despite what Mrs. Weasley believed, his godfather _was _a good person... a better person than she could ever hope to be.

There was so much he wanted to say to her, but words failed him as he took in her expression and he couldn't help but feel disgusted with himself. Oddly enough he also felt quite justified in getting back at her for treating his godfather so terribly. However, he knew it didn't even come close, but he couldn't force himself to take it any further.

They could fight it out some more if they wished and Harry hoped Sirius would- if for no other reason than to put Mrs. Weasley in her place.

He didn't spare either of them a glance as he made his way out of the kitchen, pushing past the others as they nearly tripped over one another to get out of the way. His stomach coiled within itself as he heard loud shouting come from the kitchen, but once he realized it was coming from his godfather he couldn't help but give a small relieved smile.

He felt a great desire to run back downstairs and apologize to Mrs. Weasley, but at the same time he never wanted to see her again for the rest of his life. He meant every single word he had said and when the words tumbled out of his mouth he felt as though a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders. But...had he been right to do it? She had deserved it for sure but that didn't stop the terrible ache that had settled in the pit of his stomach.

How was it possible that such a great morning had turned out so rotten?

He sat on the bed, waiting for the moment when Ron would return and when he did he looked more angry than Harry had ever seen him. Avoiding Harry's gaze he passed over to his side of the room and started to gather things up. Harry jumped up from the bed when he saw Ron's suitcase lying open beside him.

"Where do you think you're going?" Harry asked in a slightly accusing tone.

"Home." Ron said simply, though there was no hiding the fury that masked his tone.

"Home?" Harry parroted.

"_Yes, _home. Oh, I'm sorry, how silly of me." Ron said giving a small laugh. "It's quite obvious you don't know the meaning of the word do you?"

Harry felt as though he had been slapped in the face. "What on earth are you talking about?" he asked, fighting to keep his tone even.

Ron stood up rigidly from where he had been gathering things from underneath the bed and turned to face Harry. Ron's face was as red as his hair and was quickly bordering on purple. He had seen that look only on one other person's face and it never boded well for him. "You don't even care that you hurt my mother's feelings do you or that you upset her so badly she decided it was time for us to leave?" he asked. "But I suppose that's alright, isn't it? Just as long as you get what you want."

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Harry groused. "So how about you speak clearly for once in your life? If that's possible of course."

Ron threw his books on the ground and took a step towards Harry but Harry didn't bat an eyelash. He stood his ground and looked his friend straight in the eye.

"My family's not good enough for the 'great Harry Potter' is it?" Ron spat. "It must be our clothes or the fact that we don't live in a grand palace."

"Ron I could care less about what you wear or where you live, and if you weren't acting like a bloody prat you'd understand that." Harry snapped. "You want to punch me go right ahead." Harry offered when he saw Ron clench his hands. "I love your family and you damn well know it."

"Apparently you don't or else you wouldn't have said the things you did." Ron snapped back. "Ever since my parents met you all they've done is help you, but it hasn't been enough has it?"

"I'm just an ungrateful git is that it?" Harry bellowed. "I- I should be on my knees _begging _for your parents to take me in and give me a home and a family?"

"It's obvious you need one, isn't it? You've always needed one and when my parents offer you that-"

"CAN YOU STAND THERE AND HONESTLY TELL ME THAT IF SOMEONE JUST CAME UP TO YOU AND WANTED TO TAKE YOU AWAY FROM YOUR PARENTS YOU'D TAKE IT LIKE IT'S NOTHING!"

"NO I WOULDN'T BUT YOU _KNOW _MY PARENTS! AND REALLY SIRIUS ISN'T EVEN YOUR FATHER IS HE? HE'S NOT REALLY EVEN YOUR LEGAL GUARDIAN!"

"YOU'D BETTER LEAVE MY GODFATHER OUT OF THIS!" Harry bellowed, walking until he and Ron were nose to nose.

"OR WHAT? YOU'LL PAY SOMEONE TO HURT ME? IT SHOULDN'T BE HARD TO FIND SOMEONE WITH ALL THAT MONEY YOUR PARENTS LEFT YOU!"

"WHAT IN THE BLOODY BLAZES DOES THIS HAVE TO DO ABOUT MONEY?!"

Neither one of them heard the door to the bedroom open or see the four other people who stood in the doorway watching on in surprise. Two of them held their wands out just in case things started to take a turn for the worst, but it never did. They merely stood nose to nose hurling accusations and threats at each other until finally Harry got fed up with it.

"I've had it. If you're determined to act like a great bloody prick you can just leave. That's what you want isn't it? Can't stand to be in the same room as the 'great Harry Potter."

It was hard to believe that less than an hour ago he and Ron were sitting side by side laughing at the things Remus was telling them. He felt something sharp pierce him in the chest when he saw Ron snap his trunk shut and leave the room without a look back; leaving him with a deep wound that would never be able to fully heal.

He waited for Fred and George or even Ginny to start hurtling hexes at him. But to Harry's surprise, they didn't look angry at all, merely surprised as if they couldn't believe what they had just walked in on. The twins looked as though they wanted to say something, but they and Ginny- like their brother- left without a single word. He was left alone with Hermione who seemed at a loss as to what she should do. Part of him wanted her to stay, but another part wanted nothing more than to scream at her to go away so he could be left alone to his thoughts, dreaming up all the ways in which he could hurt Ron. Hermione must have picked up on this, because she offered him a sad smile before she too left.

A moment later it fully hit him- as if a pile of bricks had been dropped onto his head. Ron was gone... he had left; leaving Harry alone and unsure if their friendship could ever be the same, though not sure if he wanted it to be.

He waited for the moment when Ron would reappear from behind the door but he never did and that's when Harry believed it to be the truth; Ron was gone and wasn't ever coming back.


	6. Chapter 6

**My shortest chapter yet, but I hope you enjoy it all the same :) Thank you guys so much for all the reviews for the last chapter!**

It seemed a miracle that Harry had found himself slowly making his way down to the kitchen.

After Ron and the others had left he had sat on his bed, not able to wrap his mind around the whole thing. It made sense he thought reluctantly when you took in the incident following the Goblet of Fire where he had been chosen as the fourth champion. He inwardly cursed Ron for making his mind drift towards thoughts of the past year when he had- for a short while only- seemed to have forgotten about it as he had been happy surrounded by his friends and family.

He wanted nothing more than to stay in his room and do nothing else for the rest of his life, but not wishing to brood anymore and not willing to give Ron the satisfaction, he hefted himself to his feet; content on spending time with the others who were still here.

He had been halfway expecting to find Hermione down in the kitchen, laughing while Tonks changed her appearance. Tonks had returned but instead of Hermione he saw that she was deep in conversation with Remus. The hurt that had erupted when Ron had left had increased, making it almost unbearable when he realized that Hermione had deserted him too. He would have expected this from Ron...but not her.

Feeling decidedly betrayed, hurt, and more than a little angry he walked in and plunked himself heavily in a chair directly opposite from Remus. He was glad neither of them said anything as he didn't think it was anywhere near impossible to have any sort of discussion that could be considered 'polite'. He had a feeling that the moment he opened his mouth he was going to start yelling at the tops of his lungs or start thinking up new ways in which he could cause Ron as much pain as possible. He really didn't think being sentenced to Azkaban for threatening to kill your former best friend was really worth it.

He heard the sound of wood scraping against wood and glancing up he saw Tonks making her way out of the room, no doubt to give the two of them privacy. She saw her whisper something in Remus' ear before she left. Despite the situation he found himself smirking at the sight of the two of them. He was _so _going to have a fun time with this once everything was squared over with Ron.

He had scanned the room when he had walked in, looking for his godfather and couldn't hide his disappointment when he saw that the man was nowhere to be found. He had been hoping that they could talk about Ron- hoping that whatever he said could somehow quench the terrible ache that threatened to overtake him.

He noticed Remus smiling softly at him but he could not return it. He felt as though happiness would never come to him again.

He knew that if Sirius were here he wouldn't press the issue; he'd just sit and allow Harry to think through it before he was willing to talk. He had known Remus for two years but he wasn't sure if he was anything like Sirius.

But they sat there in silence and after awhile Remus started to leaf through the newspaper though Harry knew that he was willing to listen should Harry want to talk.

The thought alone made him feel better and he was forever grateful that he had the both of them.

"Where's Sirius?" Harry asked, more to give them something to talk about rather than let his mind fill with thoughts of Ron.

"In his father's study." Remus replied. "He's going through his books trying to decide which ones he should take and which ones he should leave."

He sat forward in his chair deeply interested now. "Why? Is he going somewhere?"

"You _two _are going somewhere yes." Remus murmured a bit distractedly.

"Where?" Harry asked a bit annoyed when Remus seemed more interested in his paper than him.

Evidently noticing the boy's impatience Remus closed the paper and placed it back on the table.

"I apologize." He said when Harry's disgruntled expression came into view. "I promise I was listening, but it was clear you weren't wanting to talk so I'd figure I'd give you some space. Anyways, before you were born you're grandparents left your father entitled to everything they had since he was their only child. The Potter's, like the Blacks are a very old very well-known family in the Wizarding World."

"Were they rich?" Harry asked.

Remus snorted in amusement. "You can bet they were. Why do you think James and Lily were so well off before they died? James got everything he wanted. He was... a bit spoiled if you will. Of course one couldn't expect him not to be after growing up in a manor like his."

Harry's eyebrow rose in surprise. "What?" he sputtered. "My family didn't have a manor... did they?"

"Potter Manor to be exact." Remus confirmed with a nod. "However after your parents married they moved to your cottage in Godric's Hollow. But Of course you knew that already."

No, he _didn't _know that. He didn't know anything about... anything! How could it be that a single person had the power to ruin so many lives? He often imagined what life would have been like had it not been for Voldemort... or Dumbledore for that matter. Could it be that they might not have died if they had chosen to stay at Potter Manor? He didn't know much about it but after weeks of being cooped up in Sirius' parent's house he knew that there were certain spells that could be used to protect the house from enemies. They might have needed to have a secret keeper after all... they might have still been alive.

All of a sudden Harry felt quite sick as his mind reeled with all the possibilities and all the 'what-might-have-beens'.

But somehow he had been given a second chance- a chance to live the life he'd always wanted... a chance to have a home and a family.

The house seemed entirely too empty now that everyone was gone. There was no slamming of drawers, no shouting, no glaring, but there was also no laughing and Harry knew he would have given anything just to see Ron's face or the twins mischievous smiles, or even Hermione's annoyed expression.

He had been alone with Remus before and he liked the man quite a bit but for some strange reason he found his company a bit uncomfortable and- if he were being completely honest with himself- not really wanted at the moment. He knew Remus cared for him, but Sirius was more his family than Remus ever would be. He felt awful to admit it but it was the truth. There wasn't that connection between the pair of them that there was with him and Sirius.

Besides, Remus and Tonks looked well on their way to starting a family of their own sometime soon. If ever a man deserved happiness and another shot at life besides Sirius it would be Remus. Both of their lives had been ruined that night so many years ago, but life seemed determined to give them a second chance. He couldn't help but feel that Tonks would be good for him as Harry had noticed that the man seemed generally more happy whenever she was around. But the man was hesitant- a blind man could see that. He knew his condition got in the way of Remus wanting to find love and for some strange reason he felt compelled to try and get them together.

He noticed Remus looking at him oddly and he knew he must look absolutely ridiculous as thoughts of playing matchmaker drifted through his head. He smiled innocently at the man before making his way to the fridge to pour himself a glass of pumpkin juice.

* * *

Lunch had been a quiet affair as it had been only him, Remus, and Tonks at the table. He hadn't seen any sign of his godfather since that morning and Harry found himself longing desperately for the man's company. Remus had said that he was merely in his father's sorting through books but Harry couldn't help but think that there was more to it.

The morning's conversation with the Weasleys ran through his mind over and over again and as he recalled Mrs. Weasley's words he couldn't help but think that they had gotten to Sirius in some way. The anger he had felt towards her increased greatly at that moment when he thought of how his godfather must be feeling.

But he knew Sirius was strong and more than a little stubborn and he knew that even if the words _had_ impacted him he would be hard pressed to admit it. However, no matter how the man felt he wanted him to know that no matter what Mrs. Weasley thought and said that didn't reflect what Harry thought and really that's all that mattered in the end.

After lunch had ended Harry fixed up a plate to take upstairs to Sirius. He had just reached the second landing when he realized that he had no idea where Sirius' father's study was. He heard quiet mumbling coming from down the hall but when he looked he saw that it was only Kreacher slaving away like the poor house elf he was. Ever since he had met Dobby he couldn't help but feel sorry for the poor creatures having to slave away to their master's needs. He was nowhere as bad as Hermione, however, and had no wish to free them as he knew that unlike Dobby most house elves enjoyed their labor.

Kreacher turned from where he was dusting the bookshelf to stare at Harry, his eyes full of loathing and disgust. They stared at each other for a short moment before Kreacher seemed to have gotten enough of him and left the room. As he was walking by he thought he heard the elf mutter something about 'nasty brat' and any sad feelings he harbored for him quickly disappeared.

Harry walked further in to get a better look at the room. With the sunlight streaming through the curtains displaying the many different objects Harry could tell right away that this was not a room that he should be in. It reminded him vaguely of the imposter Moody's classroom when he had been teaching the previous year. However, instead of seeing objects that were used to keep an eye out for enemies these objects looked as though they were designed to cause as much torture as they possibly could.

There were bookshelves lining every side of the room. A wooden desktop was situated at the opposite side of the room and it looked as though it hadn't been opened in years. Papers and books were strewn everywhere.

This, he guessed, must be the study that belonged to Sirius' father. He was just about to leave when something caught his eye. It was sitting in the corner of the room; a small basin with florescent lights streaming around it. He had a feeling that Sirius wouldn't want him to intrude but he had never been especially good with respecting others privacy and for some strange reason he was mesmerized by it.

He recognized it at once for he had seen the exact thing in Dumbledore's office last year. It was a pensieve if he remembered correctly. As he approached it his glasses fogged over with the mist that was coming from it. It took all of his determination not to dwell into it. Dumbledore had told him he used the pensieve every now and then to rid his mind of the unnerving thoughts he often wished to forget and he could only imagine what thoughts of his godfather's could be in there or of Sirius' father. He knew that Sirius' father wasn't a pleasant man just from what little Sirius had told him and if he was anything like his wife it was the understatement of the century.

The memories swirled within the basin and for a moment he thought of somehow transferring everything that had occurred since the Tri-Wizard Tournament into this small bowl, but he hadn't a wand and even if he did he didn't know if he could do it. Those experiences made him who he was... they were a part of him and would be for the rest of his life.

He couldn't believe that the world outside looked so inviting and so peaceful when everything in his life seemed to be going wrong. It was mocking him- reminding him just how awful it was to be who he was.

He shook his head clear of all those thoughts. He normally wasn't so gloomy but ever since the third task that's all he seemed to be doing. He was utterly disgusted with himself as he couldn't seem to think of anything that gave his life meaning. He didn't have a wand and it was more than obvious that Voldemort was going to be able to kill him once and for all. Not much to his life, was there?

Happiness seemed to be but a memory now. Ron was gone and Hermione had left with him. In all his life he had never felt so alone.

He jumped and was quickly pulled from his thoughts as someone cleared their throat loudly from behind him. He knew who it was even before he saw him but that didn't make it any easier to face him, especially when he took in the stern look on his godfather's normally jovial face. Sirius was clearly upset at having found Harry in here poking around and he couldn't blame him. His godfather seemed to have a habit at catching him whenever he thought of going through the man's things.

_Yeah, not the best way to start this whole 'family' thing off, _Harry thought guiltily.

"Come out of there please," Sirius asked softly and Harry wasted no time in obeying the man's orders.

The door shut with a soft click and Harry noticed as his godfather turned to face him that he looked no happier than he had at finding Harry- in fact he may have looked a tad more upset and Harry felt his stomach begin to coil noticing the disappointment that nearly radiated from the man in front of him.

"What do you think you were you doing in there?" Sirius asked quirking an eyebrow as he crossed his arms over his chest and leaned sideways into the doorway.

Harry held out the plate full of food that he had fixed for him. "You didn't come down for lunch," he said sheepishly. "Remus said you were in your father's study sorting through books and I thought I'd come and find you. I- er... thought you might be hungry."

Sirius' expression softened at hearing his godson's words and offered him a small smile. "Thank you, Harry." he said gently. He raked a hand through his hair, giving a small wince. "Sorry about that by the way. I'm a bit distracted. Anyways, you've found my dear father's study. What'd you think?"

Harry couldn't tell if he was being serious and actually wanted to know or if it was a sarcastic question. Nevertheless he answered, "It's... not overly nice."

Sirius snorted and hooked a hand around the base of Harry's neck as he lead him down the hallway. "Smart answer. I would have been a bit worried about you if you'd told me you liked it."

He had lead them into the room that had the Black Family Tree. Harry couldn't understand why he would want to come in _here_ of all places when it was clear that any mention of his family upset him. Of course with a family like that he couldn't blame the man.

Harry sat the plate of food on the small table that was near the doorway and joined Sirius, waiting for the man to speak, but he never did, and oddly enough the silence that followed wasn't the least bit uncomfortable like it had been with Remus. He scanned the tree, his eyes trailing across Malfoy's name and over Bellatrix's and finally settled on the Weasley's. There weren't any pictures and if there had been he was more than sure that they would have been blown off, by Sirius' mother or by him he couldn't be sure.

Sirius was simply staring at it, clearly distressed and Harry couldn't think of anything to say that could offer him any comfort. He caught Harry's eyes and surprisingly it was he who spoke first.

"Did I ever tell you of the time that both Remus and your father didn't speak to me for at least two weeks?"

The question was unexpected and in Harry's opinion had nothing to do with whatever they were in here for. He supposed that Sirius had caught him staring at the Weasleys name and seemed to know that he was upset by what had happened.

"You heard my argument with Ron?" Harry asked bitterly.

"Remus did. He was a few doors down and apparently your voices carry a long way."

Harry sniffed and shifted his gaze back to the tarp. He waited for the moment when Sirius would ask what went on between them, but he didn't just as Harry knew he wouldn't.

"It was just after the little incident with Snape. Remus hadn't been aware of what I had planned, neither had your father. We were bullies in our younger years if you can believe that. Snape was always our favorite person to pick on as his head was filled with all those visions he had imagined about joining up with Voldemort after he left school. James and Snape loathed one another and James wasted no opportunity to pick on him but that went both ways mind you. But anyways, I knew that if I told them what I was planning to do they would be against it, because even though your father hated Snape he never wanted him dead- at least I didn't think so. Well, you know the story; Snape went through the tunnel and saw Remus transform and James came round just in time to save his skinny arse."

"Probably shouldn't have." Harry mumbled without looking at the man.

"I told him the very same thing when he had done it. My intention wasn't to have Snape killed, merely frightened enough to stop trailing after us everywhere, because that was his favorite thing to do. Your father and Remus were furious with me. I know it be hard to believe but I was even more reckless than I am now when I was younger." He nearly laughed when Harry turned his head to look at him; a half exasperated, half amused expression on his face.

"I never thought of the consequences my actions would have. Snape could have been killed or at least bitten and if your father hadn't been around he would have been. Remus would have been executed because of the law against werewolves. It was the worst thing I've ever done and I've never been able to forget about it. But even still, what I'd done to Snape paled in comparison with the idea of James and Remus being so repulsed by what I'd done that they saw fit not to speak to me."

Harry wasn't sure if this was meant to make him feel better and if it was it wasn't working the least bit. All it did was fuel his anger towards Ron which he found quite welcoming. Being angry with his former friend seemed to take up a loss less energy and it seemed to numb the terrible ache- if only a bit.

"I wasn't sure if we'd ever be friends again. I'd done everything I could think of; I apologized over and over again, I even apologized to Snape! Of course he didn't take it well, but you know how that goes. Then one day out of the blue they both seemed to realize just how sorry I was and knew I realized just what a terrible mistake I had made and forgave me."

"So you're saying I should just forgive Ron for acting like a royal arse?" Harry asked, not knowing how he'd react if the answer was 'yes.'

"No." Sirius said softly with a shake of his head. "No, I'm not saying that at all. For what I understand he was way out of line and if you don't want to forgive him then that's your choice."

"But you think I should don't you?" Harry replied with a raised eyebrow.

"Doesn't matter what I think." Sirius shrugged. "But if nothing else don't let what he said get to you and make you forget all you've been through together. I never would have made it through my childhood had it not been for your dad. Friends are important and I just want you to remember that."

"Yeah, well _friends_ don't stab you in the back just because you don't want their overbearing mother to adopt you." Harry challenged. "And this isn't even the first time! You remember last year don't you? He was all up my arse when he thought I put my name in the fucking goblet! _Real_ friends don't stab you in the back like that do they? Would you have done that to my dad or would he have done it to you?"

Sirius took in the barely controlled hurt on the kid's face and inwardly sighed. Last year's incident was still fresh in his mind. He had appeared to Harry in the fire just before the first task and he remembered how deeply upset the kid had been after Ron's betrayal. He had been a bit surprised knowing how quickly he had forgiven the redhead but if James had been in Ron's position Sirius knew he would have forgiven him in heartbeat.

But James wasn't like Ron; he didn't have five older brothers, a younger sister, or a famous friend to compete with. He also had parents who seemed much more interested in him than Ron's did him. He could understand where the kid was coming from- at least a bit. He was torn between sticking up for a mother that hardly paid him any attention and sticking by a friend who got _all_ his mother's and not to mention the entire Wizarding world's attention.

He wasn't going to say anything as he wanted Harry to understand that for himself, but he also wasn't sticking up for what his friend had done and if the kid ever did it again... well, he wouldn't be around to see his seventeenth birthday that's for certain.

"I'd hope I'd never do that to your dad, but friendships are tricky sometimes Harry. Don't think I'm condoning Ron's behavior because I'm not and never will. What he did was awful, but he's been your best mate for years and I just don't want to see you throw away such a wonderful friendship."

"He's already done that. Besides he doesn't give a ruddy damn."

"He may care more than you think." Sirius countered softly. "Just remember that all friends have their ups and downs but true friends stick by each other no matter what. Once Ron realizes what he's done he'll be back. I'm certain of it."

But Harry wasn't sure he even wanted him back- not really. He had always cherished their friendship because after everything that had happened in his light Ron had been that small light that shone in the darkness. He had given Harry that opportunity to have something he'd only dreamed about- he had made his life worth living and gave it meaning. But as the years wore on their friendship seemed to have hit a few bumps along the way and he wasn't sure if they'd ever be able to repair it and even if they did would it be the same as it had once been?

Harry appreciated what his godfather was trying to do, he really did, and he was glad that they had gotten a chance to talk about it. But he really wasn't the person he wanted to be talking about it with. He also didn't think that their friendship stood a chance of getting repaired if they avoided each other at every turn. But Harry was too stubborn and wasn't about to go crawling back to Ron. This wasn't his problem and he didn't care how hotheaded the prat was; if he thought their friendship was important enough to fix he was going to have to be the one to make the first step.

"So I hear my family is in possession of Potter Manor." Harry said, clearly done with their previous discussion. "Remus told me." He said at his godfather's surprised expression.

"Yes, your grandparents left it to your father before they died."

"We're moving there aren't we?" Harry asked without preamble. "That's why you're going through all your father's books isn't it?"

Sirius chuckled. "Nothing gets by you, does it? Ever since you left the idea's been running through my mind. My first thought was that it wouldn't do any good because it hasn't been lived in for years and who knows what shape it's in. Then I got to thinking about all the magical wards your grandparents put it under and I realized we stood a better chance there then we did here if we wanted to keep Dumbledore off your back and more importantly keep you safe. Potter Manor has been passed down generation from generation and every Potter family has contributed something to it during the time that they lived there."

Harry smirked. "What did my father contribute?"

Sirius let out a bark like laughter. "It'll be a whole lot more funnier if you see it rather than have me tell you; a stationary identical pair of Fred and George, I'll just leave it at that."

Harry snorted in amusement, feeling the last traces of anger begin to fade away the longer he stood there talking with Sirius. "Where's the manor located?"

"In Dorset." Sirius told him. "It's a beautiful place and I'm more than certain you'll feel right at home. I always did. We're leaving just as soon as I get all my father's things packed. The furniture we can leave as there's probably still some left over at the manor. It'll probably be run down but that's what wands are for."

"I don't _have_ a wand anymore." Harry told him.

"Don't worry about that." Sirius said a bit airily. "Anyways, the only thing we've really got to worry about is collecting my money from Gringotts along with yours. Potter Manor has a vault where we can keep it secure and I'll tell you this much; I'd feel a whole lot better knowing that my money was in my hands rather than being trusted to those Goblins. They never were the most trustworthy of creatures and this way we don't have to worry about someone trying to steal it."

"How are we going to collect it though?" Harry asked. He could only imagine his godfather strolling through the bank; that twisted smile on his face as he asked for a withdrawal.

"_We_ aren't going to be doing anything. Tomorrow you and Tonks will be going and as she's a member of the Black family she'll have full access to my vault just as long as she's got my key. I have your key also by the way in my room."

Harry didn't even want to know how he'd managed to obtain it. He wondered if he'd even like the answer anyways.

"So if I'm with Tonks what are you and Remus going to be doing?" he asked confusedly.

"We have other business to see to." Sirius waved him off. "But if all goes well, I hope to be out of here before tomorrow night. That's the plan anyways and between you and me my plans were always brilliant."

"Did they work?"

Sirius rolled his eyes and gave a mock-glare. "I've already told you they were brilliant, does it _matter_ if they worked or not?"

For the first time since Ron had left Harry finally gave a small chuckle, but it was more than enough for Sirius. He gave him a quick wink. "Come on. Let's go downstairs so I can finish up lunch and then you can give me a hand with my father's stuff. If you want to, of course."

"Sure." Harry nodded. He stopped just before they reached the landing, causing Sirius to look at him. "What Mrs. Weasley said... she had no reason to say that. She doesn't know you and for what it's worth I think you're doing a fine job. After all I'm the 'kid' shall we say in this equation and it's _my _opinion that really matters isn't it?"

Sirius hadn't been expecting to hear those words. He opened his mouth several times before realizing he must look pretty stupid and he quickly shut it. The words impacted him more than he ever thought was possible. Maybe he _was_ doing something right after all...

"Thank you Harry," he said in a slightly cracked voice, before clearly his throat.

Harry nodded. "Mind you that doesn't give you the right to call me a 'kid'. I _am _fifteen after all."

Sirius chuckled as he ruffled his hair. "And you act every bit of it." Harry glared at him before turning to head down the steps, only to be stopped.

"One more thing before we head down." Sirius said quietly. "I just want to say this one thing about Ron and then I'll be done. Whatever comes of your friendship, just remember that I'm always here for you, yeah? We're family and I'm not about to go anywhere... not ever again."

He kissed the top of Harry's head before walking around him, leading the way down to the kitchen; leaving Harry with something more than just Ron to think about.

* * *

**Some of you may be happy about what happened between Harry and Ron, but don't be surprised if Harry has mixed feelings about it. After all, he just lost his best friend for the **_**second**_** time in less than a year and you can't blame him if he's a bit 'gloomy' so to say, so just bear with me and we'll see what becomes of it.**


	7. Chapter 7

There was a sharp crack that broke the night's silence and Severus walked from beyond the shadows, his robes billowing behind him as he made his way towards Grimmauld Place, his steps quick and agitated and once or twice he nearly trampled over a stray cat.

_Animals_, he inwardly sneered.

Of all the dunderheads he had the misfortune to know, and yet at the same time, tried his best to protect, it _had _to be Potter! Surely that cat he had nearly ran into, and had looked as though it had been ran over at least twice had more sense than that boy.

He had finally arrived at his destination and not giving it a second thought- as he might be able to talk himself out of it- he knocked sharply on the door and waited to be let in. It was quiet for a moment before he heard he heard the mutt's muffled voice ordering someone to open the door. He heard the sound of rushing footsteps and not a half moment later he was staring into bright emerald eyes- _Lily's eyes._

The momentary shock that had elapsed across the brat's face was quickly replaced by utter loathing that so mirrored his. He wondered again why he was doing this in the first place. After all, who cared what happened to that foolish child? What would it matter to him whether or not the brat just keeled over and died right in front of him?

But those eyes... those beautiful bright emerald eyes that had once shined so brightly kept worming their way into his mind and if nothing else he knew he owed it to Lily to do his best and protect her son.

"What are _you _doing here?" Harry demanded, leaning against the door, forbidding the man to look inside as much as to deny him entrance.

"You ought to be careful, Potter, or Gryffindor will be starting out with negative house points this term. That's not to mention the many detentions you will have." Snape said dryly before a smirk graced his expression. "Dear me, it appears as though we have a small problem, don't we? Do tell me, Potter as I am most curious to know; how loud did your wand snap?"

Harry's face flushed with anger and embarrassment. Snape was goading him and he knew it. He wanted nothing more than to finish him off with his own wand, or at the very least slam the door in his face.

Before he had the chance to do so however, he felt a hand grasp his shoulder, giving a sideways glance to find Sirius glaring at Snape. He felt his godfather's hand tighten until he felt his shoulder blade nearly crack. The two men were regarding each other with the utmost disgust, and he knew it was only because of his presence that Sirius didn't hold a wand to his throat before blasting him out.

"How long do you plan to keep this up, Black?" Snape asked in a bored voice. "Because unlike you, _I _actually have things I need to be doing."

"Then why don't you go do them? I don't believe anyone around here invited you within a mile of this place." Sirius replied in a low, harsh voice.

"As much as I would love to spend the entire night outside your house, I really must insist that you step aside and allow me to enter. I thought _you_ of all people would be most interested with whatever news I bring that involves your _dearest_ godson."

Sirius sneaked a quick glance at his godson before allowing his gaze to rest on the man in front of him once more. Although nothing would give him greater pleasure than to feed the man to the giant squid, he couldn't deny that his words had sparked his interest. He inwardly argued with himself for the longest moment before reluctantly moving aside so the man could enter. He despised the man as much as he despised Voldemort, but right then any information he could give him on Harry- whether good or bad- he was glad to know of.

Sirius lead them into the kitchen, ignoring the surprised looks that Remus and Tonks threw his way. Harry noticed that neither one of them sat, but after a rather pointed look from his godfather he begrudgingly took a seat beside Tonks whose hair was flaming a rather brilliant red. It was more than obvious that she wanted him here as much as he did. He didn't like the thought of the two so close in proximity with one another.

The first thought that had crossed Harry's mind was that Dumbledore had sent Snape to collect him, but Snape had not said a word and why on earth wouldn't he just grab him the moment he opened the door? _He probably wanted to see the look on Sirius' face and give him as much grief as he possibly could, _Harry thought angrily. He didn't know if it was possible, but he loathed the man even more at the moment.

"Spit it out will you?" Sirius demanded. "We've just got through eating and I have to tell you that I'm starting to have a bit of indigestion."

Harry noticed the annoyed look on Remus' face, but surprisingly the man didn't say a word.

"It is one week before the new term starts," Snape began. "I was under the impression that Potter here would be going to see his dear little friends off."

"There's been a slight change of plans." Sirius said sarcastically. "Now I know that's not all you came here to say, or perhaps you were being kind enough to offer him a ride and see him off on the platform."

"Please, Black," he scoffed. "I think it is more than apparent that neither of us would make it to the platform with our sanity still intact. At least mine; Potter's seems to have been gone for awhile now. However, I must tell you that the headmaster knows of your dear friends' departure earlier today and he's under the impression that Potter will not be seeing them off after all-"

"And so he's sent his little puppet to come pick him up and deliver him to his relatives, is that it?" Sirius demanded, crossing his arms over his chest. "Well, I'm afraid the only way you'll get him is if you pry him from my cold dead hands."

"That shouldn't take very long then." Snape sneered. "The answer to your question is no by the way, Black. I am here on my own, inquiring just what you plan to do with the boy while. trying to keep him safely out of the headmaster's hands."

"I don't see how that is any concern of yours." Sirius said. "My godson is my business and I'll thank you kindly to keep your enormously large misshapen nose out of it."

Harry could have sworn he saw a glint of fury pass through Snape's eyes but a moment later it was gone. Remus was sitting rigidly, apparently ready to jump up at anytime should the conversation get out of hand. He knew it took both men great restraint to keep their hands from flying inside their robes and dueling right in the kitchen.

He couldn't determine the importance of the conversation, but come on it was _Snape. _What news could he have that would be at all important?

"We're moving into Potter Manor you great ruddy prick!" Sirius cried, throwing his hands up in agitation when Snape had yet to say anything.

"And you think the headmaster has not thought of that possibility?" Snape shot back. "Do you think he hasn't taken into consideration that you'll go to whatever means possible to protect that brat of yours? I assure you that the headmaster already knows about your plan you idiot and has taken appropriate steps to insure that Potter is in his clutches the moment he steps foot inside."

Harry looked between the both of them and was a bit disconcerted to see the slight apprehension of his godfather's usually confident face. So what if Dumbledore knew of their plans? He was certain that his grandparents had placed every sort of protection they could around their manor to keep out unwanted visitors. And who knew if anyone could find it anyways? Perhaps it was like Grimmauld Place and could only be found if you knew the correct address.

But Sirius was looking nervous which did nothing to settle his fears. It would only make sense that Dumbledore went to every extreme measure to make sure that they couldn't do anything without him knowing about it and then have a plan to find him and place him back with his relatives in the end.

If only they hadn't returned to Grimmauld Place the night Sirius had found him. They could have been long gone by now and far away from Dumbledore. He couldn't understand why Dumbledore was so adamant that he return to his relatives. What difference did it make now that he had been expelled? He supposed it had to do with insuring his safety, but really every place was just as dangerous as the next for him now. The one place that had offered him any sort of protection was now the place he could never return to. He thought of his trial, of the idiots at the Ministry of Magic, of Ron, Hermione, and the Weasleys and never in all his life had he felt so betrayed knowing that he had been abandoned by the only world in which he belonged.

"It has come to my attention that they headmaster has plans for Potter and that doesn't include returning him to his relatives and I'm sure that they are beyond relieved in knowing that."

"What plans?" Sirius asked, standing just a little straighter; a hint of panic having had seeped into his tone.

"The details I am not aware of, however, suffice it to say that the headmaster will do anything he can to destroy the Dark Lord and he has no problem whatsoever in using Potter as 'bait' shall we say. He is using him Black like a pig for slaughter. I don't believe he means for the boy to be alive by the end of it all if things go according to his plan."

Harry shut his eyes; his heart thumping rapidly inside him as his head pounded in beat with it. Despite the fact that the words came from Snape he knew them to be true. It all made sense now. He was never going to be sent back to his relatives. Dumbledore was going to take him in, train him, give him all the information and tools he needed to destroy Voldemort, all the while pretending as he always had done that he actually cared for him.

But it wasn't the headmaster's betrayal that struck him hard, it was the fact that the man cared so little for him that he was using him to defeat the most evil dark wizard of all time, not caring if Harry scarified himself in the process. Quite the contrary- that had been his plan the entire time.

He suddenly felt sick to his stomach; his face clammy as memories of the past years were rushing through his head. Dumbledore had cared not for him, but for the scar on his forehead and what it symbolized. Ron and Hermione had left him, caring very little for their friendship, but he wondered why this hurt him so deeply as he did. He wondered if they had cared for him either or if they were only entranced by his scar.

Did anyone care for _him_ at all or just his scar?

But then he thought of Sirius and everything the man was doing to make sure that he was protected. He knew that his godfather was the only one who really cared for him. He had met Remus his third year but the man hadn't gone out of his way to get to know him. It wasn't _Remus_ that had been locked up for twelve years for a crime he hadn't committed and it wasn't _Remus _who was taking every measure to give him a new life.

"I assure you Black that by this time tomorrow the boy will be gone. But if you act quickly I may be able to give you some time." It looked as though every word that came out of his mouth caused him great pain. "Gather your things, your money, and flee the country. The least I can give you is a week but that's the very most. Meanwhile, _you_ Lupin will stay here with your _charming _female friend and create a diversion. We must have the headmaster believe that Potter is actually still here and by the time he figures out differently you will hopefully be long gone, Black."

"Now hold on here a second!" Sirius cried. "Who are you to come here and give orders? What makes us believe that we can believe a single word the comes out of your mouth?"

"Do you really think I would be _here _of all places on my own accord had it not been the fact that I had this news?" Snape sneered. "You can choose not to believe me, Black, by all means, but are you really wanting to take your chances with the headmaster? Go and enjoy your petty lives in Potter Manor and be slaved on by your house elves, but just know that no amount of wards or jinxes will be able to keep him out. The headmaster has powers that astound even _me._"

Harry couldn't help the anxiousness that swelled within him. He wasn't sure what to believe. But if he believed anything that Snape said it would be that he had to get as far away from the headmaster as he possibly could and fast. He didn't know what plans Dumbledore had for him but he wasn't about to stay around and find out.

"You have one week, Black," Snape said. "Take advantage of it will you? And one last thing; according to Dumbledore it appears as though there is a connection between the Dark Lord's mind and the boys. I'm not for certain whether he knows of it or not, but pray he remains ignorant or else Potter really won't stand a chance- not that he has much of one anyways."

Harry had his head bent low and wasn't aware that Snape had left. He focused on breathing normally, but it seemed almost impossible right then. The idea of suddenly morphing into Voldemort at any moment flashed through his mind, nearly making him sick up.

That was why Dumbledore had avoided looking at him during his trial and had left without a word; he was worried of looking at him and seeing Voldemort instead.

He knew that had Dumbledore wanted to he could have stopped him from being expelled what he didn't want him in close range with all the other students. This way if he managed to get a hold of him it would just be the two of them and overlooking his fury at the headmaster he knew that should Voldemort overtake him he would be no match for Dumbledore.

Perhaps that was what Dumbledore was waiting for- for Voldemort to overtake him and then he would just finish him off. Voldemort would be gone then... but then so would he. Better to risk one person than millions.

He felt someone rubbing his back gently and heard them calling his name. He looked up and found Remus' worried face come into view. He hadn't realized what a scene he was causing and quickly composed himself. "I'm fine." Harry assured them. "Really."

Sirius raked a hand through his hair and let out a gusty sigh. "Damn that ruddy fool." he mumbled and Harry wasn't sure whether his godfather meant Dumbledore or Snape or both. "Harry run upstairs and get a jacket." he said jerking his head towards the staircase.

"Why?" Harry asked in confusion.

"Don't question me, just do it!" Sirius snapped, making Harry jump.

Feeling stung Harry did as he was told, leaving a fuming Sirius behind. He told himself that it wasn't him his godfather was upset with, but rather Dumbledore and Snape- he just happened to be getting the brunt end of it. He returned a minute later to find Sirius waiting on him and the man didn't look any better than he had before, in fact he looked slightly angrier now that all the information had a chance to sink in.

"Remus, you'll stay behind and pack" Sirius asked. "All my father's books and everything else you can find?"

"Of course I will." Remus assured him with a nod.

"Thank you. I don't want any papers or books left behind that someone could glean any information from. And Tonks, tomorrow you and Harry will-"

"We'll go to the bank and gather all your money." Tonks said automatically, though there was no hiding the anger that was still laced in her tone and at that moment Harry was able to make out the Black resemblance more than ever. "Just go do what you need to do and we'll take care of everything else."

A surge of relief and affection swept through him at the moment. Not for the first time was he infinitely glad that he had these two of his side, no matter the fact that one of them had two left feet. He would take whatever he could get and be happy with it. It didn't make the betrayal feel as though it were crushing down on him quite so hard to bear.

He turned to face Harry who was looking slightly weary. "Are you ready?" Sirius asked. Harry nodded. Sirius sighed and gripped his shoulders. "I'm sorry for snapping. I'm not upset with you, I swear I'm not. This whole thing is just too much to take in at the moment but I'll figure it out, alright? I'm not going to let anything happen to you. That's a promise."

* * *

Once outside under the cover of darkness Sirius and Harry disapparated, finding themselves surrounding by dozens of trees. The grass was wet under his slightly stinging palms but he paid it no mind and hefted himself to his feet. He remembered Ron telling him about disapparation last year and had been quite interested to know what it was like. Now like he knew he would be quite relieved if he never had to do that again, but they still had to get back, so the results were looking quite slim at the moment.

He felt Sirius grasp his elbow and allowed himself to be lead until they reached their destination. Harry's heart nearly stopped at the sight of it. Even through the darkness he could see the brilliance that radiated from around it.

The twin kissing gates opened to reveal a magnificent palace unlike any he had ever seen before, with its high towers reaching towards the heavens. A fountain was perched in the center, the water trickling almost noiselessly as it was surrounded by untrimmed bushes on both sides.

He felt a chill run through him and couldn't help but feel as though he had been here before in a far forgotten dream that he now only remembered. They had reached the stone steps, but instead of walking up them, Sirius held him back, a hand grasping his shoulder in warning. He understood why a second later.

A large statue stood right in front of them, almost as though it had risen from the ground the moment they stepped foot near the entrance. It looked to be over a thousand years old; it's face masked as it stood rooted to the spot, as though it were waiting to strike. Harry was forcibly reminded of the chess match they had encountered on their way to save the stone; the queen bearing down on them.

He heard Sirius clear his throat and when he spoke, his voice was clear and confident. "Sirius Black and Harry Potter requesting entrance to Potter Manor."

Harry wasn't sure whether the thing had heard or not, or if it had whether it would move aside and let them enter. It seemed that ages had passed before there came a deep rumbling noise as the statue sunk into the ground beneath them, revealing a pair of great double doors that lead into a grand foyer.

He felt his heart sink as he took a look around, noticing that it looked as though it had gone through hell and back the years it had been unattended. Dust was covering everything, making it hard to tell which way was which. The marble flooring under his feet was cracked and the walls looked as though one good spell would finish them off. He felt a deep sense of helplessness overcome him as he looked around, imagining what a beautiful place it must have been once.

Beside him, Sirius' face was pinched and pained as he took in the sight of the one place he had ever really considered home. He still remembered all those years ago when he and James would race through the house, dropping dungbombs from the staircase and go sliding down the railings. He remembered the many meals they shared in this house and the many nights they had lied awake discussing new ideas for pranks. But most of all he remembered the two people who had been kind enough to take him in and treat him like their second son and it was hard for him to believe that they were really gone; the last of them having long ago faded away with their house.

Sirius cleared his throat, but Harry knew it was to give himself something to do than anything else. He wondered whether or not Sirius would take him on a tour but he knew that was not something his godfather could handle at the moment and he wasn't sure if he could as well. It was hard to believe that had things been different he might have lived here with parents, but that opportunity had long ago disappeared; now leaving him the last remains of the possible future that might have been.

Sirius didn't bother with the lights as he seemed to remember his way around like he had been there only yesterday as he lead them to what Harry supposed was the library. It looked as though someone had gotten here before they had and set fire to everything. There wasn't a single book that wasn't charred to a crisp. However, Sirius didn't stop there. He lead them through another pair of double doors until they found themselves staring at a single wooden door. It looked as though it were about ready to fall off its hinges.

"Your grandfather's study." Sirius murmured as he pulled out his wand. "No matter how hard anyone tries they wouldn't be able to get in unless they have the password. Even Dumbledore. Luckily for us though James told me what it was before his father died. It was left to James, but this was one room that your grandfather wanted to keep for himself." Sirius waved his wand over the lock, muttering a stream of words that sounded as though they were another language other than Latin.

The door immediately clicked and Sirius pushed it open carefully so as to not to break it. It was about the same size as Sirius' father's study back at Grimmauld Place, only it looked far more inviting.

Harry couldn't understand why they were in here of all places, but Sirius seemed to know what he was doing and so he just went along with it. Sirius poked around for a few moments before he found what he was looking for. It was no bigger than a shoebox, but Sirius held it out for him to take and so he did.

There was no note or anything and finally Harry looked at him for explanation.

"It was just after your parents went into hiding. James knew that Voldemort was after you guys and that there was a spy among the order. You couldn't trust anyone. Anyways, James had this terrible feeling that he and Lily weren't going to make it. He did everything he could to protect you and your mother but it wasn't enough. His last attempt he tried in order to protect you was that he left something behind for you in hopes that you would remember him but also that it would keep you safe. Nobody, but me, Remus and your mother knew of the plan. He didn't trust Dumbledore for some strange reason." He said with a crooked smile. "Go ahead, open it up."

His heart beating madly inside his chest, his hands shaking, he finally managed to open the box. Harry shut his eyes, ignoring the sting that overcome them. It was too much to take in.

"His wand." Harry said in a choked voice. "He gave me his wand?"

Sirius nodded. "At least one of them. You see when a wizard dies their wand remains behind. James admired his father more than anyone else in the world and couldn't bear to see it be left behind. He kept it, knowing that although he had lost his father there was still one last piece of him that he would always have. When your parents went into hiding it was his father's wand that he had. The wand that he had purchased from Ollivanders when he was eleven, the wand that he kept for all his years at Hogwarts... he left that one behind for you. Now he knew that his wand was made for him and most likely wouldn't work quite as well for you, but he wanted to leave that for you as his last means of protection. Over the years a wizard bonds with his wand- they are one so to speak, so after time, part of their magic is forever contained within their wand."

Harry fought back the lump that had formed in his throat and blinked back the tears that had developed behind his eyes. Never before had he so much appreciated everything his father had done for him as he did right then.

He knew what a wizard's wand meant to him. Harry felt as though part of him had died when his wand had been snapped, but for his father to actually give it up willing in order to help protect him... he was by far a greater man than he had originally thought and a far better man than he could ever hope to be.

There was one last thing in the box; a small pendant. Harry held it in his hand and he didn't even need Sirius to tell him what it was for. He could literally feel the magic radiating from around it and knew that his father's magic was contained within this as well and he knew that whatever happened to him he would be protected as long as he kept this with him.

Despite the warmness of the night Harry felt a cold shiver run through his body. He could feel Sirius' gaze on him as he continued to stare at the gifts his father had left behind for him. Hope surged through him and he felt stronger than he ever had before; Ron and Dumbledore's betrayal seemed almost nothing in that moment.

Sirius was silent for the longest moment, allowing Harry all the time he needed in order to come to terms with everything. A sense of longing filled within him as his mind was bombarded with thoughts of his fallen best friend. He knew that this was what James had wanted, but it was harder than he thought to see James wand in his son's living hands.

When James had told him of the plan originally he wasn't sure what to make of it. He couldn't help but feel as though it would be a bad idea; that he would stand a better chance of protecting his family from Voldemort if he had his own wand as opposed to his fathers. But as he took in the almost desperate look on his godson's face he knew right then that he had made the right choice after all.

After a long while Harry finally looked up at him. Despite the wetness in his eyes there was a look of fierce determination on his face unlike any he had ever seen before and he knew that Harry was going to try with everything he had to be the sort of man his father was- in his mind there wasn't any other option.

* * *

The minute Severus had stepped through the doors leading to his chambers he immediately collapsed into a chair. He hadn't the faintest clue what had come over him. Just imagine; _him _help _Black and Potter._

He knew that in less than a week he would get a summons from the headmaster telling him to go collect Potter and bring him back to the castle. _Puppet indeed, _he sneered.

No matter what happened he was not to be held responsible for anything that happened to the brat and his godfather. They were on their own after this, but he knew he would continue to do his part whether or not he liked it; he would continue to protect Lily's son the only way he could- by keeping him away from Albus. His only fear was when Albus found out.

Severus was not an easy going man, and for sure as his name was Severus Snape, wasn't some idiotic Gryffindor, but at times when he stood before the headmaster- the man who seemed to have taken him in and had given him another chance when he had wanted to die- he couldn't help the overwhelming guilt that settled within in as he stared back placidly into those mild, disapproving eyes, feeling all the while like a small boy who was about to face his father after having had willfully disobeyed.

But he had made a promise; a promise to the one he loved so long ago and whom he still loved. He wouldn't let anyone get in the way of that promise, and he would do everything in his power to make sure that promise was kept.

His only hope was that somehow along the way Lily might be able to somehow forgive him for the wrong he had done to her so many years ago.

Nothing he could do would ever be enough, but that didn't mean he wouldn't try. Even if it meant turning his back on the man he had come to trust and admire above all others he knew he would die in succeeding if that's what it took to keep the blasted boy safe.


	8. Chapter 8

**I apologize as I had hoped to have had this chapter out yesterday, but the weather has been awful these past few days and I have been unable to get it up. Thank you all for your support. I greatly appreciate it. Here's the next chapter for you. Hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

There was a soft _thump_ of books toppling on top of each other as Sirius had quickly leafed through each one before tossing them in the trunk that lied open beside him. It was more than obvious that he was quickly becoming annoyed; even more so when it appeared as though Remus- who was standing on the opposite side of the room- wasn't having any more luck than he was as together they packed up every last thing they could find.

Tonks and Harry had been gone for awhile now and the moment they had left, Sirius and Remus had moved on to Sirius' father's study and every other room in the house in their quest to glean any sort of information they could as well as to pack as quickly as they could.

It wasn't easy, however. With the Black family was one of the most wealthiest and well-known families in the entire Wizarding World one would think that they would be finding more information about protection spells then they currently were. Sirius couldn't deny that some of his father's books had been most helpful in discovering more and more spells they were sure to need once they got to where they were going, but there was one in particular that he was after, and none of the books that either of them searched through seemed to have any information on it whatsoever.

Another book landed in the trunk just as he was retracting his hand. It was becoming quite cluttered it was true, but that was what extension charms were for after all.

Just before leaving Harry had made a comment saying that there wasn't going to be enough room to hold everything they wanted to take. Sirius merely quirked an eyebrow. "There _is_ a thing called magic, you know." he had said in reply, causing Harry to blush.

The kid seemed a bit hesitant in going out alone with Tonks, seeing as how he didn't know her all that well, but no one missed the excited gleam in his eye or the relief that had spread across his face the moment that they were to depart. He knew the feeling quite well. He too was quickly getting fed up with being trapped inside his parents' house all the time. Harry needed a chance to get out of the house and breath in that crisp air of freedom.

Better Harry than him.

Their conversation with Snape the night before kept rushing through his mind, making him feel if at all possible even _more_ frantic about getting his godson out of the country as fast as he could. Part of him still wasn't sure whether or not to believe Snape, but the fact was despite their hatred of one another he had taken the time to come on his own and give them vital information. He had to hand it to Snape, he though begrudgingly. He didn't think the greasy bastard had it in him.

"Here." came a sharp voice from behind him, and he quickly wheeled around to find Remus with his nose practically hidden in a book. "I think I've found it." he said glancing up. "And no offense Sirius, but I'm more than surprised to find it here in your family house of all places."

Sirius quickly rose from his spot on the floor over towards Remus. His face pain and pinched, he read over Remus' shoulder. "The sacrificial protection counter-charm." Sirius murmured as he scanned the text, his insides coiling as he did so. He closed his eyes against the sting that overcame them; memories of his parted friend flashing across his mind unrelentingly.

"Seems appropriate, don't you think?" Remus said softly.

_Sacrificial protection is an ancient, powerful and long-lasting counter-charm that is endowed when one person ultimately sacrifices his or her own life willingly and out of deep and pure love to strongly save the life of one or more people._

Appropriate indeed. Sirius had been a frequent visitor during that last year and while the witch had a fiery temper that rivaled even that of her husband's no one could help but notice the outpouring of love she had for her only child. She had that smile that could calm any fear; that simple touch that sent shivers down your spine, reminding you that you were not alone- especially in those times of great turmoil in which they had lived.

During that final week, Sirius had been over daily, coming over in the early hours of the morning even before Harry awoke and stayed late into the night. He couldn't help but notice that both she and James seemed a lot more tense than they had previously, but he had thought it to be nothing more than anxiousness as they waited to hear what had been the outcome of the war that was taking place; of the fatalities- but more importantly... fear for the son's life that drove them into a frenzy, yet gave them the determination and strength to fight that much more.

It was as if they knew they hadn't very much time left. If he had only taken the time to understand what it truly meant than surely they might still be alive. The realization struck him hard, but it drove him on and gave him purpose. He had failed them once... he wasn't about to fail Harry- not again.

Sirius pursed his lips; refusing to be overwhelmed with such thoughts. "Keep it out. I'd like to have another chance to look through it once we're finished here."

But Remus ignored him and kept his eyes firmly on the page before him. So _that _is why Dumbledore had done it. "Sirius, I don't think you're understanding this." Remus said annoyed. He held up the book for Sirius to see. "_This _is what we're looking for; it's the answer to everything. When Lily willingly sacrificed herself for Harry she gave him the ultimate protection. Listen to this:

_If the person who ultimately sacrificed their life was related to the person they saved, then a powerful charm can be cast upon the saved person to give them additional protection. This charm prevents any harm from coming to the saved person from the murderer while they are in a blood-related relative's home._

"Yes, but Lily died," Sirius said slowly, thoughtfully. "The charm would only work if Harry was with a blood relative."

"Lily's sister." Remus finished with a nod. "That night Harry was left with his relatives they could have easily turned him away, but they didn't. They took him in and sealed the charm. Don't you remember when Lily used to stay up practically flying through books on how to protect Harry? She must have found this spell."

And Dumbledore. He had known about it the entire time but didn't bother telling anyone about it; least of all Sirius. While the information they had found made Sirius realize the importance of it, it didn't make it any easier to take it. Lily had willingly given her life for the person she loved the most in the world, but while her actions were admirable did she at all realize the hard life she was condemning her son to?

But if Sirius was honest with himself he couldn't say he wouldn't have done the same thing. The thought of what his godson had gone through all those years at the hands of his relatives nearly made him sick up. But better to have his godson suffer at the hands of those beasts than dead at the hands of another, he thought reluctantly. Neither of those choices settled well with him, but after everything he couldn't deny that this was the better option- the only option in his mind. Like Lily, he was going to everything in his power to keep Harry safe or die trying.

The only question now was how to go around this. Both Voldemort and Dumbledore had powers that he himself could never dream of and he knew that when push came to shove they would have no problem tracking them down. The Fidelius charm was a major possibility, but he was hesitant. He didn't want to condemn his godson to a life being hidden away; he had already suffered through that. It had taken a long while to convince James that this was the best plan, because James was like Harry; he couldn't stand being locked up.

Sirius wanted Harry to have the chance to be free and to live the life he wanted without constantly having to look over his shoulder. But while Dumbledore and Voldemort still remained a threat that dream was slowly fading from within sight, but he was determined more than ever to make it come true no matter what he costs.

"That ruddy fool," Sirius mumbled.

"As much as I disagree with everything he's done you can't deny that he's kept Harry safe growing up." Remus said softly.

Sirius sniffed as he shook his head. "Harry? No. Never. It might have just been easier to cut off that damn scar that's attached to his forehead and just hand _that_ to Petunia. That's all he's ever cared about isn't it?"

Remus opened his mouth to protest, but found that although the words were harsh they were more than true. But honestly, he couldn't say that he had been much better. He cared for Harry it was true, but after everything one would be have a hard time of believing it. James and Lily had died, Sirius was in Azkaban, and Peter was presumed dead. He had been the only one still around who had had more than enough opportunities to check up on the son of his best friend- at least to prove to the boy that there was still one person in his old forgotten life that loved him.

He couldn't get any of those years back- neither of them could. But as he took in the sight of his best friend; his hand tangled in those curly locks of dark hair, there wasn't a single doubt in his mind that Sirius was one of the best men he would ever have the privilege of meeting. They had both made mistakes, but Sirius was the one who was now trying to make things right.

"What are you going to do now?" Remus asked after a moment of silence.

Sirius exhaled softly through his nose. "Harry and I are headed over there once we get everything packed and ready to go and once we get our money. I have a plan, but I'm not sure how it'll work."

Sirius hadn't originally planned to bring Harry along, but once news got out that he was headed to his relatives house, Harry had straight out refused to be left behind. The look on his face was that of surprise, anger, and to Sirius' surprise- embarrassment. He didn't know why this came as such a surprise. It was more than obvious that Harry had no desire to ever set foot in his relatives again and he knew there must have been a reason. The first idea that came across his mind he dismissed quickly. He wouldn't allow for it to be true.

They set back to work quickly and quietly; each lost in their own thoughts. Sirius rifled through his father's books distractedly, every now and then his eyes falling on a certain spell he thought looked good. Those books he found that held no sort of information he was yet interested went into the trunk while he kept a small rucksack out for the ones he thought were the most important.

He couldn't believe after all these years he was finally going to be forever free from his parent' house. The minute the words left Remus' mouth about the sacrificial charm, he had to choke back a laugh; imagining his mother doing what Lily had done for Harry. His mother would have deemed it a great honor for him to handed over to Voldemort and she would gladly do so without any fight.

Regulus on the other hand was a different story. Despite being the oldest, he had always lived in his younger brother's shadow, even though his brother had always believed differently. Never the good one, was what he was constantly told. A disgrace to the family name.

He was moving on; hopefully leaving his past far behind as he made a new future with Harry in a world that they would hopefully belong.

Sirius didn't hear a door slam downstairs, or even the angry shouts of his mother until Remus shook him on the shoulder. Inhaling briskly, he blinked his eyes, noticing that he had hardly made any progress.

He hefted himself to his feet, glad to see that they were nearly done with his father's study and went to shut up his mother before going down to greet Harry and Tonks.

Harry stood near the table; rigid as he had been since the night before. However, he graced Sirius with a smile the minute the he and Remus entered the room.

"Done alright, have you?" Sirius asked as he eyed the bag that he had handed Harry before they had headed out.

Harry nodded as he handed the bag over. "I did. Tonks had a bit more trouble than I did."

"Yes." Tonks sniffed. "Thought it a bit odd that I was wanting to empty out Sirius Black's entire vault and have it transferred to American money."

Sirius let out a huff. "Idiots. The whole lot of them."

"Well, you can't really blame them Sirius." Harry said with a smirk.

"You shut up!" Sirius snapped, though his grey eyes were twinkling with amusement. "So got it out alright, then?"

"Of course we did." Tonks said waving him away. "And transferred. It would have taken a whole lot longer had I not had this kid with me. He's a natural." she said with a wink.

"Oi, I'm not a kid!" Harry protested, earning snorts of laughter from everyone. "And besides, it's not as though it was any worse than you obliviating them."

"That was for protection measures only. Wouldn't do to have them leaking any information out now it?"

Sirius eyed them both oddly. "What on earth are you two going on about?"

Harry gave a sheepish smile as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Well it was like Tonks said. They weren't keen on us emptying your vault so I thought I'd er- persuade them." He blushed as his godfather's eyes narrowed.

Tonks snorted. "Holding your bloody wand to his throat demanding that he let me take out his money or else you were going to feed him to the dragon is great persuasion. Seemed to scare the poor thing more than anything, but I suppose it worked out well enough."

"Well it's not as though he's going to remember anything." Harry rushed to assure them when he saw their eyes nearly bulging from their eye sockets. "And really my only other option was to use the imperius curse on them, but I didn't think that would go over well."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Your wand is not a play thing, Harry James. Do I need to handle it for you until you can act responsibly with it?"

Harry's face nearly burned off from embarrassment, but he threw his godfather a glare when he noticed the man was smirking. "You are a great ruddy prat." he muttered, causing Sirius to laugh.

As they sat down to discuss the rest of their plans, Sirius couldn't help but notice how unusually quiet his godson was being. He had taken that to mean that Harry's mind had temporarily left the conversation while focusing on something that was more than likely eating away at him.

After they had returned from Potter Manor the night before he had noticed a change in him. While he looked tired, Sirius knew there was no point in having him head up to bed until they figured out what they were going to do now.

Remus had been the one who came up with the idea. Apparently he had had a cousin in America, who upon her death had left everything to Remus, including her house. He had offered it to them to use until they come across something they liked better. Sirius- whose face was pale with worry- seemed to breathe a little easier at having had heard that.

Harry had trudged slowly up to bed after they were done; Sirius followed closely behind as he was determined to find what was eating at him.

"_Listen, Sirius," Harry mumbled. "I appreciate everything you're doing, but you don't have to, you know."_

_Sirius' brow crumpled in confusion._

_Harry huffed. "Are you actually wanting to move to another country when everything you've ever known is right here?"_

"_If it meant protecting you, you're damn right I would." Sirius said without preamble. "I know this isn't easy and if I truly believed that staying here would be the best for you I wouldn't give it a second thought."_

_Harry knew that to be the truth. After everything the man had gone through over the years he still tried to make Harry top priority; making him feel embarrassed, yet oddly grateful at the same time. "You wouldn't be free though." he said quietly. "What use is it trying to get another shot at life if you can't set one bloody foot outside your own house without the idiots at the ministry trying to do you in?"_

_Sirius grasped Harry's chin firmly and tilted it so they were staring at one another. "I want you to listen to me very carefully Harry, because I'm only going to say this once." he said softly; his grey eyes fierce. "_You _are far more important to me than my freedom would ever be."_

"_But-"_

"_Hush!" Sirius said firmly. "Shut up and listen. I don't give a ruddy damn about my freedom if it meant losing you. I appreciate your concern, I really do, but how about you let _me _be the guardian, eh, and look after _you_?"_

Remus had also informed them of a Wizarding school Harry could enroll in. While the idea seemed quite appealing, he was indecisive. Part of him wanted nothing more than to go to another Wizarding school, make new friends, learn new spells, and just be part of the group for once without people gaping at him because of his bloody scar. He felt like a baby in admitting it, but he knew that none of it would be worth it if Sirius wasn't there with him.

He had only known his godfather for two years, but in that short period of time he had grown to be quite fond and protective of him; even more so than he ever had been of Ron and Hermione. Ron had a point however; Sirius _wasn't _his father and never would be and there was no point in believing otherwise.

He felt a gentle kick at his shin and jerked his head up to find the three of them staring at him. "Sorry." he said quickly. "What were we talking about?"

"Once we get finished here we're heading over to your relatives." Sirius told him. "And _yes, _it is absolutely necessary." he finished before Harry had a time to protest. They had had this very discussion the night before.

"They aren't the friendliest of people." Harry told him. "And they hate wizards."

"I think I'll take my chances." Sirius said dryly. "Anyways, you've finished packing your stuff haven't you?"

Harry sighed but gave a nod. There was no use in trying to argue, he knew. No matter what he said Sirius would do what he thought was best, but he couldn't understand how going back to his relatives was best for anyone involved. It wouldn't be _all_ bad, he reckoned. He knew his relatives were afraid of Sirius and they weren't about to give him too hard a time when he was around.

It wasn't the Dursleys that worried him as he had put up with them his whole life and had long since stopped being afraid of Vernon Dursley. He had learned over the years that there were far more terrifying things than his uncle. No, what really had his nerves on edge was if his relatives happened to divulge any sort of information he'd rather not have his godfather know about.

He had not told anyone of the cupboard or the starvation. However, one could figure that out easily just by looking at him. How would Sirius react once he learned the truth? But he had to force himself not to appear too worried or else Sirius would know that something was up for sure.

"I still don't understand why we have to go." Harry said a slight edge to his tone. "_You_ said that you would never have me go back there and yet that's _exactly_ what you're doing."

Sirius pierced him with a hard glare that immediately had him recoiling; offering a quiet apology. He hadn't meant to sound so rude, he truly hadn't. But he couldn't describe it. Ever since the third task he had found himself growing more angry by the day. Last night hadn't helped at all either- quite the contrary; he felt as though it had been the nail in the coffin.

He had had mixed feelings at seeing his grandparents old house. Part of him was nervous, yet excited to see the place where he might have grown up had things turned out differently, and another part of him was filled with such anger knowing it was no one's fault but Dumbledore's and Voldemort's that his life had turned out the way it had.

He supposed his sudden anger and feelings of helplessness stemmed from this connection with Voldemort that Snape had told him about. The very idea sent shivers down his back and it took every last ounce of strength he had not to complain to Sirius about it. He couldn't appear that cowardly. He _was _a Gryffindor after all and Gryffindors showed no fear. So he'd have to toughen up and take it like a man- the kind of man his father had been and the one Sirius was.

Sirius for his part was becoming worried. He had no doubt in his mind that this all had to do with what Snape had proposed the night before. He had noticed Harry's expression the moment the words had left the gits mouth; his bright emerald eyes filled with such fear even though he tried his best to hide it. The paleness of his skin had been quite shocking. He was no fool. Harry was like James in that regard; refusing to show the tiniest bit of weakness- always having to put on a brave front for everyone as much as for himself.

As much as he didn't want to visit Harry's relatives it now seemed inevitable. His original reason for going was just to have a few choice words with them discussing their treatment of his godson. Now, however, with the information of the charm that had been placed on Harry because of Lily's sacrificed, Sirius felt compelled to find out as much information as he could about it.

"So, that's why Dumbledore sent me back every summer?" Harry asked, confusion settling in once they had filled both him and Tonks in on what they had found out while they were gone. "As long as I live with a blood relative then Voldemort can't hurt me?"

"That's right." Sirius said with a nod. "The only thing left to do is find out how we're going to overcome this particular obstacle."

"Well, isn't there like a blood ritual thing you can do?" Harry asked. "Like take some of Aunt Petunia's blood? After all if you put it in a potion and drank it then wouldn't _you_ have my mother's blood in you as well considering they were sisters?"

Sirius hesitated, before nodding slowly. He was quite surprised the kid had come to that conclusion as that had been his plan.

Harry sniffed. "Good luck with that one. Uncle Vernon won't let you get near her with a ten yard stick. You'd be better off inviting Voldemort for tea and biscuits."

"Obviously they don't know me. I have a feeling I won't have any problems. I can be a bit persuasive so to speak." Sirius said with a wink, causing Harry to grin sheepishly. "Now come on, let's get back to work. The sooner we get starter the faster we'll get done and out of this place. I've had more than my fair share of it to be honest." He said gravelly.

* * *

By the time they had finished packing everything the sun was just beginning to had checked through every room, including Kreacher's 'den'. Nothing there seemed to be of any interest or more importantly or any danger to them. Sirius was just about to move away when something caught his eye- a locket. It was most peculiar, Harry thought as he couldn't understand why Kreacher of all people would have such a thing.

"Must have belonged to my brother." Sirius told him. "He worshiped Regulus; trailed after him everywhere he went like a lost puppy when he wasn't slaving to my mother's every whim." Sirius inspected the locket carefully. He was most certain the locket belonged to Regulus as it had Slytherin's symbol on it and nobody was more proud to be a Slytherin than Regulus had been, he thought dryly. Harry was almost certain Sirius was going to put it back, but found that he had slipped it into his pocket instead.

He didn't know much about Sirius' brother as it appeared Sirius didn't very much like him and he couldn't understand why- if he hated him- he would have taken the locket. Kreacher seemed much more fond of it than Sirius did and Harry thought it would be better to leave it there just for the sake of shutting Kreacher up.

Harry stood near the doorway, trunk and cloak in hand; Hedwig in her cage fast asleep as he waited for the others. His godfather's shouts echoed through the house, causing him to flinch. He had absolutely refused to take Kreacher with them- not that Harry minded at all- and had ordered him to stay put, while ordering him not to say a word to anyone. In fact, he had been most surprised to find that the only person Sirius claimed he could talk to was Remus and Tonks should she be there. Kreacher hadn't taken the news well, causing him to smash his head against the walls, punch himself in the face, and basically have a full blown tantrum. Harry was infinitely grateful that Hermione wasn't around to see this.

He heard footsteps approaching and a minute later Remus- his face pinched from hearing Sirius' relentless shouts- joined him.

"You're going to have a fun time with him." Remus said teasingly.

Harry snorted in amusement. "Yeah; just have to be sure not to get on his bad side."

"You'll be amazed at how far you'd have to push him to get him to that point." Remus smiled softly. "James was always the one with the short temper. Sirius on the other hand is quite easy going as I'm sure you've noticed- unless of course he's dealing with Kreacher, but then again he never much liked Kreacher. Made his childhood quite difficult to say the least. Always did whatever he could to get him into trouble with his parents."

Harry flinched at the words.

The silence that followed was quite uncomfortable as neither one could think of what to say. It had never been this hard to talk to Remus before

"You're going to enjoy America." Remus finally said, only his eyes smiling. "My cousin has a wonderful house and I'm more than sure you'll feel right at home."

Harry nodded. "Thanks for everything, Remus."

Remus sighed. "It's the least I can do. There have been many things in my life that I've regretted but the worst by far was not re-entering your life until it was far too late."

Harry felt himself blush and really wished they weren't discussing this in the middle of his godfather's parents' house- or at all really. Yes, they had all made mistakes, but they were learning from them and trying to set things right and really that's all that mattered.

Remus must have noticed that Harry was uncomfortable talking about this so he dropped it. He placed a hand on Harry's shoulder, giving a comforting squeeze. "Take care of yourself Harry. And Sirius. I have a feeling he's going to need it."

Harry smirked and was just about to comment when Tonks and Sirius joined them. The air seemed entirely too tense as nobody was really sure how to say goodbye. Tonks moved over to stand by Remus, though not before giving Harry a hug goodbye. "It was great meeting you." She said. "Take care of my cousin, will you?" she asked, her eyes filled with mirth. "If you don't then I don't think I want to know what'll become of him."

"Oi!" Sirius protested. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself thank you very much." That was met with soft chuckles, but it was enough.

"Keep in touch." Remus told Sirius. "And when you write don't forget to use an untraceable charm or else Dumbledore will be breaking down your door faster than you can blink."

"Absolutely." Sirius replied. "You two kids have fun now." He said to both Remus and Tonks. "But not too much fun, yeah? And when you get her pregnant I'd better be the first person to know or they'll be hell to pay."

"_Sirius!"_ They said horrified, blushing brilliantly as they avoided each other's eyes.

Sirius smirked, placing a gentle hand at the base of Harry's neck. "Best leave these two love birds to it Harry. They won't get anything done if we're standing here bothering them."

Sirius waited inside the doorway once Harry had stepped out to give the two of them some privacy as he knew they would want it.

"You're doing good with him Padfoot," Remus said quietly, squeezing Tonks closer to him, causing her to smile gently. "James and Lily would be proud."

"I can only hope." Sirius admitted. "But the only approval I'm looking for is that of Harry's. Once I have that then I'll have everything."

Remus smiled. "Harry's lucky he has you. You're already a good man but I know you're going to make a great dad someday soon Sirius."

"So will you." Sirius replied. "And I meant it about me being the first to know or else you'll find that killing off Voldemort is a walk in the park compared to what you'll be dealing with when I get a hold of you."

Remus rolled his eyes before playful pushing him out the door; closing it after he had left, basking in the warmth he felt with Tonks beside him.

* * *

Harry stood outside Number Four staring up at the house; Sirius behind him hidden underneath the invisibility cloak, rubbing his shoulders gently. "In and out, yeah?" Harry asked.

"Something like that." Sirius nodded.

"And no magic?" Harry pressed. He wanted this to be over with quick, so he could- for once and for all- leave the past behind him forever.

"I can't promise you that." Sirius said seriously as he rang the doorbell. Harry stifled a groan.

The door opened almost at once, revealing an agitated Vernon as it appeared he had just gotten ready for bed. "_You're_ back are you?" he snapped. "Thought we were rid of you for the summer. Well get in here you blasted boy before the neighbors see!" he hissed, reaching to grab Harry by his collar, only to be stopped short when a wand appeared out of nowhere, pointed directly at his face.

"If you know what's good for you Dursley, you won't even think about touching my godson with your filthy hands."

Vernon sputtered, looking fearfully at Harry. "What in the bloody blazes is going on boy?" he demanded. "If I find it's another one of _your_ lot-"

"Actually, it happens to be my godfather." Harry said casually. "You know who I'm talking about, don't you? The one who killed thirteen muggles with a single curse and then broke out of Azkaban."

"He- he's here?" Vernon squeaked, before his eyes narrowed dangerously. "You're a filthy little liar you are. How come I can't see him then?"

Harry rolled his eyes at his uncle's stupidity. "You really get dumber the more time you spend with your son, don't you?" Vernon let out a roar of age as he raised his fists.

Sirius was there in an instant and before Vernon knew what had happened he felt something slam into him, knocking him off his feet until he was flat on his back, looking up at the ceiling.

"Inside! Quickly!" He hissed in Harry's ear, pushing him inside the house pulling off the cloak once the door had been shut.

No sooner than they were inside did Harry hear a sharp intake of breath, looking over to see his aunt standing near the kitchen door; her hand clutching her throat. She looked from Harry to Sirius, her horse like face paling rapidly within each second.

Harry waited for the moment that Dudley would come waddling in from the living room, or come walking through the front door after having had beat up another kid. But he never did and Harry couldn't say he was much surprised. It had been a short time ago that his cousin had very nearly had his soul sucked out and was more than likely upstairs sleeping it off, or- like Harry had been his entire life- hidden away by his parents because they didn't want anyone to find out that something unusual was going on and ask uncomfortable questions.

Sirius looked at Harry; an odd look on his face as though he was thinking '_these are your relatives?'_ For some strange reason, Harry felt his cheeks heat up.

There was much grunting as Petunia helped her husband to her feet; both never taking their eyes off of Sirius.

Sirius pasted a fake smile on his face. "Good evening. Well as you've no doubt heard, I am Harry's godfather, Sirius Black. You may have heard of me or at least saw me on your muggle news. Now, here's what's going to go down; you, Dursley are going to keep your mouth shut while I talk to your 'lovely' wife. If I hear a single peep out of you I can promise that you won't like the consequences. Fair enough?" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

Uncle Vernon's face flushed with anger, overcoming any fear he may have felt. "Now you listen here you freak. What right have you to come barging into _my _house at this ungodly hour and demand-" But Vernon was cut off. At first Harry thought he was having some sort of attack as his body writhed and crumple to the floor. Looking beside him he saw that Sirius had his wand pointed; his face that of great annoyance. Where once stood before him his great lug of an uncle stood a chicken. Harry had to keep from laughing.

"Very appropriate, don't you think?" Sirius asked him dryly, and Harry couldn't help but agree.

Petunia screeched. "NO! NO TURN HIM BACK!"

"You'll want to stop screaming at me unless you want the same kind of treatment your husband received once we're through here." Sirius said firmly. "And you're lucky that's all I did to him. It could have been so much worse and if you don't mind that tone of yours I can assure you it will be. Now, I have some questions for you and we are not leaving until they are answered, so wouldn't it be better to just go along with us for a moment instead of doing it the hard way? Because let me tell you; I'm perfectly fine with both."

Petunia looked as though she had swallowed a lemon- a look that Harry had seen daily growing up. But he was unsure whether it was because of great loathing and disgust or fear that was causing her to look at Sirius like that. After a moment she finally gave a jerky nod, but didn't dare say anything.

"Now when Harry was left here all those years ago, were you and your husband aware of the charm that had been placed on him?" Sirius asked.

Petunia hesitated before nodding. "That man left it in the letter." she said in a hoarse voice, though her eyes never betrayed the hate that she felt towards him.

"Letter? What letter?" Sirius asked in confusion.

Petunia jerked her head in Harry's direction. "When that man left him on my doorstep there was a letter. Don't ask me to show you because it went up in flames after I had finished reading it."

"Do you remember what it said?"

Petunia thought long and hard. It had been fourteen years ago that she had read the letter. She wasn't aware of all of the details, but she did remember something. "I never wanted to keep the brat." she said coldly, eyeing Harry with such hate he was surprised he hadn't burst into flames right there on the spot. "But as I was Lily's only remaining blood relative I had to take him into my home in order for him to be safe. A great waste of time if you ask me."

"What do you mean?" Sirius asked, his eyes crumpling in confusion.

Petunia sniffed disdainfully. "He said the blood wards would only work while the boy was still able to call this place home. The minute he turned of age, or left permanently, or left without wanting to ever return they would fall, placing him in danger. In the course of two years he's left twice. The minute he stepped foot outside my house two years ago they should have fallen then."

It had been the week his Aunt Marge had visited. After he had blown her up he had wasted little time in gathering all of his things and leaving with no intention of ever coming back. If what his aunt said was true, and he could see the truth in what she said, then he had been left unprotected since his third year. He wondered whether or not Dumbledore had realized it. But he must have. Surely he knew the kind of life he would have had with the Dursleys; he had never considered them his family and never felt at home here.

Sirius' face look troubled at having heard this information. "I have one last request and then we'll be on our way. As you're no doubt aware, the wizard that killed your sister and husband returned this past year. If what you say is true than my godson is in even more danger than before. I ask that if anyone comes round here you won't speak a word of our leaving. I also ask that you allow me to take a few drops of your blood."

Petunia reared back in fear, looking at Harry as though she thought he would help her. "He's not going to hurt you." Harry said with a roll of his eyes. "We're leaving- not that you care- and this way I'll be able to be protected hopefully."

"If you want to take your chances with the wizard that murdered your sister and every sort of evil creature you can imagine knocking at your door that's fine. Just know that that'll happen the longer Harry is in this house."

Petunia looked as though she was having an inward battle. After what seemed like years she spoke. "Alright, fine." she said coldly. "But let me tell you something. You will take the boy once this is over and leave forever. I never want him to step foot in this house again, putting my son and my husband in danger."

Harry felt his anger boil rapidly within him and it took everything he had to keep his temper. At that moment when he knew he would be leaving forever he saw his aunt in a different light. All of his life he had been wondering why it was that she had never loved him. Loved her son, but never him. He had watched on jealously every time Dudley had arrived home from school, to be greeted with biscuits and hugs and kisses from his mother and he wondered... would it have been that difficult for her to do it to him as well? How different could his childhood have been had she taken the time to get to know and love him the way she did her own son?

"Don't worry." Harry said crisply, fighting down the lump in his throat as he stared at his aunt. "Once you give us your damn blood we'll be out of your hair." He felt Sirius touch his shoulder gently, but shook him off angrily. He had no desire to be reassured right then as all he wanted to do was curse the woman who should have cared for him to within an inch of her 'normal' life.

Harry stared at his uncle while Sirius and his aunt went to business and he felt his hand inching towards his wand in his pocket; wanting nothing more than to cause him as much pain as he possibly could- to somehow repay him for all the suffering he had endured his whole life. He shouldn't have cared as much as he did, but his anger was coursing through him, making it almost impossible to think on anything else.

A minute later he jerked, feeling Sirius put a hand to his shoulder. Sirius was offering him a warm smile, and Harry wished he could somehow return it if for no other reason than to put his godfather at ease. They made their way to the door only to be stopped by Petunia's shrill scream.

"WHAT ABOUT MY HUSBAND?" she demanded fearfully.

"I see nothing wrong with him." Harry said coldly, though in reality he knew he couldn't leave his uncle like that, no matter how much he wished he could.

Petunia whimpered and looked pleadingly at Sirius. "I told you before that you were lucky that's all I did to your husband. I have half a mind to curse you both, but you've undoubtedly been very useful and I'm not that heartless."

Harry turned on his heel without a look back; unable to stand another second in that house. He breathed deeply, allowing the cool night air to feel his lungs, a few traces of his anger slowly ebbing away as he did so. He heard the door behind him shut and didn't bother looking around.

He couldn't believe the relief he felt knowing that he would never go back. It was the first step in his new life... towards freedom. He felt his godfather's gaze on him, but didn't acknowledge it as together they walked towards an alleyway; Sirius hidden under the protection of the cloak once more.

* * *

The sun had long since disappeared by the time they apparated to the place Remus had told them about. The air was a lot more humid here; a light fog engulfing the both of them. He felt a gentle hand grasp his upper arm and he reluctantly wheeled around to face his godfather. He couldn't understand what he was feeling at the moment and he desperately wished that Sirius would just leave it alone for the time being as he didn't think he could stand to talk about it at that moment.

Sirius bent down until he and Harry were staring one another in the face. "You did good back there." Harry sniffed as he shook his head. "No, listen to me." Sirius said softly. "I know that wasn't easy. Remember I told you I had run away and moved in with your dad? I did it on the spur of the moment- I didn't even take time to pack properly. So one day I had to go back to my parents' house, but thankfully I had your grandfather with me, otherwise I don't think I would have made it. My parents didn't deserve me, is what he told me and at first I didn't believe him. But I believe _this _with my whole heart when I say that your relatives didn't deserve you. Some people don't realize until far too late just what they've given up."

Harry closed his eyes against the pounding of his heart and forced himself to take deep calming breaths so as to not sick up. But Sirius was there and he knew that he would be alright.

They stood outside, Harry taking in whatever sort of comfort his godfather could offer him. Sirius didn't say another word- he didn't have to as his presence was more than enough. He knew as he stared at the house before him- the outlines of the mountains behind it as the moon reflected off the water- that it was more than just an end to the past, but rather a new beginning to life and to the future.

Only this time he knew -as he leaned sideways into his godfather- he wouldn't be alone or forgotten.

* * *

**So what do you think should happen? Should Harry go to another Wizarding school and make new friends while learning new magic, or should he stay at home with Sirius? My other idea was to have Sirius get a teaching position at the school so he would be able to keep an eye on Harry and offer support while giving him private lessons, while discovering ways in which to defeat Voldemort yet at the same time offering a chance to start over with new friends.**

**I already have a plan in mind, but I'm greatly interested in your opinion. So please let me know what you would like to see happen. **


	9. Chapter 9

Sirius sat silently at the small wooden table in the library, flipping through different books; one ear listening for any sort of sign that meant Harry had awoken. He was more than sure the kid would stay asleep the whole night as he had nearly collapsed on the couch, encouraging Sirius to send him on to bed. Harry had been reluctant at first as he wanted to stay up and help Sirius with whatever he was doing, but the moment Sirius informed him that they would be talking the next day about his relatives he couldn't have made a hastier retreat.

It was around two o'clock in the morning and Sirius wasn't exactly sure what he was doing in the library at the moment or what he was looking for or if he was even looking for anything. It was more than clear that his mind wasn't in his work as more than often his eyes would trail over to the locket that sat lazily at the opposite side of the table.

Sirius exhaled softly, rubbing his hands over his eyes tiredly. He was more than sure that the locket had been in Regulus' possession before he had died and that Kreacher had stolen it in hopes that he might be able to hold onto a small part of the master he once had loved.

Finally giving in to his curiosity, he reached across the table, turning it over in his hands as though there was some sort of secret that waited to be discovered. He narrowed his eyes, as he could practically feel the power that radiated from around it. It came as no surprise to him, however, considering his family, but some part of him- the part that still remembered Regulus climbing into bed with him after a nightmare- had always hoped that his brother would be able to see past their family's pure blood mania and their thirst for power and be strong enough to turn away before it engulfed him as well.

He still remembered that day well- the day that Regulus had appeared to him showing him the black mark. They hadn't spoken in years and Sirius had found it quite surprising that Regulus had wanted to meet up with him to talk. James had gone along to provide whatever sort of help and comfort he could.

The excitement and pride was literally pouring out from him in waves as he spoke about all the things he was learning from his new master; how he hoped to make him proud. Anger and disappointed filled within Sirius and it took every last ounce of strength not to kill him on sight- to still remember that through the mask there was still the same younger brother whom he loved and whom he had vowed to protect until the day he died.

James had to pull him back once he noticed that red gleam in his friend's eyes. Regulus, who had never been one to control his temper, reached his hand inside his robes, pulling out his wand before his brother had a chance to leave. The flash of green still haunted him to this day- as did the look of horror of Regulus' face once he realized what he had done. The curse had missed him by mere inches, but the next reached its mark perfectly. Sirius reached a hand up to rub absently at the scar that graced the left side of his chin even after all these years.

Reinforcements had been called in to break up the fight that had ensued. He had watched helplessly as his brother had been dragged away, hurling threats and accusations at him all the while. James had finally managed to bring Sirius back home with him where he promptly set about destroying everything in sight. Neither James nor Lily-not even Remus-had tried to stop him as they knew this release would be more than good for their friend, but he couldn't stand the looks of sympathy they gave him.

Long after Remus had left and Lily had retired to bed, James sat beside him, trying in vain to somehow reassure his friend that everything would be alright and that he still had his friends and family beside him.

"_I should have been there for him." Sirius said, unable to keep the tears out of his voice as he rubbed his face; more to give his hands something to do than anything else. "I should have stopped him."_

"_Sirius, there was nothing you could have done." James said softly as he eyed Sirius who had his face hidden in his hands. "There wasn't." he said insistently. "Regulus is old enough to make his own choices now, you know?"_

"_I can't believe what I said." Sirius said, finally looking up. "I- I didn't mean it, you know? But I did. I've never felt more furious in my entire life and if you hadn't had been there I would have killed him."_

"_Don't be ridiculous." James said mildly. "The most you would have done-"_

"_You don't _know _what I would have done." Sirius hissed. "I'm his older brother. I knew the path that he would take but I wasn't there to help him. If I had been there-"_

"_It wouldn't have mattered either way." James said firmly. "You and Regulus were far too different. You chose your way and Regulus chose his and there was _nothing _you could have done or said to have changed his mind."_

_Deep down inside Sirius knew he was right. Regulus had always adored their parents and had always dreamed of following in their footsteps. His voice was filled with such admiration when he spoke of their parents and all the things he hoped to learn from them and all the ways he could make them proud. He wanted to believe that Regulus had not done it of his own accord; that his parents had brainwashed him into believing this was the right thing to do. But James was right. No matter how much he hated to admit it there _was _nothing he could have done._

_His only hope was that Regulus would be able to understand where this path would take him in life and be able to turn back. After all, not _all _Slytherins were evil and he was wishing with everything he had that Regulus would be able to prove that one day._

He would never forget the look on his brother's face the day he finally left. That look of praise and affection he had always felt in regards to his older brother had- after so many years- vanished, quickly being replaced by that of deep loathing. Sirius felt as though he had taken a knife straight to his heart. He wanted to say something- _anything _to somehow prove to his brother that he wasn't leaving because of him... that he still loved him with everything he had and that he was sorry.

_Ah, Reg, did you ever forgive me?_ He thought. He closed his eyes; his mind bombarded with memories of that night... of the hurtful words he had spoken...

"_Sirius-" Regulus said softly, an almost pleading look in his eye._

"_No!" he spat. "After all I've done for you over the years-"_

"_You mean_ _l__ike leaving me?" Regulus said coldly. "I was your brother, Sirius- I looked up to you more than anyone and you _left _me to go play house with someone else's family. You turned your back on your family... on me."_

"_You are _no _brother of mine!" Sirius roared, jumping up from his chair, fighting the urge to blast away the younger man before Voldemort had the chance. "You want to go out there and get yourself killed be my guest."_

The memories too hard to handle, he flung the locket across the room where it bounced off a shelf and landed on the ground. He grasped the table with both hands, forcing himself to breathe evenly as he cleared his mind of all thoughts.

He allowed himself a moment of weakness before standing back up, rubbing his face as he did so. He eyed the thing that had landed on the floor with great contempt, wanting nothing more to destroy the wretched thing. He knew he never would be able to though, because despite everything that had occurred between him and his brother he wanted to hold onto it- to somehow hold onto some small memory of his brother that was still left in the world.

He reached down to pick it up, a cold shiver running down his spine as he did so. This thing was full of dark magic and he was compelled to look into it later, but for now he felt as though he could sleep for ten years easily.

He pocketed the thing, not daring to put it on, but he knew- should Harry ever come across it- that the kid wouldn't be able to show such restraint. His godson was too curious for his own good and he wouldn't allow for him to put himself in danger.

He trudged tiredly down the hallway to the room he was staying in, though not before checking in on his godson. The blankets were crumpled together on the floor and he could see a slight shiver run through Harry's body. He crossed the room quietly, picking up the blankets before he gently placed them over Harry once more. He was mumbling in his sleep; his face pinched and pale in the moonlight. He looked as though he was having an inward battle with himself and knew he had to be having a nightmare.

He grabbed the desk chair from across the room and plunked it down beside Harry, using the tips of his fingers to gently massage his neck. Lily would always do this whenever Harry had trouble going to sleep and it never failed to conk him right out. This time proved no differently. He felt the muscles in his neck slowly begin to loosen as he sunk into the mattress.

He turned his head away, his breathing slowly evening out. Sirius stayed with him for awhile until he was sure that he would stay asleep before he placed the chair back in its original spot. He knew he could have sat there all night just watching his godson sleep but he would never intentionally embarrass the kid like that.

He ruffled his hair gently, bending down to kiss the top of his head before he left, making sure to keep the door open a crack so he would hear Harry should he awaken.

Bright emerald eyes tiredly watched him leave, a small smile playing across his face as he succumbed to sleep once more; feeling more secure than he could ever remember being.

* * *

"I hope you realize that no matter how long it takes you to finish your breakfast that we _will_ still be having our discussion." Sirius said the next morning.

Harry gave a small scowl as he continued poking at his food. His godfather was adamant about his food intake he realized and knew the man wouldn't let him leave until he was satisfied with how much he had eaten. He knew he couldn't skip breakfast altogether but that didn't mean he couldn't try to prolong it as much as he could.

Sirius quirked an eyebrow when Harry had yet to take a bite. "You know it might be a good idea to stop playing with your food before I forget how old you really are and decide to spoon feed you."

Harry's eyes widened comically. "You wouldn't dare!" he said horrified.

Sirius reached inside his pocket where he made a great show of pulling out his wand. "Hmm, no, I don't suppose I would _purposefully_, but sometimes I find that I have no control over my wand; seems to have a mind of its own so to speak."

Harry rolled his eyes, unable to keep the amusement off his face as he swallowed a large spoonful of his porridge. "You're completely evil." he said, his voice slightly slurred.

Sirius smirked. "I know, but thank you ever so much for telling me."

Harry shrugged. "Just wanted to make sure you were aware."

They ate in companionable silence, each one lost in their own thoughts, but more than once Harry would look up to find Sirius smiling at him. He hadn't forgotten about the night before and he quickly ducked his head so Sirius wouldn't be able to see the red glow that had tinted his cheeks. A small part of him knew he should be embarrassed at having his godfather sit beside his bed, rubbing his neck gently, but a larger part of him felt oddly comforted and if it made any sense at all- a bit relieved.

Sirius was the only person to show him that kind of comfort- unlike that of Mrs. Weasley who thought he needed to be babied all the time, or the twins who tried to make everything a joke. His godfather seemed to know just what he needed and when; making Harry confused and wondering if this is what it felt like to have a father.

All of a sudden he desperately longed for his godfather, no matter the fact that the man was sitting less than two feet away. _I really _am _a nutter_, Harry thought to himself, but oddly enough he found he didn't really care.

* * *

After breakfast had ended they retired to the parlor; Sirius having to choke back a laugh as he took in Harry's absent fidgeting.

_Merlin, the kid acts as though he's about to be carted off the Azkaban, _Sirius thought dryly.

"Oi, budge up, would you?" Sirius said quietly. "Despite what you seem to think I'm not about to murder you. I just want to talk."

Harry felt his stomach coiling within itself and not really sure why. He knew he hadn't done anything, but embarrassment and fear of how Sirius would react overpowered him. He hadn't ever told anyone about the Dursleys, not even Ron and Hermione, and yet here he sat- his godfather waiting until he chose to spoke, as though they did this sort of thing every day.

Harry wiped his hands on his jeans, inwardly berating himself for appearing so childish. "What do you want to know?" he asked after a moment.

"Everything." Sirius said simply. "I need to know how they treated you while you were under their care. I'm not going to judge you," he said softly when Harry seemed hesitant. "I would never do that. There's no one else here but me, and I'm willing to let you take all the time you need, but we will be discussing this."

Harry couldn't understand why the man wasn't willing to let the matter go. It didn't matter anymore- it never had. When he had left Britain he had been hoping to leave all that behind him, but Sirius it seemed had a different idea.

"It doesn't matter." Harry mumbled.

"Harry-"

"It doesn't!" he said angrily, finally glancing up. "Look my uncle never beat me if that's what you're thinking. Too afraid that I'd turn him into a freak as well." Harry sniffed.

Sirius pursed his lips. "If I ever hear you say that again I will wash your mouth out. Are we clear on that?"

Harry blushed to the tips of his ears. "I didn't mean it like that." he muttered before sighing. "Uncle Vernon would cuff me about the head and slap me once in a while if he thought I got too out of hand or was being too cheeky, but they mostly just left me alone. They locked me in my room and just waited until everyone forgot about me."

"What about Petunia?" Sirius asked.

"Aunt Petunia never cared for me, not her or Uncle Vernon." Harry felt himself grow red at the thought of relaying this information to Sirius, but for some reason he didn't mind Sirius knowing.

His godfather genuinely cared and that was enough for him.

"For the first ten years before I went to Hogwarts my room was the cupboard under the stairs. They gave me old clothes of Dudley's when he outgrew them. Mind you, my cousin is about four times bigger than I am so you can only imagine how they fit me."

Sirius felt his throat tighten and it took several gulps before he was able to form a sentence. "They put you in a _cupboard?_" He asked hoarsely, fighting the urge to apparate on the spot and throttle those bastards to within an inch of their lives as he saw Harry nod.

"Why waste anything on me when they didn't have to?" Harry said, giving a small shrug.

"So, let me get this straight; your relatives stuffed you in a bloody cupboard, slapped you and gave you clothes that were four times your size?" Sirius gave a snort. "Did they even feed you?" He asked; his tone laced heavily with sarcasm.

Sirius felt his heart plummet into his stomach as he saw his godson flush red to the tips of his ears. "Oh, Harry," he breathed, his eyes wide. "Merlin, kid, I'm sorry. I didn't realize-"

"It's okay. They didn't exactly starve me; they just didn't give me a lot to eat." Harry said quickly. "Really Sirius, it's okay. It's not a big deal."

"Not a big deal?" Sirius practically shouted. "Harry your relatives abused you-"

"They didn't! I told you Uncle Vernon hardly ever touched me."

"They neglected you, Harry, and that in itself is a form of abuse."

"You don't know anything about it," Harry grumbled a bit irritably. It had been hard enough admitting all that to Sirius. The last thing he needed was for the man to say that on top of everything that had happened in his life that he was a poor pathetic abused child. Please, he was enough of a freak without adding _that_ to the mix.

Sirius' lips thinned into a straight line. _I know more than you realize…_ But feeling that was a conversation for a different time, he refrained from bringing it up. This moment belonged to Harry.

The silence that followed seemed entirely too loud in his ears. He eyed Sirius wearily, waiting for the man to say something more, but he never did. He covered his face with his hands and breathed deeply. Harry was unsure of what he should say or if he should even say anything.

Finally after a long moment Sirius spoke. "You would never believe how shocked I was the day your parents named me your godfather. I thought it was going to be great fun being your godfather, you know? I would be the one you would come to whenever you got into a fight with your dad, or whenever you thought your mum was being too protective, or just whenever you wanted someone to talk to. But I was young and foolish when you were born and I never did think about the responsibility that job would entail."

He looked up and pierced Harry with a solemn look. "Part of my world ended the day your parents died. Your father was more than my best friend- he was my brother. That night I was so overcome with grief and the desire for revenge that I never gave a thought about how my actions could impact anyone- especially you. I should have never gone after the filthy rat; I should have looked after you. But I didn't and of course _you_ would be the one that would have to pay for my recklessness."

Harry swallowed thickly, wishing more than ever that he hadn't said a word about anything. He couldn't stand to see his usually confident godfather in such a way and knowing that it had been his fault... it nearly made his heart stop. But despite everything, he felt a great desire to reassure the man- to somehow make him realize that Harry didn't blame him for any of it.

"Sirius, look... what happened with Pettigrew- I don't blame you, you know?" Harry mumbled, and as soon as the words left his mouth he felt himself blush, even more so when Sirius glanced at him. "And so you weren't here for the first twelve years of my life- nobody was. But you're here now you know? It may not mean much to you, but that's all that really matters to me."

Sirius merely stared at him for the longest time, but a sad smile was slowly appearing on his face. To Harry it was the most beautiful thing in the world at that moment. They sat in silence, neither of them really knowing what to say. In Harry's opinion, it was probably the most uncomfortable conversation they had yet to have, but for some odd reason it seemed to be the most important. The last thing he wanted was for Sirius to doubt himself and if ever an opportunity arose to prove to his godfather how much Harry was grateful to him he would take full advantage of it. He wasn't entirely sure how this whole 'godfather-godson' thing was suppose to go, but he was hoping they might figure it out as they went along.

Sirius couldn't help but feel embarrassed knowing how vulnerable he was appearing, but Harry needed to know that regardless of his past mistakes he was more than determined to learn from them and hopefully give Harry what he deserved. He was going to change... he _had _to.

He palmed the back of Harry's neck, giving a gentle squeeze before inhaling sharply. "What else?" he asked quietly.

"Nothing." Harry lied casually. Sirius quirked an eyebrow and he quickly backpedaled. "Well, I mean they let Dudley beat me up a lot, but he's my cousin you know, and we've never been especially close. It turned out alright though," Harry said with a small smirk. "Once I started Hogwarts he was too afraid to come after me anymore and when he finally plucked up the courage to do so I was able to hold my own."

"There isn't anything funny about this." Sirius said gravelly, looking at Harry seriously.

"Well, I know." Harry said a bit awkwardly. "I wasn't thinking it was." In all honesty he wasn't. But Sirius was digging down way to deep for his liking which would- in the end- not do anyone any good. The last thing he wanted was for Sirius to break down and think that all of this had been his fault.

He knew how hard his godfather was trying and he couldn't even begin to describe how much he appreciated it, but the past was best left where it was- the past.

Sirius recognized his answer for what it was as he had done the exact same thing many years ago when James and Remus had been poking around. The gesture did nothing to still his fears but rather increased them.

"Harry... I can understand where you're coming from- I really can- but this isn't something that we can just forget about."

"There is nothing more to discuss." Harry snapped, growing defensive as the moments went by. "Look I've already told you what you wanted to know so just drop it will you?"

"I won't do that." Sirius said softly. "I need for you to understand that what they did to you-"

"That it wasn't right and I didn't deserve to be treated that way. I know Sirius." He said with a sigh, slumping down in the couch, purposefully avoiding his godfather's gaze.

"Do you?" Sirius asked quietly.

Harry shrugged, unsure of how to answer. Part of him wanted to believe that what his godfather said was true, but years of suffering at the hands of the people who were supposed to care for him left him feeling confused.

He felt Sirius grasp his chin gently and reluctantly let his gaze meet that of his godfather's. "I can imagine how difficult this must be, I really can, because I was there once and I know- probably more than anyone- of what you're going through. My parents were awful to me, Harry- did things to me that no child should ever have to suffer through. The day I finally left...my father used the cruciatus curse on me." Sirius said hoarsely, as though every word caused him physical pain.

Harry swallowed thickly; his heart thumping so rapidly inside his chest he was surprised it hadn't burst. He knew what it must have cost for Sirius to tell him all of this and the fact that he was to somehow help him understand that the Dursleys harsh treatment wasn't acceptable... he saw his godfather in a different light at that moment.

"I'm sorry." Harry finally managed to say. "I didn't realize... you didn't have to tell me that, you know?"

Sirius smiled sadly as he carded a hand through his tousled hair. "I think I did." he countered. "Anyways, it turned out for the better. I ran away to your dad's and for once I finally felt as though my life held meaning. Your grandfather was more of a dad to me than my father ever was. He helped me realize that there was no reason for any of it and that I had people in my life who cared for me. The same is true for you as well. Despite every you've gone through I can guarantee you that you will never find anyone who cares for you as much as I do and If you need to hear that every day for the rest of your life then I'll be more than happy to tell you. I can even post it on your bedroom door if you'd like. "

Harry gave a snort of laughter, never minding the wetness he could feel that had formed in his eyes.

"You never should have had to suffer through any of that, do you understand me?" He asked in a shaky voice.

Harry gave a jerky nod, trying hard to ignore the sting that had taken over his sinuses as he leaned forward into Sirius' welcoming arms; not caring the least bit how childish he was behaving.

Sirius held on tightly; trying-without words- to somehow make his foolish godson realize how very much he was loved. It would take time he realized but for Harry... he had all the time in the world.

* * *

**Sorry for the shortness of the chapter, but it seemed a good place to stop and honestly, the more I wrote the more uncomfortable it was if that makes sense. Hope to have the next chapter out soon and thank you all so much for all your support :)**


	10. Chapter 10

When Harry finally leaned back he was blushing a subtle pink, but a soft grin was splitting his face. Despite his embarrassment he felt more relieved than he had in days; as if a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. It was amazing how a simple conversation with his godfather seemed to put everything in a whole different perspective.

He had thought that their discussion was over for the time being but the look on Sirius' face said otherwise. He looked as though he were struggling to find the right words to say.

"Do you absolutely promise that they never hurt you?" Sirius asked, pinning Harry with a solemn look.

Harry hesitated for a moment. When he had been younger his uncle would occasionally smack him, but he didn't think that was what his godfather meant. His relatives certainly never cursed him like Sirius' father had him, or beat him with a belt or any other things they threatened to do. He was sure it was fear that kept them from laying a hand on him- whether it be fear of him blowing them up or fear of contaminating themselves with whatever freakish aura that blindly radiated from their abominable nephew.

He could now understand why Sirius hated his family so much. He had never before realized just how much alike their childhoods had been. But after years of suffering they had finally escaped their prisons and were now finally together as they should have always been.

Sirius cocked an expectant brow and Harry resisted the urge to roll his eyes in annoyance. "I swear that they never beat me." he said resolutely, inwardly pleading for his godfather to just drop it.

Sirius seemed to have picked up on it and he settled for giving a quick nod, running a hand through his hair, exhaling sharply through his nose. He let his hand fall, resting on the kid's head for a moment. "I know we've already gone over this, but you really need to understand that how they treated you was unacceptable. But, more importantly you also need to realize that I would never treat you like that. I couldn't even imagine it."

A sudden lump had formed in Harry's throat, but he forced it back down. He opened and closed his mouth several times before mumbling a quiet, "I know." And really he did. Years of neglect at the hands of the Dursleys had left him unable to fully trust adults, but he knew that Sirius was different somehow. He wasn't sure if it was because he had been such good friends with his parents and his godfather or maybe just because he understood him better than anyone else he had ever met.

Dumbledore seemed to have had a sort of 'grandfatherly' affection towards him, but he hadn't trusted the headmaster- not completely. Harry always felt as though he were being examined under a microscope whenever the headmaster looked at him and he didn't especially like it. But Sirius' eyes held a sort of warmness in them; never minded the haunted look that had been present since he had escaped from Azkaban- a shadowed look that Harry knew would never be able to disappear altogether.

Harry was sure his eyes held that same bedeviled look, so at least his godfather wasn't alone in that.

Harry listened to the steady tick of the clock as the minutes passed by; the sun reflecting off the small stream that was visible through the small window and Harry thought longingly of the new day that awaited him where he was free to do whatever he wanted.

His thoughts drifted to that of Hermione and Ron; wondering if they were missing him just as much as he was missing them- if they too felt as though a part of their heart had been ripped out. He wondered if they were even thinking about him at all. How would they react to the news that he and Sirius had disappeared from Britain? Would Ron finally pull his head out of his arse and realize just what a complete prat he had been? Would Hermione feel guilty that she had left without even saying goodbye when he had needed her?

He knew that although he and Ron were at odds he would never be able to completely forget him and the friendship that they had had for years. He wondered what it would take for Ron to finally realize just what a mistake he had made.

"Are we done now?" Harry asked wearily, as though thinking that merely asking such a question would cause his godfather to remember something else he had wanted to say.

"Not quite." Sirius replied, smirking when Harry let out a groan, unable to mask his annoyance. "I know; you're tortured."

"Tell me about it." Harry snorted with a wry smile, but he leaned back, finally accepting that his morning had been wasted, while he sat, anxiously awaiting whatever his godfather had to say next.

"Remus mentioned something about another Wizarding school-"

"No." Harry said cutting him off. At Sirius' surprised look he continued. "Sirius I don't have time to go to another school and try and try to make new friends and all that other rot. I've got to train haven't I? I've got to learn how to defend myself and how to defeat him once and for all. I can't really do that if I'm stuck in school listening to boring lectures about the history of chocolate frogs or all the good stuff now can I?"

Harry had a point he realized, but really, Sirius couldn't just let him forgo the rest of his schooling, could he? He could only imagine what Lily would have to say about it- or rather what she would do to him. Even in death the fiery redhead gave him chills that Voldemort could never hope to. He wondered what James would do. He'd probably agree with his son, but realize begrudgingly that school was rather important.

But they weren't here and he was and so it would have to be him that had to make all the difficult decisions from now on. He had always envied the role that James had had in Harry's life, but he had never before realized just how hard it would prove to be. There was a fine line between friendship and guardianship and he'd have to toe that lie quite carefully if he didn't want to screw everything up.

Harry was looking at him pointedly and realized that his godson expected an answer. Sirius let out a blubbery sigh. "Harry, I want you to understand that no matter what everyone else says or thinks you are under no obligation whatsoever to defeat Voldemort."

"I'm just a kid, right?" Harry said heatedly, unsure were the sudden surge of anger was coming from. "I should just stay in the house like a good little boy and let the adults handle it, should I?"

If Sirius was shocked by the kid's sudden change in demeanor he didn't show it. "That's not what I'm saying at all." he said in a low voice, a mild warning in his voice. "Age is no factor in this situation. Hell, even if you were as old as Dumbledore you wouldn't be prepared unless you've had any sort of experience with the dark arts. Age doesn't always determine the ability or the readiness to do something and you can't read about it in a book either. When it comes to the point, the experiences you've had are what determine how ready you are."

"And you think I'm ready?"

"More than ready in my opinion." Harry smiled at the pride in his godfather's voice, but he hadn't missed the slight fear that masked his tone. "You drove off at least a hundred dementors your third year in your effort to save me and last year you braved three tasks many your age wouldn't have been the least prepared for."

Harry blushed at the praise and he couldn't help but wonder if he should inform Sirius of his past years at Hogwarts, but something stopped him. He knew what his godfather thought of Slytherins. How would he feel knowing his own godson had almost been sorted into Slytherin? How would he feel knowing about his ability to talk to snakes?

Part of him feared rejection, but a larger part somehow knew that although Sirius might be surprised at first he wouldn't care either way. After everything Sirius had done for him just in the course of a few weeks didn't he owe it to the man to let him know everything about his past?

Still, he wondered- would Sirius be upset learning about what he had done? He hadn't had experience being in trouble with the man and that wasn't something he was looking forward to. The very idea of disappointing the man nearly made him feel as though he might sick up.

_"The day I finally left... my father used the cruciatus curse on me."_ He could hear the pain in his godfather's voice when he had spoken; his face pinched and pale. Harry knew what it had cost the man to tell him that, but he had done it with no regrets and that more than anything else made Harry realized that the man deserved to know. After this, there would be no more secrets... he hoped.

He let out a sigh, glancing fleetingly at his godfather before going into everything that had happened. Sirius for his part, didn't utter a single word as his godson spoke, but Harry could see his face drain of color the more he spoke, closing his eyes as though he couldn't believe what he was hearing. Light laughter penetrated the room at times, but more than often his expression was unreadable as he leaned forward on his elbows, his gaze set firmly on the opposite side of the room as he listened.

When at last Harry had finished he noticed the paleness of the older man's face was even more discernible. Had it not been for the fact that he could see his eyes moving briefly, Harry would have guessed the man had gone into shock. Sirius didn't say anything for the longest time and Harry couldn't help but wonder if it had been such a good idea in the first place.

It seemed hours that Sirius remained the way until he was able to collect his bearings and when at last he looked at his godson, Harry felt as though he had been punched in the stomach. Fury masked Sirius' face and it took everything he had to keep his eyes level with that of his godfather's. He hadn't seen Sirius quite so angry before and it surprised him to say the least.

"I am going to murder that bleeding old codger." Sirius said in a low deadly voice and Harry blushingly realized that his anger wasn't directed towards him but Dumbledore. But although Harry had lost all respect for the man, he wasn't sure why Sirius was angry with him. After all, Dumbledore hadn't made him do anything- he had done it of his own accord.

Harry was unsure whether he should speak or just let Sirius sit and mull things over for the time being. He found it quite endearing listening to his godfather mutter about all the things he would do to Dumbledore; relishing in the fact that he now had someone that cared enough about him to even think to do that.

"Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be alive?" Sirius finally asked taking him by surprise.

His anger had abated being quickly taken over by concern. He hadn't been expecting that.

"Do you?" Sirius asked even more softly when Harry had yet to answer. Part of him wondered why he wasn't more upset with the kid but the idea that he had nearly lost his godson more times than he cared to admit was taking over any anger he may have felt.

He felt a huge desire to take him into his arms and hold him forever; to make sure that he was really there. A huge blame lied with Dumbledore he realized but the ruddy old fool couldn't be blamed for all of it entirely. What really bothered him was that Harry had gone into each situation as if he didn't care whether or not he died.

He probably hadn't he realized. Before he had come along Harry hadn't had any idea how much he meant to other people- his relatives certainly hadn't gone out of their way to make him realize that. But if it was the last thing he did he would make Harry realize just how important he was to his godfather.

Harry wasn't sure what to say or even if Sirius expected him to say anything. He merely sat there; his heart thumping faster inside his chest and he found he was unable to say anything. Words literally would not come.

It didn't matter however because the next moment Sirius leaned back, palming the back of his neck, applying gentle pressure but Harry could feel the slight shaking making him feel if at all even worse.

Harry wanted to apologize but for what? For endangering himself? For not giving a damn if he had died? He wanted so desperately to feel something but he couldn't. The truth he hadn't cared. Ron and Hermione had both had loving parents who would have been beside themselves should something have happened to their children. Harry hadn't had anyone. It was as simple as that.

"I'm sorry." Harry mumbled softly. He couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"You could have died." Sirius said hoarsely, struggling hard to keep his voice from cracking; his pained eyes boring into Harry's. "And if it hadn't been for Fawkes you would have. I know I wasn't there but damn it Harry James you do not under any circumstances rush headlong into danger without giving a rat's arse about your life, do you understand me?"

Harry bit his lower lip, giving a jerky nod, trying desperately to stem the tears that had begun to form behind his eyes. He wouldn't allow them to fall. He wouldn't allow himself to appear vulnerable. But he knew that if Sirius kept at it like he was he wouldn't have any other choice but to let the tears flow freely, but he strongly hoped that wasn't about to happen.

Sirius saw the effort it took his godson to maintain his composure and he almost wanted to break him; to push him to that state- to let him know it was alright not to be strong all the time. But he wouldn't do that. The sight tore at his heart and he took several gulps of air to calm the raging war of emotions that had arisen.

Words could no longer contribute anything to the conversation so he settled for enveloping the distraught teen into a fierce hug, a bit surprised at the enthusiastic response. "No more, do you hear me?" Sirius asked in as stern a voice as he muster. He felt Harry nod and held him that much tighter.

They stayed that way for a long while before Sirius pulled back, clearing his throat. "This is absolutely something you have got to get through your head. You are far too important to me for me to allow you to do something so dangerous it would cause me to lose you. I don't want an apology." he said quickly when he noticed that Harry was opening his mouth to say something. "I just need for you to understand that. I also need for you to understand how incredibly proud I am of you. I know it must have been terrifying, but you didn't let your fear overwhelm you. You are incredibly brave Harry James, but you give no thought to your own safety. If not for you, then try and stay alive for me, yeah? I don't think I could bear it if something happened to you."

Harry swallowed thickly and nodded once more. He understood the truth behind the words. Harry felt the same way in regards to him. Sirius was the only one who cared about him like that and there weren't enough words to somehow describe how grateful he was. He made a vow right then to think about his godfather whenever he was in that sort of situation.

"If you'd rather not go to another Wizarding school I certainly won't make you, but you need to be sure this is something that you want."

Harry was thankful for the change in subject, self consciously wiping at his moist eyes, feeling his face flush as he did so. He wasn't sure what he wanted to be honest. One side of him wanted nothing more than to go to another school, make new friends, and just be a regular kid for once. But he wasn't so stupid to realize that until Voldemort was defeated once and for all that was one dream that was way too far out of reach. He thought of Sirius and wondered what it would be like not to have his godfather all to himself all day every day. But he wasn't some baby who needed 'daddy' around him all the time, so he'd have to suck it up and take it in stride.

"Tell you what." Sirius said quietly when he noticed the hesitation. "Don't decide anything right now. You think on it for awhile and then let me know. Whatever you choose I'll be fine with, but choose something you know you'll be happy with, not something you think you should do in regards to Voldemort."

"Sirius, if I don't train I won't stand a chance against him." Harry said a bit snappishly.

"That is rather hypocritical coming from the kid who's faced him four times if not more and lived to tell about it." Sirius said with a cocked brow.

Harry blushed. "That was luck and nothing more. Despite what people believe I haven't got any super powers or any secret on how to destroy Voldemort. I'm just me and it's about damn well time they realized that."

Without even realizing it Sirius' mind drifted to a night many years ago. It was at an Order meeting and Lily had just announced that she was pregnant with Harry. Everyone had been beside themselves with happiness- everyone besides Dumbledore who looked much too troubled for his liking.

They hadn't really taken what he had told them seriously- that was until Harry had been born. James had been hesitant at first but realizing it was the best way to keep his infant son who was his life safe he disregarded his own desire for freedom and took his family into hiding.

It hadn't gone well at all. There had been a traitor within their group and whoever it had been was leaking news to Voldemort. James and Lily had had to move seven times within three months. James was growing increasingly restless and Lily herself was frantic with worry.

They has finally moved to Godric's Hollow and it appeared as though everything was going fine until that night.

James had never put prophecies much in store but the very idea of Voldemort targeting his son made him realize he needed to do something.

"I'm going to murder that dumb broad for making such a prediction." He had hissed at Sirius one night after Lily had put Harry to bed.

But Sirius knew the blame didn't lie with her alone, but rather with the one who had overheard.

"Then I'll off him to." James said waving away his words. "The point is that snake faced freak is targeting my son and there's not a damn thing I can do about it!" His shouting had awoken Harry and he spent the entire night trying to calm him down, his cheek resting gently upon his small tuft of dark hair as he breathed deeply; staring at Sirius- pleading with him as though Sirius could somehow make everything better.

Sirius knew he would have given anything in the world to take the burden away. He couldn't imagine how James and Lily were feeling but he knew he would die before anyone laid a hand upon his godson.

He was quite certain the kid had no idea about the prophecy as Dumbledore had wanted to keep him in the dark about anything that had to do with him. He was hesitant to tell him as Harry had already burdened himself with being the one to finally get rid of Voldemort and he didn't want to add any more stress.

But Sirius knew that Harry deserved to know the truth- he had earned that right and he had proven it time after time. He wouldn't be like the other adults in Harry's life. He wouldn't keep him in the dark in an effort to shield him from the danger and cruelness of the world. Whatever his godson wanted to know he would tell him.

"Come with me." Sirius said, standing and pulling Harry along with him before he had a chance to reply.

Harry followed him up the stairs where he found himself standing confused in the library. Sirius was rummaging around on a top shelf finally pulling down a basin and settling it upon the table. Harry walked forward and stood near Sirius as they eyed the pensieve.

"Do you know what a pensieve is?" Sirius asked.

"Sure. It stores memories, doesn't it? I accidentally fell into one in Dumbledore's office last year."

Sirius snorted in amusement. The kid didn't look the least bit repentant. "What I'm about to show you is a memory from about fifteen years ago."

"What is it?" Harry asked, his brow furrowing with slight confusion and interest.

Sirius didn't say a word but merely gestured towards the basin. Harry stared at him for a minute before taking a deep breath and entering. It felt cold on his face, as though somebody had splashed water on his face.

He landed roughly in a room, realizing with a jolt of surprise that it was the kitchen at Grimmauld Place. He recognized Dumbledore immediately; his long white beard flowing freely at his waist. He was twiddling his thumbs, taking great interest in the wooden table beneath him as he nodded occasionally.

He spotted the younger versions of Sirius and Remus at once. Sirius' face looked far less haunted but Harry realized this had been before he had been sent to Azkaban. Remus looked the same; his robes tattered, his face scarred and it looked as though he was in pain. Harry wondered whether it had been the full moon a short while ago.

He noticed all the other members of the Order that he knew; Kingsley, Mad Eye, and his stomach gave a painful lurch when he noticed Pettigrew sitting casually just a few seats away from Sirius; his tiny eyes wide with fear and anxiousness. He wondered if he had yet made the decision to betray his parents.

For a small moment Harry thought about rushing at him, to yell out to the room and let them know that he was the traitor, but it would be useless. His parents were dead and no matter how hard he wished they weren't ever coming back. He had already come to terms with that long ago, but he couldn't help but wish that things couldn't be different.

He hadn't realized that Sirius had fallen through with him until he felt a gentle hand settle on his shoulder. He didn't look back though as his eyes had finally found those of his mother. He felt his breath catch; his chest tightening painfully.

This hadn't been the first time that his startling emerald eyes had bore into hers, but this was different. The first time he had been looking at her through a mirror and she had been but a ghostly figure in the graveyard. She was sitting just a few feet away right next to his father. They looked happy, yet troubled at the same time. Had they then realized the danger they would find themselves in?

His mother smiled softly and Harry thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

The meeting didn't last long and just when Harry noticed that his parents were about to get up and leave Dumbledore held up a finger to stop them. He had reluctantly allowed Sirius and Remus to stay and listen.

"First off I want to offer my congratulations to the both of you." Dumbledore said, though Harry was able to tell that there was no twinkle in his eye as he said this. "Secondly I must inform you of some troubling news I was informed of only recently in regards to your son."

Harry saw his father sit up in his chair, a suspicious gleam in his eyes and his mother placed a protective hand over her belly; fear etched upon her face.

"What news?" James asked with a slight edge in his tone, his hand grabbing hold to that of Lily's and giving a gentle squeeze.

"You know Sybill Trelawney I presume?"

"The seer?" James asked, confusion masking his tone, before he gave a heated sniff. "Dumbledore you know I don't give a ruddy damn about people like that. They bide their time, all the while trying to come up with some load of rubbish they can pass off as a prophecy."

Dumbledore looked at sharply. "I am aware of how you feel about such people, but I must insist that you hear me out. Or are you not the least bit aware of the fate of your son?"

"James." Lily murmured in a low voice, touching his wrist gently when she noticed her husband rising from his seat, his face flushed with anger. Her expression was pleading with him to let Dumbledore finish. James took one look at her and finally relented.

"I was in the Hog's Head just a short while ago." Dumbledore announced. "I was in the uppermost room accompanied by Sybill when she suddenly went rigid. I knew immediately what was happening and I rushed to shut the door, but I'm afraid I hadn't gotten it closed on the way."

"Someone heard?" James asked.

"Indeed." Dumbledore said gravelly. "But not just anyone. They were one of Voldemort's and you can only imagine that they to inform their master immediately."

"And do you happen to know who it was?" James asked sharply.

"I do not." Dumbledore said, but Harry knew at once that the headmaster wasn't being truthful. "We were most fortunate that the bartender caught the person and threw him out before he had a chance to hear it in its entirety."

"What did it say?" Lily whispered fearfully.

"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... and the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ... and either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives ... the one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord will be born as the seventh month dies …"

Lily clasped a hand over her mouth in horror; tears springing to her eyes. James looked as though he was waiting for Dumbledore to start laughing and say that this was nothing more but a cruel joke.

"What does this mean?" James asked and for the first time he sounded scared.

"It means we have reason to believe that Voldemort will try and target your son."

"Our son?" James nearly exploded. "Dumbledore we-we can't be the only ones who fit the prophecy, can we? We don't know for sure whether or not it will be our son."

"There is one other couple who fit the prophecy." Dumbledore nodded. "And I'm certain that he will go after them as well, but I have a feeling you will be the first he will go after."

Lily finally let out a choking sob and hid her face in her hands, letting the tears flow freely.

James didn't know what to believe. He had never been one to go for that sort of thing, but it sounded too coincidental for his liking. He could just blow it off like it was nothing and go about their normal lives. But what if for some strange reason it was true? He couldn't put his family in danger- especially his son. He hadn't even been born yet but James found that he loved him more than he ever thought was possible.

"What do we do?" James asked in a low voice, trying with all his might to ignore Lily's heartbreaking sobs.

"Go into hiding as soon as the child is born." Dumbledore said. "There's not much else you can do."

"You want us to hide away and wait until the moment he seeks us out?" James cried. "We'd be prisoners, Albus."

"I should think it wouldn't matter." Dumbledore said sternly. "If you care so much about your freedom, then please, do as you will. But if you care the least bit for your unborn son you will take my words to heart."

His mother's sobs echoed loudly in his ears and he was only aware of Sirius' presence behind him when he felt Sirius squeeze his shoulder and he tore his eyes away, allowing himself to be lead out of the memory.

He had guessed they had landed in the library, but Harry felt much too disoriented to be sure. Fear gripped his insides, tugging until he was sure he would sick up. He brushed off Sirius, needing a moment to compose himself. He took several deep breaths, but even then he found he was unable to form words.

He knew it shouldn't have surprised him as much as it did, but he felt as though some part of him knew deep down inside. He had already come to terms with being the one to destroy Voldemort, but to actually hear the words... it was as if his fate was set in stone, and oddly enough he found it didn't scare him quite so much as he thought it would, but rather made him that much more determined to destroy the monster who had killed off his family.

"Harry." Sirius said softly when he thought Harry was in a better position to listen.

Harry knew he couldn't avoid his godfather forever and so he turned, coming face to face with the man; his expression fierce yet almost pleading with Sirius to somehow release him of this great weight that had settled upon his shoulders, making it almost impossible to stand upright.

"It's okay." Harry said trying hard to offer a reassuring smile, but he found he was unable to. "I should have known anyways. I mean there had to be a reason that Voldemort tried to kill me when I was a baby and now I finally know."

He was surprised that Sirius had shown him that certain memory and in that moment he felt as though an invisible barrier was slowly beginning to crumble, but it was enough.

"I don't want you to set much in store by this prophecy." Sirius warned in a low voice. "You are under no obligation-"

"Sirius I know." Harry nearly laughed at his godfather's worried face. "Professor Trelawney is an old fraud. I can't even tell you how many times she predicted my death in my third year, yet here I am. And you know what?" He said thoughtfully."I've just decided that I'm not going anywhere. My dad was right, you know? And I'm not about to let a damn prophecy determine my fate. Even before I heard it I had already made it my mission to be the one to destroy Voldemort. It was shocking to hear, I'm not going to lie, but I'm not thinking of that. I'm thinking about my parents and the fact that it's because of him they're not alive anymore. When I kill him it will be for that reason alone. I owe it to them and not to anyone else."

Pride swelled within Sirius at that moment as he stared at his godson. He was so much like his parents it was almost uncanny. In that moment Sirius felt as though James had somehow come back to life, but Harry was by far more brave than his father had ever been. It seemed as though nothing scared the kid. He knew Harry needed to do what he thought he needed to do and he would be there every step of the way. But he desperately wished the kid wasn't so like his father as Sirius knew he wouldn't be able to stand losing his godson.

James had been his best friend and his brother in all but blood and it had killed him inside to see the lifeless eyes that still haunted his nightmares. Unexpectedly an image of a dead Harry swarm into his mind and he choked back a sob. Losing James had been hard enough, but losing Harry... he knew it would be far worse.

He would do whatever was possible to help the kid defeat the bastard once and for all, though at the time, completely unaware of how much closer they would become at the end of it all.


	11. Chapter 11

**I apologize for such the long wait. I had an insanely busy week of work and found myself too tired to try and write. Then I fell sick right after that for about a week and just when I was starting to get better I fell sick again. All in all it hasn't been a good week for me :P**

**Hope you enjoy the chapter :)**

* * *

"Like this?" Harry's voice carried across the yard.

Sirius peered at him through the corner of his eye. "Move a bit further back and raise your left hand a bit higher."

Harry did as he was told; a determined look on his face. They were just setting up the last of the protective spells on the house and Harry had found it most interesting as he hadn't been aware of such enchantments yet.

Supposedly the charm Sirius was currently teaching him was _Salvio Hexia_, which according to him would protect the house from hexes. Harry wasn't entirely sure why it would be needed as his mother's blood would act enough as a barrier itself, but he assumed Sirius wasn't wanting to take any chances so he did as he was instructed.

Harry let out a small groan of frustration as his spell failed once again. In all actuality he had never been that good at Charms. He was fair he supposed but really his talents lied in Defense Against the Dark Arts

Sirius who was watching quite intently, saw the struggle and had to force back a small chuckle. He refrained from helping though as Harry had been adamant to do it himself. Though he hadn't been opposed to a few helpful hints.

"Your left palm needs to be facing _outward _Harry," Sirius provided helpfully. "And swish _downwards_."

Harry forced back a small surge of annoyance that had arisen and nodded curtly. Raising his father's wand, he did as Sirius suggested.

"_Salvio Hexia,_" He said firmly and while it didn't give off any light to suggest that the spell had been effective he felt a small force of energy and knew he had been successful that time. A small triumphant smile crossed his face for the briefest of seconds before he turned back to Sirius who was looking on quite proudly.

"What's the next one?" Harry asked.

"_Repello Inimicum. _And the wand movement is quite simple for this one actually. Just point skyward."

"That's it?" Harry asked, a bit incredulously.

"Well, I suppose you could spread your legs a little further apart and start jumping up and down like some sort on monkey, but really, why make it any harder than it needs to be?" Sirius asked, smirking when Harry made a face at him. They had been outside for the better part of the morning putting up protective charms and Sirius couldn't help but notice that Harry seemed a bit on edge.

Harry had been unusually quiet since their discussion yesterday and Sirius was certain it had something to do with hearing about the prophecy even though Harry had insisted that he was _fine _and that it hadn't _bothered him _when Sirius had asked.

Sirius wasn't fooled however and after everything they had discussed he was fairly certain the kid wouldn't have been that much appreciative to talk anymore on the subject so he let it drop for the time being.

However, Sirius knew they couldn't keep skirting around the prophecy. As Harry had told him it was revenge for his parents that drove him to be the one to kill Voldemort- not the damn prophecy. Even though he had never put much in store with prophecies he knew they had to do something to keep Voldemort from gleaming any sort of information other than what he already knew.

"And what does this one do?" Harry's voice broke through his thoughts.

"By itself it is a charm that repels enemies, but you're going to cast it in combination with _Fianto Duri _and _Protego Maxima. _Together they conjure up an almost impregnable magical protection barrier."

"Sirius we're setting up all these enchantments and they're pretty much useless aren't they?" Harry asked. "After all, my mother's charm that was placed on me when she died kept me safe my entire life while I was living with my relatives so I don't really understand why we need all these others."

Sirius was more than a little surprised at the annoyance seeping through his godson's tone, but he decided against saying anything. If anyone had a right to be upset it was Harry and really, he was surprised he was holding out as well as he was.

"That is true." Sirius said with a nod. "However I wouldn't go so far as to say that they're useless. Magic is a tricky thing Harry; it always has been. Take Hogwarts for example; it could easily be considered the safest place in the entire Wizarding world but when it comes to the point there is no amount of enchantments that will keep it protected if Voldemort ever decided to wreak havoc upon it. We're not going to be able to keep out of his sight forever and when that happens I would like to have as much protection around this place as I possibly can."

"It won't matter will it?" Harry said a hard edge in his tone. "You said yourself that when it comes to the point there will be nothing to stop Voldemort if he wanted to break through the barriers." Somewhere in the back of his mind he could hear a tiny voice telling him to shut up, but he was never especially good at listening to it. He could feel his stomach twisting painfully and wondered why on earth he was feeling as upset and annoyed as he was- especially with his godfather.

His temper had been boiling deep inside ever since the end of the third task, but he had made a great effort to keep it in control and for the most part he thought he had been doing rather well. It seemed to have surfaced rather quickly now that he had left Britain and he couldn't understand why.

"Enough arguing." Sirius said sternly. "Either do as I say or move so I can finish up."

A particularly hard look from Sirius had been enough to wipe the glare from Harry's face as he offered an apologetic grimace and continued putting up the last enchantments. He stared at the outside of the house for the longest time, wondering if he would ever feel at home here. With the trees surrounding it and the little streams that ran through it Harry couldn't help but feel as though this was the nicest and most wonderful place he had ever been. But like the Dursleys, it wasn't _really _his home after all- Remus had just been kind enough to offer it to them.

The thing that surprised him about it however was the almost muggle like appearance to it. He had never met Remus' cousin and wasn't sure whether she was magical or not. It wasn't really a fair assessment however as the only Wizarding house he had been in was that of the Weasleys and Sirius' parents house and- like muggle houses- each one would be different.

"I think that's enough for right now." Sirius said coming up behind him and placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, a bit concerned when he felt Harry's muscles tense under his touch. "We'll have a look through my father's books later on and see if there are any others that we can use." However, if he knew the man like he think he did he was certain there wouldn't be any. When he and Remus had packed everything there had been only a few protective charms that he thought looked good and they had already used them all. Mainly he had sorted through his father's books for any spells he could teach Harry- ones that would most likely not cause your blood to curdle.

"I'm sorry," Harry mumbled without turning around. "I didn't mean to be short with you. I'm a little tired is all." It wasn't exactly a lie, but he had no desire to go into the strange dreams he seemed to be having of a dark corridor that seemed to go on forever. He wasn't even sure why he was dreaming of such things and part of him wondered whether it would be a good idea to tell Sirius about it or not. Something was stopping him however and really, there was no point in complaining to his godfather like some freaking toddler over strange dreams.

He felt Sirius squeeze his shoulder gently and he couldn't keep his stomach from coiling within itself, almost making him want to sick up. He shrugged Sirius' hand off, wanting to be left alone all of a sudden. He heard a soft sigh from behind him and felt a pang of guilt wash over him. Harry wanted to apologize but the words were lodged in his throat.

He didn't understand why he was feeling so out of control in his emotions and why on earth he was feeling as though he was riding an emotional roller coaster; perfectly happy one minute, burning with rage the next, and then quite strange to him- feeling so desperate and in need of having Sirius around every second of the day.

The sudden surge of annoyance and anger that had spurted began to recede in that moment and he couldn't help but give an inward sigh of relief.

"Well I don't know about you but I'm famished." Sirius remarked noticing the tension ease away.

"When aren't you?" Harry said with a snort of laughter as he turned and walked in step with Sirius back to the house.

* * *

"You're lying." Harry said at once. He bent his head low over a book as he curled up on the couch.

After a small snack the two had retired to the parlor, busying themselves over a pile of books each as they leafed through trying to find different spells. The first book Harry had gone through had been nothing but information that could put even Professor Binns to sleep and some gruesome pictures that nearly made his stomach churn.

"I absolutely promise you." Sirius smirked without looking up.

Harry shook his head. His godfather was insane but of course that was nothing new to him really. "Sirius there is no way my father would have gone to class in nothing but his shorts. He just wouldn't have."

"If he knew what he was doing at the time he wouldn't have, you're right." Sirius said with a laugh causing Harry to narrow his eyes suspiciously. "Long story short- your father thought it'd be a good idea to kiss the girl I fancied during our fourth year. I was furious of course and it nearly took both Remus and the rat to hold me back from pummeling him. Once I realized he only did it to try and make your mother jealous I understood, but that still didn't mean I let him get away scot free."

"Why was he trying to make my mother jealous?"

Sirius barked a laugh. "Are you kidding me? James had his eyes set on Lily the first moment he saw her. He looked at me the moment she left our compartment and said that one day he would marry her. I told him the day he married her was the day I would run starkers at his wedding."

Harry's eyes widened comically. "You didn't really do that did you?" he asked a bit fearfully trying desperately not to imagine the scene.

"I had planned on it, because as you know a Marauder always keeps his word, but once Lily got wind of what I was planning she held her wand to my temple and made a promise to slit my throat if I did anything to embarrass her on her wedding day. I learned long ago to take your mother at her word so unfortunately it was a rather dull wedding."

Harry's snort of laughter was quite welcoming as Sirius hadn't much experience with a broody Harry. There would be enough of that he reckoned but he was determined to keep his godson as happy as possible.

"So what did you do to him?"

"I paid an older student to brew up a potion for me that would make your father fall madly in love with me. He was so head over heels for me that he actually burst into tears when I told him I was sad. So when he asked what he could do to cheer me up-"

"That's when you made him go to class in his underwear." Harry finished, a goofy grin lighting his face.

"Well really he did want to make me happy after all, didn't he?"

"What did he do to you?" Harry asked through peals of laughter as he wiped at his eyes.

"Let's just say it shouldn't be shared in mixed company." Sirius admitted a bit sheepishly sending Harry into another fit of laughter. "Afterward we were given more detentions than we cared to admit and received such a dressing down from McGonagall that to this day I can't look at her without blushing."

It took Harry a good five minutes to catch his breath. He knew that if there was ever a moral to the story it would be this; never on any circumstances...ever... piss off a marauder. It very well might just be the last thing you would do before you died of embarrassment. He was quite certain Sirius wouldn't do that to him but with the man being who he was one couldn't be too sure. Besides he was more than sure there were other punishments Sirius would most likely give him when he screwed up but he didn't want to think about that anytime soon. Why he had to have a godfather with such a colorful imagination was beyond him.

The sound of Harry's laughter filled him with such relief he couldn't have ever imagined; feeling the muscles in his chest slowly begin to expand and he felt it was a little easier to breathe. He thought of a night so long ago when he had been babysitting for James and Lily. Harry had been such a happy baby and it took so little to make him laugh.

Sometimes it physically hurt to take in the sight of his godson and realize that the boy he once knew was forever gone; forever buried under the snow along with his parents. He caught brief glimpses of him every now and then but it was quickly replaced with that of someone who had the weight of the world upon his shoulders- someone who had suffered so much in such a short period of time.

That Harry was still there he knew- way deep down and Sirius was determined more than ever to bring him back. Harry deserved at least that.

The reflection of the sun as it glistened on the small river just outside the house caught Sirius' attention. Once wards were set into place it would be the perfect place to practice new spells, play Quidditch once Sirius got a new broom, and maybe even have animagus lessons. Harry was far too serious and needed to have fun every once in awhile. Those lessons had been what had really sealed the Marauders friendship and Sirius couldn't wait to see how close it would bring the two of them together.

"Sirius no offense but your father has a really sick mind." Harry said, wrinkling his nose in disgust. "Look at this spell." He said moving across the room to where Sirius was seated.

"Lovely." Sirius said dryly. Although one good thing he supposed was that it hadn't been one of his father's own inventions. The Black family house had been passed down from one generation to the next until it had fallen into his father's possession.

"There doesn't seem to be a counter-curse." Harry noted in confusion.

Sirius gave a sniff of disdain as he shook his head. "That's the point Harry. It's dark magic- you want to cause your enemy as much pain as possible. While finding a counter-curse is not unheard of it is nearly impossible."

All too quickly happiness, unlike that he had ever felt before, swelled within him as he heard that, but he didn't dare tell Sirius. While his godfather was opposed to dark magic of any kind Harry couldn't help but feel that maybe it wasn't as bad as Sirius thought. Not that he wanted to cause anyone pain mind you but really when you're in the middle of a war fighting for your life you can't afford to go easy or hold back because you can be sure that the other side sure wouldn't. Maybe this could be the answer- to fight dark magic against dark magic.

"Harry?" Sirius' voice was muffled; echoing in his head like a gong. He was peering at him in worry and if Harry wasn't mistaken- a small amount of fear glistened at the corners of his face.

Harry offered as reassuring a smile as he could, the signs of a headache begin to spring forth.

For a small moment Sirius could have sworn he saw a glint of red shine in Harry's eyes; feeling his chest begin to constrict once more as he took in the almost hungry look on his godson's face. He wasn't sure whether or not he imagined it but it frightened him all the same.

"I think that's enough for right now." Sirius said firmly nearly having to yank the book out of Harry's hands. The edges were crinkled where he had been gripping and the look of loathing in Harry's eyes pierced his heart like a knife.

_Potter, you idiotic Gryffindor get control of yourself! You are not as weak as you make yourself out to be!_

The voice reverberated through his mind pulling him back to his senses. That voice- he knew that voice but surely it couldn't be...

Sirius continued to stare at him in concern and Harry felt that stinging constriction that had overcome his sinuses. He opened and closed his mouth several times but no words were forthcoming. He was aware of the pounding of his heart as his body seemed to enter a state of panic and he found it almost impossible to breathe.

"Close your eyes." A soft calming voice echoed through his head and he found himself obeying at once, desperately trying to get a handle on himself. If he any sort of control over his current state of mind he would have berated himself for appearing so weak, but he felt oddly disconnected and so he focused solely on what he knew to be his godfather's voice.

"That's it." Sirius said encouragingly. "Now just concentrate on breathing and try and clear your mind." He knew to Harry it must seem a lot harder than it sounded- maybe even impossible, but he saw the look of strained determination amidst his pinched and pale face and knew he was struggling to clear his mind.

After what seemed like years Harry felt himself regain control; the last visages of the anger he felt beginning to recede, leaving him with a splitting headache. He felt his knees give way and collapsed on the couch from exhaustion.

He knew his cheeks must be flushed; his scar feeling slightly better- though it still felt as though someone had taken a hot iron skillet and was applying it to his head. Acid was burning in the pit of his stomach, slowly rising to the surface but he forced it down as he very much doubted Sirius wanted to be in the reign of fire should he give in and expel all the contents of his stomach.

He felt the couch dip with the force of Sirius' weight and felt his godfather slowly wrap his arm around Harry's shoulder- as though he was afraid Harry might morph into Voldemort. Harry might have found it in him to chuckle at such a suggestion had it not been for the fact that it was most likely true. Somehow- he wasn't sure how- he knew that Voldemort was happier than he had ever been in his entire life.

His head was throbbing in tune to its own heartbeat and he heard Sirius whispering something; most likely words of comfort in an effort to calm him like he was some bleeding tosser. With as much energy as he could he wrenched himself away, hoisting himself to a standing position, nearly swaying upon his feet as he did so.

"Harry?" Sirius asked gently.

"I'm fine," Harry snapped. "Just leave me alone."

"I won't do that." Sirius replied. "Just relax you'll be alright."

Harry spun around so quickly it took himself and Sirius by surprise, adding further to his splitting headache but he found he didn't care. "I said just _leave me alone. _I don't want to be coddled like some fucking four year old! All I want is to be left alone!"

"No." Sirius said, a hard edge in his tone. "We have to discuss this-"

Harry let out a strangled cry of frustration and felt a few tears leak out. "I'm not going to stand here and listen to anything you have to say and if you were smart you'd leave me alone!"

Without meaning to, he flinched back when Sirius reached a hand forward, most likely to keep him from running. The minute Sirius' hand made contact with his wrist his scar felt as though it had split in two and before he knew what was happening his stomach coiled painfully within itself- a wave of energy expelling from him sending Sirius crashing into the wall behind him.

Harry heard a loud _thunk _as Sirius' head connected painfully with the wall and for a brief second he felt an inexplicable desire to cause him as much pain as possible. It was as if someone had turned the light on and Harry stood there in shock as he stared fearfully at the sight of his godfather crumpled up on the ground and not moving.

For a second Harry feared the worst. He took a step towards him, but thought better of it and stopped in his tracks. He wanted to run but his feet were rooted to the spot and he was forced to take in the sight before him.

_Well done, Harry, _a high cold voice whispered in his head sending shivers down his spine. _You will never win, my dear boy, _the voice chuckled. _I will find you and destroy every last person you hold dear. I'm going to destroy you Harry Potter- you will be nothing. Alike yet so different; both orphans, both abandoned by the ones who were meant to care for us, yet you will die alone and unloved. Only I can live forever. Goodbye Harry Potter..._

It took Harry what seemed to be forever to fall. Every second that passed he expected to feel the soft padding of the carpet, but he continued to fall into the darkness... into nothing. Voldemort's high pitched laugh echoed around him, encasing him in what seemed to be some sort of barrier until he was certain he would die.

A small light shined above him and it took every last ounce of strength he possessed to turn his head to see the fading image of his dear beloved godfather. He knew without being told that he would never see him again. "_Sirius..." _he called out but it sounded muffled to his own ears and echoed around him, coupling with that of Voldemort's laugh as if it were mocking him. He wanting to shout out, he wanted Sirius to hear and save him somehow...

But the image was slowly fading away until he was completely enclosed by the darkness.

He met the ground quite hard; feeling the bones in his back protest painfully. There was a gentle breeze somewhere off in the distance that he could feel gently wash upon his face. He desperately wished for even the smallest glimpse of light as it seemed much more frightening being surrounded only by the darkness.

He half expected to see a flash of green light hurtling towards him, but none came. The laughter was gone as was his last cry for Sirius. He was truly and utterly alone. He forced himself to a sitting position, waiting, almost longingly to be met by death.

* * *

Severus collapsed upon the ground outside that of Number 12 Grimmauld Place. He breathed heavily, trying to ignore the almost unbearable pain that presented itself. He made a vow right then and there that should the boy still be alive by the time he found him he was going to have the honor of killing the blasted brat himself.

He kicked angrily at a cat, pain shooting up his leg nearly making him blackout. With as much strength as he could muster he managed to hoist himself to a hunched over standing position, walking the short distance, knocking loudly on the door in an effort to be heard- hoping that someone was there- before he collapsed upon the ground once more.

The door opened almost immediately and he could see through bleary eyes the sight of the wolf's robes billowing behind him as he reached down and gently helped him inside.

The silence echoed loudly in his ears and he found himself being laid upon the couch, his head propped up by a pillow as the man before him called out, ordering someone to bring a washcloth.

The wolf began scanning him with his wand checking him over for any last lingering effects. He felt the blood trickling down the side of his head. He hissed sharply when he felt himself being turned on his side, his robes being lifted as they inspected the fresh wound in his side.

The woman with the bright yellow hair entered the room and he could make out the fear in her eyes as she began mopping up the blood. He let out an inward sigh of relief as he felt his robes being removed as they had began to soak up all of his blood. He would gladly have lied there and bled to death had it not been for the news he had to tell them.

"_Leave it Lupin!_" He hissed, wincing sharply when he had began cleaning out the wound.

"Severus don't be ridiculous." Remus said firmly, ignoring the man lying on the couch. "If I don't treat this quickly you could die!"

Severus would have welcomed it and he honestly didn't know why the man he loathed with every fiber of his being was trying to help him. Black would have happily sat and watched him slowly bleed to death.

"What happened to you?" Tonks asked worriedly as she gently wiped at his forehead with the cloth, grimacing in sympathy as she saw the man flinch away from her.

"Potter has fallen to the Dark Lord," Severus grunted, batting away Remus' hands. "He was painfully unhappy to hear of the boy's disappearance along with the mutt's. _You touch me with that thing Lupin and I will dismember every last piece of you and use you in one of my potions!_"

"What has happened to Harry?" Remus asked sharply, only his eyes betraying any fear he may have felt.

"The Dark Lord knows of the connection." Severus replied. "He has managed to procure the last of the prophecy from the boy's mind only recently and was happier than I've ever seen him. I realized that he has been trying to invade the brat's mind and I tried to fight against him for the boy."

"How on earth-"

"I am a skilled Legilimen's Lupin!" Severus snapped. "While it is relatively impossible to enter a mind through someone else's I was able to manage it. In order to do so the person who's mind you're wishing to invade must be in close proximity therefore putting you in extreme danger. The Dark Lord was most upset once he learned what I was attempting and he realized that I've been trying to help the blasted brat all along. I was able to gleam information from the Dark Lord's mind that I'm most certain he wouldn't want anyone else to be aware of before he threw me from his mind where he set about trying to kill me. He was unsuccessful as you may be aware."

Fear coiled within Remus and he found it almost a miracle that he managed to remain upright. Harry had fallen to Voldemort? What on earth did that mean? And if Harry was in danger than Sirius must be too.

"What's happened to them?" Remus asked hoarsely.

"That can wait." Severus grunted. "What you need to do now is make sure that Potter's friends and his relatives are safely protected, otherwise the Dark Lord will not hesitate to kill them. Secondly you and the woman must join the dog as quickly as you can. Make sure that he has his wards in place correctly and you must remain there for the time being."

He went into a state of unconsciousness and slumped upon the couch. Remus had managed to clean out the wound as best as he could, but he knew that if left alone Severus would die. He turned to Tonks who he was surprised to see had tears glistening in her eyes. "You go. I'll stay behind and make sure everyone is safe."

"I won't leave you behind." Tonks whispered fiercely.

"Yes you will." He said firmly. "You'll take Severus and join Sirius. I'll be along shortly."

Tonks leaned in and kissed him full on the mouth as though this would be the last time they would be together. Remus cupped her face tenderly in his hands, the tears washing over them.

"Promise me that you'll be careful or I swear I'll dig you out of your grave just to kill you all over again."

Remus chuckled softly as he kissed her cheek. "I'll be safe. I promise. _You _be careful. I don't want you to overexert yourself. Keep Sirius and Harry safe and try and heal Severus as much as you can."

Tonks glanced over to where Severus was lying on the couch and despite her loathing of the man she couldn't help but feel oddly appreciative and concerned- as though he were some lost puppy who she needed to take care of. She had a feeling the man would be overly happy to be in the same house as her cousin, but she couldn't just let him die- not after everything he's risked to keep the boy she was starting to come to view as a little brother safe.

She embraced Remus a final time before reluctantly pulling away to allow him to leave.

Grunting under the man's weight she was finally able to pull him up from the couch and had him lean on her. His face was deathly pale from all the blood he had lost and she was surprised to notice how light he was.

Wishing with everything she had that the man she loved would be safe she disapparated to the spot where Remus had told her, collapsing upon the ground under Severus' weight. Once she was able to pull herself to her feet she took in the sight before her. The house was frightfully beautiful with the little streams and the mountains in the distance.

She struggled up to the front door, unconsciously latching onto Severus for strength as she opened the door- quite unaware of the sight she would be greeted with.


	12. Chapter 12

He felt quite extracted from his body it was true, yet at the same time every small movement sent a spark of pain coursing through him that made him feel as though the very gravity of it would cause him to pass out or at the very least give him a splitting headache. His stomach felt as though it had been turned inside out and he found it quite a miracle that he was able to move at all.

Disorientation was quickly overcoming him, though his mind wasn't concentrated on that at all, but rather on what had happened to Harry.

Every fiber of his being was insisting that he remain where he was and try and collect his bearings, but he wanted to force himself to get up and make certain that Harry was alright.

With every last ounce of strength he possessed right then, he slowly lifted his head, fighting back a wince as a terrible pain quickly presented itself; making him feel as though his head had been split in two.

He could feel slight pressure on his chest, gently easing him back down. He obeyed the pressure at once, sighing in relief as he felt the pain begin to recede. Something wet and cold trickled down the side of his forehead and he squinted through bleary eyes to see the outline of a figure- much larger than that of Harry's- sitting beside him as they wrung out a damp washcloth before applying it to his forehead once more.

"What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?" Sirius asked in a hoarse voice, a bit surprised at how raspy his voice sounded.

The person didn't speak for the longest time, but rather continued their ministrations. "You were starting to bleed again." the voice replied. "I don't think it would have been good to have you bleed out, but of course if you'd rather I stop, I should point out that I have full use of my body at the moment and have no qualms about spelling you to make certain you stay put so I can finish."

Sirius sniffed in amusement as he let his eyelids fall, leaving him in blissful darkness. "So what's the verdict Healer Lupin?" he asked in a poor attempt at humor. "Am I going to make it?"

"You'll survive." Remus replied dryly. "You've been out cold for the past four days." He was quite unexpected for his friend to suddenly shoot up in bed. "Sirius, you bloody idiot, stay down, will you?" Remus said firmly as he began pushing the protesting man back down.

"What happened?" Sirius asked, clasping a hand over his eyes. "And what in the world are you doing here?"

"We can get into that later." Remus warned. "Just be quiet and allow me to finish. And you've split the side of your head open again." he said with a huff, more to himself than to Sirius.

Fear was quickly overcoming him. He was quite certain that Remus hadn't had a clue as to what had happened, but then again neither did he really. The last thing he could remember was his gray eyes boring into those of Harry's; a glint of red flashing through them before he felt himself being thrown across the room. He supposed he must have lost consciousness immediately, because he couldn't remember anything past that.

The anger and hatred in Harry's eyes frightened him more than words could say and it was at that instance that he began to fear for his godson's life; more so than he ever had before. He wasn't entirely sure what had happened to be honest. Harry had woken up in a rather foul mood the morning after their discussion, but Sirius hadn't taken it to mean anything. He wouldn't have been a bit surprised if Harry was upset and more than a little embarrassed about what he had told Sirius not twenty four hours earlier. He understood- probably more than anyone else- what that was that; the fear of divulging the truth after years of trying to hide it from the rest of the world- content on taking the secret with him to the grave.

That hadn't worked out, though... for either of them.

He himself had gotten so angry at James when he had found out how he was treated by his father; feeling his magic flare up inside of him until he had thrown James into a bookshelf. But James hadn't been smart and had attempted to console him, which resulted with him being thrown down the banister. James had wound up with five stitches and a broken arm.

He had been staying with James for the summer and the instant he heard Mr. Potter come running through the house to find his son unconscious, Sirius had been more afraid than he could ever remember being. Although Mr. Potter didn't look upset after Sirius had told him what had happened, he still took Sirius into his study to attempt to find out what exactly had happened. He had shouted at Mr. Potter for a good ten minutes, telling him it was 'none of his business' and to leave him 'hell alone.'

The man had stood by and let him rage for a long while before crossing the room and just when Sirius had been sure that Mr. Potter was going to beat him or worse- throw him out of the house, telling him not to ever come back- it was then that he took him in his arms and hugged him so tightly he felt as though he might go into shock. Sirius had hesitantly wrapped his arms around the man before bursting into tears. It was then that the whole truth had come out and it was then that Mr. and Mrs. Potter had 'adopted' him as a second son.

James had been unconscious for a few hours and more than a little surprised to wake up to find Sirius in tears. James' first thought had been that his father had gotten mad at what happened and had punished Sirius and was more than ready to give the man a piece of his mind before Sirius told him what had happened in his father's study. He hadn't been mad as Sirius was afraid he would have been.

He had never before told anyone of his home life; James had found out by mistake. But James had been true to his word and not told anyone; not even Remus or Peter- not until Sirius was ready for them to know.

Once James had found out, they never spoke of it again.

But this was different he knew. James and he had been brothers, but James was gone and so now it would be him that would have to step in and care for the boy like he was his own. He couldn't count the number of times Mr. Potter and he had stayed up into the early hours of the morning talking; Mr. Potter trying to get Sirius to believe that none of it mattered anymore and that he now had someone who cared for him more than anything else.

Harry would be as receptive as was to it though, Sirius knew. But Sirius was going to try everything in his power to be everything to Harry that Mr. Potter had been to him.

"I'm going to check to see how Severus is doing and then join Tonks. You get some rest." Remus' voice broke through his thoughts.

Sirius couldn't help but chuckle at that. Now he _knew_ he was losing his mind. "That was funny, Remus. I thought I heard you say you were going to go check on Snape."

"You did." Remus replied with no hint of amusement in his voice.

Sirius snapped his eyes open, glaring suspiciously at Remus. "You can't mean to say that that great ruddy git is _here?_"

"He is not a _git_, Sirius." Remus said shortly. "Just rest. I'll tell you everything later."

Just as Sirius was opening his mouth to reply, Remus left; closing the door behind him with a soft click.

He would have gotten up to find out what all of this was about, but dizziness was overcoming him and he reluctantly lied back, accepting the fact that there was not much he could do right then and drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Remus sighed as he collapsed at the table, giving a nod of thanks as he accepted a cup of tea from Tonks.

"How is he?" She asked, taking a seat beside him.

Remus snorted. "Which one?"

"Both."

"Severus is awake; bitter as usual, although he has said he would feel up to eating something a while later."

"How is Sirius?" Tonks asked softly. It was true that Snape wasn't her favorite person, but she didn't want him to die and felt more than a little relieved to know that he was doing better than he was previously. No, it was Sirius she was most concerned about. She had apparated to the house a few days ago, nearly fainting at the sight. Harry had been curled up in a ball; tiny jerks running through his body, though it was apparent that he wasn't altogether there. His eyes were open but not seeing and for a second she feared the worst. His vital signs had been weak, but apart from that nothing else seemed to be wrong.

After she had settled Snape in the guest room she went back to Harry and helped him into what she guessed to be his room. The boy was entirely too light for her liking, but that was the least of her concerns at the moment. She had checked him over once again just to make sure that nothing else was wrong before she saw to Sirius.

Tears had stung her eyes as she pulled him upright; the side of his head cracked open as blood pooled out. It had taken several attempts before she was able to stitch up the wound- healing had never been her thing- but the blood still flowed endlessly. She checked him over just as she had done Harry and apart from a concussion she found that there was nothing really wrong with him. That did nothing to stem her tears though.

"He's awake." Remus said softly, squeezing her hand in comfort. "The blood replenishing potions have helped a lot. He's not bleeding nearly as badly as he was."

"Shh." She hissed, jerking her head towards the next room to where she knew Harry to be. He hadn't moved from his seat near the window since he had awoken the day before. He nearly sat there; a dazed look in his eye, but Tonks could tell that although he tried to hide it he was greatly upset. He hadn't said a word about what had happened and had refused to eat anything whenever Tonks would come see him.

"_I know my cooking may not be _that _good, but you should still try to eat a little something to keep your strength up." Tonks said a bit teasingly in an attempt to cheer him up._

"_I said 'no thank you' Tonks." Harry replied bitterly, trying hard to keep his temper in check._

She would leave a plate for him just in case he changed his mind but every time she would come out to check on him she would find it untouched.

"How's he holding up?" Remus asked, keeping an ear open for any sounds coming from the next room.

"How do you think he's doing?" Tonks said sadly with a sympathetic smile. "He hasn't spoken a word about what happened and hasn't eaten anything I've cooked."

"Now really darling, that should be expected." Remus said teasingly, earning a light smack to his thigh.

He thought back to an instance during the war- back when James and Lily had been alive. He himself hadn't been around as it was the full moon, but he had heard from Lily and later James that they had been sent on a mission for the Order to stop a death eater attack.

Everyone except for one had made it out alive, but as Sirius had been dueling the death eater responsible for the little girl's death he held himself responsible. It had taken weeks for Sirius to come to terms with what had happened; though even months after he still had nightmares.

If Harry was anything like Sirius- and he was seeing the resemblance more and more- he knew the boy would be hard pressed to believe that it hadn't been his fault and that nobody- especially Sirius- blamed him in the least.

He had been sad of course watching his best mate leave, but he truly believed that this would be best for both of them; to get out of Britain and make a new life for themselves. But he knew whatever hope they had had been dashed and that nothing except Voldemort's death could bring it back. He would have disapparated on the spot and kill the monster himself if that's what it took to keep two of the most important people in his life safe and happy.

"I'm going to fix him a cup of tea for him and see if he's up to that." Remus said after a moment. He very much doubted Harry would be but this was a perfect excuse to engage him in conversation. He was certain he would be relieved to know that Sirius was awake. He had asked about Sirius the moment he had woken up, pushing past them before they had a chance to reply to check on his godfather himself.

Remus had stood behind him, a gentle hand on his shoulder, trying to get him to believe that Sirius was alright, but Harry had been too distracted from all the blood pouring out from his godfather's head to listen to anything Remus had to say. He had pushed past him, making his way to his room; slamming the door in Remus' face when he had followed behind. Remus thought about opening the door but thought better of it. He knew Harry was in no state to listen to anything and so he reluctantly left; leaving the boy to his thoughts.

Now, however, as he stared looking at the forlorn figure seated next to the window, he couldn't help but feel as though he had made the wrong decision. He was quite certain Sirius would have known what to do in that kind of situation. He always did seem to know just what his godson needed, leaving Remus feeling proud, yet oddly jealous at the same time.

Harry who had heard approaching footsteps rolled his eyes in annoyance before swinging his head around to find Remus standing with a plate of biscuits and a cup of what he guessed was tea. He really wished they would just leave him alone. Didn't they understand that he had no desire to talk to anyone or listen to the lies they would tell him?

"I thought you might be hungry." Remus said, holding out the plate; a bit disconcerted when Harry merely stared at him, as though saying 'I'd rather be left alone and if you knew what was good for you you'd listen.'

Remus set the plate down and sat down beside him. "Tonks' cooking isn't all that bad." he said with a small grin. "I'm still alive aren't I?"

"I heard that!" came an amused shout from the next room.

Harry merely shook his head and turned to stare out the window once more. "I brought you some tea as well. It's chamomile."

"No thanks." Harry replied without turning around. He heard Remus sigh but didn't bother turning his head. No one asked Remus to come see him anyways. All he wanted to do was coddle him like the weakling he was until Harry got so fed up with it that he hurt Remus as well.

"I'm sure you'll be happy to know that Sirius is awake."

"How is he?" Harry asked at once, trying not to let his voice show the fear he suddenly felt.

"He was only awake for a bit before I left him to rest, but he's doing fine from what I can tell."

"Has he asked for me?" Harry asked.

Remus hesitated. Sirius hadn't been awake long enough to ask, and hadn't been aware of anything really but he really didn't want to tell Harry 'no.' He was certain that if Sirius had any idea what had gone on and if he had strength at all he would have hexed him and made a mad dash to see how Harry was doing himself. But he had a feeling that wouldn't make Harry feel better either. He didn't think there was anything he could say or do that could convince Harry that everything would be alright.

Harry took Remus' hesitation to mean 'no.' He wasn't really surprised really. He couldn't even imagine how upset Sirius must be with him right now. He didn't blame the man for not wanting to see him, even though a small part of his mind was berating him for thinking such things and that Sirius didn't blame him at all.

"I'm more than certain Sirius would be thrilled if you stopped by so he could see that you're doing alright." Remus said gently.

Of course he was doing alright. He hadn't been the one who had had his head split clean open. But he had no interest in seeing Sirius right then. He didn't care if he sounded too childish. He didn't ever want to hurt the man in such a way ever again.

"How's Snape doing?" Harry asked in an attempt to change the subject. He had woken up yesterday morning to find him in the room across from his. At first he thought he was just going mad or else just seeing things. He never would have expected to have his former potions professor here of all places. If it wasn't for the fact that the man he loathed with every fiber of his being had made the last four years of his life a living nightmare he might have found it in him to feel a bit sympathetic that he was hurt.

"_Professor _Snape, Harry." Remus reprimanded gently and Harry fought the urge to roll his eyes. "And he is doing better. You could go see him if you would like and maybe take him a cup of tea."

Harry responded with a look that all too clearly said, 'Now I _know_ you're not as daft as you're making yourself out to be.' Remus had to choke back a small laugh.

"The weather looks nice. I think I'll take my firebolt out for awhile." Harry said, more to himself than to Remus. Flying was the one thing that allowed him to forget all the worries of life as he soared through the air; the wind whistling through his hair.

"No." Remus replied immediately, causing Harry to turn to look at him with a cocked eyebrow. "Harry I really don't feel as though you need to do anything but rest and try to recover."

Harry snorted. "Remus, in case you aren't aware I've done nothing _but _rest the past three days."

"You've been in a coma." Remus said firmly. "There's a huge difference. You need to drink your tea and then head on to bed. You can take your broom out once you're fully recovered."

Harry felt a surge of annoyance swell within him. Who on _earth _did Remus think he was to be ordering him around like that? "I don't believe I was _asking _for your permission to take my broom out _professor._" he said hotly. "I think you'll find that I am fifteen years old and I will do as I damn well please."

If Remus was surprised by the sudden attitude he didn't show it. In fact he looked as though he might have been expecting this very thing. Harry was a lot like James and knew that this was only an attempt to mask the overwhelming fear for his godfather that was grappling his very insides. Still, he never was one who much enjoyed being cussed at.

"Mind your tone, please." Remus warned in a low voice. "And that was hardly a suggestion."

"You can't tell me what to do, Remus, you're not my bloody father." Harry said, his voice growing louder with every word. "You're just like Mrs. Weasley. So how about instead of trying to parent me you keep your nose out of my business?"

"I may not be your father, but I'm more than certain that Sirius wouldn't approve of this either. Unless you'd rather take this up with him then you'll do as I say."

He could see Harry's nostrils flare angrily but knew he had won... at least for now. Harry was much too upset and guilt ridden to want anything to do with his godfather right now. He watched as Harry stood from his seat by the window and stomped down the hall, though not before spilling his glass of tea all over the floor; as though he was trying to make a point. Remus had half a mind to go after him, but knew that wouldn't do any good. Harry needed to work this out for himself the only way he knew how.

* * *

Harry was careful not to slam the door to his room as Sirius wasn't too far away and he didn't want to wake him. He couldn't believe Remus was treating him like a bloody five year old. He couldn't remember ever feeling more upset with the man than he did right then.

Deep down he knew Remus only wanted what was best for him and was trying to help him, but that didn't make it any easier to take. Feeling decidedly annoyed and more than a little rebellious he had already made up his mind to sneak his broom and go flying anyways. Remus had no say so over what he did and he was more than willing to prove that to the man.

He trudged down the hallway as quietly as he could; Remus' voice carrying from the kitchen as he sat talking with Tonks. He opened the hallway closet and pulled out his firebolt that was settled along with his and Sirius' trunks among other things.

He shut the door with a soft click, feeling his heart race faster as he heard the voices falter for the briefest of moments. When he was quite sure that Remus wasn't going to make a mad dash down the hall he crossed over to the back door where he exited quickly. The only way Remus would see him was if he literally got up from his chair and looked out the back window.

It was perfect flying conditions; a slight breeze and only a few fluffy clouds that shielded the scorching sun. It looked as though it might rain later. He had always enjoyed sitting outside on a warm summer night; the gentle rain splattering on his face. He remembered falling asleep to the sound of rain clanking loudly against the metal shed one of the few times that Uncle Vernon had locked him out there for not finishing his chores.

He was just about to straddle his broom when the back door slammed shut. He turned around, half expecting to see Remus with that murderous look on his face and was more than a little surprised to see Tonks. Without even thinking about it he stowed his broom behind his back, a slight blush creeping onto his face; feeling all the while like a small child who had just been caught with their hand in the biscuit jar.

"Don't stop on my account." Tonks said hurriedly.

"What are you doing out here?" Harry asked defensively.

Tonks gave a small smile. "Hate to break it to you kid, but you're not exactly the sneakiest person around. I saw you grab your broom out of the closet. You're just lucky Remus wasn't the one to see you or I'm sure you'd be getting an earful right now."

Harry inwardly winced. He wasn't sure if he should feel lucky or not. He liked Tonks enough he supposed but he didn't really know her. For all he knew she could run back inside and rat him out, but oddly enough he found he didn't care. He didn't care about much of anything to be perfectly honest.

"Well, if you're not going to fly I was wondering if perhaps you'd like to take a little walk with me and go explore. It's a beautiful place really but I've not seen much of it."

If it hadn't been for the sincerity in her voice Harry might have found it in him to snap at her to leave him alone. Guilt immediately overcame him, making him feel absolutely horrible. He knew Tonks meant well- Remus as well- but he honestly couldn't make himself believe that entirely. He felt more detached from himself than he ever had before; a sense of vulnerability like that he had never known had quickly swelled within him, making him feel more weak than he could ever remember being.

This, he supposed, must be the affect of having Voldemort taking over his mind. He knew nothing would give him greater pleasure than to take full control over his mind until he was left with absolutely nothing. He knew he had only been in a coma for three days but it had felt like an eternity had passed. He had no desire to reflect on the events of what had happened as he knew it would leave him feeling even more insecure and unstable than he already was.

Tonks was looking at him rather expectantly and not having the heart to tell her no he gave a short nod; feeling the terrible ache dissolve a bit as he took in her smile and the way her eyes lit up the way Sirius' did.

They walked in silence as they admired the little streams that ran through the trees. Where there were rivers he knew there must be a small lake nearby. He had much like swimming to be honest, but he was certain that had to do with the fact that he really didn't know how. He had only taken swimming lessons once when he was six, but after Dudley had gotten in trouble for nearly drowning him his parents had gotten so upset that they had removed Dudley and of course Harry was made to leave as well. And if it hadn't been for the gillyweed he never would have survived the second task.

As he walked alongside Tonks he felt a strange desire to want to talk about Sirius. _She _was his real family after all and if ever there was a person to talk to, to somehow release himself of the terrible ache that had developed within him he knew it would be her. But he noticed how much she was enjoying looking around at everything there was to see and he really didn't want to be the one to ruin it.

He listened to the soft ruffling of the trees, watching as the birds glided through the air; the sun glistening through the trees and in his mind there was no place else he'd rather be at that moment.

* * *

"How's Harry?" Sirius asked, scooting forward slightly to adjust his pillows. Remus had been by his side for more than twenty minutes now and he was trying really hard not to get upset with his friend's constant worrying. He had never been one who enjoyed being fussed over all the time. He was the only one other than Harry who could give James a run for his money. Remus had always been the good one; he would just lie there on his bed patiently as Madam Pomfrey tended to him. Of course that was always after the full moon and Sirius very much doubted that his friend had had enough energy to fight her even _if _he wanted to.

"Probably wanting nothing more than to tear off my head and serve it on a golden platter to Voldemort. He wasn't exactly thrilled when I told him that he couldn't fly his broom." He elaborated when Sirius looked at him in confusion.

Sirius snorted. "And then you sent him off to bed thinking that he would actually listen to you and get some rest."

"Sirius he just came out of a three day coma. He doesn't need to be doing anything but resting and taking care of himself."

"I agree." Sirius said with a nod. "But mate, this is _Harry _we're talking about. If you tell him he can't do something he'll do it just to piss you off. You know it as well as I do."

Remus gave a soft grin. Indeed he did. As a baby Harry had been no stranger to trouble. Lily had taken away his stuffed dog more times than he could count which would result in a rather unhappy baby. He had heard from James a few days after the incident that after Lily had laid Harry down for a nap the boy had climbed out of his crib where he proceeded to go on hunt for his favorite toy. He had found it on top of the counter where Lily thought it would be well out of his reach.

That had been Lily's mistake. She should have known her son better enough to know that Harry took every challenge as they came to him. Sirius was a bit surprised to hear of the small boy climbing on top of the counter- a feat he still wasn't able to fully understand how he had done it- only to be stopped by his mother. She had taken him by surprise, causing him to fall. Lily had felt so awful to hear her son's uncharacteristic sobs that she finally gave in and settled him back down for his nap, only this time with his stuffed dog in the crook of his arm.

Sirius- like James- had been certain the tears had been nothing but for show as his godson hardly ever cried. In fact, James told him that Lily swore she saw the boy smirking in his crib.

"Just leave him be for right now. He'll be in later on."

"You can't tell me you actually approve of this." Remus said with a raised eyebrow.

"Not really, no. But if I know my godson like I think I do he's beating himself up about what happened. There's not anything that anyone can say to help him through this- at least not right now. Just give him his space and when he's ready he'll talk."

"What _did_ happen?" Remus asked. "Harry's hardly spoken a word about it. Not that I blame him really. He looked about ready to sick up when he saw you laying here unconscious."

Sirius' heart tightened painfully. Things had been going so well. Harry had starting to open up a bit more to him- he had actually told him things Sirius never thought he would in a million years. Whatever had happened would be Harry's undoing, and Sirius knew he would have an even harder time of trying to fix this.

"_I'm _not even sure what happened, to be perfectly honest." Sirius replied. "We were looking through some of my father's old books when he sort of went rigid if you will. It was a bit frightening to be honest. I've never seen such a look on his face."

"Voldemort?" Remus asked softly.

"Of course it was Voldemort." Sirius replied a bit sharply. "Do you honestly believe for one moment Harry capable of that?"

"I didn't mean it like that." Remus said, trying hard to keep his tone even. "And you know it. Severus arrived at Grimmauld Place saying that Harry had fallen to Voldemort. I wasn't entirely sure what he meant by that."

"I'm not sure either." Sirius said with a sigh as he rubbed his face. "And I don't know what on earth I'm going to do now. I'm doing everything I can think of to keep Harry safe but it's like it was before. It seems as though Voldemort is always a step ahead of us."

"Peter was the one responsible for that but that was then and this is now. He's not here and I'm rather certain there is no one in the Order who would rat either of you two out. Especially now. Not even Severus." He said taking in the look on Sirius' face as he stared down the hall. "Sirius I know he's made mistakes in the past but the truth of the matter is he's doing everything he can to try to keep Harry safe."

"Do you honestly believe that?" Sirius asked bitterly. He wanted to believe Remus but overcoming years of hatred for the greasy git seemed almost impossible. He wasn't even sure why Snape was trying to protect Harry in the first place. It was more than obvious that he cared nothing for his godson. And yet deep down he had a feeling that the man would prove useful somewhere down the road.

"I do." Remus replied softly. Of course he had never had it out for the man the way Sirius and James had so he figured it was easier for him to believe that Severus meant well. He knew that in order to win the war that was quickly approaching even those who despised each other must join together.

"You and Harry are not alone in this, Sirius." Remus said. "We're in this together and we'll find some way to make it through this."

Not for the first time was Sirius glad that he had Remus around. He knew that this wasn't like the first war; they were better prepared and if what Remus said was true they had the upper hand as they had Snape who used to be Voldemort's right hand man.

They heard a door slam somewhere in the distance and a few moments later Tonks entered the room. "Tonksy!" Sirius cried with his arms outstretched. "I'm so glad to see you. Come give your favorite cousin a hug."

Tonks rolled her eyes as she walked around the bed. "You're lucky you're hurt or else I wouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty in hexing you. And it's really no contest seeing as how almost the entire Black family is either dead, a death eater, or in prison." she said as she leaned down to hug him; her stomach coiling as she caught the scent of blood and she looked to see the side of Sirius' head bleeding again.

"Thank you for everything." Sirius said sincerely. "Really. I don't know what I'd have done without the pair of you. Where's Harry?" He asked looking around her as though expecting to see Harry standing in the doorway.

"He's out by the lake." Tonks said. "I'd figure I'd give him a few moments by himself."

Sirius twisted himself around until his feet met the floor, trying to fight off the wave of nausea that overcame him. He shrugged Remus off as he tried to get him to lay back down.

"Sirius, Harry can wait-"

"Remus, don't." Sirius said firmly. "I'm thirty six years old; I don't need you to parent me."

"At least wrap this around your head." Tonks said, taking a towel and wrapping it as tightly as she could around his head without hurting him. "The lake's just to the right where all the trees are."

"Tonks!" Remus said, stuttering as he watched Sirius leave.

"Remus, darling you _do _worry an awful lot you know." She said with a roll of her eyes. "I'm not any happier about this than you are but Sirius isn't stupid; he'll know how hard he can push himself."

"He doesn't need to be pushing himself at all." Remus said annoyed.

"I know." Tonks said soothingly. "But right now all he understands is that Harry needs him; whether the kid wants to admit it or not. He's being a good father Remus. He knows that sometimes you need to look past your own needs to care for the ones you love."

He watched her go, feeling all the while as if he were three feet tall.

* * *

True to her word, Sirius found Harry sitting on a small boulder overlooking the small lake. His godson looked so young- almost infantile- and completely vulnerable. He wanted nothing more than to take the kid in his arms and hold him forever but he knew that wouldn't help anything at all. The only thing he could do was sit by and wait until Harry came to him- he always did in the end.

He watched Harry for a moment longer before edging slowly over to where he was sitting. "It is rather beautiful isn't it?" Sirius said.

"What are you doing here?" Harry said, a hard edge in his voice.

Sirius shrugged. "Tonks informed me you were out here. Do you want to talk?"

"Not especially." Harry said, resting his arm on his knee

"Hmm." Sirius commented. "Did I ever tell you of the time your father and I-"

"Sirius, no offense, but I really have no interest in listening to any of your stories. Just please leave me alone."

"Alright." Sirius replied with a nod. He wasn't going to push. "Just don't stay out here for too long. I'm pretty sure lunch is nearly ready."

"I'm not hungry." Harry said shortly.

"Me neither but we both need to eat something." Sirius said quietly. "You can even bring it out here if you'd like."

Harry gave a short nod and Sirius took that to mean that he would like him to leave. Sirius really had no desire of leaving but he understood that Harry needed his space.

"Your head is bleeding still." Harry commented softly just as Sirius was turning around to leave. Sirius looked at him and he could see the fear in Harry's eyes. "I can see it through the cloth."

_Damn,_ Sirius thought angrily. "Not like I was." Sirius replied gently. "I'm doing loads better, I promise."

"Does it hurt terribly?" Harry asked.

Sirius hesitated for a brief moment. He wanted to say 'no' to ease Harry's guilt but he wouldn't lie to his godson... he couldn't. "Not like it did. Harry, I'm fine, I absolutely promise you."

"I'm sorry." Harry whispered brokenly, though he couldn't remember wanting to say anything of the sort.

"Oi." Sirius quipped softly as he closed the space between them. "None of that, now. You have nothing to be sorry for. I don't blame you and you shouldn't blame yourself either."

"Don't touch me." Harry snapped, jerking away when Sirius reached out a hand. He moved past Sirius and jumped down off the boulder.

"Harry-"

"Just leave me alone, will you?" Harry shouted turning back around to face his godfather. "No one asked you to come out here in the first place. I don't need you."

Sirius fought away the hurt that swelled within him. He knew Harry didn't mean it but that didn't make it any easier to hear. "Perhaps not," Sirius said softly when he was certain his voice wouldn't crack. "But I'm not going anywhere."

"DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" Harry screamed. "I DON'T NEED YOU! AND YOU DON'T NEED ME! YOU'D PROBABLY BE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME ANYWAYS!"

"Harry Potter! Now that's enough!" Sirius said sharply. "I don't ever want to hear you say that- not ever again. Are we clear?" Sirius took in the controlled hurt on his godson's face and he felt his heart break. He breathed deeply. "Listen, what happened wasn't your fault-"

"I know." Harry sniffed. "It was just Voldemort taking over me, that's _loads_ better."

"Harry-"

Harry shook his head. "Just forget it okay? I don't want to have this conversation." He strolled past Sirius, half expecting to feel the man grab him by the arm and jerk him back around to face him and was quite relieved when Sirius made no move to.

It was a lie, he knew. He _did _need Sirius, but until Voldemort was defeated he would only be a danger to him. Sirius would be safer off without him... and perhaps better off too. He was being an idiot and realized deep down that that probably wasn't true and he almost believed... almost.

How much longer was he going to be subject to Voldemort? How many more people would have to get killed because of him? He had already lost one father. He didn't think he could bear losing another one.

* * *

**Some of you may think that Harry is appearing weak and he may be, but really he has a right to be. You have to remember in the fifth book all that he was going through. He was more than willing to leave after the snake attack on Mr. Weasley to keep the others safe.**

**He just got out of a three day coma and nobody really knows what he suffered through. The only thing they know is that Harry was possessed by Voldemort. Harry had to see his godfather lying unconscious as blood poured out from him because of something he truly believes to have been his fault. He is slowly starting to come to see Sirius as the father he never had and can't bear the thought of him getting hurt because of him. If you don't understand that than really you don't understand Harry. Harry was like that in the books as well, except he never got the chance to live with Sirius and form the family he only ever dreamed about.**

**Sorry for that, by the way, but I get really annoyed with people reviewing telling me that Harry is too weak and vulnerable and acting much too childish. For those of you who don't think that, bravo for you :)**

**Thanks to everyone for all your support.**


	13. Chapter 13

**I apologize that it has taken me awhile to update, but real life got in the way. Hope you all had a wonderful Independence Day! I hope you enjoy the chapter. Let me know what you think :)**

* * *

Sirius closed his eyes; running a hand through his disheveled hair as he tried desperately to wrap his mind around Snape's words.

It had been a week since he had awoken and he was finally on the mend. It was still fairly early; the sun had just begun to rise, but seeing as how nobody had been sleeping well lately it wasn't that big of a deal.

He himself had been woken up around two o'clock due to Harry's screams. He had stumbled into Harry's room as he done the time before; shaking his shoulder in an attempt to wake him up. He knew the kid had nightmares of the Diggory boy but lately the dreams had become more intense; no doubt a result of Voldemort's attack.

Harry still refused to talk about what had happened; in fact he rarely spoke to Sirius at all anymore. He tried hard to not let it bother him and realize that this was only some sort of 'defense mechanism' that his godson felt as though he needed to maintain.

"It might not be much, but he hardly talks to me either." Remus had said, trying to console him. Sirius merely snorted. Harry spoke more to Remus then he did to him. The only one Harry spoke to really was Tonks and Sirius often had to quench that sudden surge of jealousy that was threatening to overtake him. The only time he and Harry had talked it never ended well, causing Sirius to send him outside to cool off.

Sirius was getting fed up with it to be perfectly honest, but he had no idea of how to go about fixing it. Part of him figured it would be best to just leave Harry be; he would get tired of it eventually. However, a larger part of him knew that he had to take a handle on it before it got too out of hand. He was growing increasingly tired of it all and knew that Harry had to be as well.

"What exactly are you saying, Snape?" Sirius asked.

"What I am _saying _Black is that the boy needs protection; indeed much more so than what you can 'provide' for him."

Sirius took a moment to gather his bearings; fighting the urge to reach across the table and throttle the man. It was only because of what Remus and Tonks had told him that stopped him from throwing his arse outside the door.

He couldn't understand why Snape had risked everything to keep his godson safe when it was apparent to everyone present that he loathed Harry with every fiber of his being. He knew his hatred for Harry stemmed from his and James' past; even forgoing the fact that James had saved his sorry backside once upon a time.

"So in other words Snape you're implying that I'm not providing adequate protection, is that right?" Sirius asked in a placid voice. He saw Remus give a slight wince from beside him; no doubt remembering their years at Hogwarts, knowing that the calmness in his voice never boded well. But Sirius wasn't cruel and at least was going to _try_ to keep his temper in check, just so long as Snape stayed in line.

Snape smirked. "I am not one to mince words, Black. Surely you're not foolish enough to think that after your long history that you're in any shape or mind to give the boy what he undoubtedly needs; be it protection from the Dark Lord or a good thrashing every now and again."

Much to the surprise of everyone, Sirius let out a small chuckle. "Why Snape, it sounded as though you almost cared for the well being of my godson. Now I would take the time to try and understand the contents behind your supposed concern; though to be fair, with a brain as underdeveloped as yours, I don't think _you_ even understand why."

"Sirius." Remus hissed.

"Shut up and stay out of this, Remus." Sirius snapped back. "Just because you seem to want to be all 'buddy buddy' with Snape now doesn't mean I share the same desire."

It had always been like that. Out of the four of them, Remus had always been the one most tolerant of Snape, even going so far as to propose that they try to be nicer to him as well. Sirius supposed he had a point, but every time he caught that sneer or saw him hexing people for the fun of it that small possibility disappeared.

The sneer that Harry knew so well had faded from Snape's face quickly as indifference masked his features as he stared across the table. "Perhaps, Black, if you and the wolf are through with your bitter quarrel we might be able to accomplish something before the start of the New Year. I, unlike you, actually have things to do. We can't all have the privilege of sitting at home in hiding while we wait for the nasty business to be done for us."

"Yes," Sirius snapped furiously. "Business that is the result of you and your petty little friends wreaking havoc upon the Wizarding World and destroying innocent lives."

Snape smirked. "Surely you haven't forgotten that your brother was one of us, Black; young yet so talented. He was of the Dark Lord's inner circle before he died, didn't you know?"

Sirius fell silent; his breathing shallow. A sudden ache engulfed him- tears of fury stinging his eyes. Absentmindedly, his fingers grazed along the small scar on his chin.

_"Just you wait, older brother." Regulus said with a small chuckle before he was thrown out of the bar. "One day very soon I will be in the Dark Lord's most inner circle; his most trusted Death Eater."_

Sirius hadn't wanted to believe him, of course, because he still hoped there was some good left in him. But if Snape was right- and he was beginning to see the truth behind his words- his brother had died a Death Eater; destroying any hope Sirius had of him having had returned to the light in the end.

"You leave my brother out of this, Snape." He said in a low, deadly voice.

"Did you care for him even then, Black?" Snape asked. "Who would have guessed? The great Sirius Black actually caring about someone besides himself- and someone working for the Dark Lord. I might just keel over in surprise."

"Don't get my hopes up, Snape."

Harry who had been watching closely saw the look that crossed Snape's face and knew the man was about to snap. Sirius was capable of fending for himself but he was still recovering from his ordeal and Harry really didn't want him in the reign of fire should Snape decide to do something.

Remus and Tonks must have sensed it too because they weren't looking any better than he was.

"Sirius..." Harry called softly in an attempt to get his godfather's attention.

"Harry, please go outside."

"No." Harry said quickly. "Sirius, please just leave him alone."

"That was not a question Harry James." Sirius said firmly, completely unaware of his godson's nervousness.

"Afraid I'm going to hurt your precious dog, Potter?" Snape mocked. "It appears to me that you did a good enough job of that yourself."

It happened so quickly Harry hadn't realized what was going on until he saw his godfather's hand around Snape's throat, his wand pointed directly at his temple.

"Sirius, don't!" Harry yelled running across the room, trying in a futile attempt to wedge himself between the two older men.

"HARRY STAY OUT OF THIS!" Sirius shouted, reaching out an arm to stop Harry from interfering, taking Harry by surprise. Sirius had never yelled at him before. "REMUS, YOU AND TONKS TAKE HARRY OUTSIDE NOW!"

"Sirius, please just wait!" Harry pleaded fighting off Remus' attempt to grab him. He heard Sirius breathe deeply and saw him still his hand. "I promise it doesn't matter. I'm okay. I swear it."

Sirius heard the desperateness in Harry's voice and for a moment he hesitated. His godson sounded young as he pleaded with him- almost afraid. Guilt immediately overtook him. The last thing he wanted was to frighten him.

He looked into Snape's face- saw the mocking sneer and desperately wanted nothing more than to cause him as much pain as possible. Who cared what news he had? He was a Death Eater and he didn't care what anyone thought- no one stopped being a Death Eater. Not even Regulus. But Harry's voice kept echoing in his mind and he knew he couldn't do it.

He held his wand at Snape's temple a moment longer before he stored it inside his robes; ready to use it again if necessary.

"Let me make one thing absolutely clear, Snape." Sirius growled. "You can have it out with me if you wish, you can even have a go at my brother, but if you ever and I mean _ever _talk to my kid like that again I will personally see to it that you are killed in the most painful way possible. Are we clear on that?"

"If we must be, I suppose." Snape replied in an almost bored tone. "Are we through here?"

Sirius slowly unwound his hand from Snape's throat and was about to turn around before he thought better of it and rammed his fist into Snape's face, feeling quite satisfied when he heard the _crunch _signaling that he had been successful in breaking the git's overly sized nose.

He cleared his throat as he turned around, ignoring the shocked looks on the other's faces. "Remus let go of him; Harry please have a seat."

Remus let go and Harry quickly reclaimed his spot at the table; not even having it in him to argue. He saw Sirius smirk as he listened to Snape's grunts as he struggled to his feet, holding his bleeding nose.

"Sirius was that really necessary?" Remus scolded. "He just spent the past week recovering."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm just watching out for my kid. And if I were you, I'd be careful in the future," he said to Harry as he jerked his head in Snape's direction. "That could be you next." Though any effect the words had were ruined by the wink he gave.

Harry couldn't help himself. He smiled as well.

His smile faded, however, when he caught the look on Snape's face. Even though Snape was not glaring at him-for a change- he could almost feel the heat radiating from the intense stare. Sirius seemed not to be bothered by it of course which was good because weaker men than him would have fled for their lives. Harry himself was almost considering it but he knew it was his presence that kept his godfather from killing Snape. It wouldn't have been unjust in his opinion but he honestly didn't think the authorities would take too kindly to it and Sirius had lost too many years being locked away as it was.

"Are you quite through, Snape?' Sirius drawled in perfect imitation of Snape that Harry almost laughed. "I was under the impression that you were informing me of better safety precautions I could offer my godson."

Snape ignored Tonks' offer to get him something for his nose and retook his place at the table. Part of him wondered why he wasn't retaliating, but surely, nothing could be gained by stooping down to the dog's level. He would have his revenge- he was certain of it- but that would have to wait. Unfortunately.

"Be assured, Black that if I wasn't doing everything possible to keep the boy safe I would not hesitate to kill you. You will be undoubtedly useful I'm certain, though in what way I can only imagine."

"That is so sweet, Snapey." Sirius said giving a dry sniff as he pretended to wipe away a tear. "I always knew deep down that you would find it within yourself to come to tolerate me. I only wish I cared."

Sirius ignored Remus' glare. He was certain he was in for some sort of lecture later on so why shouldn't he have as much fun as he possibly could? After all, Snape seemed to be enjoying it just as much as he was. Tonks, he found, was fighting back an amused smile. As long as no one important got hurt he didn't see the problem.

Snape ignored him. "Now that some of us are ready to act civilly I think it would be best to get back to the subject at hand."

Before Sirius could respond he felt a hard kick at his shin, looking up to find Remus giving him a look that just dared him to say what he was thinking. Sirius responded with a look of his own, but figured, at least for now, it would be best to stay silent- at least until Harry was safely out of the way. Then he had no problem about getting into it with Snape.

"Please continue, Severus." Remus said kindly, ignoring the fact that beside him Sirius was mocking him. There was a snort of laughter and Remus saw Harry fighting back a laugh. The sound was like music to their ears. It seemed almost a lifetime since they had heard him laugh.

"Indeed." Snape said dryly. "It has come to my attention that the boy requires Occlumency lessons."

"Oculamen… _what_ exactly is that?" Harry asked, looking from one person to the next. He found it a bit odd to see that everyone besides Snape was looking annoyed at the very idea of it.

"It's where someone picks through your mind." Tonks said offhandedly.

Harry's eyes widened. _Excuse me?_ He really thought that there must be more to it than that. There had better be at least. No way was he allowing someone near his mind with a wand or whatever implements these lessons required.

Sirius chuckled softly. "I'm afraid there's a bit more to it than that, Tonks." He turned to Harry. "Occlumency is a sort of skill one learns in order to shield their mind from invasion and influence by a Legilimen's."

"What's a Legali… whatever you just said?"

"Legilimency is the opposite of Occlumency. When I was younger then you are now my brother and me were forced by my father to learn both." Sirius eyed Snape suspiciously from across the table. "Why on earth are you insisting that he learn Occlumency?"

"Open your eyes, Black." Snape snapped. "Surely you're smart enough to realize that the boy's mind- whatever mind he has- is being attacked by the Dark Lord. Had it not been for that then you would not have been attacked- though I'm beginning to wonder if that hadn't been such a bad thing."

Harry jumped to his feet, his wand at the ready, though before he had a chance to do anything he felt it being plucked from his hand. He really wished Sirius would just stay out of this. "Harry, please step outside." Sirius' voice penetrated his thoughts, but he paid no attention to it. Yes he had understood what had happened that day but to have Snape blurt it out like that and then for him to say that about Sirius… He almost _wished_ that Voldemort would take over him again if for no other reason than to hurt Snape.

And were any of them actually expecting for Harry to willingly submit to this? Why on earth would he allow any one of them near his mind?

"Dear me," Snape said with a wry smile. "It appears as though I've hit a sore spot. You'll have to forgive me, Potter, but that honor does not lie entirely with you. Surely you don't believe yourself powerful enough to have accomplished that on your own? You are nothing special, Potter, and I believe it's high time that you realized that."

Harry felt magic- his own this time- swell within him. He knew it to be his because it felt different than the time before; he felt more in control and not quite so frantic. He would have given anything to somehow teach Snape a lesson for daring to insinuate such a thing, but he felt Sirius' hand gently grab his shoulder and he knew he couldn't do it. Sirius wouldn't want him to.

It was with great reluctance that he jerked himself away from Sirius and retook his seat, keeping a close eye on the slimy git. He didn't care what Remus said- people like him never changed.

"It appears as though the boy has been taught to control that temper of his. I would say good job, Black, but it's quite obvious you were not responsible. Apparently the Dark Lord's little lesson in the graveyard was enough to reign in that attitude of yours. If it wasn't for the fact that he had tried to kill me I would congratulate him."

It felt as though the earth had stilled in that moment. Harry felt himself shaking, though from anger or fear he wasn't sure. Surely… _surely _Snape of all people didn't know? He hadn't even been there; he had been at Hogwarts with the others… safe. The idea that one of the other Death Eaters would have filled him in on what had occurred hadn't even crossed his mind until this very moment and trust Snape to use it to his full advantage.

He remembered entering the Headmaster's office after the Third Task. Sirius had been there and he had been forced to painfully recount all that had happened. But he hadn't told them everything… not even Sirius. He couldn't.

What would they think of him now; The Great Harry Potter being forced to bow down to the most evil dark wizard in the entire Wizarding World?

He suddenly felt ill and desperately wished for the room to stop spinning. Somewhere in the back of his mind he could hear someone calling his mind. He felt someone touch his shoulder, but shook them off. He wasn't entirely sure if he could control his magic and the last thing he wanted was to hurt someone else.

"Remus, will you handle this?" Sirius asked quietly, looking on in sympathy. If he thought for a minute that he could deal with Snape without killing him then he wouldn't hesitate to do so.

"Certainly." Remus said and Sirius was surprised to find that he looked no happier than he did. Tonks looked as though nothing would give her greater pleasure than to dismember every last piece of him and cook him up in one of his own potions.

"Thanks. Harry, come on."

Harry obeyed the quiet command, allowing Sirius to lead him out of the house. They walked along the familiar path until they arrived at the small pond.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked quietly. Harry gave a jerky nod, but Sirius was not convinced. "Listen, what Snape said…"

"Sirius please, just drop it." Harry asked, feeling his throat constrict painfully. He walked slowly over to the boulder and sat down, overlooking the water, and trying with everything he had within him not to think about what went on just a few weeks ago. But it was impossible. Whenever he closed his eyes he saw it… he could still see Voldemort's glowing red eyes and Cedric lying dead on the ground.

It seemed that every day he grew more vulnerable and he knew that if he didn't get a handle on it he would spiral out of control. He wasn't sure how to though, but Sirius was here and he knew that despite his avoidance of the man, and despite everything he had put the man through that he wouldn't hesitate to step in and take control.

That day he had walked away from Sirius, he was relieved that Sirius hadn't come after him, but part of him had hoped that he would have grabbed him as he walked past, gave him a good shake, and yelled at him until he saw sense.

"I could but I'm not going to. We need to talk." Sirius said softly.

"I don't want to talk." It was a lie, but he couldn't help himself. It seemed almost an automatic response now. "I just want to be left alone."

"I don't believe that was an option. And I wasn't asking." Sirius replied, letting his tone become firm.

Harry sniffed and shook his head.

"First off, I really don't care for the attitude. I've been rather tolerant this past week, but I've reached my limit. Unless you'd rather go inside and have this conversation with the others listening in you'll stow it someplace else and show me the respect I deserve. Fair enough?"

Harry bit the inside of his cheek to keep from arguing. He knew that tone well enough and he had no desire to have the others interfering- especially Remus who was more than likely to lecture him. He gave a jerky nod.

Sirius cleared his throat. "Good. Second off, I'm having this discussion with you, not the back of your head, so turn around." It wasn't a question and Harry felt himself grow irritated but nonetheless did as Sirius said.

"What was Snape talking about?"

Harry shook his head. "Nothing. He was just being a git as always."

"You know I've tried giving you your space because you claimed you wanted it. You didn't want to talk so I let it drop. That was never what you wanted and we both know it. I should have realized it then but I didn't. That was my mistake and I apologize, but we'll fix it now."

"There's nothing to fix." Harry said. "I'm fine. What Snape said… it didn't matter, you know? Just leave it."

Sirius crossed his arms and leaned against the tree. "You're not fine and I'd appreciate it if you'd stop saying you were. And if you feel as though you have to say you are for my peace of mind then-"

"I'm not." Harry spoke the words without even realizing it, but the moment the words were out of his mouth, he found he was glad they had escaped.

"Pardon?" Sirius asked in confusion.

"I'm not doing it for your benefit." Harry sighed and turned around. Suddenly he found it almost impossible to look at Sirius. "It's just hard, you know? The Triwizard Tournament… Voldemort returning… having my mind attacked when I don't even realize it's going to happen. Everything. I thought that maybe if I avoided talking about it that it wouldn't matter so much, you know? But all it's done is driven me insane."

Sirius wasn't sure what to say to that or even if he should say anything. Harry was finally opening up and the last thing he wanted was for him to close up again. When it was apparent that Harry wasn't going to say anything, Sirius decided to step in.

"Being fifteen is hard. You're slowly entering into adulthood and having to worry about things you never had to before. For you though… I can't even imagine how hard it must be. I don't think I even want to. I can't change what happened last year, no matter how much I wish I could. All I can say is that if anything good came from what happened it's that it's turned you into an even stronger person and I couldn't be any more proud of you then I already am."

"I'm sorry." Harry said thinly, before clearing his throat. "I've been acting like a prat. I thought that by avoiding you I would keep you safe, but all I've done is make everything worse. You have to believe me when I say that I never meant to hurt you."

Sirius sighed and settled beside Harry. Cupping his godson's face in his hands he tilted his chin up so that Harry was looking at him. "Listen to me, alright?" Sirius said gently, his eyes boring into Harry's. He didn't wait for a response. "The last thing I want is for you to be blaming yourself over something that wasn't your fault and then hiding from me because you're afraid that I'll get hurt again. If you want to blame someone then blame Voldemort. None of this ever would have happened if he hadn't invaded your mind."

That was true enough. But surely, couldn't Harry have done something? _No, you couldn't have, _one part of his mind scolded. _There was nothing you could have done. You didn't even know it was going to happen._ That knowledge only made it worse.

He pulled away. "You just don't understand."

"What don't I understand?" The patience in his godfather's voice was irritating. No matter how hard he tried to explain Sirius would never be able to understand... not entirely. He wasn't him and couldn't ever imagine what he was going through and really wished Sirius would stop pretending that he understood everything about him.

"You don't know what it's like having someone take over your mind and make you do things... make you hurt people. Maybe it wasn't my fault," Harry said with a shrug. "But that doesn't change the fact that Voldemort used me to hurt you. You've given me more than anyone ever has and I'm just... I don't want to lose you, you know?"

Sirius nodded in understanding. "I can relate. But you have to realize Harry... hey come on-look at me, kid..." Harry slowly raised his eyes; gnawing on his lower lip as he did so. "Listen to me, Harry. No matter what happens you'll always have me, alright? You should have had me all your life but my recklessness cost us twelve years of happiness together. We can't get those years back no matter how much we wish we could. But feel that?"

He grabbed Harry's hand and placed it over his heart. "You feel that heartbeat kid?" He asked. "Hearts don't beat like that for dead men Harry. I'll never be dead to you... not ever again... you'll never lose me."

But still Sirius had yet to understand. While the slow beat of his godfather's heart comforted him more than he ever thought was possible it hardly calmed the fears that continued to rage on. With just a simple spell Harry's world could come crashing down on him once more.

"You don't understand." Harry's voice sounded muffled even to his own ears but he didn't care.

"Then make me Harry. You're the only one who can."

But he couldn't. The burden was weighing heavily on his heart and just the thought of relieving himself of it seemed as though it would kill him. But Sirius' kind eyes were beseeching him and in that moment Harry saw and understood something he never had before.

He saw himself- his pale and frightened form- in his godfather's worrisome yet soothing gaze and the realization that he now had someone to share this burden with came crashing down on him like a pile of bricks.

He was not alone anymore.

"They killed Cedric because of me." Harry finally confessed and he felt his heart wither away. "He didn't even mean anything to me and they... they killed him. Just like that. They'll kill you too if they want. Voldemort already knows what you mean to me... that you mean every- that... that I love-" He could not say it. Even now the power Voldemort possessed terrified him.

"He's not here." Sirius reminded him, softly gripping his shoulder in comfort, his insides twisting painfully. "He has no idea where we are."

"Perhaps not but he doesn't need to be here in order to take over me. I mean he overtook me and nearly made me seriously you. I could have killed you."

"That would not have happened." Sirius said in a low voice. "You are stronger than him Harry and now that we know what's going on we can put a stop to it. He won't overtake you-"

"You don't know that!" Harry cried desperately feeling tears sting his eyes. "He's powerful enough Sirius. He has powers I'll never have. You're all I've got left in the world. Can you imagine what it would do to me to wake up and find you weren't there anymore because of something I did?"

Indeed Sirius could imagine. The exact fear had been running through his mind for years. While he cared not about whether he lived or died the thought of losing Harry... there indeed was something far worse than death...

There was so much of his parents in him- he had always known that- but he had begun to notice a bit of himself in Harry as well. Grief overcame him but he willed himself to be strong for his godson. Harry needed for him to be strong.

"I know I've said this before but I'll say it once more," Sirius said quietly, a thoughtful look on his face. "I am... so _proud_ of you Harry."

The words were said with such conviction and Harry felt something surge through him as they left his godfather's mouth. He had not been expecting that.

"You're proud of me for what?" Harry asked through mushed cheeks.

"For being alive." At his godson's confused stare he continued on. "What happened in the graveyard was... it was horrific. I don't know many adult wizards who would have been able to do what you had."

"I didn't do anything." Harry told him blushing at the praise. "Cedric was the one who tried to fight. I was in too much pain to even see a foot in front of me." Harry lowered his eyes to the ground as he picked at a loose string on his jeans. "I should have known the cup was a portkey."

"How could you have known that, Harry? Dumbledore didn't even know."

Harry shrugged. "I still should have known though. It seemed far too easy. I wanted to share the victory... so I told him to take it with me. I knew where we were but... I didn't do or say anything. The portkey was less than ten feet away. I should have told Cedric to take it. But I didn't and now he's gone."

He felt a lump form in his throat. It seemed another lifetime ago that he had seen Cedric die. They had all wanted him to win. Harry was just an attention seeking prat who had more fame and glory than he even wanted. He himself had wanted Cedric to win- even foregoing the jealousy he felt towards him in regards to Cho. He had wanted to enter- Harry hadn't.

Cedric should have won... he should have been the one alive right now...

Cedric had had a future ahead of him. As far as he could see his destiny began and ended with Voldemort.

There would be no future or happy ending for him... Voldemort would make sure of that...

"Harry... what happened with Cedric... that-that wasn't your fault. You have to realize that." Sirius was speechless. He had suspected this for weeks but to actually hear the words... they nearly suffocated him.

While Harry had longed to hear those words he found that they held no sort of meaning. He shook his head.

"It was." Harry mumbled forcing back the lump in his throat that was threatening to explode. "I shouldn't have told him to take the cup with me and if it wasn't for him and mum and dad I'd be dead by now."

He was drowning in a sea of guilt and desperately longed to feel his godfather's strong arms wrapped around him. Sirius had that power- that unquenchable power- to hold his very soul together when his world was literally falling apart around him.

Sirius for his part was at a loss for words. He didn't know if there was anything he could say or do that would convince the kid that none of this was his fault.

"Do you blame me for your parents dying?"

The question was abrupt and unexpected.

Harry jerked his head up, staring stonily at his godfather. "Don't be daft. You know I don't. And don't think I don't realize where this is headed. It isn't the same."

"It isn't so different." Sirius remarked quietly. "I told your parents to switch to Peter. He was responsible for their safety. When he decided to betray them... in my mind I as good as killed them Harry. I live with that guilt every day of my life. I had hoped that being in Azkaban might rid me of all feeling but it didn't. I was forced to dwell on it for twelve long years."

Sirius smiled sadly. "Remus always tells me that I'm being stupid and that I had no way of knowing what the rat would do. It never eased my guilt and I can't ease yours Harry. I wish I could but I can't even rid myself of my own. I may not know much about being a parent, but I'll be here whenever you want to be mad or sad about it. It might not be much kid but it's the best I can offer you. You are not alone anymore. Do you understand that?"

Harry swallowed thickly. His godfather would never understand how much his words meant to him.

Harry had no time to decide what he would say next because at that moment Sirius' hand reached forward and took a firm hold of his chin.

"It can't have been easy." Sirius said his voice shaking slightly. "Hell, I know it wasn't. You never should have had to go through any of that but you did and I couldn't be any more proud of you. You kept your wits about you and never gave up. You fought him bravely-"

"I was scared stiff." Harry interrupted, a blush creeping onto his face at the thought of what his godfather must think of him now.

"-which makes it even the more remarkable." Sirius said firmly. "Despite what you seem to believe it is alright to be afraid. Even adults get scared."

"You don't." Harry mumbled with a hint of jealousy and shame coursing through him.

"I do Harry. The thought of losing you takes my very breath away. I have never and will never claim to not ever be afraid. You will never hear me say that. But understand this; without fear you fail to see the true depth of your courage. Cedric's death was horrible but... it wasn't your fault... not in the least."

"I feel like it is though." Harry said thinly his throat feeling numb. He hastily wiped at the few tears that had escaped. He swallowed thickly. "If I hadn't told him to take the cup with me he would have lived. But I did and now he's dead and Voldemort's back and nobody believes me. It'll be my fault that we go to war. Everyone will fight..." By everyone he meant his loved ones- Remus and Tonks... Sirius.

"Yes when the time comes we will fight." His pain filled eyes bored into Harry. "But it won't be because of you. It'll be because none of us can bear the thought of living in a world where Voldemort has the power. He'll only have power if we give it to him but if we fight we can take that control back."

"But what if you die?" Harry hadn't meant to ask it but the moment he did he realized just how much it was eating at him. For some strange reason he felt some sort of relief sweep through him; as though just speaking the words seemed to relieve him of some of the fear he felt.

"I won't die." The moment the words were out of his mouth he instantly regretted it but he was so desperate to give reassurance that he would have said anything that might convince Harry he was not to be faulted for any of it.

_And_ _if I do we won't be apart forever_. But he couldn't force himself to say that- not after promising his godson that he would always have him.

"Cedric did." Harry countered quietly.

"Yes he did and the fact that you feel guilty about something that wasn't your fault months after it happened just goes to prove how compassionate you are. He was killed on Voldemort's orders but have you yet to see a headline exposing his grief?"

"The entire Wizarding world would die of shock." Harry smirked slightly as Sirius chuckled. At that moment, Harry found it was the most beautiful sound in the world.

"None of this was your fault, can you understand that? Not Cedric...not Voldemort... not any of it. You are not him, Harry and the fact that you can feel pain like this goes to show how different you are. You have so much kindness and love inside of you and that is something Voldemort will never understand."

All at once he was eleven again and lying in the hospital wing as the headmaster's words washed over him.

_"Your mother died to save you. If there is one thing Voldemort cannot understand, it is love. He didn't realize that love as powerful as your mother's for you leaves its own mark. Not a scar, no visible sign ... to have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever."_

"Mum died for me." Harry said and as the words tumbled out of his mouth he realized that the fear had dissolved completely, leaving no trace that it had ever existed. "It nearly destroyed him."

"Exactly Harry exactly!" Sirius cried. "You don't have to worry about Voldemort taking over you, don't you realize that? In the end it matters not how much power and control he has. As long as you are able to love then Voldemort can never win. Your heart kid- that pure heart of yours... you'll find that's what will save you in the end."

Harry stared silently at him for the longest time and suddenly he felt his stomach coil within itself. He truly felt horrid. Sirius had a way of making even the most difficult things seem simple which left him feeling more embarrassed and ashamed then he could ever remember being.

His godfather had merely stood by and took everything that Harry had thrown at him and then had helped him sort through it all.

"Yes?"

The solitary word was filled with so many questions but Harry found himself nodding anyways. "Yes." And with that he suddenly felt as if he had been released from his prison.

"Alright then." Sirius said squeezing his shoulder, giving a soft smile. Harry returned it and settled in his godfather's welcoming arms.

"I love you Harry James Potter." Sirius breathed as he held him tightly to his chest; feeling as though it had been a lifetime ago that he had held his godson in his arms.

Harry nodded into his chest and squeezed him so tightly he was afraid his godfather's ribs might crack from the force of it. "I love you too."

He knew that nothing more needed to be said. His godfather's eyes spoke of more than understanding. As Sirius seemed content on holding him for as long as he needed it; rubbing his back gently every once in awhile it was that- not the mere words- that finally made Harry realize that everything was going to be alright. He had Sirius and that's all that really mattered.

Sirius leaned back. "Now about these Occlumency lessons-"

"Not Snape." Harry said quickly. "You can forget it."

"Of course not Snape you ruddy idiot." Sirius said with a roll of his eyes. "You're obviously not as smart as I thought you were if, for one moment, you thought I would let that bastard anywhere near your mind. I'm going to be teaching you. We'll start tomorrow."

"Why not now?"

Sirius shrugged. "We've both had a pretty rough week. I figured we could use a little fun."

That sounded nice, Harry thought. He certainly could need it. Perhaps he might take his firebolt out for a while. He may even be able to talk Sirius into joining him one of these days. He wasn't even that old yet.

Sirius offered him a hand but Harry refused it and stared at him wearily.

"What now?" Sirius asked confused.

"I don't know if I heard right but it sounded as if you called me an idiot just a minute ago."

"Oh no, you heard right." Sirius said, giving a pleasant smile.

"And then it sounded as though you were insinuating that I was stupid or something."

"That's right."

"I'm not stupid!" Harry cried indignantly.

"Of course not. It's just that sometimes you're not always the brightest person. No offense kid."

"Oh I'm not offended." Harry told him. "I had to learn it from someone and since you're the only one around most of the time..." he trailed off as he saw the mischievous glint in his godfather's eyes. Before he knew what was happening he found himself falling off the boulder into the water below. He gasped and sputtered; wiping the water from his eyes as he glared at Sirius who was having a hard time trying not to laugh.

"I hope you realize that I can't swim."

"And I hope you realize that the water's not deep enough for a four year old to drown in. Next time I would be careful with who you call stupid."

"I didn't call you stupid! And besides you started it."

"One of the perks of being a parent I suppose." Sirius shrugged. "Now get out of there and go grab your broom. There's a trick I want to teach you. It involves water."

Harry did as he was told, running into the house, though not before "accidentally" causing Sirius to trip and land in the water.

As he grabbed his broom and rushed back outside, he knew-as he stared at the sun glistening off the lake and saw Sirius gesturing for him to hurry up- that it was sure to be a much better day then the one before.


	14. Chapter 14

For once in what seemed like years, the image of a flash of green light and Cedric Diggory's lifeless body hadn't haunted Harry's nightmares.

He had been anxious, of course, about falling asleep the night before as his godfather's and his conversation rang through his mind like a gong, but in all reality, it had seemed to clear the air- making Harry feel as though a great burden had been lifted from his shoulders.

He knew that it would still take time for him not to feel entirely guilty about Cedric's death, but slowly, with Sirius' help he was healing, and he knew that should the time ever come when the guilt overwhelmed him as it had once before that his godfather would be there right beside him.

That was the good thing about Sirius; he had to be the most stubborn man he had ever had the privilege to know. He knew that only his stubbornness rivaled that of his godfather's, but through it all, he knew that Sirius would never give up on him.

Their discussion from the previous day still made him blush with embarrassment, but for some reason, he felt almost relieved -in an odd sort of way- that he had allowed those few tears to escape. It was as if a barrier had begun to crumble; almost as if it knew that he no longer had to fend for himself and that he now had someone who cared about him to lean on when things got tough.

He had only known the man for two years, but he was more of a parent to him than anyone else had ever been; the realization that he was slowly coming to think of Sirius as his father scared him more than anything ever had. He wasn't sure if it was fear of Sirius replacing James or guilt that he wanted nothing more than for Sirius to be his father now when his real father had given his life for him.

It wasn't fair to either of them; not his father or Sirius. Sirius was his godfather and that's all that he would ever be. But it was more than enough if it meant having the man back in his life no matter the role.

A muffled yell brought him out of his musings and reaching for his glasses that lied beside him, he slipped them on; his feet shuffling across the room quietly as he ventured out to see what was going on.

Not to Harry's surprise, he found that Snape and Sirius were practically nose to nose; shouting about something that he guessed could only involve him in one way or another. Other than their argument the morning before they had each made it their objective to stay clear of each other as much as possible.

He couldn't really understand what they were shouting about- if one could call it shouting really. It sounded much more like two starving dogs fighting over a spare bit of meat. It was hard to tell by their expressions which one had the upper hand. Even though they were practically spitting in each other's faces they still were able to keep their faces void of almost all emotion.

Glancing around the room, he found Remus and Tonks standing over by the stove, trying in vain to shut out their yells. It was more than clear from the look on Remus' face that he wasn't thrilled in the least about what was taking place. Harry had accidentally walked in on Remus and Sirius talking the day before- no doubt about the argument with Snape- but Sirius merely waved him off, telling him he wasn't a sodding five year old who needed to be scolded every two minutes.

Harry couldn't understand why Remus was defending Snape of all people when it had been his fault that Remus had been forced to leave two years prior.

"What are they fighting about now?" Harry asked, nodding in thanks as he accepted a cup of tea from Tonks.

"Well, first it was about the protective charms placed about the house," Tonks replied, "then it morphed into who would be giving you your Occlumency lessons."

Harry's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. They hadn't really discussed the lessons really; only that they would start that day. Sirius had announced that he himself would be teaching him... surely he hadn't changed his mind.

"Sirius is teaching me." Harry told her; a slight frown masking his features.

"That is the general plan yes," Tonks nodded then gave a brief roll of her eyes. "However, Snape has been trying for the past hour to… more or less persuade Sirius to let him teach you instead. Of course, Sirius shot that idea down before it was even out of his mouth."

Harry nearly choked on his tea. That made about as much sense as Voldemort and him ever becoming friends. Why on _earth _would that slimy bastard want to teach him? It wasn't a surprise to anyone here that Snape detested him probably more than anyone alive… except perhaps Sirius, but even then he still had his suspicions.

He didn't know much about how these lessons were to go, but the last thing he wanted was for Snape to be rifling through his mind as casually as sorting out clothes. Yes, a small part of him knew that Snape had gone out of his way to protect him, but a much larger part still didn't trust him the least bit. Four years of abuse from the git left him feeling weary about his true intentions.

Remus gave a small smirk. "Yes. He seemed to think that Severus might use it to his advantage."

Harry couldn't help but agree with _that _assumption. He couldn't help but think that by the time the day was over with there wouldn't be much left of him after Snape had finished with him. Of course, he knew Snape would never get that far as Sirius would more than likely kill him should he even _think_ about using these lessons to torture him.

"So… who's winning?" He asked in a casual manner; almost jokingly, more to give them something to talk about rather than listen to the shouting match taking place before them. Harry wasn't sure if he would ever be able to hear properly again.

Tonks snorted in amusement. "It may have escaped your notice, but Sirius isn't one to _ever _back down from a fight until he's gotten his way. It's bloody annoying actually- especially if you're the one he's arguing with."

Remus gave a small smile of fond remembrance. "Now _that _is somethingI remember all too well. There was an instance back in our fourth year. James and Sirius decided to have a chess match in the Common Room. Mind you, neither one was very decent at the game so it was fair game all around. At the end of it all, James had been more than certain that he had won, but Sirius was convinced that he had cheated."

"They got into a pretty loud argument and it was only when McGonagall entered and threatened them both with a week's worth of detention that they finally calmed down. Of course, Sirius being who he was, wasn't about to let James or any of us leave for bed until they had a re-match. James won again and Sirius was so furious that he threw the board across the room, announcing that the pieces were defective and that he had won by default before he stomped up to bed."

Harry let out a small laugh at hearing that. That did sound like his godfather, in all honesty. Sirius was never one to back down from anything. While the knowledge of that seemed a bit annoying as Tonks had claimed, he couldn't help but feel as though it was a good thing- even as the events of the past week told him otherwise.

"Why does Snape want to teach me?" Harry asked.

"_Professor _Snape, Harry." Remus chided gently. Harry ignored him and barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "And I think it's because he feels as though Sirius is too close to you."

"Are you saying that's a bad thing?" Harry asked challengingly.

Tonks, who had noticed a frown forming on the older wizards face, decided to step in before things had a chance to take a turn for the worst. "Of course not, love." Tonks said reassuringly; a fond smile lighting her face. Over the past few weeks she had grown very fond of the boy and she, like the others, was thrilled to see that he had found happiness with her cousin. "It's not a bad thing at all. Voldemort has a way of using people his enemies are close to and-"

"And Snape feels that since Sirius is close to me that Voldemort might use me to hurt him." Harry finished for her. "But why should Voldemort care if I hurt Sirius?"

"I assume he thinks it might destroy you- make you weak in other words." Remus interjected.

Harry nodded in understanding. That day when he had hurt Sirius he hadn't exactly been aware of what had happened until afterwards. The sight of his godfather lying on the floor still haunted him. Sirius had said that love was something that Voldemort would never understand- that it would be the key to destroying him. But with that knowledge, he also realized that though love may be his greatest power it was also his greatest weakness. He couldn't even imagine what he would do should something happen to Sirius or the others... he didn't want to.

His argument with Ron still physically hurt him. But he, Ron, and Hermione had been through so much together he knew that nothing could ever tear them apart.

He wanted nothing more than to return to Britain -as he knew he would to for the final battle with Voldemort- if for nothing else than to talk with Ron and make amends.

Now that he really thought about it he realized that, no matter how much Mrs. Weasley deserved what had happened, that he had been in the wrong. But then again so had she and he knew wouldn't hesitate to do so again if it meant defending his godfather.

But while Ron and Hermione had been his friends for years, he knew it was different. _Sirius_ was different and he couldn't quite make sense of it all.

By the time Snape had left Sirius was in a very sour mood indeed. Harry supposed it had to do with Snape insinuating that Sirius wasn't capable in the least of properly teaching Occlumency. Sirius had greeted him pleasantly enough; making sure that he had something small for breakfast. This confused Harry as Sirius had been adamant in his food intake.

"Occlumency isn't exactly pleasant in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it you'll find that you're able to keep your food down far easier."

Not reassured in the least, Harry poked at his eggs, keeping an attentive eye on Sirius who seemed to be scowling every now and then. He and Snape never saw eye to eye, so he wasn't exactly sure why this time was any different.

Remus and Tonks were looking at him worriedly too, but Sirius who had caught them gazing at him, offered the smallest of smiles that didn't fool anyone.

Harry admired many things about his godfather, but the fact that Sirius was able to keep his temper in check even while Harry knew that at times it seemed almost impossible was something Harry greatly praised him for. He envied that of his godfather, especially since he himself had never been particularly good at it and probably never would- at least not until he had children of his own, but then again he wasn't sure. At times he was sure it took all if Sirius' patience to put up with him.

"If you're through traumatizing your food, might I suggest we get started?" Sirius said, once he noticed that Harry had barely touched his food. He thought about saying something, but he himself knew how unpleasant these lessons were and he didn't think it would hurt Harry not to eat something before they got started... at least at first. Having Harry not eat just because he wasn't hungry wasn't a habit either one of them could afford to get into.

"I suppose if we have to." Harry said. He really wasn't looking forward to this. "Unless perhaps of course you feel as though we could hold off on it for awhile." He added hopefully.

Sirius barked out a laugh. "That's real cute, kid. But no. Grab your wand and meet me in the library. I'll be there shortly."

Harry barely stifled a groan but did as he was commanded. It's not that he enjoyed having Voldemort inside his mind, it was the idea of someone picking through his mind that he had a problem with. There were things he hadn't even told Sirius and this wasn't how he wanted the man to find out. He trusted Sirius, of course, and knew that he would never use what information he found against him, but that hardly made him feel better.

Sirius, who forcing back a small smile watched him leave. Harry looked as though he were on his way to the gallows. He didn't blame him of course and was determined to make these lessons as painless as possible- more emotionally than physically. Harry was no stranger to pain it sounded like, but often times he had a difficult time sorting through his emotions.

"Sirius, are you alright?" Remus asked in concern. He had noticed the almost haunted look about his friend's face and could only think of one thing that would be able to put that look on his face.

Sirius turned towards the others and smiled. "I'm perfectly fine. Why wouldn't I be?"

"You and Severus were pretty into it for awhile."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "And you're afraid the greasy git hurt my little feelings are you? Mate I've dealt with Snape enough to know not to take anything he says to heart. Not that he has anything important to say after all."

Remus frowned but bit his cheek to keep from saying anything. He was certain Sirius would greatly appreciate it at the moment.

"Are you thinking of your father's lessons?" Remus asked, though he already thought he knew the answer. He knew how painful speaking about his family was, and so Sirius avoided it as much as he could. Sirius had once told him and James that he had long ago stopped being afraid of his father. One thing he hadn't told them though, that they already knew, was that no matter how much Sirius detested the man, the idea of one day becoming him scared him more than words could say. It was a ridiculous notion of course, but he knew that Sirius needed to figure that out for himself.

Sirius frowned. That was not something he had been expecting. Remus and Tonks were looking at him; their eyes full of sympathy, but he wasn't having any of it. That was the last thing he needed right then; for someone to be worrying over the state of his well-being.

"I'm fine." Sirius said; more insistently this time and from the tone of his voice it was more than obvious that it would be a good idea to let the subject drop.

Remus held up his hands in surrender, making Sirius scowl briefly before pushing back his chair and heading off to join Harry.

Sirius reigned in his temper, forcing a small smile as he entered the room. Harry was standing rigid by the table, quite unsure of what he was supposed to do.

"Relax, yeah?" Sirius said. "This is supposed to be fun; sort of 'godfather-godson' bonding time if you will."

Harry peered at him skeptically, trying to discern whether or not the man was actually being serious. How on earth could he expect this to be fun?

Sirius clapped his hands. "Well, now, let's get started shall we?" He said cheerfully. "Though before we get too far into it I suppose I should give you the gist of it all."

"Sirius, are you feeling alright?" Harry asked. "It's just that you're acting a bit... odd." Harry said with an apologetic grimace when Sirius looked confused.

"I'm perfectly fine."

Harry quirked an eyebrow. "I thought we weren't supposed to lie to one another. And I also thought that word was no longer allowed to "be part of my vocabulary". I didn't know that wasn't meant to apply to you as well."

Sirius looked shocked for only a second before his brows crumpled with distress. He hadn't even realized what he was doing. He recalled his lessons with his father quite vividly. His father had threatened to beat him until he couldn't walk for a week if he didn't get a handle on himself and stop throwing up. Sirius recalled his father's words bitterly; No Black should ever forfeit to such trivial acts. Stand strong and proud. Don't let your head fall to those of less importance.

No matter how he felt, however, Harry had a point. How could he expect Harry to be open with him if he didn't set an example?

Harry felt his stomach flip flop and instantly regretted saying what he had. He really needed to learn when to shut his mouth. "Sirius, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I just meant that-"

Sirius held up a hand and Harry fell silent. He grabbed a chair from behind Harry and ordered the boy to sit. Harry did so quickly.

"I know what you meant." Sirius replied softly. "You have no reason to be sorry. You're absolutely right, and I'm sorry I haven't been setting the best example for you."

"I'm sorry. Really. I didn't mean it."

"Enough." Sirius said firmly. "Or else I'll make it so that word is no longer part of your vocabulary as well."

Harry couldn't help the small smile that escaped. Sirius returned it before sighing.

"Listen to me. These lessons are not fun. At all. They seem almost brutal and if there were any other way to keep Voldemort out then I wouldn't even be teaching you. When I was learning I had a terrible time at it. It was right after I had been sorted into Gryffindor so my father wasn't exactly pleased with me and trust me, he used those lessons to his advantage to "knock some sense into me" if you will."

"That's horrible!" Harry cried.

"That was my father for you." Sirius said bitterly. He smirked. "It turned out all right though because by the time I was through with the lessons I had so much information on my father it isn't even funny. Of course I wasn't stupid enough to use it against him. I learned my lesson the first time."

Harry gaped at his godfather. How could he stand there and talk about his father abusing him almost as if it was nothing important?

"Your father sounds worse than Uncle Vernon." Harry said.

Sirius shrugged. "In some ways I suppose he was. It still bothers me a little but now that I'm an adult I've been able to come to terms with it."

Harry nodded.

Sirius pinned him with a pointed look. "I know you think it isn't the same as your uncle but it isn't so different. And I want you to know that unlike my father what happens in here stays between us. I won't judge you for it and I won't use it against you. You have my word."

Harry smiled gratefully. "I know you won't." And really he did. If there was one thing he knew for certain about his godfather it was that he could trust him with anything. Sirius had proven to him that very fact.

His conversation with Remus and Tonks kept replaying in his mind. The last thing he wanted was for Sirius to get hurt and had almost made a decision to ask Sirius whether or not this was really a good idea but he very much doubted Sirius would take it well. His godfather knew of the risks and Harry knew there was nothing he could say that would change his mind.

Sirius offered him a soft smile. He knew there were still things Harry had yet to tell him and he was almost hesitant to go through with this. But of the many things he disagreed with Snape about this was one thing he truly believed would be best for him.

"Now there are two phases to this so this isn't just something that you're going to pick up on right away. The first step is to calm your breathing and enter if you will into a sort of meditation. To do this you must envision yourself in a place you find most safe comforting or another way is to focus on a memory. Not just any memory, though; a happy memory. You must lose yourself within it."

"So it's sort of like a Patronus charm, isn't it?" Harry asked smiling; feeling the nervousness slowly begin to fade away. If it was anything like casting a Patronus then he didn't think he would have any trouble.

"Sort of." Sirius said. "And while you seem to excel at that, this is going to be much more difficult. As I said before this is only the first phase. Choosing a memory might be easy but what will be hard is focusing on that. I'm not going to be brutal, Harry; not with something like this, but I also realize that I can't be overly easy. It will be hard and will take time."

Harry realized that and he also knew he couldn't afford for Sirius to go easy on him. He needed to learn if he had any chance at stopping Voldemort.

"What's the second part?"

"During the second phase you will learn how to file your memories to make it hard for Voldemort to use them against you. It sounds quite impossible I know," Sirius said with a sad smile, taking in Harry's befuddled expression, "but once you get the hang of it I'm sure you'll be brilliant at it. Now happy memories should be given easy access so that they can act as sort of a protective charm so to speak. Difficult memories should be pushed back with mental or imagined safe guards around them."

"Oh yeah," Harry snorted. "That sounds incredibly easy. I can see now why they don't teach it at Hogwarts."

Sirius chuckled. "You'll be surprised to know that not many Wizards or Witches approve of this method of protection, because it's not really something you can use your wand for. But since we're just starting out I don't think it would be too terrible of an idea to have it around."

Harry wasn't complaining. His father's wand had been practically glued to his hand since he got it. It wasn't truly his he knew, but it somehow quenched that empty feeling he felt inside, if only the least bit. But he found it was enough.

"However, we'll get into more of that later; I have a feeling it might be a little while before we're ready for that phase. No offense of course, because you're brilliant," Sirius amended quickly, "but this is something new to you, and as I've said before it is most difficult. So, let's get started shall we?"

Harry nodded firmly, standing from his chair even without being asked; his wand lying inside his pocket. He still wasn't sure how this whole thing would go but he knew he would feel a lot more secure standing where he was able to defend himself better. He was determined to give it his all. He didn't know how long it would take to master, but he wouldn't be able to rest properly knowing that his mind was vulnerable to Voldemort.

"Close your eyes." Sirius said as he pulled out his wand.

Harry did as was told; feeling his heart start to race even before anything happened. He wasn't afraid exactly; he just didn't like having his eyes shut when he knew someone stood before him with a wand; leaving him utterly defenseless. But he trusted Sirius and knew that he would never hurt him. With that thought in mind he forced himself to take several deep breaths before he felt his heart rate return to normal.

"Very good." Sirius said gently. "Just relax now. Listen to the sound of my voice, alright? Sort through your past and latch onto one special memory. Not just any memory; one that fills you with happiness- that makes you feel free and safe. Lose yourself within it."

Without any hesitation, his mind instantly brought forth a memory from his first year at Hogwarts. It was Christmas and he had snuck out of his Common Room in search of information about Nicolas Flamel. He had been forced to hide, however, in an abandoned classroom. He had been entranced by a mirror, and- pulling off his invisibility cloak- he edged forward, having to hold back a scream as he looked into the mirror and saw- not only himself- but the figures of his long lost family.

He saw his mother's flaming red hair; her eyes moist with tears, but yet she was smiling. His father stood alongside her, his hair tousled in the back just like his. They were smiling and waving at him and for a moment he wanted nothing more than to fall right through the mirror and join them; to make sure that nothing ever separated them again.

With his eyes closed, he never saw Sirius raise his wand, or hear him utter the words, but before he knew it, the image of his mother and father was blown away as his mind was bombarded with unpleasant memories.

In that moment two things happened; he felt an urge to sick up due to the effect of having his head feel as it had just been split in two. The other thing was he felt as if he was falling back in time, though he knew his feet hadn't moved an inch from the ground on which he stood.

It was sort of like a pensieve he realized. There were only snippets, but he saw enough to know that he wasn't seeing anything but the events of his past, and he wondered if Sirius could see everything that he could.

_Flash_

_Harry let out a shriek of pain as Uncle Vernon grabbed him by his arm, yanking him away before he could smear his brand new car with his 'freakish' unclean hands. There was a sharp crack and Harry fell to the ground in considerable pain as he felt his arm break. He had been five._

_Flash_

_Uncle Vernon throwing him into his cupboard, announcing that he wouldn't be having any meals for the next fortnight. Harry lay on his mattress on his stomach trying desperately to wipe away the tears that were a mixture of pain, fear, and anger. His back twinged painfully as he felt little trickles of blood cascade down his back. Why was he such a freak? He didn't know the glass was going to disappear or that Dudley was going to fall through into the snake's cage. But really, the snake had left, so it wasn't as though Dudley was in any trouble. He was just being a big baby... as usual._

_Flash_

_Harry ducked as Aunt Petunia swiped her soapy dish pan at his head. It would have been worth it even if it had made its mark. Dudley had no right to talk about things that weren't his business. Of course he had friends at Hogwarts... didn't he? But he wondered. They hadn't remembered his birthday after all._

Harry felt himself falling forward and landed back in the present. He had fallen on the floor; pain arising in his kneecaps and he felt his stomach churn and before he had a chance to stop it, he had puked all over himself.

"No, give me a moment!" Harry hissed as he felt Sirius try to help him up- his chest rising and falling as he fought to breath. He hadn't been expecting that.

Feeling slightly better, he composed himself and hefted himself to his feet; albeit very slowly. His face was flushed with embarrassment. He hadn't meant for Sirius to see all that. He himself hadn't wanted to see it... he had wanted to forget.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked in concern, resisting the urge to check Harry over even when he knew there wasn't any bruises or cuts.

"Fine," Harry said quietly as he tried to control his breathing. "Did… did you see everything I saw?" he asked hesitantly, though by the look of his godfather's face it was apparent that he had. Harry almost flinched back.

Sirius nodded somberly. "You lied to me." he said in an accusing sort of voice; though there was no mistaking the hurt that was masked in his tone.

"I didn't lie." Harry snapped back; the after effects of the lesson coursing through him.

Sirius didn't bat an eye. "That day we talked about what went on at your relatives you flat out told me that your uncle never beat you. I'm sorry, but I consider that as lying."

Harry wanted to be mad at his godfather, he really did, but for some reason he couldn't make himself. He dropped his eyes to the ground, suddenly feeling very chastised. He hadn't meant to lie, honestly he hadn't. He had forgotten about it really. He couldn't even recall that instance with the car, but he supposed it would still be there in the back of his mind even if he couldn't remember it right of hand.

He heard Sirius sigh above him and he slowly raised his head up. Sirius didn't look mad; he looked sad, disappointed, and more put out than Harry had ever seen him. "Look, Sirius, I'm sorry. I really am. I know you're disappointed with me and I don't blame you. I honestly didn't mean to lie. I wouldn't lie to you."

Sirius pinned him with a pointed look. "If that's the case then why didn't you tell me?"

Harry shrugged, even when he knew that that never settled well with Sirius. "You know how it is- you're the only one that does really. My uncle and aunt never cared for me and before I started Hogwarts and made friends it really bothered me. But when I met Ron and Hermione, none of it really mattered anymore, you know? I finally had people who cared about me and I guess I sort of just forced those memories away without even realizing it. I don't even know how I did it."

Sirius stared at him for the longest moment before sighing. He felt like such a prat. He could completely understand where Harry was coming from. Before he had met James and Remus he had felt exactly the same way. It almost frightened him how alike he and Harry were. It wasn't right of him to get mad at Harry when he himself would have done the exact same thing in his situation. Harry couldn't be faulted for that.

Harry was staring at him nervously, clearing expecting to be scolded further, but before Sirius could even think about what to do he found himself walking towards Harry and engulfing the kid in a tight embrace. After what he had seen he felt the need to prove to Harry that none of it mattered and that he was loved beyond measure. Harry stood rigid in his arms before slowly returning the embrace.

Sirius gave another tight squeeze before pushing him back. "We'll talk about it later, alright?" He said. Harry nodded numbly. "I promise you, I'm not upset. Well, I am, but not with you. Are you ready to try again?"

Harry nodded quickly, glad for the change in subject. He was not one for physical comfort, but it was different with Sirius. It felt almost natural; unlike that of Mrs. Weasley who seemed bent on mothering him to death. He wasn't sure how his godfather did it, but he always did seem to have a knack for knowing just what Harry needed, and Harry felt grateful.

"That was not a bad first attempt."

Harry snorted. "Are you kidding? It was awful! I couldn't keep you out!"

"Of course you wouldn't be able to keep me out on your first try, Harry. It comes with practice. Now let's try it from the beginning again."

Once again, Harry closed his eyes; focusing on his mother's comforting face. He knew what was going to happen even before it did, but it still surprised him. To his great relief, there weren't scenes from his childhood, but rather of his years at Hogwarts. He couldn't decide which was worse.

_Flash_

_Harry saw himself collapse in the compartment as the dementor bent over him. He could hear his mother's pleading cries as she tried to conceal her only son from Voldemort._

_Flash_

_Harry heard the loud voices of his classmates as he stood in the corridor next to the petrified body of Mrs. Norris. There was a sudden silence, but it was quickly being replaced by horrified screaming._

_Flash_

_The snake had protruded from the tip of Malfoy's wand even before he could blink. It wasn't doing anything; wasn't attacking him or anything. Suddenly it turned his head and hissed at Justin who backed away fearfully. Harry wasn't sure what made him do it, but he found himself walking towards the beast and speaking in what he thought was English as he attempted to stop the snake from hurting Justin. He would never forget their horrified, accusing stares._

_Flash_

_"We bow to each other, Harry," said Voldemort, bending a little, but keeping his snakelike face upturned to Harry. "Come, the niceties will be observed… Dumbledore would like you to show manners… Bow to death, Harry…" _

"NO!" Harry shouted pushing his godfather out. He bent over and fought the urge to be sick. He hadn't even noticed Sirius getting up from the ground in front of him. Harry remained bent over for the better part of five minutes. He couldn't look at Sirius and very much wished they could forego the rest of the lesson and he could go outside and maybe do a little flying.

"I think that's enough for right now." Sirius said quietly. Harry nodded mutely, not trusting himself to speak. "Come on. Let's head to the kitchen and I can fix you something to drink."

Harry wanted to protest, but before he had the chance, he felt Sirius grab his shoulder and gently lead him out of the room. His godfather's touch was reassuring and in that moment he found that the fear had almost completely dissolved.

Like the night of his nightmare at Grimmauld Place, he allowed Sirius to help him into a chair while he busied himself at the stove. The smell of melting chocolate wafted through the room, nearly making his stomach churn. For some odd reason he felt an urge to want to try again, to somehow prove to himself and to Sirius that he could do better. But Sirius had returned back at the table with his cup in hand so he contented himself with his godfather's presence.

They could not afford for him to have trouble with this, he knew. Every day that he failed that was to their disadvantage. But for some strange reason, he found it didn't bother him as much as he thought it would. With Sirius by his side he knew there was nothing that they couldn't do. They would face water came and would defeat Voldemort together and by the end of it all they would both finally be free- a proper family.


	15. Chapter 15

**I apologize that it took so long to get this chapter up. I only got back from vacation and with school getting ready to start up again I've found myself pretty busy. I hope it was worth the wait. Hope you enjoy :)**

**_For those of you upset about the lack of 'action' you'll notice that this is a 'family' fic. It doesn't say 'adventure' and there's a reason for that. The action is going to be slow going for a while as this story is more 'character building then anything.' I want to give Harry and Sirius the chance to really bond and form that family they so desire. I find it rather annoying when I get reviews saying that my story is getting 'dull' or that they can't 'stomach' much more of this. I'm sorry if this isn't your cup of tea but really it does say 'family' in the summary not 'action'. If this is not you then please let it fly right over your head. Thank you all so much for those of you who still stick with this a special thanks to_ _Jogger_ _who gives me the support and encouragement I need to continue this story. I could not continue this without you :) Thank you so very much. _**

**_I really appreciate all of my supporters... you guys are the best and I hope you continue to stick with this story. Just knowing that I'm doing a good job for one person is more than enough. Thank you all so much :)_**

**_*This story isn't going to follow events in the books exactly as I want to put in my own ideas_**

**_And with that... on to the chapter!_**

**_(Sorry for any mistakes; this chapter was quite a doozy to write and I'm SO thrilled I finally finished it. I've been working on it for almost a week)_**

* * *

Harry collapsed on the couch in the living room; closing his eyes amidst the pounding of his head. To say that his Occlumency lessons were going horribly would be the understatement of the century. His only consolation was that he was becoming better at staying upright and though his stomach felt as though it was being twisted into knots he was often able to keep from sicking up.

He sat waiting for Sirius to appear with his potion; growing a bit impatient if he was completely honest with himself. Though he quite enjoyed the ritual he and his godfather had fallen into of sitting around the table, each with a steaming mug of chocolate, nothing could quite settle the aftereffects of the lesson quite like the calming potion Sirius brought out for him after every lesson.

He had been a bit hesitant at first as he very much hated to be fussed over, but Sirius had been insistent, and with a roll of his eyes Harry took it-more to get his godfather to shut up than anything else. The effects were almost immediate and without any warning at all, Harry found himself drifting off into a long sleep, waking up four hours later, feeling quite embarrassed to find his head supported by his pillow, and his comforted tucked around him while he laid on the couch.

After he awoke, he had stumbled into the kitchen, feeling his anger increase when he saw Snape sitting around the table. Snape usually stayed in the guest room while he was there, but every once in awhile he would join them around the table for a meal. Harry supposed it was only natural- after all, he was certain that greasy bats had to eat as well. It was usually quiet whenever he joined them; none of them the least bit happy with the arrangement- except Remus who always tried to strike up a conversation with him.

Whenever that happened, Sirius, Tonks, and Harry would roll their eyes. It was quite irksome to say the least.

Harry heard soft footsteps approaching, and opening one eye he let out a small sigh of relief to find Sirius walking towards him with the potion. Harry muttered a soft 'thanks' when Sirius handed it to him, drowning it in one gulp, nearly making a face at the taste as it ran down his throat and settled in his stomach. His throat burned as it always did the minute he drank it- probably from the minutes he spent yelling as he fought to keep Sirius out. He wasn't sure why he yelled to be honest, but he couldn't seem to help himself. It wasn't as if screaming would do anything but leave his throat raw- it most certainly wouldn't keep Sirius out… or Voldemort for that matter.

He greatly appreciated that Sirius was going through all this trouble to help him; especially since it seemed as though Harry wasn't making any progress at all. But Sirius remained patient and after the first lesson he never did get upset at what he saw. Harry could tell he was angry, though, even though he tried his best to hide it. And as he had promised, Sirius never did say anything around the others, for which Harry was thankful. The last thing he wanted was to be fussed over and could only imagine the other's expressions when they found out about his uncle.

That was another good thing about Sirius; he never did fuss; never looked at him as though he was helpless and delicate. He supposed this was because Sirius had gone through the same thing and knew how annoying it was when others didn't seem to grasp the concept that the last thing he wanted was for them to worry about him.

"How's your head feeling?" Sirius asked, draping an arm across the back of the couch.

"Like a puddle of goo." Harry snorted. "I'm surprised really that I'm able to remember my own name."

Sirius had to swallow back a small chuckle, but couldn't resist teasing his godson. "Harvey, isn't it?"

"Oh shut up, you ruddy prat." Harry muttered, feeling the edges of his mouth twitch the slightest bit before letting out a huge breath of air. "This is ridiculous. It's been almost a week and I haven't made any progress at all; a complete waste of time if you ask me. Might as well just hand me over to Voldemort now and let him do away with me."

"Hey." Sirius admonished with a frown; applying a sharp smack to Harry's thigh at the flippant remark, causing Harry to glare at him before attempting to rub away the sting. "Don't talk like that. I understand that this is difficult- it was difficult for me as well. It took me years before I was able to get the hang of it."

"Yeah, well, you're not _me,_ are you?" Harry snapped. "You're not the 'Great Harry Potter- Savior of the entire Wizarding world'; the one destined to defeat Voldemort. You were able to take however long you wanted; you didn't have a raving madman trying to take over your fucking mind."

Sirius pursed his lips. In that moment he was really regretting showing Harry that memory when Dumbledore had informed them of the prophecy. At first Harry hadn't taken it to heart; saying it was vengeance for his parents that drove him on in his quest to defeat Voldemort once and for all.

Now however, he was fully able to see just how much the prophecy was affecting him. But something in Sirius knew that Harry deserved to know the truth; he wasn't going to be like other adults in his godson's life and let him down just because they wanted to shield him from the horrors of real life.

His godson wasn't a child anymore- never had been really. And while he would have given anything to somehow give him the childhood he deserved he knew it wasn't possible. For all intents and purposes, Harry was a man now, however scary that prospect may be and while he would be there to give him guidance and support he would not shelter him; he was determined to be there every step of the way while Harry struggled to have a normal life.

Sirius wasn't sure what to say, so he stayed silent, allowing Harry to have a moment or two to process everything.

Harry felt a great urge to want to break something; to rid himself of the anger that was threatening to take over him. He couldn't understand why he wasn't able to do this. He was _Harry Potter_ for goodness sakes. He was the one who had saved the Sorcerer's Stone, killed a bloody basilisk, drove off about one hundred dementors, and who had dueled and escaped Voldemort just a few weeks ago. He didn't know of another person who could conjure a Patronus like he was able to.

Quite suddenly he felt horrid. In that moment he had a new respect for Ron. He let his head fall on the back of the couch and with a sideways glance at his godfather he offered a quiet apology.

"Don't be." Sirius said with a gentle squeeze to his knee. "You have every right to be upset. I know how frustrating this is, kid, believe me I do. You _are_ making progress Harry, believe it or not. You are an exceptionally powerful wizard for someone your age, but you can't expect to be brilliant at everything right off hand. These things take time."

But Harry doubted if he would ever get the hang of it. It seemed easy enough in theory, but until you actually put it to use, one couldn't understand just how difficult it would prove to be. Sirius had said it had taken years for him to get the hang of it, but he didn't have years- not even months. He couldn't shake the feeling that sometime soon things were once again going to change- that everything he had learned over the past few years would need to be put into effect… that his life would hang by a single thread…

Sirius leaned over and planted a soft kiss atop Harry's head before squeezing his knee again. "Enough of this. It's not going to help anything if you sit here and brood. If you're feeling better then why don't you take your broom out for awhile?"

"No thanks." Harry said, taking himself by surprise. "I really don't want to."

"You could always go to your room and take a nap then. I'm pretty sure it's going to get boring lounging about the couch all day and you look as though a few hours wouldn't kill you."

Harry gave a small shrug, unable to help the small yawn that escaped. It was true that he was tired; the lessons seemed to take a lot out of him, but he really was in no mood to nap like a toddler.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Go ahead and take a nap. I'll wake you in a bit."

"I'm not tired."

Sirius gave him a pointed look. "I can tell." He said dryly. "Well fine. If you're not tired then go find something to do."

"Can't I just sit here?" Harry asked.

"Nope. Go on now." He said lifted himself off the couch, reaching down to grab Harry's hand and pull him up when it was apparent that the kid had no desire to go anywhere.

Harry allowed for Sirius to pull him up, gracing the man with a half-hearted glare before straightening his clothes.

"What do you suggest I do?" Harry grumbled.

"I really don't care, but you're not going to sit here and mope." Sirius said and then as an afterthought added, "As long as it's not dangerous, mind you, because that would bring far more trouble then I'm prepared to handle at the moment and quite honestly... I happen to _like_ having you around." He finished with a smirk.

Harry fought against the smile that was threatening to break through. Both of them turned their heads towards the doorway as they heard footsteps approaching.

Remus was looking at Sirius; a rather pointed look on his face. He hadn't been the most... pleasant of people to be around the past few days. Harry had found him and Sirius bickering more than usual lately and had even snapped at Harry once or twice. Harry wasn't sure, but it seemed as though he was avoiding Tonks. She tried her best to appear as though it didn't bother her, but they all knew better.

It was a bit disconcerting as this wasn't the man he had come to know over the past few years.

Then suddenly it all made sense and he could have kicked himself for not figuring it out sooner. He had only been around Remus once when he had transformed. He couldn't fault the man for being a bit edgy. He couldn't even imagine how painful it must be and Remus had to go through it every month.

Sirius, his father, and the rat had all become animagus during their Hogwarts years in an effort to make the transformation more bearable. They had been by Remus' side for years, and it was only with his parents' death, Sirius' imprisonment, and Pettigrew's supposed death that everything had changed. He had been made to suffer for the past several years alone.

But he would no longer be alone. He had Harry and Sirius and he had Tonks. Remus- like him- would never be made to suffer alone again.

"Severus would like a word with you." Remus announced, letting his gaze linger on Harry for the briefest of moments. "And he strongly requests that it be private."

_Without me, in other words, Harry_ thought feeling his temper begin to surface. Why were they all insistent on treating him like a child?

"Well that's bollocks!" Harry said hotly, ignoring Remus' disapproving stare. "If it's about me I should have the right to listen in."

"Harry, despite what you seem to believe not everything is about you." Remus said shortly, taking Harry by surprise. "If Severus believes it best that you not listen in then he must have a good reason."

Harry tried hard to not appear hurt by the man's words and remember that it was only a couple of days until the full moon. But it wasn't the werewolf's eyes that he was gazing into, but those of Remus and he couldn't help the anger that swelled within him.

"Harry, give us a moment, please." Sirius said softly.

"But-"

"Harry." Sirius said a bit more forcefully. "Please do as I ask. Go on." He gave Harry a little push when it was clear that he wasn't going to move voluntarily. With one last glare at Remus, Harry left.

Once Harry was out of the room, Sirius wasted no time in setting a silencing charm about the room.

"What the bloody hell was that?" He snapped. "Mate I know the full moon is just a few days away but lay off would you? He already has Snape up his arse about the Occlumency lessons- the last thing he needs is for you to get onto him as well."

The glare on Remus' face left just as quickly as it arrived. He winced as he ran a hand through his hair, letting out a huge sigh. "I didn't mean to get onto him." He said quietly.

"That's a pretty pathetic apology if you ask me," Sirius snorted. "Especially coming from you."

"Sirius I admit that it came out entirely wrong," Remus frowned, "And I'm sorry about that. But Harry does seem to have a rather bad habit of eavesdropping on matters that don't concern him."

Sirius took several deep breaths before speaking. "And what conversations has my godson been listening in on that don't relate to him? Because the way I see it all we've done is merely talk about the Prophecy and Voldemort. I'm sorry, but you'll have to forgive me if I feel inclined to let Harry know about those sorts of things- _things _which happen to do with him and have ever since he was a baby."

"And what do you think Lily would have to say about this?" Remus asked in a manner so reminiscent of Molly that Sirius had to fight the urge to hex him. "Do you think that she would be at all happy with what you're doing? Or James for that matter?"

That final comment was the last straw. "_Don't _talk _down_ to me, Remus." Sirius snapped viciously, a hard gleam in his eye. "I get enough of that from Molly and from Snape, and I really don't need it from you. Perhaps you think Lily and James were wrong in naming me godfather. Well I'm sorry, mate, but they're gone and I'm the one left in charge of Harry. That includes making decisions concerning him. If you think I'm doing such a terrible job at parenting-"

"I did not say that and you damn well know it!" Remus shouted.

Both men glared at each other for a long moment; neither one really knowing what to say and also a bit afraid to say anything lest it result in a full blown shouting match. Sirius really wasn't up for it to be completely honest and he knew just from little he'd seen that Remus wasn't either.

He couldn't really understand what had happened. It had been a long while since they had blown up at each other- they rarely did as neither of them were really the shouting type. Sirius contributed it to the full moon, but he knew his best friend and knew that something else was bothering him.

He would have stayed and tried to figure it out but he was far too upset with the man and pushing past him, he followed Harry's lead and left before his temper had a chance to escalate any further.

He found Harry standing at the counter in conversation with Tonks, both of whom turned to look when they heard him enter.

Harry who was still greatly annoyed was about to open his mouth to say something but fell silent when Sirius raised his hand, as though knowing that whatever was about to come out of the kid's mouth would not do either one of them any favors. "I want you to think very carefully about what you want to say Harry and if you think it's something I wouldn't find acceptable at the moment you'd be better off not saying it. I've had a hard enough time already and I really have no interest in getting into a row."

Harry, who had the grace to look abashed, offered Sirius a small smile that was more of a grimace before he made his way to the table.

Tonks smiled sadly at Sirius, only envisioning how the conversation went. "Snape will be out shortly. He said he needed to discuss something important with you before he left."

_That's all I need, _Sirius groaned, wanting nothing more than to head on back to bed. The last thing he needed was to get into it with Snape. "Did he happen to say where he was headed afterwards?"

Tonks looked at him as though he were stupid.

"I think that's a 'no' Sirius." Harry put in helpfully in an attempt to diffuse the tension.

Sirius glanced at him. "I never would have known. Thank you Harry." He muttered with a small smile. They turned to look when they heard someone enter and for once, Sirius could say- albeit very reluctantly- that he was indeed happier to see Snape than Remus at the moment. He could handle Snape's jibes just fine. It was partly what colored their very... _artful_ relationship- they didn't matter to him at all.

"I am rather certain I told the wolf that I wanted this to be _private_, Black." Snape sneered, glaring at Harry who merely grinned at him, knowing that would bother him more than anything.

"I'm well aware of what you wanted, Snape." Sirius said. "I for one would like to get back the last twelve years of my life and a sincere apology from the Ministry, but it looks as though neither one of us are going to get our wish. It's either we have him listen in or we send him out only to have me tell him everything later. However, I really feel as though that's entirely too much work, so let's save us all the trouble and just include him in on our little 'meeting'."

Harry couldn't really describe the look that crossed Snape's face. Fury was easily detectable but there was something else... was it disappointment or fear? Harry could have laughed. Snape was the last one who would ever care about what happened to him.

"And how are the boy's lessons going, Black?" Snape asked curiously. "Is he so far educated in them that he no longer needs to worry about invasion from the Dark Lord? My, what a talented little brat you have there, Black. Powers beyond even _my _imagination. Of course with such a teacher as yourself- one who is so very well practiced- is there even a small possibility that he could be any less but brilliant?"

Snape's tone was literally dripping with sarcasm and against his wishes, Harry felt his cheeks burn so hotly he was afraid they would fall off.

Snape took one look at Harry's face and smirked. "Just as I thought. Tell me, Potter, have you at all felt the Dark Lord's presence in your mind- whatever mind you may have, of course?"

Harry rolled his eyes. "No offense sir, but I find your snide remarks rather boring. Perhaps you- with such a brilliant mind- could come up with something new every once in a while. 'Potter, with a head so large as yours- what with your egotistical stature and all- I'm surprised you have survived for as long as you have and have been able to hide from the Dark Lord for so long when it's more than apparent that anyone would be able to detect the brilliance radiating from a mind as underdeveloped as yours from ten countries away.' That's just an idea of course. I'm sorry but I haven't been at this for as long as you have but surely you might be able to give me some pointers."

Harry's impression of Snape was so good that Sirius nearly fainted from surprise; having to choke back a laugh.

Snape raised an eyebrow. "I have to admit Potter- that wasn't half bad. I see you take after your dear godfather."

"Thank you sir," Harry said with a grin. "I take that as a huge compliment." He looked towards Sirius and gave a small wink, causing Sirius to chuckle. His dear godson was becoming more like him everyday... he had yet to decide whether or not that was a good thing.

For what seemed like the millionth time alone that morning, Sirius turned his head, feeling his anger increase when he found Remus standing in the entryway, looking a bit unsure of himself. He kept his gaze away from that of Tonks, he noticed, and barely had time to wonder how she would react when with a fatal look at Remus that would have weaker men pleading for mercy, she left without a glance back.

Sirius would have liked nothing more than to thump Remus and try to knock some sense into him. Even with the full moon, he was acting far too different for Sirius' liking and if the look on Tonks' face before she had left was of any indication then things weren't looking well for the pair of them and hadn't been for days. Remus needed to get a handle on things before he lost the one person who he probably needed the most.

"Now that the dramatics are out of the way, might I suggest we get back to the topic at hand?" Snape drawled in a bored voice. "I do have other matters to see to before the day is over with."

"Such as?"

"That's not really any of your concern, Black." He sneered before turning to Harry. "Potter, you have not answered my question. Have you or have you not sensed the Dark Lord's presence?"

Harry thought hard about this and tried to remember how it was the first time Voldemort had taken over him. But he wasn't seething with anger like he had been and the desire to cause pain nearly made him choke. The only time he really felt angry- yet at the same time completely vulnerable- was after his Occlumency lessons. But Sirius had assured him that it was perfectly normal so he didn't much think about it.

"No, sir." He answered, growing confused. Why _hadn't _Voldemort tried to invade his mind again, or if he had why hadn't he felt it. He felt this strange connection to Voldemort and had ever since meeting him the first time. If they were so alike as Voldemort had claimed then Harry would think that he should be able to know when the bastard was taking over him. It seemed to make sense... didn't it?

"That is something you ought to be thankful for, Mr. Potter." Snape said; he himself looking more at ease.

"Why though hasn't he tried to invade my mind, sir?" Harry asked.

Snape stared at him. "Not complaining now are we, Potter?" He asked, causing Harry to glare at him. "Suffice it to say, I am not entirely sure, but it is something I wouldn't question too much. Despite your beliefs Mr. Potter, these lessons are quite crucial if you ever hope to defeat the Dark Lord."

Harry felt his temper begin to surface. How dare Snape imply that he thought these lessons to be any less than important? Did he honestly believe that he wasn't trying his hardest? Did he for a single moment believe that Harry might seem to want Voldemort in his mind, taking over him, and making him hurt people?

"He understands that, Snape." Sirius said harshly and Harry felt grateful for him stepping in. "Just because he isn't as far as he would like to be at the moment doesn't mean he's slacking off or think they're beneath him to learn."

"If he was as powerful as he believes himself to be I should think that he would be further along. Before I was thirteen I was quite skilled in the art. Of course, I myself was quite good at controlling my temper. I'm very surprised you were able to learn, Black; the Black family isn't known for their patience after all."

Harry could have sworn he heard Sirius growl before he composed himself. He didn't belong to the Black family... he never did really. As far as he was concerned, Harry, Remus, and Tonks were the only family he needed.

But he knew Snape had a point- however much he hated to admit it. Harry did indeed need to learn to control his temper, but he was at a loss as to how to help him.

He himself had never had much of a temper, really, and if so he was always able to get a handle on it quickly. He wasn't even thinking about that night he had chased down the rat. That was an act of recklessness... he wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

James and Lily both had a fiery temper so he knew Harry only came by it necessary. But the kid was one of the strongest people he knew and if Harry put his mind to it, he knew he was capable of anything.

"Good for you, Snape." Sirius said coolly. "You'll have to forgive me, however, because you see I don't remember you having a raving lunatic out for you, never mind trying to invade your fucking mind. And you thought you had such a hard time." He said sarcastically. "As much as I loathe agreeing with you on anything, I have to admit that you're right on this and believe me we will be working on that. But don't think, for one moment, that your situations are anywhere close to being the same. Harry will get this... I won't give up on him- no matter how long it takes."

"How sentimental, Black." Snape groused. "Excuse me while I go vomit."

"Perhaps you both can stop arguing with each other and we can accomplish something productive." Remus said firmly, ignoring Sirius' and Harry's murderous stares.

"At least one of you is taking this seriously." Snape said. "I strongly disapprove of the boy being here, Black, but if the Dark Lord has calmed down for the time being then I suppose it would not hurt to include him in this matter. As a matter of fact I do have some questions for the boy and if he's able to control his temper this may go quickly."

_Control my bloody temper, _Harry thought smugly. _No problem. I'll prove to you I'm not as arrogant as you seem to believe. _After all, if Sirius could control himself when he desperately wanted nothing more than to hex his arse off the face of the earth then so can I.

That thought seemed to give him some comfort and he found his anger begin to recede. "What questions do you have for me, sir?" He asked as patiently as he could.

"That day when the Dark Lord took over your mind, what did you see Potter?"

Harry felt the blood drain from his face. He hadn't told anyone- not even Sirius. He wasn't about to tell Snape of all people.

"I think you'll find, _sir,"_ he said coldly, "that it is hardly any of your business what I saw. Why does it matter anyways? It's not anything important."

"If it's so unimportant, Potter, then why don't you simply tell me?" Snape simpered.

"Tell me what you saw, Snape, when you looked into Voldemort's mind-"

"_Do not use the Dark Lord's name in my presence!"_

"-and then I'll tell you what I saw. I think it's only a fair trade." He ignored Sirius' gaze that was full of suspicion and stared straight into Snape's dark eyes. "I think what you saw is far more important then what I saw sir."

Snape stared curiously at him for a long moment. If he really wanted to he could find out- he was a skilled Occlumens after all- but he had no desire to be held up by the sniffling brat any longer then he had to. He relented, though reluctantly.

"For once Potter, you are right. What I tell you is of high importance and if you ever want to defeat the Dark Lord you will learn to close off your mind, lest he decide to invade, in which case we are all doomed."

"Might it be a good idea if Harry leaves?" Remus interjected. "If there is any danger of Voldemort finding out I don't think it wise to risk it."

_That's all you worry about, _Harry thought angrily. He couldn't understand why he was 'bowing down' to Snape all of a sudden. He knew that Remus had never had it out for him like Sirius and his father had, but he had never been overly friendly with the man, and now all of a sudden it was as if he was Snape's long lost best friend. It disgusted him if he was being honest and he couldn't quench that sudden feeling of betrayal.

"You have no say in this Remus, so stay out." Sirius snapped. "If Snape doesn't mind having him here then you shouldn't either. Seems to me he has more faith in Harry then you do at the moment."

Sirius regretted the words the moment they were out of his mouth, even more so when he saw the hurt look on his face. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt so angry with his friend. He knew Remus hadn't come right out and said it but Sirius couldn't help but feel as though Remus doubted Lily and James' choice in naming him godfather. Harry wasn't dead, wasn't ill, wasn't in prison, and was still a far better person than he could ever hope to be, and after everything that had happened in such the short amount of time he was handling everything wonderfully and was still relatively happy so Sirius couldn't be messing up _too _badly... he had to be doing _something_ right...

He hadn't been a parent- Merlin that sounded weird even to his own ears- very long, but he knew he couldn't afford to question his parenting skills too much. Harry didn't need that. He needed for him to be confident... and he was- even though some of the time it was forced.

He watched Remus get up and head out of the kitchen, hopefully going to find Tonks, but he knew that wasn't going to be the case. He'd go after him later and with luck they would be able to have a conversation without blowing up at each other.

Harry felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, and the anger he had felt towards Remus was beginning to fade. The last thing he wanted was for the two of them to argue over him… he really wasn't worth it. The look on Remus' face so mirrored that of Ron's before he had left. But Sirius and Remus had been best friends far longer then he and Ron had and surely a little spat wouldn't be enough to tear them apart for long. He hoped at least.

_Merlin, nothing was going right today,_ Sirius thought with a groan. He ignored Snape's smirk and fought to regain control of his emotions. "Please continue on, Snape."

Snape raised an eyebrow, a bit surprised at the man's words. "As you are well aware, Black, invading someone's mind can be both risky and beneficial. Fortunately for me, I was able to retrieve information from the Dark Lord's mind before he was able to throw me out."

"Information such as what?" Sirius asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

"For many years the Dark Lord has searched for ways to evade death. If what I saw is correct then he has indeed found his answer. I may be wrong of course, but I seriously doubt it. I believe the Dark Lord has created a horcrux."

The look that crossed Sirius' face sent a shiver down Harry's spine; reminding him that his godfather was indeed a Black.

No one spoke for the longest moment and Harry grew increasingly confused. What in the bloody blazes was a horcrux, and why would it put such an expression on his godfather's face?

"What is a horcrux?" Harry ventured to ask when no one said anything.

Sirius' eyes blazed with fear and anger as he turned to look at Harry. "It's an object- a _powerful _object- in which a Dark wizard hides part of their soul in an attempt to cheat death. You see, even if the body is destroyed, there is still that fragment that is hidden in the horcrux that acts as sort of an anchor if you will, and unless it is destroyed one can never truly die."

Cold fear undulated through Harry's body. He knew Voldemort would go to extreme measures to stay alive, but the knowledge of what he had done was beating around in his head like a drum; his chest constricting tightly and he found it difficult to breathe. It seemed easily enough- find the bloody horcrux and destroy it and then destroy Voldemort… but it wouldn't be that easy. For one thing, they didn't even know what the horcrux was or even _where _it was. And how on _earth_ were they going to destroy it when they found it? Harry knew nothing about horcruxes but he had a feeling it wouldn't be easily destroyed.

And if Snape knew then what was to say that Dumbledore himself didn't know? He knew that the headmaster had plans for him after he had been expelled. Had this had anything to do with the plans? Why- if Dumbledore had known- hadn't he told anyone… hadn't told Harry? But Harry knew the answer to that; Dumbledore didn't trust him. It was as simple as that. He had been nothing more than a pawn in a chess game… Dumbledore had never really believed in him after all.

"How do we destroy it?" Harry asked in a hoarse voice.

"That is something I will need to talk with the headmaster about." Snape told him. "Understand this, Mr. Potter; if the Dark Lord realizes that we plan to destroy it then it will be almost impossible to defeat him. I urge you to take these lessons very seriously and try your hardest. Considering as how you've managed to evade the Dark Lord more times than anyone I've ever known then surely this should be quite easy for you to learn."

Harry gave a jerky nod. He knew he would have gone day in and day out if it meant getting the hang of it- no matter the pain or disturbing memories… he would do anything to keep Voldemort from finding out. However, if he knew Sirius like he think he did, the man would never allow him to do so. He had this strange notion that rest was a good thing. And normally it was, but this was not a normal situation and desperate times called for desperate measures.

Snape informed them that he would be leaving to visit Dumbledore and the second he had left Harry turned to Sirius. "Do… do you think it's true? Did… did he really make a horcrux?" Harry knew the fear was evident in his tone but he found he oddly enough didn't care at the moment. Even though he had asked it he knew it to be true. Perhaps asking it though- with all the absurdity it entailed- might be enough for the truth to somehow disappear; he would wake up and find that this was nothing more than a horrible nightmare.

Sirius heard the desperateness in his tone and felt his heart break. He wanted to lie and tell him 'no' but he couldn't. Nothing would be gained by trying to bury the truth with lies.

He cleared his throat. "It's alright to be afraid." He said softly. "The truth is horrifying sometimes, Harry, but we can't hide from it. We're going to find the bloody thing and destroy it and then I _promise_ you Voldemort will be gone forever. I won't stop until you're free of him."

Harry wanted so much to believe his godfather's words, but they were being muddled by the fear that was practically taking over him. In his haze, he didn't hear whatever else Sirius said, nor did he feel the man's comforting arms around him, engulfing him in a tight hug.

The only thing he realized was that his day had just gone from bad to worse and if what Snape said was true… it was only the beginning of his troubles. His only consolation was that Sirius would be there through everything and wouldn't give up on him…

… he had promised.

* * *

Albus Dumbledore let out a sigh as he continued to pace around his office. Something was desperately wrong. Somehow this all had to do with Harry Potter's disappearance. The Death Eater activity was increasing, though Cornelius still refused to believe that Lord Voldemort had returned.

If things didn't settle down he was afraid he was going to have to take extra measures to secure the school. The search for Harry continued day in and day out, as did the search for Sirius. He would not be able to rest peacefully until Harry was back in his clutches and Sirius was behind bars once more.

He firmly believed that Sirius was a good man, but he was a danger to his godson. No matter how much they pretended the dear boy would never be normal. He needed the boy- he was the key to this whole thing. Once he had him then things would fall into place.

A sudden knock brought him out of his musings. "Enter." The door opened to reveal Severus, whom Albus was surprised to see. The last time they had met his potions professor had been quite delirious in his opinion. Surely some time off for himself had helped him regain his bearings.

"Severus, my dear boy, it is so good to see you." Albus said cheerfully, though the smile hadn't quite reached his eyes.

"I wish I could repay the sentiment, Headmaster." Severus replied as he strolled into the room, declining the headmaster's offer to take a seat.

"To what do I owe this pleasant surprise?" Albus asked. "I must say I was afraid you wouldn't show. The new term starts in just a few days time and everyone would be missing their favorite potions master."

_Doubtful,_ Severus thought with a sneer. "Headmaster, I'm certain that you're aware of the Dark Lord's displeasure."

Albus nodded and stroked his beard thoughtfully. "Lord Voldemort's followers seem to be increasing their activities. Only yesterday a poor woman was found dead in her home. It has come to my attention that the school needs further protection, but Cornelius deems it unnecessary."

That sounded like Fudge. He was going to be the cause of innocent lives being taken just because he couldn't handle facing the truth. Indeed, Severus had been most surprised to hear of the brat's expulsion. Of course, he himself had wanted nothing more since the first time he had seen him. It appeared as though the Minister _could_ do something right after all. The brat was far safer with Black then he would be with the Headmaster; perhaps not the most suitable guardian, but safer nonetheless.

"I regret to inform you Headmaster that I will not be returning as a member of your staff. The Dark Lord has learned of my role as a spy not too long ago and proceeded to try and kill me. I barely escaped with my life. With that being said I really have no desire to return."

Albus stared at him for the longest moment, a troubling look on his face, before he collapsed into his chair. He intertwined his fingers, staring at Severus as though he was disappointed. "This is most troublesome." Albus finally said. "You were the only inside person I had, Severus. Without you, I'm afraid we will be lost."

"Headmaster, you never believed I would be the one to win this war for the light. You have been preparing Potter ever since he set foot inside this castle, have you not? You have been using him, raising him like a pig for slaughter so to speak, until the right moment came when you would put him on the front lines with no belief that he would make it out alive. Just as long as the Dark Lord was finally defeated you never once cared what happened to the boy."

Albus said nothing, confirming Severus' belief. After all this time, after everything he had done to keep Lily's son safe it was more than clear that it had all been in vain.

"I think you should stay here, Severus." Albus said, ignoring the man's earlier remarks. "If what you say is true then your life is in grave danger. Stay here. We can offer you protection."

"I appreciate the gesture, Headmaster." Severus said. "But protection is not what I seek."

Albus raised an eyebrow. "Then what is it?"

"Answers." He said simply. And forgiveness. There was not much he could do, but hopefully this would be enough. Once the boy was safe and the Dark Lord was defeated once and for all then he would be able to die peacefully. "I could be wrong here of course, but it has come to my attention that the Dark Lord has required an object of some sort in which he could conceal a part of his soul. I believe Headmaster that he has created a horcrux."

Albus' eyebrows rose. The younger man's words had startled him. He sat quietly for what seemed like years, never once looking at Severus, until finally he spoke. "Not one I'm afraid… seven."

Snape's eyebrows rose. He had been certain that the Dark Lord had created one horcrux for sure, but he had never expected this. He could only imagine the effort it took in creating one, but _seven?_ Creating one was enough, but creating multiple ones was sure to be costly to the maker. The Dark Lord had split his soul beyond restore and who knows what he had left of it.

He narrowed his eyes at the headmaster accusingly. "How long have you known?"

"Since the end of Harry's second year." Dumbledore replied, ignoring the look on Severus' face. "When Harry came out of the Chamber with the diary he claimed belonged to Voldemort I began to get suspicious. I had many suspicions of course, because you see with a mind so great as mine, I often find it difficult to have only _one _idea.

However, there was one that stood out more against the others, so during that summer I visited with my old friend, Horace Slughorn, and… 'persuaded' him to divulge all he knew about horcruxes. He had been the one Voldemort seemed closest to during his time here so I didn't have a hard time believing that he would have gone to his favorite professor with information on how to create one. But he had to ask it very carefully, lest Horace get suspicious, but we all knew how sly Voldemort could be.

Horace gave him the information, but he told me the moment he did he knew he had made a grave mistake. Horribly ashamed at what he had done he had modified his memory, but I was able to get the truth out, and ever since then I've been searching for the remaining horcruxes as often as I could."

"You have found another then?" Snape asked curiously.

"Oh yes." Dumbledore said with a nod. "In fact… I have found them all. I have revisited my old memories and have been able to deduce where the rest may be. I cannot be sure however."

"But you think you are." Snape drawled. The headmaster was powerful and wise he realized and it seemed as though no one understood that better then Dumbledore himself. He could never make a mistake… could never be wrong. Yet how many mistakes had he made over the years? How many people had he trampled on to get what he wanted? How many lives had he destroyed?

Yet, Snape remained loyal; because despite everything it had been Dumbledore who had give him a second chance… it had been Dumbledore who had believed in him.

"Quite. The first of course was his diary that he had obtained in his sixth year, however at that time he was still known as Tom Riddle. When the Chamber of Secrets was opened fifty years ago I believe the dear muggleborn who had been murdered was the one he had used to create this precise diary.

The second is Salazar's Slytherin's Locket, created with the murder of a muggle. I believe it to be hidden in a far away cave, yet I have not had the chance to go in search for it.

The third, Helga Hufflepuff's Cup. He murdered poor old Hepzibah Smith in his creation of it. I have yet to discover where this particular one is.

The fourth, Rowena Ravenclaw's Diadem, created with the murder of an Albanian peasant. It resides in Albania and has for several years.

The fifth I believe is his own snake… Nagini I believe. She was created just last year with the disappearance and murder of Bertha Jorkins. She will be most difficult to destroy as she never leaves Voldemort's side.

And the sixth," here he reached into his desk and stretched forward his hand and with a quick spell, his hand was horribly disfigured, yet it revealed a ring upon one finger. The skin was molten and dead. Snape sucked in a harsh breath and hastened to the headmaster's side.

"You fool!" He spat viciously, taking the hand gently into his own to get a better look. "What on earth could have been running through that brilliant mind of yours? You knew the blasted thing was cursed, yet you put it on."

"I am old, Severus," Dumbledore said calmly. "I do make mistakes from time to time. When I first found it in the Gaunt family home I was overcome with fascination to behold such a relic- one that had been passed down from generation to generation. My fascination overpowered my judgment and you see the aftereffects. This ring belonged to the Gaunt family and when Voldemort learned of his true heritage he could think of nothing else then to be in possession of what he truly believed to be his. He murdered his own father to create this and I myself destroyed it last year."

Snape grew pale. He knew the powers hidden behind such magic and the fool had deliberately put it on without thinking about the consequences. A suspicion was quickly forming in his mind, but he dismissed it quickly. Despite his annoyance with the man he would not allow for it to be true.

"And the seventh?" Snape asked, never taking his eyes of Dumbledore's hand. He looked up when he remained silent and quickly took in the saddened look on his face. His eyes were shining with tears, yet he refused to let them fall he noticed. His face remained resolute as always, however, yet there was no mistaking the sadness that was bursting from behind his aged eyes.

"The seventh and final horcrux was created years ago; fourteen to be exact." Dumbledore spoke quietly; a thoughtful look on his face. "When Voldemort went to Godric's Hollow that night so many years ago in order to kill Harry, he never expected for Lily to cast herself between them. In doing so she created the ultimate protection. Voldemort could not kill Harry and so when he cast the curse it rebounded and nearly destroyed him. Yet a small piece of him still lingered and it latched itself onto the only living thing he could find at that moment… Harry himself."

Snape felt as though the floor had been yanked out from beneath him. He stared at the headmaster, hardly daring to believe it. Yet, Dumbledore's gaze never left his and he could see the horrifying truth behind his eyes. Dumbledore had known since the brat's second year and hadn't told anyone… least of all him.

"It never crossed your mind to inform me of this?" He spat. "Never once in the past three years? I could have been preparing something in order to get rid of it, Dumbledore!"

"There is nothing that will get rid of it, Severus." Dumbledore said firmly. "It was created by Voldemort himself and therefore must be destroyed by him. I didn't tell you out of fear that Voldemort would find out."

"Yet you tell me know. Why?"

"Because I know of why you're here." Dumbledore said simply. "You are helping Harry and Sirius and you have come for information on how to destroy the horcruxes. You have been found out as you say and therefore you are in just as much danger as they are. Voldemort might know already that you seek to destroy his lifeline and he will do anything to make sure you fail.

I have tried for several years for you to look past Harry's appearance and see him for who he is on the inside and while you have not grown as fond of him as I would have hoped you are putting aside your childish rivalry and going against Voldemort in order to help him.

I have not got much time left Severus… a year- maybe less. We cannot afford to lose time. If you truly want to help Harry then I give you my blessing and the only thing that you can ever hope to destroy them with."

He pulled something out from behind his desk and Snape recognized it immediately as the Sword of Gryffindor. Dumbledore handed it to him. "This sword was used to kill the basilisk in Harry's second year and is therefore impregnated with its venom; the only thing that is stronger than the horcrux and therefore is the only thing that can destroy it."

Snape looked from the sword to Dumbledore, hardly daring to believe that he would hand it over so willingly. He felt as though he had slipped into an odd sort of dream and was having a hard time sorting through all of this. "You have known this for years Dumbledore. Why didn't you ever tell Potter? Don't you think he would have liked to know?"

"I don't." Dumbledore said with a shake of his head. "Harry had so much to be dealing with that I felt it unwise to tell him."

"And now?"

"Now he has Sirius… the one person whom he truly believes to be his family. Despite what others think, I truly want Harry's happiness and therefore would not burden him with this knowledge. It won't change anything in the end. Why not let him enjoy his time with Sirius while he still can? There is still plenty of time left in which to tell him. Give him this moment to fully enjoy his life."

Dumbledore was smiling sadly at him and all at once he felt like a school boy again as he stood in front of the headmaster's desk. Anger swelled within him. If for once he could have admitted he was not perfect and that he was in fact human then perhaps he may have been able to save himself. The news that Dumbledore had less than a year to live hit him harder than he ever thought possible. He had trusted the man with the life and now all at once he was leaving him. And oddly enough he seemed fine with it.

He wanted to rage and throttle the old man in front of him. It was only with Dumbledore that he ever let his guard down and behaved as though he was the small disobedient yet sniffling brat he had been so long ago. The years had changed him, yet it was only with Dumbledore that he found he could remember who he had once been.

The curse had taken over most of his hand and unwilling to stare at it a moment longer, he gave a curt nod and dismissed himself; letting the door slam behind him with a loud slam.

None of it mattered anymore. Dumbledore's betrayal and doubt in him seemed almost nothing. He had never liked Potter and never would, but he knew he would do whatever was possible to keep the brat safe and alive while he still was able to.

Lily's eyes were peering into the very depths of his soul- beseeching him- and he knew Dumbledore to be right. He would not breathe a word of this to Black or Lupin and especially not Potter. In the end the boy would have to die- destroyed like a common object- for the Dark Lord to be destroyed once and for all.

Why not let Lily's son enjoy whatever life he has left while he still can?


	16. Chapter 16

_****__This has got to be one of my favorite chapters. Hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think._

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_~May 28, 1964~_

_There was a soft rustle of trees near the edge of the house and Remus looked up; excitement clearly visible on his young face. Night was fully upon them now, and ignoring his mother's demand to come inside, Remus set off towards the trees. _

_He knew he should have done what his mother had said but he was much too excited to listen to her at that moment. His father had been away for the weekend visiting his parents and it was close to the time when he said he would return. _

_If he had been more than four years old he may have found it slightly odd that the other animals were running away in fear. He looked behind him; his stomach churning into knots when he found that he could no longer see his house or hear his mother's cries. He had never ventured this far in before as his parents had made it a strict rule that he was not to go in there by himself. _

_He waited a few seconds more, straining his ears listening for any sign of his father coming to meet him. The rustling had died away as quickly as it had come and finally convinced that his father would not be coming home that night he turned in the direction he had come and set off back home._

_It was only a few feet in that he noticed it… a pair of great yellow eyes peering at him from behind a bush. Thinking that he had been imagining it he closed his eyes and opened them a moment later. The eyes were gone but a ball of nervousness had dropped into the pit of his stomach. It was much too quiet and he kept thinking he heard sounds coming from behind him. _

_He walked a bit further, almost breaking into a run when he heard the sound of quick feet- or rather paws- running after him. _

_He had only just seen the very edge of his house when something pounced on him from behind, knocking him to the ground. He closed his eyes; tears pouring down his cheeks. He had only made the decision to open his eyes and look at what had pinned him to the ground when he felt something sharp pierce his left shoulder. _

_It was pain unlike he had ever felt before. There was an anguished sob coming from around him and it took him a few seconds to realize that he had been the one to make that awful sound. _

_He lay there in agony, waiting for the creature to finish him off- he almost would have preferred it rather than lying there in pain- when a sharp crack came from behind him. The creature jumped up off of him and went after the person who had arrived when there was a blinding light and the creature fell to the ground. _

_He was almost afraid to look to see who it was when he felt someone gently easing him from the ground whispering soft soothing words into his ear. _

"_Shh, it's alright." The person whispered in a watery voice. _

"_Daddy?" Remus sobbed._

"_It's alright, Remus, I'm here." His father murmured as he led them back to the house._

The sound of his mother's anguished cries still haunted him to this very day, as did the look of fear on his father's face when he realized what had happened.

The werewolf- Greyback- had only been stunned that night in the forest he had learned from his father and it had been several years before he had been able to sleep without the fear of the creature climbing in through his bedroom window.

His parents had tried everything they could to reverse what had happened, but Remus figured it was more to give them hope rather than stand there every day and look at their son. He often heard his parents arguing in their bedroom when they thought he was in bed. But Remus was there; listening outside of their bedroom door.

If the situation had been better Remus would have found it in him to smile. He often got on to Harry for eavesdropping when he himself had been guilty of doing the same thing when he had been a child.

Thinking himself to be a burden to his parents, he had left when he was seven years old in search for a different home. In fact, more than once, he had thought about going to an orphanage. It didn't take long for his parents to find him.

He remembered the time quite well. It was a cold winter night and his father had bundled him up in his winter jacket and took them home where his mother was waiting with a nice hot cup of chocolate and marshmallows.

He had been much too ashamed to look his parents in the eye and tell them why he had left, but they had understood. It took years for him to believe that his parents loved him just the way he was and wouldn't ever give him away.

He allowed his mind to drift to thoughts of Tonks and the warmness he felt when he was with her. He cared for Tonks it was true and as much as he wanted he knew that they could never be together.

What would her family think knowing that she had married a monster? How would he be able to live with himself if something should ever happen to her because of him? And if heaven forbid they have a child as he knew Tonks so wanted, how could he cope with the fact that he might contaminate them?

Tonks deserved someone young… someone whole. She deserved someone far better than him. He well remembered the day when he received news that Lily had given birth to Harry. He had been unable to see the boy for a few days, but the moment he looked into those startling bright emerald eyes that were so like his mother's he knew he was in love.

Ever since then he couldn't help but wonder what his own child would look like. Would he look like him and have his mother's eyes? Would he be a reader like his father and enjoy long nights by the fire with a hot mug of chocolate? The excitement swelled within him just thinking about it but he forced himself to push thoughts like that away.

He would never have a family and could never hope to have a child of his very own. Why would they want someone like him? The child would be ridiculed for their entire lives and grow to hate him. It was better like this.

He stared at the scar on his shoulder that was still clearly visibly after so many years before pulling his shirt back on and heading out to the kitchen. Night was almost upon them he noticed and was barely able to control the slight shiver that ran down his spine.

He could see Tonks lounging about on the couch while Sirius and Harry were deep in conversation and by the looks of it, it was clear that whatever it was wasn't anything good.

Deciding to leave them to it he went to join Tonks who- upon seeing him- lifted her feet up and scooted back a bit to allow him room.

It was obvious she was still greatly upset about their conversation just a few days prior as Remus knew she had every right to be. He had grown closer to her than anyone else before and that's what scared him so much. She was stubborn, he realized, and knew it would take several more conversations before she got it into her head that they couldn't be together.

Still, the thought of her in a white wedding gown walking down the aisle to wed an unknown stranger made him literally ache with sadness and fury.

Several thoughts ran through his mind right then and he desperately wanted to say something but he found that his tongue was nearly glued to the roof of his mouth. Tonks must have understood and she settled herself into his side, lying her head on his shoulder, ignoring the way he tensed at her touch.

He allowed himself a few moments of comfort before he pried her off of him, purposefully overlooking the sadness in her eyes and went in search for Sirius. It was nearly time. Remus had suggested that he stay behind with Harry but Sirius shot that idea down before the words were even out of his mouth.

"Mate, Harry knows I'm here for him whenever he needs me," Sirius had told him. "But you're my best mate and I've missed far too many full moons as it is. It's _you _who needs me tonight. Harry will understand."

But as he caught the stubborn look on Harry's face he was almost certain that the boy wasn't as understanding as Sirius had claimed he would be. He hesitated in the doorway, wondering whether it would be a good idea to just head out on his own when Sirius turned and offered him a small smile before he lifted himself out of his chair to join him.

"Are you ready?" Sirius asked quietly, sticking his hands into the pockets of his trousers.

Remus smiled grimly. "I'm never ready for this." He said truthfully, before taking another look at Harry who he could have sworn was pouting in his chair like a five year old. He couldn't even imagine what the two of them had been discussing. "Is everything alright?" he asked in concern.

Sirius nodded. "Everything's fine. We were just talking. I think he and Tonks are going to go into the library and sort through some of my father's books. At least that's what Tonks suggested."

There was a sound of wood scraping against wood from behind them and Sirius was barely able to hold in a wince. They had been through this several times already, but Harry it seemed was at his most stubborn and wasn't about to let the matter drop until he got his way. It was getting on his last nerve to be perfectly honest.

"Sirius, would you just listen to me?" Harry snapped angrily as he came to join them. He didn't even falter when his godfather shot him a look that was just daring him to argue at the moment.

Sirius gave a sideways glance towards the moon. It wasn't fully up yet so there was still some time to try and get through to Harry before Remus needed him. "Remus, might we have a word alone please?" he asked quietly.

"Is there something I can help with?"

"No." Sirius shook his head. "I'll be out in a moment. That is of course if someone will stop arguing with me long enough for me to concentrate." Here he glared at Harry, but once again, Harry seemed to be unfazed.

Remus looked between the pair of them for a moment longer before heading out through the back door.

"Alright, I'm listening."

"If you had just talked to Remus I'm sure you might have been able to persuade him."

"Are you out of your mind?" Sirius cried. "Harry, I'm more than sure that the last thing that Remus would want is for you to be out there right now."

"But I could help!" Harry said desperately.

Sirius shook his head. "Harry I appreciate the gesture I really do but you'd only be putting yourself in danger by going out there. I'm perfectly safe in my dog form. The same cannot be said for you."

"But-"

"No." Sirius said firmly. "No 'buts'. You're staying inside and that's the end of it. We'll look into some animagus lessons soon and once I'm convinced that you're well off then we can discuss you going out with us but until then you're staying put."

Harry felt his face flush with anger. He couldn't believe his godfather was treating him like this… as though he was a child who couldn't look out for himself. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knew Sirius was only wanting to protect him, but who would be there to protect Sirius?

Sirius had said that he could tell this was going to be a pretty hard moon for Remus and adding to the fact that he hadn't been taking his potions a week up until the full moon it didn't sound well at all. Remus would have no clue as to who he was or rather that his best mate was out there to make sure that he didn't hurt himself or anyone else.

He had only been with Remus once on his full moon back at the end of his third year and he realized with a pang of guilt that if it hadn't been for Sirius he wouldn't have returned unscathed. Still, the fear of losing his godfather overtook any sense of good judgment he had right then. His only thought was to protect Sirius to the best of his abilities, not even thinking how it would be if the werewolf found him first.

Sirius needed him and if he wasn't so adamant on treating him like a child he would realize that.

"I'm not a _child _Sirius," Harry said hotly. "I can take care of myself."

"Please mind your tone." Sirius warned in a low voice. "And I said nothing of the sort. I know you can take care of yourself, but the fact still remains is that you are _my_ child and I'm not about to let you wander out there unprotected. I can only do so much, but when the point comes to it a dog really is no match for a werewolf."

Harry's face paled horribly and instantly Sirius knew he had said the wrong thing. He ran a hand down his face. "That didn't come out right. What I meant was should you be out there and if the werewolf saw you I wouldn't be much help. I'll be alright, I promise." He said in conviction, but he could still see a hint of doubt on Harry's face.

"But I won't be alright knowing that you're in here worrying about me all night. Look, go join Tonks and see if she has any suggestions for the two of you tonight."

"I don't want to sit in the bloody library all night." Harry murmured.

"That's fine. Between you and me, I don't think Tonks much likes the idea either. She wasn't much of a reader anyways. Potions were always her thing. Of course," he said with a small smile, "that's what she claims. How she could ever brew a potion correctly while tripping over her own feet is beyond me." He said it just loudly enough for Tonks to hear, grateful that she had taken the bait as he was hoping she would.

"I heard that you ruddy idiot!" She cried in mock-outrage as she came to join them. Her hair was a fiery red but Harry could see a hint of amusement hidden behind her eyes. He knew what they were doing and if the matter hadn't been so pressing he might have felt appreciative.

Sirius kissed the top of his head; squeezing the back of his neck gently before pulling back- a small smile on his face. "Be good." He warned with a quick wink. "I don't want to come back and find the house in shambles. I'll stay safe, I promise you." Sirius said catching sight of Harry's face.

"If anything happens I'll turn back, alright?" He waited until Harry gave a jerky nod. "Alright then. I'll see you later."

With fear, Harry watched as Sirius left through the same door Remus had walked through. _Sirius will be fine, _he told himself firmly. _He'll keep himself safe. He promised._

Deep down he knew that Sirius would be alright, but he couldn't help but remember that look on Remus' face last time. It hadn't _really _been Remus, he knew, but for some reason that realization did nothing to calm his fears.

He waited around for a small moment; waiting with the stupid notion that his godfather would walk right back into the room. Not willing to give himself false hope he tore his gaze away from the door and followed Tonks into the sitting room.

Despite her desperate attempts to keep the mood light he could tell that she was just as anxious as he was, but for a completely different reason. He wanted to say something- anything to convince her that Remus would be alright and that he would pull his head out of his arse one of these days and realize that the only person who had a problem with him being a werewolf was him.

He knew what was troubling her and as much as he wanted to be upset with Remus for throwing away any chance he had at finally having a family and someone to love him he couldn't make himself be. He couldn't help but think that their situations were kind of the same. While he wasn't a werewolf he had spent so many years of abuse at the hands of his uncle to believe that no one would ever love him the way he wanted them too.

But Sirius had been patient. He had never given up on him. He had given Harry everything he had ever wanted. For the first time in his life that he could remember he finally had someone that loved him more than anything.

After so many years of wishing, he finally had the father he had always wanted. He pushed back the overwhelming guilt that was threatening to take over him. He had never met his father but he knew that he would want him to be happy. They had named Sirius his godfather after all and for the first time in his life he had everything he had ever wanted.

Sirius' words were still ringing through his mind. He had called Harry his child… _his. _But could he truly believe that? After so many years of dreaming for something he never thought he would have could he truly believe that Sirius loved him as though he were his own son?

Yes he knew his godfather loved him, but what about when he messed up? He had really only been in trouble with the man once and that was when he had run off that night after Dumbledore's arrival. It hadn't been too bad as Sirius seemed perfectly happy as he had always been. But he had never been in situation where Sirius was so angry he could barely look at him.

What then? What if when the time came Sirius discovered just how much trouble he was? Would he deem him a lost cause and give up on him?

Dudley had always been the 'perfect' child in his parents' eyes. They never saw fit to punish him for anything. But Sirius wasn't like that. He knew his godfather expected him to make mistakes but when push came to shove would he continue to be there for him through everything?

A strangled cry broke the night's silence and Harry jerked, accidentally knocking over the hot chocolate that Tonks must have set on the table for him. He hadn't even noticed it. Fear gripped his insides as he listened to the horrible noise. _It might not be Sirius, _Harry told himself. But then, what else would make such a sound?

"You know you really ought to talk Sirius in to buying a television." Tonks' voice broke through his thoughts. "When I was younger and was sick my dad and I would always curl up on the couch in the sitting room and watch several reruns of his favorite movies. He would make me chicken noodle soup and give me a box of Kleenex and I would lay against him until I fell asleep." Her eyes fogged over with fond remembrance.

"What happened to your father?" Harry asked; more to give them something to talk about more than anything.

"Nothing. He and my mum still live in the same house I grew up in. I visit them occasionally and my dad always jokes around saying 'Dora, you'd better get your act together and get married before all the good ones are gone. I want to be a grandfather before I'm too old that I forget their names.'" She forced a small laugh at that but Harry could see the hurt flash across her face. He knew she had to be thinking of Remus.

He opened his mouth to say something but Tonks beat him to it. "Television was never my thing though." She said with a shrug. "But my dad's a muggle who had muggle parents and I guess you could say it kind of became a tradition of ours. But really, who wants to sit in front of a screen eating junk food until their so fat they can't bend down to tie their own trainers?"

For once all night, Harry felt the edges of his mouth curl up. His thoughts instantly went to that of Dudley and couldn't help but think of how he was doing. He was probably up on his feet tormenting some seven year old, Harry thought angrily. As much as he loathed his cousin though, he couldn't help but feel grateful that he was alright.

"Feel up to some dinner?" Tonks asked jerking her heads towards the kitchen. "I noticed you didn't eat much earlier. Or perhaps some tea? My mum always made chamomile; said it was the best thing to soothe a troubled mind."

She watched the emotions play across the kid's face and desperately wanted to do something to help keep his mind from filling with thoughts of Sirius. She and Remus were the only two who completely understood what had happened and she couldn't believe how good a father Sirius had turned out to be. She only hoped that her cousin would figure out just what he meant to his godson and what Harry meant to his godfather.

But they were much too stubborn and as Remus said there was no talking sense into either one of them; they'd had to figure it out for themselves.

"No thanks." Harry told her. He didn't feel like doing anything to be perfectly honest, but he knew it wouldn't do well for his peace of mind to sit there where he could hear the faint cry of what he believed to be his godfather in pain while all sorts of different scenarios of what could be happening to him ran through his mind.

Tonks knew it wouldn't do either of them any good to sit there and worry about Remus and Sirius and after a while she finally managed to persuade Harry to play a few games of Wizard's Chess. Neither of them was doing good as their minds were still focused on what was going on.

Tonks busied herself with cleaning up Harry's mess of hot chocolate before making him another cup and almost had to bully him into drinking it while they sat around and Tonks took to telling Harry different stories of her time before, during, and after her years at Hogwarts. She could tell that Harry wasn't much into it and finally realized that the kid was not going to be dissuaded from his thoughts of Sirius.

She almost wished there _was _a television to keep them preoccupied. As she was curled up with her dad so many years ago in front of the screen she found that all her fears seemed to have dissolved. Of course she was certain that it had much more to do with being nestled beside her father than it had to do with some stupid show that was playing.

She smiled in spite of herself. She almost couldn't wait for the kid to be sick to be perfectly honest and she felt guilty for thinking that. However, she couldn't wait to see how Sirius would go about trying to help him feel better. Her cousin was a card it was true, but he desperately loved Harry and it was nice to see how things went between the two of them; much more interesting than a bloody television.

It was nearing midnight when Tonks let out a small yawn. She was growing tired of sitting there in wait and after finally convincing herself that Remus would be alright and that he'd be in better health after a few days she said good night to Harry and went off to bed.

Harry leaned his head back on the couch and tried to count how many cracks there were on the ceiling. However, that didn't keep his attention for too long. He almost wished he had eaten more at dinner as Sirius had tried to get him to do. He found that he was always more tired when his stomach was full and he'd rather be asleep right now then worry to death about his godfather.

He stared at the wall opposite him and tried to envision a small box television sitting there. He recalled one of Dudley's favorite shows that were always on. Back before he knew he was a wizard his cousin had broken several televisions just because he was upset they didn't play his favorite show. Aunt Petunia would always fuss that her 'little pumpkin' was upset and had Uncle Vernon go buy him a new set.

One time he had tried to sit in on a show but his uncle had grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and thrown him into his cupboard before he had the chance to.

Dudley was still interested in watching television, of course, because that was something he had grown up with. But lately he had been much too preoccupied with bullying younger children.

It was half past twelve now and exhaustion was beginning to take its toll but he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until Sirius was back and he knew that he was alright.

Once or twice he thought about going through the library and reading through Sirius' old History books. Sirius would let him read it when he had trouble falling asleep and it had no trouble putting him out- whether he liked it or not- before he had gotten three pages in.

He had just made the decision to grab some leftovers from the fridge along with a cold glass of pumpkin juice and retire to the library when he heard the cry again. Fear crept through his spine. He crossed the room and- pulling back the curtains- he looked out the window.

Sirius was out there somewhere with the werewolf … maybe hurt. He tried hard not to envision his godfather lying in a puddle of his own blood. He was only now fully recovered from his last ordeal and the last thing Harry wanted was to see him hurt again.

He cast a sidelong glance down the hall to make sure that Tonks wasn't coming and -grabbing a light jacket in case it was a bit chilly outside- he crept quietly towards the kitchen leaving through the same back door that Remus and later Sirius had left through.

The minute he stepped foot outside a breeze swept over him making him shiver and he was grateful that he had thought to bring a jacket. It was only then that he realized he had no idea which way they had turned so he just walked forward. He would find Sirius soon… hopefully before the werewolf found him.

The ground was wet from the storm they had had the night before. He would need to see about buying some new trainers as he could feel the rain seeping through the bottoms. He was nearing the pond that he often liked to spend a lot of his time at. It had risen slightly which meant that he would have a better time trying to learn to swim.

He looked at the ground and noticed that several of the leaves looked as though they had been stepped on. Nobody came this way really so he had no trouble believing that Sirius had ventured off this way.

Darkness engulfed him as soon as he entered the forest and mentally scolded himself for forgetting his wand. If the werewolf found him before he found Sirius he was dead and then Sirius would dig him up from his grave only to kill him again.

He was startled when a group of birds cried as they flew overhead. Several of the trees had been slashed but he breathed a small sigh of relief when he noticed that there was no blood. The moon acted as his light as he set off down the path, straining his ears as he listened for any sign of Sirius or the werewolf, but he heard none.

Several small animals were scurrying past him but he annoyed that voice in the back of his head that was urging him to turn back quickly. He already had a plan in mind. Should the werewolf find him he would climb a tree and hope that he wasn't able to reach him. Thanks to Dudley he was an expert tree climber. He had once been made to stay up in a tree all night thanks to Ripper- his uncle's sister's dog.

It was growing colder as he continued on and he wrapped his jacket tightly around him. He couldn't believe how cold it was at this time of year. Once this whole thing was over he would ask Sirius to teach him a warming charm… that is of course if there was anything left of him after this.

He stopped dead in his tracks. There was that cry again. It was coming from the right of him. Not giving it a second thought he ran off in that direction, dodging under broken branches and tripping over several rocks along the way.

What he saw nearly made him faint. The werewolf had Sirius pinned up against a tree and in his dog form he could tell that Sirius was giving it his all in order to escape. Even from his distance he could tell that there was a small patch of skin that was missing just along Sirius' right ear. A thin line of blood was clearly visible at the underside of his belly.

He hid behind a tree in order to collect his bearings. How on earth was he supposed to get the werewolf off of Sirius without being spotted? Bending down he reached forward and picked up the biggest rock he could find. He peered around the side of the tree. He wouldn't be able to throw it far at this angle. As quietly as he could he moved from behind the tree and using all of his might he chucked the rock at the werewolf, feeling satisfied when he saw that it had connected rather painfully with its head.

The werewolf yipped and immediately let go of Sirius to see where that had came from. Sirius fell to the ground and gave a pitiful whine. If Harry hadn't been too afraid that he would be spotted before he could reach him he would go make sure that he was okay.

Harry hadn't moved in time and at that second the werewolf's enraged yellow eyes peered into his. He didn't even wait to see whether or not the werewolf was going to chase after him. Instead he turned and ran as fast as he could back to the house.

There was only a few feet between him and the werewolf but he didn't dare look back to see how close he was. He had stepped into a clearing trying to remember which way he had come when he heard the werewolf coming closer. If he stayed where he was he was surely dead.

He turned to the nearest tree he could find and was almost to the top when he felt pain beyond anything he had ever felt pierce his right leg. He fell to the ground in agony, watching as blood poured out from him where the werewolf had scratched him. The cut was so deep he was sure his leg wouldn't be able to be healed.

Ignoring the intense pain he rolled onto his back where he proceeded to try and scoot against the tree, but he wasn't quick enough. The werewolf lunged at him and Harry only had a second to dodge when his shoulder melt the sharp edge of a giant boulder. He let out a cry of pain as he felt his bones crack. His shoulder was only sprained if he was lucky.

The werewolf straightened from where he had ran into the tree and looked around for Harry. Harry knew that was the good thing about anger. Once his uncle got angry enough he wasn't able to function right. He knew it was only because the werewolf was much too upset to think clearly that he wasn't already dead or at least bitten.

Harry tried to stand but the second he put any weight on his leg pain shot up and he fell back to the ground. He was done for. He fought hard to maintain his gaze with the werewolf as he advanced on him like a wolf did its prey; seeming to circle him as though he were thinking which part would be best to go for first. He wouldn't allow himself to cower in fear. Even if the werewolf didn't kill him he was sure to die from his injuries.

He could tell the werewolf was seconds away from attacking when something trounced him from the side. The werewolf cried in surprise. On shaky legs Sirius managed to dodge him and was able to lead him further into the forest.

Harry winced sharply as he shifted to the side, watching in fear as the werewolf ran after Sirius. A moment or so later, there was a ruffling sound from the other side and Harry's breathing quickened. _Please let it be Sirius, _he thought desperately.

Sirius hobbled into the clearing and Harry could tell he was in pain. His godfather didn't even hesitate before he changed back into his human form and as quickly as his body would allow he made his way over to Harry, helping him to his feet.

Harry nearly collapsed in pain when he was on his feet causing Sirius to look at him in concern. Even in the darkness Harry was able to make out the pale color of his godfather's face. "What happened?" Sirius asked more harshly then he intended.

Harry whimpered as he put weight onto his leg. "My leg. I tried to climb up a tree but the werewolf got to me before I had the chance."

"He didn't bite you did he?" Sirius asked fearfully.

Harry shook his head. "No. Didn't… didn't have the chance to. He lunged at me but I moved quickly enough and he ran into the tree. I fell into a boulder and messed up my shoulder." Harry's breathing was shallow and his head hurt.

Before he could wonder whether or not he was going to pass out he felt Sirius' arm move to his waist and tighten as he began leading them back to the house. "I managed to lose him but he won't be gone long. Hopefully we can make it back to the house before he finds us."

"You're not going back out there are you?" Harry asked in a shaky voice.

"No, I'm not." He said sharply. "And neither are you. We're both going back to the house. Where in the bloody hell is Tonks?"

"She's asleep." Harry said quietly and without meaning to he let his head drop onto Sirius' shoulder.

Sirius let out a stream of cuss words. So Harry had waited until he was alone before doing exactly what Sirius had forbidden him to do. He couldn't handle this now- not with the werewolf still out there. They'd get back to the house and _then_ Sirius could deal with his errant godson.

When finally they reached the house, Sirius helped Harry up the steps and then shut the door behind him. "Stay there!" He snapped as he settled Harry into a chair. He wandered into the sitting room where he hollered down the hall. "TONKS!"

Harry heard a thumping noise and all at once Tonks -who he could tell was still asleep- came trudging into the kitchen and catching sight of Harry her eyes widened. "What happened?" she asked as she quickly crossed the room.

Harry hissed in pain as she gripped his shoulder, causing her to flinch back. "Bloody hell, Tonks, that _hurts._"

"And you have nobody to blame but yourself!" Sirius snapped furiously.

Harry and Tonks both jerked their heads in his direction. Now that he could see his godfather clearly he found that Sirius looked far madder than Harry had ever seen him. Harry felt his face drain of color. He opened his mouth to speak, but Sirius cut him off.

"No." He said firmly. "I don't want to hear it. What on _earth _where you _thinking_ Harry James?" He demanded. He didn't give Harry time to explain. "No, I'll tell you what you were thinking. You weren't _thinking _at all! Did you listen at _all _to our conversation or was I the only one? I quite _clearly _remember telling you to keep your arse inside where it's safe!"

"Sirius…"

"_Don't_ try and defend him Tonks!" Sirius snapped as he turned to her. "If it hadn't been for the fact you were asleep I would think you almost helped him with this little stunt."

Harry glanced at Tonks and he could tell she was deeply hurt by Sirius' words. He winced as he straightened in his chair. He looked at Sirius who was fuming. "Sirius," he said quietly, almost wishing he hadn't said anything when Sirius pierced him with a hard glare. "Tonks didn't have anything to do with this. It was all me. She only tried to keep me distracted all night so I wouldn't worry about you and then she went to bed around midnight."

Sirius sighed as he ran a hand through his hair as he winced. He turned back to Tonks. "Tonks…"

"It's fine." She said quickly. She knew her cousin was only angry and didn't mean what he said. He just needed someone to vent his anger on and better her than Harry but she was certain that Harry wouldn't get away scot free.

"No, it's not fine." He snapped. "I shouldn't have said that. I didn't mean it and we can talk more later."

He turned to look at Harry and as if he was only now just noticing him, he crouched in front of him; his face white as a sheet. His leg was mangled and his shoulder was bent in an odd angle. He covered a hand over his mouth as he bowed his head, tears threatening to pour down his cheeks. Warm relief spread over him. If he hadn't been there in time…

He jerked his head up, his eyes shining brightly. "Do you have any idea how lucky you are to be alive?" he asked in a hoarse voice. "Do you have _any _fucking idea? You could have been _killed _out there and if I hadn't been there you would have been."

"I'm fine though." Harry insisted quietly, even as he winced.

That was enough. Sirius pulled him up from his seat as gently as he could and turning him to the side a bit planted a harsh smack to Harry's backside; ignoring the sharp gasp. He turned Harry back around to face him. He wanted to say something, but the doleful look on Harry's face cut through him sharply as did the cold fear that ran down his spine nearly making him sick up. He engulfed his kid in a tight embrace, kissing the top of his head before he pulled back. A lump had formed in his throat and he turned his face away, unable to look at Harry. He couldn't let Harry see him cry. He had to be stronger than that.

"I'll help you to your room." Tonks said quietly, but Harry wasn't paying her any attention. The smack had stung but when he had been wheeled back around and caught sight of his godfather's face any anger he may have felt evaporated. He couldn't remember ever feeling more disgusted with himself.

He wanted to stay and talk with Sirius but Tonks was tugging on his good arm and he looked up at her. "I want to stay here." He told her almost pleadingly.

"Give him time." She said softly. "He'll be alright. However, you need to get off that leg of yours."

"But Sirius is hurt too." Harry told her.

"I'll sort him out later, I promise." She said soothingly. "But If I don't help you get into bed he'll have my head." Any humor was lost on Harry. He chanced one last look at Sirius who had his head bent over the table; his hand covering his eyes.

Harry swallowed thickly and finally allowed Tonks to lead him away.

Hearing the door to Harry's room shut with a soft snap Sirius jerked his head up and before he knew what he was doing he had reached underneath the table and tossed it to the other side of the room, causing it to break several windows.

He reached for another item but before he had the chance he felt comforting arms around him, holding him tightly.

"Get off of me!" He hissed, but Tonks wouldn't let go and Sirius slumped to the ground, covering his face with his hands as he broke into harsh sobs, not caring if Harry heard him or not. Tonks was whispering quietly into his ear but he couldn't understand a word she was saying.

All he could think about was Harry's mangled leg and the fact that his shoulder was turned in the opposite way. A wave of fresh sobs tore out of his throat as he thought about how close his kid had come to being killed that night.

What on earth would he do without him? How could he survive?

He felt as though the very greatness of his fear would be enough to kill him and he almost would have welcomed it because he hated to feel this way, but Tonks was there acting as an anchor and in that moment he felt as though he had never loved her more.

It was a good forty-five minutes later that Sirius found himself sitting on the couch in the sitting room, a cup of hot chocolate in his hands, splashing it everywhere due to the fact that his hands wouldn't stop shaking.

Tonks had helped him to his feet and sent him off to the other room saying that she was going to get something to make him feel better. The chocolate warmed his insides but it tasted bitter for some odd reason. The potions Tonks had used to heal him had worked wonders. The pain was almost gone as it was. He felt embarrassed that Tonks had seen him in such a state but she didn't seem to mind.

He hardly even noticed when she joined him. He sighed to himself. "I'm a ruddy arse godfather, aren't I?" He said to no one in particular.

"Don't be ridiculous." Tonks scolded gently. "Harry absolutely adores you."

Sirius sniffed as he shook his head. He couldn't believe that he had smacked Harry. He felt like a great bloody hypocrite to say the least. He had gotten onto Molly saying that he would never hit someone who was fifteen yet look at what he had done. He wouldn't be the least bit surprised if Harry hated him now. He wasn't too fond of himself right then either.

"I'm turning into my father. Something I swore I would never do." Sirius said softly. When he had been younger he had been absolutely terrified of his father. Orion would beat him bloody with that cane of his for every little thing and he wouldn't stop with six of the best either. But his father had never cared for him the way he cared for Harry.

He hadn't meant to smack Harry, but the fear of losing him, mixed together with the anger of Harry disobeying him and also knowing that his godson thought very little of himself he didn't care that he had almost been killed took over his good judgment.

"Sirius I was young when Orion died," Tonks said gently, "but I remember how he was like. Truth be told he gave me nightmares when I was younger and I can't even imagine how you managed to cope with him all those years. Your father never loved you," she said with a sad smile, "but just the fact that you nearly destroyed half the kitchen and then cried for almost an hour just thinking about what could have happened to Harry makes me understand that no matter what you do you will _never _be anything like that monster."

"I should not have hit him." Sirius said quietly.

"You smacked his bum and that's it." Tonks said firmly. "And yes you should have. In fact I'm quite surprised you didn't do anything more than that. If he were _my _son he'd be over my knee getting his arse wailed on with a bloody spoon to where he couldn't sit for a week without a cushioning charm."

Sirius gave a small snort of amusement.

"Sirius, I love Harry to death," Tonks said. "But what he did was stupid. He could have died and not only that but think of Remus. Remus would be horrified to know that the werewolf could have bit Harry or managed to do something far worse to him then he already did."

"We were so close, "she said quietly, "and I think that's what scared him off. He keeps telling me that he's too old for me but that's not what's bothering him. He's afraid he'll hurt me. He says I deserve someone better but I don't _want _anyone else. I thought I might be able to manage to convince him that we belong together but I'm afraid Harry's actions tonight may have destroyed that very hope."

Sirius looked at her and was horrified to see tears streaming out of her eyes. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head. "I'm sorry." He said quietly. "I should not have said what I did. I know you would never do anything that would put Harry in danger or Remus in a position where he could hurt Harry. That was stupid of me and I'm terribly sorry. All I could think about was Harry disobeying me and running head long into danger. I never meant to hurt you."

Tonks pulled back and gave a small smile as she kissed his cheek before hugging him. "I know I was young when you went to Azkaban but I have to tell you that I never believed you were guilty for a second. Mum always told me stories of the two of you when you were younger and I had trouble believing that you do anything of the sort. James was your brother and you loved Harry to death. Why on earth would you want to hurt any of them?"

Sirius laid his head atop hers and breathed deeply. He had never felt so grateful that she was his family until now. She had only been a child when he had sentenced to life in prison but he remembered going over to see Andromeda and her husband every once in a while and playing with Tonks. Despite the thirteen or so age difference between them he felt closer to her than any of his relatives- except perhaps Andromeda.

It was a little after two in the morning but he was certain that Harry wasn't asleep and was more than likely sitting up in bed waiting for Sirius to come see him… or else plotting ways in which to kill his 'beloved' godfather.

He kissed the top of Tonks' head once more before pulling back.

"Harry's potions are on top of the counter as is a plate of biscuits and hot chocolate for the pair of you." She knew that was a tradition the two of them had fallen into. She had taken to fixing some of her favorite biscuits that her mother always made for her as a kid. Cashew frosted biscuits with a steaming mug of chocolate had quickly become Harry's and Sirius' favorite. She was very surprised she had been able to make them as she never was that good in the kitchen.

She would have to make something for Remus and her once he got back. He'd lie in bed and she'd take care of him, stroking his hair as he fell asleep. They _would _be together. She was certain of it. And then nothing would ever be able to tear them apart.

Harry scooted to the back of the bed, wincing as he did so; making sure that he kept his leg elevated. The moment Tonks had gotten him situated he fought the urge to run back out to see Sirius… mostly because he didn't think his leg would allow him.

He had never seen his godfather so mad. He had been able to hear his sobs and even heard a loud crashing sound the minute his door had been shut. Sirius was furious and more than likely disgusted with him. Of course Harry knew he had every right to be. He wouldn't be surprised if his godfather hated him now.

Being fifteen he had been absolutely horrified when Sirius had smacked him, but he knew he ought to consider himself lucky that's all that Sirius had done. His godfather would never beat him like his uncle had but there were far worse things Sirius could do.

Trying hard not to imagine how he would feel if Sirius decided to ship him off to live in an orphanage he jerked his head up when he heard a soft knock at the door; feeling his stomach churn with anxiousness. He didn't have time to form a sentence when the door opened to reveal Sirius who was looking far graver and more disappointed than Harry had ever seen him.

If he hadn't been so nervous of their upcoming talk he might have noticed the plate of biscuits and hot chocolate in his godfather's hands.

"Mind if I join you?" Sirius asked quietly.

Harry shook his head, moving his good leg back a bit to offer Sirius room to sit down. He immediately opened his mouth to speak but was quickly cut off.

"We have a lot to discuss," Sirius told him gently, "However, I do think we can wait until we've finished our snack and mended your shoulder a bit and after I've taken a look at your leg. You barely touched your dinner and you need to eat something."

"Snack?" He repeated stupidly, only then noticing the plate of biscuits; feeling his guilt increase tenfold when he noticed that Sirius- or rather Tonks- had prepared his favorites.

"Yes. I realize that it's already after two in the morning but I guess Tonks felt as though we both could use a little pick me up."

"I'm not hungry." Harry said. It was the truth. His stomach was churning so horribly that he felt as though a single bite might make him sick up.

Sirius must have sensed this because he nodded and set the plate aside. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small container Harry guessed must have been for his shoulder.

"This is going to sting quite a bit," Sirius warned as he uncorked the vial. "It won't ease the pain entirely but it should help. Take off your shirt and lay on your stomach." Sirius said with a nod.

Harry hesitated only a second before slowly easing his shirt off; stifling in a moan and with Sirius' help finally managed to get it over his head. He turned to lay on his stomach, flinching horribly the second Sirius' gentle hand made contact. The pain was so great Harry felt as though he might pass out. He wriggled a few times in an attempt to ease the pain.

Sirius waited patiently until he was through. "Yes, I know that hurts." He said grimacing in sympathy, feeling his heart ache as he listened to Harry's stifled whimpers.

After what felt like years, Harry felt Sirius' hand still and after a moment he lifted himself so he sat facing Sirius. "Thanks," he mumbled without meeting his godfather's eyes.

Sirius nodded. "It's sprained so you'll have to be careful. I wish I could mend it better but magical healing was never my thing. Let me see that leg of yours."

Harry peeled back his trousers, tears pressing to come down his cheeks. His leg was swollen horribly and was coated with blood. He heard Sirius swear and watched him leave to grab something to clean up the blood with.

Sirius returned with a small bowl and rag and reclaimed his seat. "You might want to grab your pillow to bite down on, because this is going to hurt terribly."

Harry nearly smiled at that. It hurt beyond belief already. How worse could it get? But he did as Sirius suggested and grabbed his pillow from behind him. The minute the rag made contact with his leg he could have sworn he had died. He bit down as hard as he could- so hard he could taste the stuffing on his tongue. He half wondered if this was part of his punishment for acting so stupidly. "Sirius, _please…"_ he moaned.

Sirius palmed the back of his neck and squeezed gently. "It's alright, I'm almost done. The last thing we want is for this to get infected."

Harry almost would have preferred it. Thinking back to his second year he realized that the bite from the basilisk was nothing compared to this. He would have preferred to have the snake bite him a thousand times over then sit there in agony watching as Sirius moped up his blood.

Once Sirius was done Harry gaped in surprise at the shape of his leg. Five deeps lines had been cut into his leg- so far he could see the edges of his bones. He very seriously doubted that he would be able to walk normally ever again.

Sirius wound the leg up in cloth, making sure it was tight enough. Fear clawed at his belly, but this time it was far more manageable. Harry wouldn't be a full werewolf he realized but he knew the kid would have some traits.

He couldn't even imagine the look on Remus' face once he realized what had happened. He thought about not telling his friend but he couldn't keep this from him. No matter how hard it would hurt him he deserved to know the truth. They would deal with the consequences later.

They sat in silence for several long minutes before Harry finally spoke. "Sirius I know you're terribly upset with me and I know I deserve it," Harry said quietly, "but for what it's worth I just want you to know that I'm really sorry. What I did was stupid and if you never forgive me I'll understand."

Sirius looked at him, fighting the urge to take him into his arms and hug him. There would be time for that later.

Standing up, he took a deep breath; his tone regaining that hard edge. "You deliberately disobeyed me!"

"I know."Harry said quietly, not able to look his godfather in the eye; wishing more than anything that the lecture was over even when he knew that Sirius had only just begun.

"No, _look_ at me." Sirius said sharply and Harry jerked his head up, chewing on his lower lip as he did so.

"Not only did you disobey me but you purposefully put yourself in danger- one thing I will _never_ tolerate under _any _circumstances. But you know that already don't you?"

"Yes." Harry said, fighting to maintain his gaze with that of his godfather's. "He was hurting you though."

"The most he did was scrape me up a bit and chew on my ear but Tonks was able to patch me up." Sirius said firmly. "The whole reason I became an animagus Harry is because werewolves cannot turn other animals. _You_ on the other hand were completely vulnerable. You could have been bitten or even killed and you can bet your arse that had I not been out there to protect you you would have been. You didn't give any thought to your own safety. Hell, you didn't even think of how _I _would feel if something happened to you. Not only that, but how to you think Remus is going to feel when he finds out what happened?"

Harry paled. Remus hadn't even crossed his mind as he had been too preoccupied with making sure that Sirius was alright. He knew that turning someone was Remus' greatest fear and the fact that he had been in close range where Remus _could _have bit him made him feel sick. "I didn't think of that." He murmured in a low voice, hunching his shoulders when he saw that that statement seemed to infuriate his godfather only that much more.

Sirius sighed deeply, running a hand tiredly down his face. He desperately wanted to head off to bed and they could deal with this later on. "No you _didn't _think of that. You didn't think of anything and that's what makes me so angry. I don't think I've ever been more disappointed in you then I am right now."

Harry felt his face heat up; feeling his heart break completely at his godfather's words- having to fight back tears. It would have been a whole lot painless if the man put him over his knee or beat him senseless with a belt. He almost would have preferred it- anything to wipe that look of his face. He knew he deserved everything that Sirius dished out but he couldn't help but wish that he would stop- only to take him into his arms and let him know that he was forgiven.

But that was the problem. Sirius _would _forgive him. He may be madder then Harry had ever seen him but in the end he would forgive him; making Harry feel if at all possible even worse. He didn't deserve to be forgiven… not after what he had put everyone through.

He thought about running but Sirius was blocking his escape and he knew there was no way that Sirius would allow him to leave.

"I'm sorry." He said hoarsely; swallowing past the lump in his throat, but he found it was impossible. Any minute now it would explode and tears would fall freely down his cheeks. But maybe that was what Sirius wanted.

Sirius felt his demeanor break when he noticed the wetness in his godson's eyes. The last thing he wanted was to make his godson cry. All he could think of was the fact that the werewolf had had his kid cornered and had hurt him. All of this could have been avoided, however, if Harry had just done what he had told him to. With that in mind he forced himself to maintain his stern demeanor. He couldn't break just yet.

"I know you're sorry," Sirius said in a low voice. "But you have a problem of acting first and thinking later. It's that same kind of recklessness that got me sent to Azkaban and I'll be damned if I allow you to let yourself get killed. If you're truly sorry then you should prove it. We wouldn't be here right now if you had just done as I told you. And now look at you!" Sirius cried. "You got yourself banged up and you very nearly got yourself bitten or worse!"

Harry wrapped his arms around himself, feeling about three inches small as Sirius scolded him. He had only done so once before when he had come after him the night Harry had run off. That night had been different though. He couldn't handle Sirius being so upset with him and he greatly despised himself for putting them both in this position.

"Sirius… please…" He muttered not looking up.

"Please what?"

Harry bit his lip. "I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have disobeyed you and I know I'm a disappointment to you but please… don't be angry."

"You nearly got yourself _killed_ and you don't want me to be _angry_?" Sirius cried making Harry flinch. Harry chanced a look up and not liking what he saw he dropped his face in his hands, fighting against the tears that were threatening to fall down his cheeks. He wondered if anyone hated him more than he hated himself right then.

Sirius breathed deeply, feeling his demeanor break altogether in that moment. He shook his head.

Enough of this.

He sat beside Harry and- putting a finger under his chin- forced Harry to look at him. He sighed when he saw tears on his cheeks. "I'm disappointed in you, it's true." Sirius said quietly. "But you are never and _will _never be a disappointment to me. I couldn't imagine a more perfect kid for me then you. And of course I forgive you."

Harry shook his head.

"None of that." Sirius said giving his chin a small shake. "You made a mistake- a rather big one I might add- but everyone does. That's how we learn. I desperately hope nothing like this ever happens again." He said in a grave voice.

Harry shook his head quickly. "It won't. I promise." Of course, could his promises be worth anything to his godfather anymore? He could tell that Tonks was upset with him and he didn't blame her. Remus was going to be terrified to know what had happened and they would all be lucky if- after what Harry had done- that Remus didn't just decide to pack up and leave, believing that it was for the best. And Sirius was upset with him. That was the thing that hurt the most.

"I understand that you were trying to protect me but you weren't listening to a word I was saying," Sirius continued. "I have been there beside Remus many years and you can bet that he didn't always remember to take his potion. I remember this one time he banged me and James up so badly we both were sent to St. Mungo's for a week, but they patched us up and we were as good as new. This," he said pointing to his ear, "is nothing compared to what I've experienced in the past."

"He was hurting you. I could hear it." Harry said biting his lip. "I tried hard not to listen but I still heard it. Tonks left for bed and I thought about going into the library and boring myself into sleep but I couldn't help but think what was happening to you." He blushed to the tips of his ears.

"I appreciate that Harry, I really do." Sirius said quietly. "But regardless you put yourself in danger when I strictly told you to stay inside. You didn't really think you'd get off the hook now did you?" he said with a small smile.

Harry didn't take the bait. All he could think about was his aunt and uncle and the fact that they would be rejoicing to know that he had gotten hurt. They wouldn't have cared at all. They would only be disappointed in knowing that he didn't manage to get himself killed.

"My aunt and uncle never cared." Harry said before he could stop himself. He didn't understand why he was telling this to Sirius at all when the man more than understood. "They would have been glad to be rid of me."

Sirius resisted the urge to disapparate on the spot and throttle that great lug to within an inch of his life. "They're not here anymore and I am. And I can guarantee that I care for you far more than they ever did. If I could change what happened you know I would in a heartbeat but I can't. We have to live in the moment and more importantly you have to realize that no matter how angry I get it's only because you mean so much to mean and it scares me to death just thinking of losing you. But I'll always forgive you because I love you and _that_ will never change."

Yes, he understood Sirius loved him. After everything the man had done for him he would have to be stupid not to realize that. But he still was hesitant. He had never messed up so badly before and he only wished he could turn back the time and change what happened.

Sirius gave an inward sigh when he saw Harry's hesitation. What would it take for the kid to realize how important he was to him?

"Harry, look at me."

Bright emerald eyes rose to meet his.

"It's true I loved your dad. No matter how much I loved Regulus, James was more of a brother to me than he ever was. The night he died I thought my whole world had ended. But getting to know you over the past few years has made me realize something."

"What?"

"As much as I loved your father it pales horribly in comparison to how much I love you. His death struck me hard… but I would tear the whole _world_ apart a million times over if it meant saving you. I love you Harry, with everything I am and there's nothing that can ever change that. Not Voldemort, not dark magic, and especially not willful, naughty, disobedient godsons who rush headlong into danger." He finished with a small smirk.

Harry smiled and for the first time all night he felt that the horrible ache in his chest seemed to have disappeared. Sirius had really become his father.

He leaned sideways into the man, laying his head on his shoulder; ignoring the pain that shot up in his leg.

They sat that way for a long moment before Sirius kissed his head and leaned back. "I realize that lying in bed while your leg heals is going to be punishment enough but as soon as you're mended your broomstick is mine for the next month. _Yes _a month," he said, fighting back a small smile at the look of disbelief on Harry's face. "No animagus lessons for about two weeks and during that time I'm going to find several jobs for you to do that will hopefully keep you out of trouble."

Harry groaned as he flopped back on his pillow. "Couldn't you just put me over your knee and be done with it?"

Sirius paused. "Harry when I smacked you, you have to understand that I was frightened out of my wits. You're fifteen- much too old for a punishment more befitting a five year old. However, that doesn't mean I won't dish out a smack every now and then if something like this ever happens again so you'd better watch yourself in the future. Am I clear?" Sirius asked quirking an eyebrow.

Harry made a face at him but nodded. Sirius squeezed his good shoulder. "Good. Now get some sleep, it's nearly four o'clock in the morning. I'll be in my room so holler if you need me."

But Harry had already fallen asleep. Smiling softly to himself, Sirius ruffled his hair, bending down to offer him a small kiss before covering him with the blanket. He'd leave the biscuits and chocolate which by now had turned cold.

He stood in the doorway for a few moments just watching as Harry slept before shutting the door. It was only then that something dawned on him. He had always considered Harry his ever since the moment James laid him in his arms but until now he had never before realized just how much he had grown to love the kid… like a son.

_James, forgive me, _Sirius thought desperately as he fell into bed. But looking up at the ceiling he couldn't help but smile. James would want him to be happy and for once in his life he truly was. James and Lily had had him that first year but now Harry was his… and there was nothing that would ever change that.


	17. Chapter 17

**_So _sorry for the long wait but school has started up again and I've found myself far too busy and much too tired to write. Better late than never, however, so I hope you enjoy. **

**I hope you all have a safe and wonderful Labor Day weekend. I myself will be traveling. So not looking forward to it as I hate traveling over holidays. **

* * *

Much to Harry's relief, it was four days later that Sirius finally allowed him to get up out of bed other than to use the loo. Sirius came around about three times a day in order to apply his potions and while his shoulder wasn't hurting nearly as much as it had in the beginning it still had a ways to go before it was even close to being back to normal.

While magical healing wasn't Sirius' thing, he had managed to pop his shoulder back into place. Harry couldn't decide which hurt the most. If left alone, his shoulder was merely tender, but he couldn't very well use his wand as he could barely move his arm a few inches without pain shooting through him; making his bones feel as though they were on fire.

Anyways, it was hardly his shoulder that he was concerned about. He had no doubt in his mind that it would eventually get back to normal.

No, it was his leg he was most worried about. The first couple days that Sirius had applied the potion, it had hurt beyond belief. Now, however, he found that the pain had morphed into an unpleasant numbness.

It wasn't until the day before that he realized that he had lost almost all mobility in his right leg. The limp that had developed was so horrible it took him around seven minutes to get to the bathroom when it was just around the corner from his bedroom. And even then Sirius had to help him.

From his knee down he was lucky if he could bend it just a little in order to walk. He had lost all use of his leg from the knee up, however.

He could tell that Sirius tried hard not to appear concerned about it, but Harry knew him well enough by now to know that he was utterly terrified.

That particular Sunday morning found the two of them in Harry's bedroom. Sirius had just got through applying the potions, and now was hunched over Harry's bed to help him up.

"Alright, now I'm going to move you." Sirius warned. "Do you feel ready?"

Harry nodded. "_More _than ready." It seemed like years since he had been out of bed. While Sirius was nothing like Madam Pomfrey, he couldn't help but complain every time Sirius refused to let him get up for a while. He had even gone so far as to threaten to use a sticking charm to make sure he stayed in bed. Harry often complained about cruel godfathers who enjoyed torturing their godsons. That got a chuckle out of Sirius every time.

It wasn't all bad, however. At least he had company and Sirius made sure to provide him with snacks and books to read. _Quidditch Through the Ages_ was currently on his bedside table; its bindings falling apart from being read so much. He would need to see about purchasing a new copy soon. He had also read through several spell books, finding many new useful spells that he couldn't wait to try out once he got full use of his arm back.

His shoulder still a bit tender, he gave a slight wince when he rolled over. Sirius put a gentle hand under his back and attempted to help him stand.

"Good." He said with a small smile when Harry was on his feet, being supported by Sirius' hand on his shoulder. "Now try and walk."

Harry did so, nearly falling on his face and would have had Sirius not caught him. Truth be told, he had had a feeling what was going to happen even before he had tried.

"Easy now." Sirius said as he maneuvered him back into a standing position. "There you are. Now try again."

"I can't." Harry said shakily, his face pale. "My leg… I can't bend it."

Sirius sat him down and crouched before him. He gently prodded Harry's leg. "Can you not feel that?"

Harry shook his head. "I can feel the lower part a bit, but not much. My upper leg though… I can't move it."

Sirius sighed and ran a hand through his hair. He had been afraid of this. He didn't know much about werewolf scratches, but the moment he had seen Harry's leg and saw how deep the cuts were he instantly knew that the kid would have trouble with it.

He hadn't wanted to believe it at first, but given time he had forced himself to come to terms with it. It wouldn't do either one of them any good if Sirius refused to believe that nothing was wrong. He didn't like it, but he realized it all the same.

Harry felt anger swell within him and gripped his comforter tightly in both hands. This was all his fault. None of this would have ever happened if he had just done what Sirius had said. And now look at him! He could barely put any pressure on his fucking leg without collapsing. But he refused to believe it. He wouldn't allow for it to be true.

Having quickly fallen into a state of denial about the horrible state of his leg, Harry had once again attempted to climb out of bed- only this time, stubbornly refusing any help whatsoever from Sirius.

"Harry, don't be ridiculous, let me help you." Sirius said in exasperation.

"I don't need help thank you. I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself." Harry said firmly as he picked up his leg and tried to settle it more firmly on the ground. He settled his hands on both sides of the bed and taking a deep breath, attempted to push himself into a standing position. The second he put any weight on his leg, however, he found himself falling face first into the ground.

Harry winced and rubbed his bruised nose. _That's the last thing I need, _he thought heatedly, _to break my freaking nose._ He jerked his arm away when he felt Sirius try to help him stand.

"No," Harry snapped. "Don't touch me. I can do it myself."

"No, you can't." Sirius said firmly, but made no move to try and help. It might take a while but Sirius knew that Harry needed to realize for himself that he would never be able to walk as he once used to.

He listened to Harry's grunts as he grabbed hold of the edge of his bed and pulled himself up, only to fall again. Why must the kid be so damn stubborn?

After the fifth failed attempt, Sirius sighed to himself and decided that was enough. He reached underneath Harry's arms, careful not to hurt his shoulder, and ignoring Harry's protests to be 'put down ' and that 'he could do it himself', he settled him on the bed and crouched before him.

He heaved a big sigh as he took in his godson's defiant expression. "I realize that this is going to be hard to come to terms with," he said softly, "but you will never be able to walk like you once were able to."

"Shut up!" Harry shouted furiously, ignoring the shocked look on his godfather's face. "Just shut up! You don't know what you're talking about!" To his surprise, Sirius didn't look the least bit angry. On the contrary; he looked as though he had been expecting this. Still, Harry couldn't bear to see the look of sympathy on his face.

Sirius palmed the back of his neck and pulled him forward so that their noses were practically touching. "Look at me." He commanded when Harry refused to meet his gaze. "_Now."_ Harry reluctantly met his godfather's gaze, but there was no hiding the fury behind his bright emerald eyes. "You can't walk. You can't. Not like you once were able to."

"I can!" Harry said vehemently as he tried to pull away, but Sirius held firm. "If you'd just let me go you'd see."

"All I would see is you falling on your face." Sirius said firmly. "We're not playing this game, Harry. I realize that you have to come to terms with it on your own time, but refusing to accept what happened isn't going to make anything better and it's definitely not going to make your leg heal."

But Harry was through listening. He didn't care what his godfather said… his leg would get better. They just needed to wait a little longer. He would be able to walk normally again. Sirius' hand at the base of his neck felt warm and comforting, though, and Harry felt a tiny bit of the anger that had been boiling begin to recede. He ducked his head, feeling his stomach begin to churn horribly. He allowed himself that small moment of weakness before lifting his head once more.

When he spoke his tone was significantly calmer; almost tired. "I'm hungry." It was a lie; they both knew that, but he had no desire to sit there and listen to his godfather's lies. At least going out to the kitchen meant seeing Tonks and he could pretend to bury his face into his food rather than look at Sirius. At that moment he didn't even care if that meant that Sirius had to help him out of the room.

"Please don't do this." Sirius said softly; his expression pained. He knew what was happening and despite his earlier thinking, he knew he could not allow for Harry to be in denial about what happened.

They had too much going on and the last thing they needed was for Harry to sink into depression. He could see the beginnings of it already; the denial, the forlorn look on his face, the way he carried himself…

Remus had gone through the same thing after he had been attacked, Sirius remembered him telling them. But Harry wasn't Remus… he would make it through this just fine…

"I said I was hungry." Harry replied shortly. "If that means me crawling or you helping me to the kitchen I don't care but I'm not about to stay in here and have this discussion with you." Harry expected for Sirius to scold him for his tone or even for the man to refuse to let him leave before they had their discussion.

But Sirius did neither and instead helped him to his feet. Harry breathed an inward sigh of relief knowing that for once Sirius wasn't going to force him to talk.

The moment he and Sirius were in the kitchen Harry felt his stomach swan dive into his toes. Tonks was there and Snape sat beside her; looking as though he would have preferred to be anywhere but there.

Snape had said he would return when he had gathered more information on the horcrux but they hadn't expected him to be back so soon. While Snape's presence was a bit unexpected that's not what had his stomach in knots.

Remus sat around the table and it was apparent that a few more days of sleep would have done him well. Harry noticed the way Tonks looked at him the moment he had entered and it was obvious Remus had not yet been told of what happened.

He couldn't even pretend to be hungry anymore. Sirius had made it absolutely clear that the moment Remus was better Harry would have to tell him.

He felt Sirius' hand squeeze his shoulder gently and Harry glanced back at him. At the pointed look he was receiving, Harry knew that any attempts to leave would be pointless. He hardened his resolve and nodded. This had been his fault after all; his and no one else's.

He didn't want to tell Remus; didn't want to see the look of self-loathing on the man's face or the abject fear when he realized what had happened. But Remus deserved to know and Harry knew that. It would be hard he realized but they would get through it together. If not… he didn't even want to think about the consequences his actions could prove to have…

"I'm not telling him in front of Snape," Harry murmured low to his godfather. "You can forget it." Telling Remus when it was just the two of them alone together was one thing but add Snape to the mix and Remus might already be packing his bags.

Sirius chanced a glance at Snape from across the room. He could tell just from what little he saw that Snape wasn't paying attention to anything that was going on. He seemed lost in thought, Sirius thought, and he had a good idea of what it was about.

They could wait until after Snape told them what he needed to but that meant having Harry sit there in perfect view of Remus and he knew that the greasy git would have no qualms about putting his two cents in; making Remus feel even worse about himself then he would have originally.

He thought about telling Snape to leave the room but that would make him even more suspicious.

"Come on, I'll help you to the sitting room." Sirius muttered as he guided Harry a different way. "I'll put up a silencing charm so that you two have more privacy." He said once he had Harry situated on the couch.

"Do you think Snape noticed?"

Sirius shook his head. Even if he had it didn't really matter… just as long as he kept his mouth shut until after Harry had a chance to tell Remus.

"I want you and Tonks to be here." Harry said bluntly, causing Sirius to look at him. "I don't want you to tell him- _I'll _do that. But he's going to be mad and I don't want him to do anything stupid."

Sirius thought for a second before giving a quick nod. He knew what Harry meant. But Sirius really didn't think that he or Tonks could persuade him to stay if he truly thought that he would be doing them all a favor if he left. He agreed, however, and he watched the small relief flash across Harry's face.

Upon entering the kitchen, Sirius instantly noticed that though Remus looked exhausted he seemed far happier than he had previously. It had always been that way. Truth be told, his friend was a nightmare prior to the full moon.

"_Mate, you sure you're not a girl?" Sixteen year old Sirius joked; a small smile creeping onto his face. "Because it seems to me you've got a rather serious case of PMS."_

Sirius allowed himself a small smile as the memory flitted across his mind. It never failed to send James and Peter into a fit of laughter and Sirius could tell that though he tried to hide it, Remus was secretly amused as well. He almost hated himself for having to be the one to ruin his friend's good mood.

He was trying to come up with a plan on how to get Remus' attention without causing Snape to get suspicious when Remus finally looked around at him. He caught one look at Sirius' ear and flinched back. He had asked Tonks how things had went the night of the full moon but Tonks remained oddly quiet and refused to answer him. Fear gripped his insides because even though Sirius' ear was quite a mess he knew that something else had happened.

Sirius always told him that he could handle him just fine, but Remus often had his doubts. Anyways, he was just thankful that neither Tonks nor Harry had been out there…

"Yes, I'm afraid to say your PMS got the better of you this time around, mate." Sirius joked softly, only his eyes smiling. "It's worse than it looks really. It hardly even hurts. You got a good girl there, mate. She was able to patch me up just fine. I think you should keep her."

Remus snorted in amusement as he shook his head before growing somber. "Other than me chewing on your ear, how'd the rest of the night go?" he asked.

Sirius shared a quick look with Tonks before clearing his throat. "That's what we needed to talk about actually. Harry's in the other room," Sirius said with a jerk of his head. "He wants to see you for a while and see how you're doing." He shot a quick glance at Snape, feeling more than a little relieved to see that the man wasn't paying them any attention.

"Is everything all right?" Remus asked in concern, glancing quickly between Tonks and Sirius. The looks on their faces sent a shiver down his spine even though they were trying their best to appear as though nothing was wrong.

"Just a word, Remus." Sirius said quickly. "Really. I don't think it will take that long." He shot a look at Tonks, silently telling her to come along. Tonks gave a small nod in understanding.

His heart beating madly inside his chest, Remus hefted himself to his feet and followed behind. The walk to the sitting room seemed to last for ages and just when Remus was wishing they would never arrive he found himself quickly sitting in the chair directly opposite from Harry.

He never heard the silencing charm that Sirius set up, nor did he see the others take a seat beside him. His eyes were transfixed on Harry; the image of his mangled leg forever imprinted into his mind… mocking him…

Remus drew in a shaky breath and hid his face in his hands. He couldn't look at Harry or any of the others. When he spoke, it was in an accusing tone that was nonetheless filled with deep hurt. "Why?"

It was a single word but it cut through Harry like a knife. He knew exactly what Remus was asking. He wanted Remus to look at him; wanted to peer into his eyes and beg for forgiveness yet at the same time let Remus know that none of this had been his fault and that Harry didn't blame him.

"Because I'm stupid." Harry told him directly. "Really, I am. I just… I messed up. I'm sorry." It was a stupid thing to have said and Harry knew it but what else was there to say?

Remus jerked his head up and pierced him with a glare that had him squirming in his seat. "You nearly got yourself killed and all you have to say for yourself is 'you're sorry?'"

Harry grimaced. Remus wasn't yelling but the heavy sarcasm seemed far worse; as was the look of disappointment on his face.

"When I don't remember to take my potion Harry I completely forget who I am!" Remus yelled. "Is there something you're hiding from us? Are you in fact a werewolf who _also_ forgot who he was? That seems to me to be the only logical thing. Why else would you wander out in the middle of the night and foolishly risk your neck? Oh that's right; I forgot you had no idea what you were doing. Makes perfect sense."

No one was prepared for the moment when Remus jumped up and slammed his fist into the wall. "Leave me, Tonks." He said harshly when he felt her gentle hand on his shoulder. Any other time he may have welcomed it, but those days were long gone. He would only wind up hurting her in the end.

He leaned his head against the wall and stayed that way for several long moments. His mind drifted back to a similar incident. He had been thirteen at the time. It was a moon quite similar to the last one. His parents kept him locked in the basement as they didn't want him running through the forest at night. He had escaped somehow and had hurt his father so badly the man had to be sent to St. Mungo's.

The minute he had seen his dad he fell into his arms and sobbed brokenly, apologizing over and over again for what he had done. His father had whispered in his ear, telling him that he had nothing to be sorry for and that he would be better in no time.

There was no one to take him into their arms and comfort him this time though…

The cuts were deep enough Remus knew that Harry's leg would never be the same. Anger filled within him. He wanted to shake the boy and demand to know what he had been thinking… or at the very least take him over his knee and give him a good sound smacking.

Finally, Remus leaned back up, but when he spoke he didn't make eye contact with any of them. "You always give this big show about how you're 'sorry' Harry. Quite frankly, though, I've had enough of it. You never think before you act and one of these days your luck is going to run out. Why in Merlin's name would you wander out there when you knew I was in my werewolf form?"

He didn't give Harry a chance to answer. "What you did was not only stupid and dangerous but it was selfish as well. It's quite apparent you gave no thought to your own safety but I had thought you realized just how much the idea of me hurting someone terrified me. I was wrong apparently. Because you see if you _had_ realized that I know for a fact you wouldn't do anything that would put me in that kind of position."

Harry wasn't sure what to say to that or even if Remus expected him to say anything. He glanced at Sirius, clearly expecting for help. Sirius merely shrugged and responded with a look that quite clearly said 'You got yourself into this mess now you have to handle it.'

Remus was looking far more lost than Harry had ever seen him. He truly despised himself for how well he could muck things up.

He sighed. "Remus look, I know you're mad and you have every right to be." Harry told him. "If I could go back in time and change what happened I would but I can't. All I can say is that I'm sorry, which is a stupid thing to say, I know, but it's all I have. I hope you can forgive me someday."

With his hand tangled in his hair and that mad gleam in his eye, Remus looked as though _he_ had been the one imprisoned for twelve years. "I'm not mad, I'm furious! I should have known something like this would happen. It was foolish of me to have come here in the first place."

"It wasn't." Harry said. "Remus, this wasn't anyone's fault but my own and I accept full responsibility. Sirius told me to stay behind but I didn't listen."

"Because you were afraid of what I would do to him." Remus said bitterly. It was not a question. "Which is precisely the reason I left Hogwarts; I couldn't chance hurting the students and now I've hurt you."

"No." Harry said quickly, feeling if at all possible, even worse. "I wasn't afraid of _you_, I just…" He wasn't making things better at all. He closed his eyes for a moment, as though thinking that might help him think of what to say that could somehow make things all better. "I was afraid it's true, but it wasn't entirely because of you."

"What then?" Remus asked.

Harry blushed. How could he say what he wanted to when Sirius was sitting right there? Sirius had called him his child. He had felt confused and scared and if he were being completely honest with himself… the need to test his godfather. He hadn't been aware of it then but he was now.

"It's not important." Harry mumbled. He could tell from the look on Remus' face that the man didn't believe him. He saw his eyes flick towards Sirius for a small moment before trailing back to him; a look of fond understanding etched upon his face.

Harry felt himself go red, unable to understand why he felt so embarrassed. Why should he care that Remus realized just how important Sirius had become to him? Remus- along with Tonks- were probably the only ones who knew how much he cared for his godfather.

He quickly thought of something to say before Remus had a chance to say anything.

"And anyways, it's just my leg. It doesn't matter, you know?"

He heard Sirius clear his throat loudly and saw him give a small shake of his head.

"I just mean that my leg will get better and I'll be walking on it again without any help in no time. There's really no reason to worry."

Remus shared a look with Sirius and instantly knew they were thinking the same thing; Harry's leg would never get better. And it was all because of him…

"You may not think this right about now, Harry, but you are extremely fortunate that it was just your leg. It could have been so much worse."

"It wasn't though." Harry insisted.

"But it could have been." Remus said firmly. "If, for some reason, there was ever a next time you may not be so fortunate. I can't take that chance again. It would kill me to know that I had managed to hurt you or anyone else, don't you understand that?" He cried. He felt his heart break completely as he turned towards Tonks. He could tell from the look on her face that she realized what was coming next.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. He swallowed thickly. "I really am, but… we _can't_ be together. Not now and not ever. You mean to much to me and… I just can't risk hurting you. I hope you can understand someday."

Of course asking her to understand was like asking for James and Lily back; it would never happen. It literally killed him inside, but what choice did he have? She needed to stay safe and needed to move on with her life. _He _needed to move on…

He didn't know what he expected her to do. Some part of him expected for her to be stubborn and try to argue with him; maybe even hex him and force him to stay. What he hadn't expected was for her to wrap her arms around him and hug him for a long moment before leaning back and kissing his cheek gently.

He felt his breathing catch and just when he had been able to form a though, he saw her turn away and head out of the room. Though before she had left, Remus had been more than sure that he had seen tears forming quickly behind her eyes.

It was silent for a moment- which felt like an eternity without her there- before Sirius got up. He stared stonily at Remus. "You know, for all the years that I've known you I have always tried to knock some sense into that stubborn head of yours. I've tried to explain that no one gives a rat's arse that you're a damn werewolf but you seem insistent on believing what you want to believe."

"If you truly believe that leaving will be the best way to protect us then don't let the door hit you on the way out. You have to do what you think you need to do. You always have. But I want you to know that I love you, mate; you're my best friend- my brother. I'll be here when you finally decide that you're safe enough and worth enough to other people to stick around."

Remus didn't even attempt to stop Sirius from leaving as he probably went off to offer Tonks comfort. And really… how could he respond to that?

Tonks needed to be safe. He loved her too much to ever want to chance hurting her. The realization that he had grown to love Tonks made him feel ill and made the decision to leave only that much more difficult.

Harry couldn't remember a time when he felt worse. This whole thing was his fault. He had ruined any chance Remus and Tonks ever had of becoming a couple.

Yet at the moment he felt so incredibly angry. Part of him realized that though he had messed up he couldn't control what Remus did or how he chose to live his life. He was choosing to throw away a life of happiness with Tonks and Harry couldn't blame himself for that.

"I can't believe you." Harry said angrily, causing Remus to look at him. He could practically see the wheels in the man's' head turning; as though he wasn't able to decide what he should do.

"I know what you're trying to do but you're being incredibly selfish!"

"Don't you ever say that to me again, Harry!" Remus snapped viciously. "Not ever again! I am trying to keep her safe-"

"By breaking her heart?" Harry cried. "She loves you, Remus, and I _know_ you love her. So if you love her I don't understand how you could do that to her. Why don't you think of _her _for a change?

Harry didn't know what had happened until Remus was right in front of him so they were nearly nose to nose.

"I _am_ thinking about her, Harry!" He shouted, causing Harry to flinch back as he felt spit land on his cheek. He had never seen the man so furious. "Damn it, do you think I'm not? I love her, I do, which is why I have to leave. Can't you understand that?

The anger had left just as quickly as it had come and Remus slumped in a chair, resting his head in his hands.

Harry looked at him for the longest moment before sighing. He wanted to be upset with Remus, he really did, but he had a hard time right then. He felt the same way about Sirius; he would do anything for him… even leave if that's what it took to keep him safe; even though he knew it would kill both of them in the process.

At that moment guilt overcame him and he felt horrible for saying the things he had, because he could finally understand what Remus meant.

"Look Remus, I get that you're trying to keep her safe. I really do." Harry told him. "After that whole thing with Voldemort happened I thought Sirius would be better off without me. I still think that sometimes but… I love him you know? He's the closest thing I have to a father and I just don't want to hurt him anymore. I thought that if I distanced myself from him that I could keep him safe but I was wrong. In the end all it did was hurt us both. I don't want that to happen to you and Tonks… not because of something I did."

Remus lifted his head after a few moments and though there were tears in his eyes, Harry found that he was smiling at him sadly.

"I know I can't make you stay," Harry said softly, "and I know I say this a lot but I couldn't possibly be anymore sorry than I am right now. Tonks would be devastated if you left and so would Sirius and I. I don't want to see you throw away a future with her. You've suffered just like Sirius over the years and you deserve happiness. Please don't let my foolish mistake ruin what you have going for you."

Remus considered him for a moment; noticing the way not only his eyes but his entire stance was pleading with him. He inwardly sighed.

"Harry, I can't deny that your actions have made me reconsider my choice in coming here, but I must tell you, I was already considering leaving in the first place. I know you are aware of Tonks' and mine conversation a few days ago and as much as I love her… we simply can't be together. She was most stubborn of course," he smiled sadly; "she seemed to think she would be able to change my mind. I've grown closer to her than I have with anyone ever before and it scares me."

Harry could understand that. But while he was afraid of loving Sirius, Remus was afraid of loving Tonks because he was afraid of hurting her. But didn't he realize that leaving would hurt her far worse than anything else that he could do to her?

He stood from his chair and settled beside Harry. "I don't want you to blame yourself over my leaving, Harry." Remus told him softly. "It was my decision and mine only. But before I go I want to tell you something-"

"No." Harry cut him off rudely. "If you're leaving then leave already; I don't want to listen to anything else you have to say."

"I understand that." Remus told him. "But regardless, you _will_ listen, because this is far more important than being furious with me."

Harry felt anger surge within him. How dare Remus talk to him like that? He wasn't his bloody father or even his guardian. He had left him all those years ago when he had needed him most… when he had lost his entire family all in one night- and he was fixing to do so again.

"What you said about Sirius… you will never know what that means to me and Tonks."

Harry's eyes widened as he felt his face flush so hotly it almost burned. He couldn't believe he had said that out loud!

"I… I didn't mean… I mean I did… you _have_ to understand…" Harry was stammering horribly and he felt as though he would be sick. He _really_ couldn't believe he had said that out loud; and in front of Remus, no less!

Remus gave him a knowing look and Harry realized then that he knew Harry thought of Sirius as his father and not just because he had admitted it awhile ago.

"How long have you known?" Harry asked quietly.

"For a while." Remus said with a smile. "You and Sirius… you're quite a pair, you know? Both too stubborn to realize just how important you are to one another?"

Harry looked at him suspiciously. "What do you mean?" He felt his heart begin to beat rapidly inside his chest.

Remus sighed in annoyance. "I really can't believe you two still haven't figured it out yet." At Harry's confused look he continued on. "Harry in all the time you've spent with Sirius, don't you think that somewhere along the way he would have grown to love you just as you love him?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Harry said quickly, though really he was starting to feel a bit dizzy. If Remus was right then could that actually mean that Sirius saw him as his son? He had called him his kid but surely Sirius only meant n reference to him being his godson. He couldn't hold out hope that Sirius truly loved him in that way. He wouldn't allow for himself to be disappointed…

"Harry, Tonks and I both have stood by and waited happily for the day when the two of you would realize just what you are to each other."

"We're godfather and godson and nothing more." Harry told him firmly.

"You're more than that and deep down you realize that. I know you're afraid of being disappointed but trust me; give Sirius a chance- I promise he won't disappoint you."

Oddly enough Harry felt himself growing a bit upset with the way the conversation was going. But Remus' words were still playing through his mind and like Remus and Tonks, he couldn't wait for the day when he and Sirius became as close as only a father and son could…

Harry gave a dry snort. "Trust _you?_ That's really rich. You expect me to trust you when you're walking away from us? You're not my father and you never will be, but ever since I met you and learned you were such good friends with my parents I had considered you as part of my family. But families don't do what you're doing. That night when Dumbledore left me at my relatives, you didn't come for me." Harry felt hot angry tears swell within his eyes but he refused to let them fall. He didn't know why he was saying this; he hadn't remembered deciding to say it at all, but he found that once he started, he couldn't stop. "You were the only one left who was not in jail or dead and yet you chose to sit at home on your lazy arse and mope around instead of coming for me."

Remus felt the blood drain from his face. He opened and closed his mouth several times but couldn't do much but stutter. "Harry… I… I was trying to protect you."

"By leaving me with my aunt and uncle?" Harry roared back, causing Remus to flinch horribly. "They never loved me… never gave a ruddy damn. But I guess you never did either."

"I was a werewolf, Harry, I couldn't take you in." Remus said thinly. "I wanted to, believe me I did, but I couldn't even visit. Dumbledore believed you would be safer away from me."

Never in all of his life had he hated the headmaster more than he did right then. How dare he even suggest something like that? He had lost his entire family and the damn geezer thought he'd be safer without the man who had been like a brother to his parents?

But Harry was far too upset and hurt to even want to try to see things from Remus' view.

"If you truly cared for me… even at all… you would have found a way to work it out." He said harshly. "Look at Sirius. He broke out of Azkaban for me and even after everything he's suffered through he still took me in and gave me the love I never had… gave me a father. Would _you_ have done that?"

"No." Remus admitted ashamedly. "No I wouldn't have. I would have believed that I deserved to be there to even think about wanting to escape. But Sirius is a far better man than I can ever hope to be."

"You're a good man, too, Remus." Harry told him firmly. "You just have to get your priorities in order. Once you do that then everyone will be better off."

"I _did_ care about you Harry… I still do." Remus said with a pained expression on his face.

"We're not talking about that anymore." Harry said with a shake of his head. "But I have to tell you- you walked out on me once and you're doing so again. If you walk out on Tonks… you may not get another chance."

Remus swallowed thickly; his insides twisting painfully. He couldn't think of what to say to that. Harry was no longer looking at him; he had already come to terms with Remus leaving and had turned away. He sighed; wanting nothing more to turn back the time and wish he had done everything different. He waited around for a moment to see if Harry would turn around and acknowledge his presence and when he realized that was nothing more than a case of wishful thinking, he got up and left without another word.

Once he had gotten his things gather he stopped and glanced into the kitchen where Tonks and Sirius were seating with their heads bent together. Sirius had his hand on her shoulder, rubbing gently as he whispered assurances into her ear as silent tears cascaded down her cheeks.

He wanted to say goodbye; to take Tonks into his arms and that would be more than enough. But he couldn't; that would only make things worse.

He left quietly through the doors and once outside the protection of the wards, apparated with a sharp crack.

* * *

Sirius gripped the edge of the table so tightly his knuckles were white; his head bent as he tried to process Snape's words.

Harry felt as though his world had come crashing down around him; as though walls were closing in around him so quickly he found it a miracle that he was still breathing.

The news was so horrifying Harry thought there was no way it could possibly be true. But regardless of the fact that it terrified him straight to his very core and the fact that the news had come from Snape, Harry knew it to be the truth.

"You're certain?" Sirius asked; the question coming out much more harshly than he had intended it to.

"Quite." Snape drawled. But Harry could tell there was something off in his tone; as though he himself could not believe his own ears. The poison laced in his tone was almost surprising, but for once, it was not directed at Sirius or even him. It had only dawned on him that from that moment on they were working towards the same goal. From then on they were in this together.

"Damn it." Sirius mumbled. He slammed his hand on the table making Harry start. Sirius raked a hand through his hair and slumped in the chair beside Harry.

"How is that even possible though?" It was Tonks who spoke; her tone laced with confusion. "We know it takes quite a lot of dark magic to create even _one_… but _six?_"

Harry himself couldn't believe it; he didn't want to. The prospect of hunting down one bloody horcrux sounded hard enough, not to mention terrifying… he couldn't even imagine how much more difficult this was going to prove to be.

"There is not much of his soul left – if you could call it that." Snape told her. "The Dark Lord has put so much o himself into mere objects that there would be hardly anything left of him once we find and destroy the other fragments of his soul."

And Harry knew the only thing left was to go after Voldemort and destroy the piece that was still left inside of him. Of course, Harry knew that would be as easy as it would be for Snape to ever start handing out candy that wasn't laced with poison; wearing a frilly pink dress while skipping around as he sang gaily like a little elf.

But Snape had said it himself; once the six horcruxes were destroyed there would be hardly anything left of him. It would be far easier to destroy him… and then Harry would be free.

There was a light at the end of a horrifyingly dark tunnel that Harry had never been able to see before. Warm relief flooded through him, nearly making him fall out of his seat from the greatness of it. Without even realizing it, he found himself grinning. Not just a small grin, but one that spread across his face so widely he found that his cheeks hurt.

He realized the others were staring at him oddly; as if they thought he had lost whatever little mind he had. But Harry didn't care. He knew his life had been tied to that of Voldemort's ever since that night so many years ago. The others would never be able to understand just what this would mean to him.

"I wouldn't be so happy, Mr. Potter." Snape snarled. "While the idea of finding and destroying the objects sounds like an easy task, you have yet to realize just how difficult it will prove to be. With that in mind your lessons _must_ continue on as before."

Harry realized that, of course, but he wondered if they were really needed that much as Voldemort had been oddly quiet. And really, the execution- while though difficult- sounded easy enough, and Harry was more than certain that if the time came when Voldemort tried to glean information from his mind, he would be able to ward him off.

Snape narrowed his eyes as he caught the smugness that was literally seeping from him. "You may think you are this most powerful wizard, Mr. Potter, but there is nothing extraordinary about you-"

"And it's about time I realized that." Harry finished for him in a slightly annoyed tone. "It may have escaped your notice, sir, but whatever else I may be, I am _not_ some highly egotistical prince who thinks he needs to have people bowing to him all the time. I may _look_ like my father but I'm not him." Truth be told, he thought he was far more like Sirius. He caught himself before he could smile.

"People are dying, Mr. Potter," Snape said casually, as though Harry had not spoken. "The Dark Lord is after you and will not hesitate to kill the ones you love to get to you."

Harry's thoughts instantly went to that of Ron, Hermione, and their families. While he had learned from Remus that they had placed extra protection around the Burrow and that Hermione's parents had been placed with a member of the Order for safety, he knew - that if push came to shove- Voldemort would have no trouble squashing them out.

But he had to believe that they would stay safe. Whatever fights broke out between them, they had been through so much together over the years that he knew nothing could ever tear them apart.

"Your little friends are safe for the time being," Snape informed him, "but the Dark Lord is growing restless. If you want them to continue to be safe and if you want to finish him off for good, it is imperative that you take these lessons seriously."

Harry looked round at Sirius who gave a small nod of agreement. Shame tore through him. He had been trying hard in the beginning, but he had begun to slack off; getting highly annoyed when Sirius would scold him. He grimaced in apology; trying to relay without words that he promised to try harder in the future.

Sirius winked at him and Harry felt the guilt begin to dissolve on its own.

Sirius was bloody brilliant.

"When do we start?" Sirius asked.

"As soon as possible." Snape replied. "Potter will continue his lessons abroad.

"I want to start tomorrow." Harry said, causing them to look at him in surprise. "It's true that I only know fourth year magic but it's been enough to keep me alive so far. You know more than I do so if there's ever any trouble you can handle it."

Sirius smiled at him fondly; feeling his heart swell with pride. They had really come far in their relationship in such a short amount of time.

Harry trusted him and that was all he could ever ask for.

Of course that knowledge sent a shiver down his spine. While he longed for the day when Harry would grow to trust him, he was unprepared for the effect it would have on him. He couldn't afford to let Harry down… not now. He made a vow to himself that he would protect him at all costs.

He had wanted to teach Harry more spells, give him animagus lessons…

But Sirius knew that the hunt for the horcruxes was ultimately Harry's choice. His kid was more than ready in his opinion. He had been the one most affected by Voldemort and Sirius wanted to give him that choice… to give him a chance to prove himself.

Of course, there wasn't any reason why Sirius _couldn't_ teach him what he wanted to. The hunt was going to be hard for all of them and Sirius was determined to give Harry that chance to have fun and to be the kid he had never gotten to be…

"We'll start the day _after_ tomorrow." Sirius said.

"But-"

"No." he said softly, "Don't argue with me. We still need to pack and get everything ready."

In all honesty though, he wanted to give Harry one last day of 'freedom' before the hunt for the horcruxes began. He'd suffered so much just since the end of last year alone and with Remus' departure… he wanted to give them all just one day where they didn't have to worry about anything or be afraid of the dark and twisting path they knew lied ahead of them.

* * *

**Thoughts on Remus? I hope to get the next chapter out quickly as I've already started in on it. So one last chapter before the 'Hunt' begins and it will be a fun one. If you have stuck with me thus far... thank you _so_ much. I hope you continue to enjoy it. Feel free to message me at any time and let me know how you think the story is progressing :)**


	18. Chapter 18

**It's hard trying to juggle school life and my home life at the same time and as you can tell... it often gets the better of me. But the next chapter is up and _hopefully _I'll be able to get the next one up quicker. Hope you enjoy and please let me know what you think.**

**Sorry for any mistakes- my computer has been acting really strange lately and is affect some of my programs. **

* * *

The quiet tick of the clock resounded through Sirius' ears like a gong as he stood near the stove, drowning his third cup of coffee. It was a quarter after five and he had spent the entire night fussing over getting everything packed.

After he had helped Harry get settled in bed, he himself had retired to his bedroom, forcing himself to have a quick rest before starting to pack. He realized, of course, that they had the whole day ahead to pack, but Sirius had other plans in mind.

He was nearly done as it was as they hadn't brought much along in the first place. The only thing left was to help Harry get packed and they were set to go.

The sun was just beginning to rise and Sirius leaned his hip against the counter; running his thumb around the rim of his cup as he stared out the small window. In the short amount of time they had been there, Sirius had grown quite fond of the small cottage; of the pond and the forest with its tiny streams that ran through it.

He was almost wishing they didn't have to go; that they could remain here and bask in the security it offered them.

But they couldn't afford to stay. Every day they stayed there, they lost precious time. This needed to be done and no matter how long it took, Sirius wouldn't give up… not until Harry was free just as he had promised him.

Besides, it wasn't as if they were leaving forever. They'd be back for Christmas or whenever the longing for home overtook them so horribly they felt as though they wouldn't be able to continue on without a glance of it… just to be sure it was still there and that it hadn't all been just a wonderful dream.

Whether or not they realized it, this _had _become home… his and Harry's. He couldn't believe how quickly they had settled in; as though they had always been there. This place… it held such memories and while all of them were not particularly good they were still memories made that would forever live on with the house.

They'd need to go shopping once they got back. They had managed a day out to buy Harry new clothes but the kid still needed things for his room. Sirius berated himself for not having taken the time to go sooner but something else always seemed to come up.

They'd go eventually; perhaps even before Christmas rolled around. He still needed gifts for Harry after all. He had one gift in mind already and has had for quite some time. His only concern was how Harry would feel about it.

He was broken out of his thoughts by a soft shuffling from behind him and turned around to find Tonks trudging tiredly into the room. She had been crying again.

To be perfectly honest he had actually been expecting for it to be Snape. Apparently Sirius hadn't been the only one unable to sleep the night before.

He had been most surprised to see Snape of all people lurking in the doorway of the library; watching as Sirius packed. They merely had stared at one another before Sirius gestured to the pile of books littered across the table; asking if he cared to help.

Snape sneered at him, though made no move to leave. Instead, however, he offered suggestions as to what books would be best to leave behind. Afterwards they had had a somewhat… 'pleasant' conversation. It was shocking to say the least.

_"You know, Snape, I don't understand you." Sirius said as he leaned against the wall; his arms crossed across his chest as a slight confused frown masked his face._

_"I am sure there are several things you don't understand, Black." Snape said, though not unkindly. "But, I suppose I could appear somewhat interested. What is it about me that you don't understand?"_

_"I was horrible to you," Sirius frowned. "Granted that went both ways, but James and I were… well, arrogant toe rags to put it nicely." He smirked at Snape's raised eyebrow. "That was always Lily's input, not ours. However, she had a point. We were bullies- terrible ones at that; seemed like we went out of our way to make you miserable."_

_Shame coursed through him. Often times he wondered what would have happened had James and he had been kinder. They had never realized just how awful they had been- even though Lily and Remus often went out of their way to tell them._

_He understood why James hated Snape so much; he couldn't bear to see Lily with the greasy git. And it didn't help matters any that Snape had always been fascinated with the Dark Arts. That was something neither he nor James could stand._

_Snape reminded Sirius too much of his family, but now that they were older Sirius was beginning to see a different side of Snape._

_Not that Snape had always been the victim; he never passed up a chance to get back at them and he, along with his 'buddies' often enjoyed tormenting younger students._

_"Is this some sort of apology, Black?" Snape sneered. "I suppose you expect my heart to ache with joy, but I really couldn't care less."_

_Sirius rolled his eyes in annoyance. The git was really not making this easy. He wondered why he was doing so in the first place, but if nothing else, he needed to do this for Harry's sake. The kid didn't deserve to listen to them fight all the time._

_As much as he loathed admitting it, Dumbledore had been right. _

_They were adults now and on the same side in this war against Voldemort. It was time to set aside their petty differences and learn to work together… however hard it may be._

_"Be that as it may," Sirius said evenly, "what we did was wrong and I can't apologize for James, but I want you to know that I'm sorry and I'm grateful that after everything that went on during our years at Hogwarts that you're going out of your way to help Harry. It means a lot."_

_"I'm not doing it for _you_, Black," Snape snarled; his heart aching with sadness as his mind filled with thoughts of his deceased friend. He never would tell Black just what Lily meant to him… he would take that secret with him to the grave. "Regardless, I really have no desire to continue bantering like a pair of pathetic eleven year olds. I think you'll find there are several other important things I could be doing with my time that fortunately don't involve you in any way."_

_Sirius nearly smiled. He knew this was Snape's way of calling a truce. "No matter the reason you're doing it, I'm grateful. And as much as it kills me to admit it… you're right. It may prove to be impossible, but I'm willing to try and work together. Truce?" He held out his hand towards Snape, feeling quite stupid when he merely stared at it as though wishing it would burn up in flames._

_He nearly pulled back but was stopped from doing so when Snape's hand inched forward slowly and grasped his. It wasn't much… but it was a start._

"You look dead on your feet." Sirius commented as Tonks pulled up a chair beside him.

"I feel like it if you can believe it." Tonks said; the small smile she gave didn't quite reach her grief stricken eyes and Sirius knew her mind was once again bombarded with thoughts of Remus.

But Sirius was not a cruel man and treaded carefully around the soft subject. "Do you have plans for the day?" Sure she has plans, he thought, but he really didn't think moping about the house crying over Remus- yet at the same time envisioning every sort of painful way in which she could kill him was a good idea.

"I thought I might catch some sleep, actually." She told him. "I'm rather tired."

"You're depressed." Sirius said bluntly. "There's a difference. I'll tell you what I told Harry; sitting here and feeling sad isn't going to help anything. It isn't going to make you feel better and it's not going to bring Remus back." Sirius inwardly cursed himself. Way to go you bloody idiot.

But Tonks didn't appear angry. Her eyes quickly filled with tears before breaking down into noisy and messy tears.

Sirius felt like the world's biggest arse. He touched her shoulder gently and was surprised when Tonks turned and sobbed loudly into his shoulder.

"I'm sorry," he whispered as he rubbed her back. "That was stupid of me." _Oh yes, Sirius_, he thought sarcastically, _what a wonderful apology_. He felt the corners of his mouth twitch briefly when he felt Tonks nod into his shoulder.

She pulled back and hid her face in her hands. She felt Sirius' hand on her shoulder and allowed herself the small comfort before taking a deep gulp of air and forcing back any more tears. Sirius was right.

"You're right," She said thinly, "I've got to get over him. I've got to be… happy." The word sounded bitter even to her own ears but she forced a smile onto her face that didn't fool either one of them.

She looked and saw a big wet splotch on Sirius' shoulder from where she had cried. She smiled softly and offered an apology.

"Don't be ridiculous," Sirius scolded gently. "It's what I'm here for." He caught the look of genuine fondness on her face and frowned slightly in confusion. "What?"

"Nothing. It's just nice to see the change in you. You've really become a wonderful father." She said with a gentle smile; a real smile this time.

Sirius looked slightly embarrassed, but grinned widely. "Well, I don't know about that. I mean I suppose… well, I don't… hmm." Sirius stopped before he could embarrass himself any further. "I don't do anything really. He's a great kid, so it's not hard."

Tonks looked at him in annoyance. "I give up. You too are much too brainless to realize what has happened. I swear one of these days I'm going to hex you both until you see sense."

Sirius gave an awkward laugh. He had no trouble believing that.

"Sirius you believed in him- gave _him_ something to believe in as well. You're always there for him and I don't know much about his past but I have a feeling you're the only adult in his life who has yet to let him down."

Sirius felt his stomach drop. He really wished Tonks had not said that. He was going to let Harry down one of these days. He wasn't perfect and would never claim to be, but no matter where life took them, he wanted Harry to know that no matter what happened, he would always have someone who loved him more than life itself.

Besides, if he was being honest with him, he felt as though he had changed somewhat in such a short amount of time. After all, who would have ever thought that he of all people would be apologizing to Snape and trying to put aside their differences in order to work together?

But he knew Harry deserved better than that and he would do everything in his power to be the best parent he could to Harry. He smiled in spite of himself… Harry had really changed him for the better. Amazing what instant parenthood could do to someone.

He would never have imagined just how much he would have grown to love the kid.

It was nearing six o'clock but Sirius needed to do something before he went to wake Harry up. First though, he needed to talk to Tonks.

"I need a favor from you."

"Depends on what the favor is," she said a bit teasingly; a slight smirk on her face.

All of a sudden he felt very self-conscious. It was weird to say the least. He couldn't ever remember feeling that way before. "I need you… well, you're so good at potions as you say and I need…" He groaned. What on earth was happening to him? He cleared his throat and got straight to the point. "I want to adopt Harry."

Tonks gave him a knowing smile. "And you want me to brew a potion in order for you to blood adopt him."

Sometimes it scared him at how well Tonks knew him. Remus had been the only one who knew him that well.

He nodded his head in agreement and to his surprise Tonks started to cry again but he realized that these were tears of happiness.

Before he could decide what to say Tonks had thrown herself at him and began squeezing him so hard he felt his ribs crack.

"Bloody hell, Tonks." He gasped, trying in vain to pry her off of him. "If you don't let me go I won't be _able_ to adopt him because there isn't going to be anything left of me."

Tonks gave him one last squeeze before leaning back, not even bothering to wipe the tears off her face as they continued to fall endlessly. She cupped Sirius' face in her hands before gently kissing his cheek. "It will take quite some time, but I will do it for you."

"Will it be done in time for Christmas?"

She managed a soft smile. "Should be. Maybe even before, but it takes quite a while because I'll have to leave it to brew. Figure it will make the perfect gift, do you?"

Sirius blushed slightly. "I can only hope. You think he'll understand, don't you?" He was in need of reassurance; to be certain that he was doing the right thing. If Harry still didn't understand even then just how important he was to him then Sirius had failed him.

Tonks seemed to understand what he was asking. "You're doing the best thing for him, Sirius. I have no doubt in my mind that he'll understand."

For once since Remus left, Tonks found that the terrible ache seemed to have receded somewhat. Maybe, just maybe… things were starting to look up for them.

* * *

At six o'clock that morning, Sirius opened the door a crack to find his godson in a deep sleep. Relief swelled within him at that moment. Harry hadn't been sleeping well since the full moon and desperately needed his sleep.

He was only sorry that he would have to be the one to ruin it.

He smirked to himself. As quietly as he could he made his way over to the bed and then proceeded to pounce on Harry.

"Ah!" Harry screamed as he felt something big land beside him on the bed. He turned his head; squinting his eyes open to find Sirius in his dog form. He glared. "Not funny, Padfoot." He groused. He groaned as he looked to see that the clock only read six o'clock. "It's not even seven yet. Get off my bed before I decide to have you fixed."

Sirius whined and just when Harry thought he was going to jump off he felt his face being attacked.

"You are so sick!" Harry yelled as he tried to get Sirius to stop licking him. He didn't care if his godfather was a dog at the moment… this was disgusting!

"I swear I'm going to have you fixed! Then I'm buying you a shock collar! Stop!" Harry screamed but was unable to hide a small laugh. "You are such an idiot!"

Sirius stopped at that moment and then quickly turned back into his human form, a mock-glare on his face. "What was that you just said, young man?"

"You're a bloody idiot!" Harry laughed. His eyes widened comically when he saw the mischievous glint in his godfather's eyes. Before he had the chance to move he found his ribcage being attacked. He couldn't help the squeal that escaped from his lips. "S-stop it!" Harry gasped through his laughter.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear that. What did you say?" Sirius asked loudly.

"Stop!"

"Oh, you enjoy that and want more?" Sirius asked innocently. "Well why didn't you just say so?"

Harry felt his sock being taken off. "Sirius, wait! Just wait!" He sighed in relief when Sirius stopped and glanced up at him. "Okay, I'm sorry, I take it back. You are the smartest and most awesome godfather in the whole world."

Sirius' mouth twisted a bit in consideration. He loosened his hold a bit on Harry's ankle which he still held in his hand.

He wasn't quite through having fun just yet but Harry had a point… he _was_ awesome. And surely such an awesome godfather like him would take pity upon his godson.

"I _am_ awesome, aren't I?" He quirked an expectant brow and nearly laughed when Harry nodded his head fervently, clearly begging for mercy. Sirius inched a finger towards Harry's foot. "But you know I didn't hear anything about being the most _handsome_ godfather."

"Hey, you're lucky you got the smartest godfather award," Harry smirked. "Don't push it." He let out a shriek of laughter as Sirius' finger lightly brushed against the base of his foot. Damn him. "Okay, okay, you're the most handsome godfather in the world." He nearly blushed as the words left his mouth, but it was either that or being tickled to death.

"I want to hear you say all of it, please." Sirius said firmly, though ruining any effect it had by smirking.

"Okay, okay! You are the smartest, most handsome, and most awesome godfather in the entire world." Harry gasped through his laughter. "Please just stop!"

Finally, Sirius seemed to think Harry had suffered enough and released his foot; watching in amusement as Harry pulled it back underneath the covers as quickly as he could.

Harry waited until Sirius was off of his bed before scowling at the man. "I forget to mention the most cruelest godfather. What kind of wake-up call was that? It's not even seven yet."

Sirius rolled his eyes in poorly hidden amusement. "So you've told me. But we have quite a lot to do today and not a whole lot of time to do it in. Now up, please."

"Give me a few more hours of rest and then come wake me back up." Harry mumbled as he turned on his stomach and threw the covers over his head. "And don't forget to shut off the lights before you leave."

"Don't make me resort to other measures to get you up." Sirius said as he quirked an eyebrow. Harry ignored him. What a surprise there, Sirius thought sarcastically. He left the room and returned a moment later with a glass of ice cold water.

He pulled back the covers and dumped the water over Harry's head. The result was immediate; yelping in surprise, Harry shot up in bed, banging his head on the headboard. He winced as he began to rub the tender spot, staring at Sirius in disbelief; water dripping off the end of his nose.

He scowled at Sirius, though it was apparent that from the look on his godfather's face that it would be wise to keep his mouth shut.

He bit back the several rude things he wanted to say and forced an innocent smile on his face. He would get his revenge later.

"Well, I'm up, so are you going to feed me or what?"

* * *

Harry watched as his godfather bustled about the kitchen; a slight skip in his step as he set about preparing breakfast. He shared a look with Tonks, wondering if she too thought Sirius had temporarily lost his mind, but Tonks nearly smiled at him.

It wasn't that Sirius wasn't a happy person, but Harry didn't think he had ever seen the man like this before. It was a bit odd to say the least, but mostly he felt relieved and comforted if that made any sense.

He had an odd suspicion, however, that he was missing out on something. Tonks and Sirius kept glancing at one another every now and then and smiling and Harry couldn't explain it, but as his mind drifted towards Tonks a burning rage filled within him. He didn't understand why, because he liked Tonks.

Sirius was just being friendly, Harry thought firmly, and after everything that had happened Tonks needed that. He brushed back any feelings of jealously and offered her a fleeting smile, determined that no matter what happened he wouldn't let it ruin his day.

Breakfast was a lively affair; a lot of laughing and for once since Harry had seen her the day before, Tonks didn't look the least bit sad.

"I never understand how you ever learned to cook, Sirius." Tonks smirked. "Mum always tells me that when you two were younger you couldn't cook a single meal without burning anything."

Sirius rolled his eyes as he buttered his toast. "I burn her kitchen down _one_ time and she never lets me forget it. Besides, it's not like I didn't do her a favor in that. I kept telling her she needed to refurbish the place and she was finally able to. I never did get a thank you by the way."

"I'll be sure to mention that to her." Tonks said dryly. She looked towards Harry to find the boy smashing his eggs with his fork; a faraway look in his eyes. "So, Harry, Remus keeps telling me that you're the best in your year at Defense Against the Dark Arts."

Harry jerked his head up, glancing once at Sirius to find that he too was surprised at the nearly flippant remark.

"Er… I suppose I'm alright." Harry said, feeling slightly flustered under her gaze; aware of the fact that Sirius was watching on proudly.

"Better than alright I hear." She said with a fond wink.

Harry rubbed the back of his neck a bit sheepishly. He couldn't help but wonder how often he was the subject of discussion. But oddly enough he felt somewhat flattered, not to mention mortified.

He wasn't sure what all Lupin had told her as nobody but Sirius knew of what he had done during his years at Hogwarts. With the full moon incident still fresh in everyone's mind, Harry wasn't sure if it would be a good idea or not to fill Tonks in on what had happened. He was sure there was only so much his godfather could handle at the moment and he didn't want to be the reason his day was ruined when everything seem to be going good already; they hardly ever got any of those days.

Harry nearly smiled at her and busied himself in his breakfast; more to give himself something to do than anything else.

"Well as you can probably imagine, Defense wasn't my best subject."

"How'd you wind up becoming an Auror then?" Harry asked, hoping he wasn't sounding rude. He himself had thought about becoming an Auror ever since Professor Moody- or rather Barty Crouch Junior- had said he ought to think about making a career out of it. That idea had stuck with him even after finding out he had spent the entire year with a man who would have been more than happy to deliver him to Voldemort- or at the very least kill him himself. And really, if Tonks could become an Auror then surely he could as well.

"Not really sure," Tonks said with a small shrug. "However, after a _lot_ of dedication and training, I think I turned out alright. Certainly not one of the best, but I'm not horrible. Anyways, I wanted to make something of myself." Tonks told him. "To try and help make the world a better and safer place. And if I die in the process… well, I'll hopefully be remembered as someone who was willing to give her life for something that she believed in. It's a whole lot better than being remembered as the girl who couldn't quit tripping over her own two feet."

Guilt overcame him as he felt his cheeks heat up. Tonks was really a remarkable person and he felt revolted to have thoughts like that of someone who had stood by him since she had met him. He wasn't any better than anyone else, but with Sirius' help and now her help he realized, he was starting to realize that there was more to him than he had ever known.

"Dumbledore told us what happened in the graveyard," Tonks said softly and Harry felt his stomach twist itself into knots. "What you did was… absolutely remarkable. Not only did you stand by a friend and make sure he got home to his family, but you also kept your head and managed to beat him. That's one of the first things they teach us in training; always keep your head in a crisis. It's one of the hardest things to learn how to do, but you… you seem to have a real knack for it. You definitely should consider becoming an Auror."

Harry felt the crushing pain begin to dissolve in that moment and he stared at Tonks in surprise; a wide grin splitting across his face. "Yeah?" He asked.

"Absolutely. I could help you if you want; give you a little look see about how we train."

"That'd be brilliant!" Harry gushed. He turned to Sirius, nearly having forgotten that he was there. "Can she?"

"I have nothing against it," Sirius shrugged, delighted to see Harry so happy about something. It seemed that was something that didn't happen very often. He felt a strong surge of affection for Tonks right then.

"You're bloody brilliant!" Harry grinned.

"I have my moments." Sirius said with a wry smile.

Tonks smirked. "Don't let Mr. Stuffy over there fool you; back when he was an Auror you could hardly find anyone who was better than him."

"You were an Auror?" Harry asked in surprised. Sirius had never told him that before but he suddenly realized that they always talked about Harry and his problems. If he was being truthful with himself- other than knowing that Sirius had has a childhood like his, he really didn't know much about his godfather at all.

"For a small while," Sirius said with a small nod. "It was before your parents went into hiding that I started training. Alastor- Mad-Eye Moody," he said noticing Harry's confused stare, "was my boss. There wasn't a soul alive better than him. He was difficult to put up with for the most part," Sirius said with a fond smile of remembrance, "but he was good at what he did."

"What about my dad?" Harry asked, a slight tingle of excitement coursing through him. He hardly knew anything of his parents, yet oddly enough he found to his horror that he didn't thirst for information as much as he used to. Sure, he missed his parents with a crushing pain and wanted to know anything he could learn about them, but… he had Sirius now…

Did that make him a bad person? Harry thought guiltily. Would his parents understand? Would Sirius?

"James was never an Auror," Sirius said slowly. "Not that it wasn't in his plan, mind you, but he couldn't very easily train when he was in hiding. Drove him crazy as he hated hiding; didn't feel as though he was doing anything useful."

Harry tried to force back the guilt that was threatening to overtake him.

"What about you?" Harry asked in slight confusion. "If you were so good why'd you stop?"

"Well, I was arrested, wasn't I?" Sirius said dryly, waving off Harry's apologetic grimace. As he sat in his cell for all those years, he tried hard to force his thoughts away from Lily, seeing James' lifeless body- his eyes open but not seeing, and knowing that Harry was going to be forced to live with Lily's horrible sister and her husband.

He often wondered why it was hard for him not to be mad at the people who had put him in there; at Remus for betraying him, and all the others who knew that he and James had been such good friends. He was a top notch Auror for crying out loud! Why on earth would he betray the light?

But he couldn't think of anything but getting back to his godson who had already believed in his guilt.

It had taken many years before he was able to escape, but seeing Pettigrew's picture in the paper stirred something within him and he knew he had to get to Harry at all costs. After so many years of starvation he had finally managed to slip through the bars and escape.

He always wondered what it would like to be free. Would they want him back as an Auror? Would he even _want _to go back? But he would do whatever he needed to in order to protect Harry.

"If I took up Auror training, do you reckon I'd be any good?" Harry asked, thriving for Sirius' opinion. He couldn't help but grin when Sirius smirked at him; the look on his face clearly saying that that was a rather stupid question.

"Kid with all the trouble you managed to land yourself in and _then_ get yourself out of after nearly being killed every time… I don't know if you've got a death wish or what, but with some training I reckon you'd be as good as Moody."

Harry let out a goofy smile, feeling rather stupid. He wasn't sure what all Auror training required, but he had a feeling that with Tonks' and Sirius' help, he'd do just fine. Tonks was right.

He wanted to give his life for something he believed in; making the world a better place for the others who had yet to know just how evil it could be. He didn't want to die being remembered only as the bloody _Boy-Who-Lived_ and the _Destroyer of Voldemort _or whatever stupid name they gave him once he finally managed to get rid of him once and for all.

"You'd help me right? You and Tonks?" Harry asked, looking between the pair of them. Tonks nodded and smiled at him. Sirius looked as though he were very seriously considering it, but Harry knew the man was only trying to be difficult…

Sirius laughed and finally gave in once he noticed Harry's poor pathetic attempt to persuade him with puppy dog eyes. "Yes, you ruddy nutter, we'll help you. Just stop with the face… you don't do it justice."

Harry stuck his tongue out at him, causing Sirius to laugh.

"Just out of curiosity," Tonks cut in, "what _has _he been up to?"

Harry's eyes widened, looking sheepishly at Sirius who he found looked a bit annoyed. "He's been trying to give me a bloody heart attack, _that's _what he's been up to." He looked at Harry and jerked his head in Tonks' direction and Harry took that to mean that he should go ahead and tell her.

Harry explained all that had happened since his first year; purposely leaving out any mention of the Dursleys. He trusted Tonks, it was true, and he knew she cared for him, but the only person he wanted to know about his home life was Sirius.

Once he had finished Tonks was gaping at him in shock. She opened and closed her mouth several times before shaking her head as she glared at him. "You are _really _lucky you aren't _my _son, young man. I'd have been up to Hogwarts several times to turn you over my knee during that first year alone."

Harry blushed bright red. What was it with people wanting to smack him? He was fifteen and it happened years ago…

"Believe me," Sirius said dryly, "he'd still have trouble sitting down if I much believed in smacking." He sent Harry a quick wink to let him know that he was kidding… for the most part.

"Geez, Sirius," Harry groaned in embarrassment. "Just say that out loud why don't you? I don't think they heard you back in Britain."

"Nonsense," Sirius scoffed. He made a great show of pulling out his wand. "I could project my voice louder if you wanted me to. Wouldn't be any trouble."

"You do that and I swear you won't sleep decently for the rest of your miserable life," Harry said seriously.

Sirius smirked. Instead of putting his wand away, however, he transfigured a nearby chair into a walking stick and handed it to Harry. "There should be a box on my dresser. Go get it for me, please."

Harry looked at Sirius as though he had lost his mind. Truth be told he hadn't really been in denial about his leg… at least not entirely. He just hadn't wanted to talk about it; as though thinking that keeping silent might make it true that nothing had happened. He still felt rather guilty about how he had spoken to Sirius that morning and made a mental note to apologize before the day was over.

"I get to walk on my own?" Harry asked skeptically. "Really?"

"Yes really." Sirius said. "It won't get any better if you don't use it."

Harry gave a toothy grin and would have leaned over to give Sirius a hug but he figured he ought to get on his feet before Sirius changed his mind.

After what seemed like years but was in fact only three minutes Harry found himself on his feet; the top of the can nestled rather uncomfortably under his arm as he supported himself. It was odd to say the least and very difficult to move, but he could sort of walk. As much as he loved Sirius, this was one thing he wanted no help with whatsoever.

"Easy," Sirius said as he placed a hand on Harry's back as he started to fall backwards a little.

"I'm good," Harry said in a strained voice. He took his hand and grasping the bottom of the cane moved it forward so he could take a step. He was rather glad he had lost almost all feeling in his leg because it would have hurt horribly otherwise.

He congratulated himself on being able to keep upright. It was a slow going process but he finally managed to make his way out of the kitchen and down the hall into Sirius' room.

"I meant what I said," Tonks said with a soft smile, "you really are doing good with him. And if you shrug or give that stupid awkward grin of yours I swear I will hex you until-"

"Until I see sense." Sirius smirked. "Yes I know. I believe we've already had this conversation."

"No, something far worse." Tonks told him. "I'll hex you until your unrecognizable."

Sirius gasped in mock-horror. "That is just cruel Tonks. I mean, come on, look at me," he gestured frantically to his face, "I'm _adorable. _I'm bloody _handsome_. Harry even said so. You wouldn't want to deprive anyone of seeing this charming face of mine, now would you?"

"I might just to shut you up," Tonks said, a disgusted look on her face. "You really are full of it. I'm surprised you're able to get that fat head of yours through the door."

"Oh, the doorway just opens wide to let me through when it senses my presence." Sirius said, letting out a small cheer of victory when Tonks groaned and hid her face in her heads as she shook her head.

* * *

Harry entered his godfather's room, silently cursing his godfather for putting the dresser on the opposite side of the room. The box was there just as Sirius had said. Remembering the incantation for the Shrinking charm, he grabbed his father's wand out of his back pocket where he always kept it, pointed it at the box, and said _"Reducio."_

He put the box in his pocket and was about to head out when he heard slight hissing coming from inside Sirius' bedside table. It grew louder as he approached and opening up the drawer he instantly noticed the locket and remembered what Sirius had said about it belonging to his brother before he died.

He held it in his hand as he inspected it; feeling the dark magic that literally radiated from it. While Snape had told them that there were six horcruxes to find he hadn't told them what they were, but Harry couldn't help but think that maybe this was one. It had Slytherin's mark on it and he didn't find it hard to believe that Voldemort would choose to conceal part of his soul inside an object that once had belonged to Salazar Slytherin himself as he was Slytherin's heir.

He wondered if Sirius had pieced that information together yet and if he had why on earth hadn't he said anything to him? And why would he keep it hidden inside his bedside drawer?

He knew Sirius' loathed his family, but Regulus had been his younger brother, and despite everything that Regulus had done, he couldn't help but think that somewhere deep inside his godfather there was a piece that was missing that had once belonged to his younger brother.

Maybe he felt that in keeping it he was still holding onto a piece of his brother; forgetting altogether who it once had belonged to and more importantly… what it was.

He was about to put it back when he felt someone grasp his wrist so tightly it hurt. "Drop it." Sirius said firmly. "Now."

Harry didn't hesitate to obey. He stared into his godfather's face and flinched. He looked greatly annoyed, but more than anything he looked furious. He wasn't use to seeing such a look on his godfather's face and it greatly unsettled him.

Sirius must have realized that he was making Harry a bit nervous, because he closed his eyes and took a moment to compose himself. He snapped them opened and though he didn't look as mad, Harry still must have sensed that he was in trouble.

He released Harry's wrist, thoroughly hating himself when he saw the red mark. "I sent you in here to grab the box, _not_ to rifle through my personal belongings." Sirius said firmly as he closed the drawer a bit more forcefully than he needed to.

"I wasn't," Harry said quickly in defense before his godfather had a chance to get too upset. "I was just-" he immediately snapped his mouth shut in surprise when he heard Sirius give a throaty growl.

"I've already caught you, so don't even try to waste my time with excuses."

"But if you would just _listen _to me_-"_

_"Harry!"_

Harry glared at him, but thought it wise not to speak at the moment; feeling anger and hurt swell within him.

"I had hoped that you would have had the sense and decency to know not to touch things that don't belong to you. I don't go into your room and start going through your drawers. It's called respect; something you apparently don't have."

Harry felt as though he had been slapped in the face. Sirius had never spoken to him like that before. But he still didn't appear angry; merely annoyed, and Harry noticed the grief and torment on his face; feeling his anger diminish altogether as guilt and deep hurt quickly overcame him. He could have kicked himself for getting into his godfather's things; especially something he knew Sirius highly valued.

"You have a really bad habit of getting into things that have nothing to do with you whatsoever and someday it'll land you in trouble. You don't just start picking up things when you have no idea when they are; especially if they could be something dangerous! You _know_ _better _ than that." He snapped almost viciously. "At least I thought you did."

Harry gave a meager nod and felt his throat constrict painfully at hearing Sirius' words.

Sirius glared at him a moment longer, before something in him snapped. He inwardly sighed as he took in the hurt on Harry's face; thoroughly hating himself at that moment. He was really batting a thousand today.

Harry expected for his godfather to continue scolding him, or rather send him out of the room. What he hadn't expected was an apology.

"No, _I'm _sorry," Harry said quietly, brushing off his godfather's apology with a shake of his head. "You're right. I shouldn't have gone through your stuff. I mean, I did it at Grimmauld Place, but I know how much the locket means to you and I shouldn't have bothered with it. I just… I heard it speaking and-"

"You what?" Sirius said in confusion.

"I heard it speaking. Well, I didn't know _what_ it was when I heard it, but I opened the drawer and saw it. I knew what it was and knew that it was probably full of dark magic, but all I was interested in was figuring out what it was saying. I thought it might be...well, never mind. I'm really sorry, Sirius."

Sirius raked a hand through his hair and grimaced. "Well thanks," he said dryly, "now I feel even more of an arse." He breathed an inward sigh of relief when he saw Harry give a small smirk. "I didn't mean what I said by the way and I'm truly sorry that I hurt your feelings."

"It's okay." Harry told him. "I mean it _did _hurt, but I can understand why."

"Seems we both have a problem of knowing when to stuff it," Sirius said with a sad smile. "Regardless, however, I'm the parent and I should set a better example, and I apologize. The last thing I want is to hurt you in any way."

"I know," Harry said softly. "I'm not mad, I promise. I mean I was a little, but I was more surprised than anything. You haven't ever spoken to me like that before."

Sirius winced. "I know I haven't and I didn't mean to this time. I keep that locket hidden, not from you, but from myself. Seeing you with it… it brought back painful memories of Regulus."

"Why do you keep it in here then?" Harry asked softly.

"I don't really know." Sirius admitted. "Harry, I know I speak ill of my family and while it's true I couldn't stand my parents, Regulus was my younger brother… my best friend before I met your father."

He smiled sadly. "Before I headed off to Hogwarts I still remember him coming into my room asking if he could sleep with me after he had a nightmare. And when my father had a hard day and drank too much… he would beat us," Sirius said hoarsely and Harry felt his heart go out to his godfather. "Much more so than he usually did. He was awful to us, Harry, and while what your uncle did to you was wrong, my father… let's just say he was a tad bit worse. After I was sorted into Gryffindor we fought all the time. That was only after I learned not to be afraid of him, of course."

"How?" Harry asked.

"I knew he took pleasure in knowing that he frightened me out of my wits and one day I just decided that enough was enough. I knew what he did was wrong and I wasn't about to let him have the satisfaction of knowing that I was afraid of him. After every Occlumency lesson he would beat me with that bloody cane of his to where I couldn't walk for five days; then he would beat me some more for appearing so weak.

But Regulus was there for me through it all. He would come into my room after our parents went to bed and sit there and talk with me and before he left he would always give me a hug and tell me that no matter how our father treated me that I would always have him and that he would always love me."

Sirius took a shaky breath and sat on the edge of his bed, hiding his face in his hands. When he looked back up, Harry was horrified to see tears on his face. Sirius didn't bother to wipe them off.

Harry had never seen his godfather cry before. In that moment, something had been lost... and Harry didn't understand what- at least not until later.

"When he came to me and told me that he had joined the Death Eaters I knew the little brother who I had always loved was gone forever. It took everything James had to hold me back. Regulus was furious of course, tried to kill me if you can believe it.

Afterwards, James took me back to his house and tried to talk with me; letting me know that he was still there. Of course he seemed to realize that trying to have a conversation with me was pointless during that time so he stood back and allowed be to work through it myself. Looked as though a tornado had swept through the house by the time I was finished."

He smiled through his tears before clearing his throat. "So forgive me Harry. I never meant to hurt you. I loved my brother very much even then and losing him... it hurt more than you could ever know. I hold onto the locket in hopes that- in some small way- I still have the younger brother I had always loved and the one I had failed at the very end when he needed me most."

Harry wasn't sure what to say to that so he settled for standing there silently; allowing Sirius time to process through it all.

Sirius took a minute or two to compose himself and then stood, engulfing Harry in a hug; silently promising that he would never fail him again.

He pulled back and kissed Harry's forehead.

"I promise to ask before getting into your stuff... er- I mean... I'll ask if it's alright if I look at something."

"I know what you meant," Sirius said with a small smile, "and I appreciate it. Thank you. Your wrist- I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No." Harry shook his head. "I'm fine. It's not even red anymore."

"Merlin, I'm sorry. I never meant... I was surprised is all at seeing the locket in your hand..."

Sirius sighed and rubbed his temples; feeling a massive headache coming on. Yes, what a _marvelous _father he would make...

"So, aside from me being a ruddy arse godfather at the moment... are we alright?" He asked; concern laced heavily in his tone- an almost frightened look in his eyes.

Harry heard the small tremor of fear in his godfather's tone and couldn't help but feel that the roles had been reversed. "Yeah, we're good. But only if you stop apologizing every second. You're right... it's bloody annoying."

Sirius barked out a laugh and hooked a hand around Harry's neck. "You really are a great kid, you know that?"

"I know," Harry smirked. "Guess it's because I have a good role model. You should have seen me before... I was headed to the nut house..."

Sirius honestly didn't know what he had done to deserve such an amazing kid, but he wasn't going to question it.

"Shall we head out then? I'll bet Tonks has wondered what happened to us."

Harry nodded and very carefully, he moved both arms- ignoring the phantom pain in his shoulder- and wrapped them around Sirius in a hug. He somehow knew it was exactly what the man needed at the moment and he would do anything to wipe the look off of his godfather's face; a look that was so full of self-loathing that Harry felt his heart break at the sight of it. "I love you, Sirius. And thanks."

"For what?" He asked in confusion.

Harry shrugged. "Nothing, really. I guess just for being you."

Sirius felt his throat constrict tightly and he squeezed Harry to his chest as though he never wanted to let him go. "Love you too, kid."

* * *

"Alright," Sirius clapped his hands together; a broad smile on his face, "now, first things first. You've both have heard of the muggle game 'Go Fish', have you not?"

Harry and Tonks both nodded; the faces full of confusion, wondering what on earth that had to do with anything. He had learned to play at school because Dudley never bothered with games that didn't have to do with blasting things us and he never touched anything that didn't have controls.

Tonks remembered her and her parents playing when she had been younger- around six she thought. She recalled one night in particular they had had a particularly nasty storm and she had been frightened when the lights went out so her dad taught her to play to keep her preoccupied. She had learned fast and they played all night long by the light of her parents' wands.

"Well, this is going to be _slightly_ different. Back in our third year James and I came up with our own version-"

Tonks and Harry both groaned. This was going to be good…

"Oh shut up, you two," Sirius huffed, "not _all_ of our ideas turned out badly or had anything to do with pranking. We _could _behave ourselves if you can believe it."

Harry very much doubted it but didn't say anything. He merely smiled, though by the scowl on Sirius' face, he could tell that he knew what he was thinking.

"Now, the rules are the much of the same. However, instead of 'Go Fish', it is 'Go Make Mischief'. Original, I know." He said dryly. "There are four different types of cards; James, Remus, the rat, and me, of course. Now the trick is, they are magical playing cards, so each card will randomly change. Let's say you have a Sirius card. I'll ask you if you have any 'Sirius'' and you may find that the card changes into a dog, which you know, is my animagus form. Instead of saying, 'Go Make Mischief, however, that person will have to draw a card until they find another 'Sirius' card."

"Sounds easy enough." Harry said, but Tonks looked uneasy. "I don't know, Harry, there's has to be some catch."

And sure enough, a smirk was working its way onto Sirius' face. "Now that you mention it, there is. Nothing bad," he rolled his eyes when they grimaced. _Honestly, I _can_ control myself. _"We can't very well play with a filthy rat card, now can we? Instead, all of the Pettigrew cards are going to change into a simple golden card."

"And what do we do with it?" Tonks asked slowly.

"Simple. The goal of the game is to get rid of your cards. However, the person who loses all of their cards is not the winner. They simply become the victim. The minute a person plays all of their cards, the other players will find that all of their cards have disappeared, except for the golden card and whoever has that card is the winner."

"What about if two people have a golden card?" Harry asked.

"There's only two golden cards so that will most likely happen, so they duel over it." Sirius said casually. "Nothing serious, really. It's actually a blind duel. There is another stack of cards in there along with those that have different spells on them. Each player takes one and takes turn using it on the other player or another object. If you got a card with _Aguamenti _on it for example, you would find a basin or something similar, and see how well you managed to cast the spell. Before they play their card, however, they attach the card to their wand and after they have said the spell a number will appear above the person's head or the object- one from ten- judging how well the caster did. The caster who did the best is the winner and gets the card."

"That's all fine and good, but what exactly does one _do _with the golden card?" Tonks said a bit impatiently.

"I'm getting there," Sirius said in a placating manner, causing Tonks' hair to turn a light red. Sirius smirked; he knew she hated it when he did that.

"The one with the golden card asks the other players whatever questions they want or make them do whatever they want. They can ask what your most embarrassing moment was or have the person go jump into a lake."

"That's horrible!" Harry cried. "You can't honestly be serious."

"He's right. And besides what if we don't want to answer the question or do what you want us to do."

"I won't suggest doing that," Sirius warned. "Because you see the card has a mind of its own so to speak… it's how we designed them. The card will somehow know that you are resisting to do what I want and will, erm… make you more or less. It isn't exactly pleasant."

He was grinning a bit sheepishly and Harry and Tonks both felt their stomachs drop. Why on earth were they going to play with magical cards, especially with a mastermind Marauder? But what choice did they have? Whatever Sirius wanted, Sirius usually got, and he wouldn't stop bothering them until they agreed.

If they were being truthful, however, both were looking forward to it… at least somewhat. They both wanted to forget about the events of the day before and the path that lied ahead of them. If this managed to do indeed that then they were both for it.

"Alright," Harry said with a nod. "I'm in. But I swear if you make me run naked through the house or hug Snape I will never forgive you." He blushed when they both looked at him oddly.

"Wouldn't dream of it." Sirius said in a slightly strained voice, and Harry could tell he was fighting not to laugh.

"Alright, Harry, reach in the box and pull out both set of cards, please."

Harry did so and found the younger version of his father winking at him. Harry felt something surge through him at the moment, but he was unsure of what it was. He stared at the image for a good while. He _really_ looked like his father; they could be twins.

He handed them over to Sirius who dealt seven out to each of them; setting the dueling cards off to the side. Harry could wait until they came into play. It was a good way to learn new spells.

"Alright, the person left of the dealer goes first. So, Tonks, go ahead."

Tonks picked up her cards. "Harry, do you have any gold cards?"

Harry smirked and instantly handed over one of his cards. _Good strategy, Tonks_, he thought, _try to get both the golden cards. _Of course, Harry knew neither of the others would win… he was a very competitive person. He would win this thing and then payback was eminent. _Hope you enjoyed your little fun this morning, Sirius, _Harry thought smugly, _revenge is underway. _

She turned to Sirius. "Sirius, do you have any… James' oh, dang it-" For her James cards had all changed into Stags. "Fine, be that way. Do you have any Stags?"

"The correct question is, 'do you have any Prongs'"? and no, I do not. 'Go Make Mischief.' Man, I love saying that. I came up with the name by the way."

"I never would have guessed," Tonks said dryly as she dealt five more cards until she found the correct one.

"What did my father want to name it?" Harry asked as he overlooked his cards, trying to figure out which one to ask Tonks for.

"'Go Marauders Go'. It wasn't the best name, but James was certain that it was the perfect name so we dueled over it. That is how the dueling cards came to be. As you can see, I won."

"You had the better name for it," Harry nodded. "Tonks do you have any Sirius'?"

"Yes and please take them," Tonks said, holding out three cards as though she couldn't bear to touch them for a second longer. "They keep making kissy faces at me."

"Huh, that's weird. Now they're conjuring up a mirror and… ew, Sirius, that's gross!"

"What?" Sirius asked innocently.

"You're making kissy faces at _your reflection,_" Harry said in a disgusted tone. "And asking if it wants to go out with you."

Sirius blushed. "I really need to change those cards." He murmured to himself. "For the record I was practicing to ask out a girl in the year above me. James caught me at the wrong time and figured that'd be good to put on the card."

Harry rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Do you have any gold cards?"

"'Go Make Mischief.'"

Harry drew six more cards, but still he couldn't find it. "Question, is there a limit on how many cards I'm allowed to draw?"

"You can only draw up to ten, otherwise you'd get far more than you wanted as the cards keep adding to themselves so they never run out."

Harry groaned as he selected four more cards.

"Tonks, do you have any werewolves?" Sirius asked.

"Unfortunately, I do." She said as she handed over one card. She found that the pain had dissolved entirely, leaving anger in its place.

The game continued on for another twenty-five minutes before Tonks finally played all of her cards. "Well, that's just wonderful." She muttered to herself.

The cards in Harry's and Sirius' hands disappeared, leaving them both only one; the glorious golden card.

"Alright, pick from the pile." Sirius said as he handed over the dueling cards. "Don't let me know what it is."

Harry took it in his hand and read:

_Anapneo_

_Description: Clears the target's airway, if blocked_

_Hand Movement: Point wand at target_

It was not a spell Harry had ever heard of and he couldn't understand how he would be able to play it as Sirius was breathing just fine.

Sirius picked a card from the stack and read:

_Avis_

_Description: This charm creates a flock of birds from the caster's wand_

_Hand Movement: Make a shape in the air in the form of a bird_

"Alright, I'll go first to give you an idea of how it's suppose to go." Sirius said.

"Yeah, right." Harry smirked. "You're just afraid I'll show you up, so you're trying to intimidate me. I'm going to win this duel and then you're going to be sorry."

"Going to get me back for this morning are you?" Sirius said with a wry smile.

Harry snorted in response.

Sirius walked around the table and opened the back door. "You'll see why in a minute." He said when he caught the others confused looks. He attached the card to his wand, pointed his wand up in the air, made the hand movement, and shouted _'Avis!' _

A swarm of birds instantly shot out of Sirius' wand and cried in horror as they flew away. A red number eight burst into the sky.

"Beat that, Harry, and then revenge is yours." Sirius smirked.

Harry made a face at him. He attached the card to his wand, and instantly, his godfather's face turned blue as he struggled to breathe.

"What on earth is happening?" Tonks cried in horror, jumping up from her chair, making her way over to Sirius, only to be waved away.

Sirius looked expectantly at Harry and gestured for him to hurry up as it was hard to breathe.

Harry pointed his wand at Sirius, a fearful look in his eye, and shouted _'Anapneo.' _A red number five shot above Sirius' head, but all Harry cared about was throwing the card on the table and watching as Sirius straightened back up; his airway cleared. He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Not bad. Thank you by the way." Sirius said in a rough voice. "It might have been a bit more powerful if you hadn't been nervous."

"Well how was I suppose to know that you would have trouble breathing?" Harry cried. "Excuse me for being concerned."

"I should have told you," Sirius agreed, "My mistake."

"Really?" Harry drawled sarcastically.

"However, you should know that while we created these cards, we never designed them to be harmful, so there's really nothing to worry about. Don't worry about me, alright, and just focus on casting your spell as powerfully as you can."

"Can I have another go?"

"Not this time." Sirius shook his head. "And for future references, the spells are more powerful if you can cast a nonverbal spell. We'll work on that later on."

"Alright, but you are _so_ going down next time."

"We'll see about that." Sirius smirked.

So, in the end Sirius made Tonks profess that Sirius was the most skillful, most handsome, and most charming cousin that she had ever had the fortune to know. They had to wait around a good five minutes before she stopped banging her head on the table.

Harry nearly pummeled him when he asked what his most embarrassing moment was. "Ginny sent me a singing Valentine my second year and the bloody dwarf sang it to me in front of the entire school."

It took Sirius and Tonks a few minutes to stop laughing and then another ten to catch their breath after Sirius made Harry sing it for them.

"I'm surprised you still were able to remember that," Sirius said as he wiped at his eyes. "I would have been too mortified to even remember my name."

"Shut up and deal the cards." Harry muttered.

The second game went quicker than the rest and this time it was Harry and Tonks who had to duel.

Tonks' card read:

_Confundo_

_Description: Causes confusion_

_Hand Movement: Make a circular movement with your wand_

Harry picked his card and read:

_Defodio_

_Description: Can carve or dig out materials, such as stone and steel_

_Hand Movement: Create a jagged line in the air _

"For the record, you had a much more complicated spell than I did." Tonks said. "And really a three is not bad considering you have never used that spell before."

"Still not as good as seven." Harry muttered. He couldn't understand why he was doing so horribly. He was the best in his class at Defense, yet he wasn't pulling any good numbers.

Harry sat with a mad smirk on his face- dripping from head to toe- as he listened to his godfather proclaim that he was the ugliest, dumbest, and most uncoordinated wizard that Tonks had ever seen.

Okay, that was good revenge too. He honestly thought Sirius might start to cry again.

Sirius declared that they would play one more game since it was nearing late afternoon and they still needed to get their stuff packed. Harry nearly blushed as an uncharacteristic whine tore through his throat.

To his disappointment, however, he lost all of his cards first and had to sit and wait while Tonks and Sirius dueled.

"I'm telling you," Tonks said as they began putting away the cards, "you would have been hard pressed to find anyone better than Sirius. A bloody nine! Did I mention that I hate you?"

Sirius shrugged. "Once or twice. You only lost by three points- don't be a baby."

"What do you want me to say this time?" She asked in a resigned tone.

"I don't want you to say anything. It's already ten after two, so make us some lunch please. Something good mind you. "

"Don't forget the biscuits!" Harry chimed in. He hit Sirius on the shoulder. "Tell her to make the bloody biscuits."

"Geez, kid, calm down. You tell her."

"Can't." Tonks said. "He didn't win."

"No but I did and I'm telling him to tell you."

"Yeah, so snap to it!" Harry laughed, feeling more happy than he had in days. That was, however, until Tonks pierced him with a glare that would have sent Voldemort running for the hills. "Er... I meant... please?"

Sirius barked out a laugh.

Tonks sighed but offered him a quick wink. "Men."

"Hey!" Sirius and Harry both yelled indignantly.

"Oh, shut up." She said as she threw a rag at them; her heart feeling more light than it ever had as she listened to the sounds of her laughter.

In that moment Remus' betrayal seemed almost nothing...

Because he had betrayed her... betrayed her heart.

But she somehow knew as she settled lunch on the table- listening to Harry's excited chatter and looking at her cousin who had become such a wonderful father- that she would be alright.

* * *

"I'm telling you- you are so dead the next time we play." Harry said as he placed his wand on his bedside table.

"I'll believe it when I see it." Sirius smirked. "But really though, you did quite well. And don't let the numbers discourage you. Think of them as motivation to work even harder."

"The next time we duel I'm going to beat you so bad you'll still have trouble remembering what happened. You and Tonks both. I can't believe she actually made me jump into the lake."

"Well, you didn't exactly _jump-_ you had a little help." Sirius said with a small smile; his eyes twinkling with mirth.

Harry mock-glared at him, but otherwise stayed silent.

Harry had been worried that the afternoon's events had somehow managed to ruin the relationship that they had formed, but it only seemed to have strengthened it, and Harry couldn't understand why.

He had seen his godfather in a different light; as though an invisible line had been crossed... yet he was unsure of how he felt in knowing that.

Sirius had apologized... he had cried... he had made a mistake...

He wasn't infallible.

He had wanted to believe that Sirius could do no wrong... that he was perfect and that nothing could hurt him.

But he knew that in some way what happened had been a learning experience.

Sirius would get hurt... he wasn't indestructible.

He would make mistakes... he was human and was far from perfect.

Yet Harry knew that Sirius was perfect just the way he was and he wouldn't change a thing about him.

He supposed the reason he wanted to believe that Sirius could do no wrong was because he idolized his godfather.

His father was who he was and he was who _he_ was. Despite everyone saying how much he looked like his father, he was not James... he was Harry.

James made mistakes he realized- a good example was him and Sirius bullying Snape- but regardless of his past he truly believed that his father had been a great person.

But his father was dead and he'd never have the chance to know him. But Sirius was here and Harry knew him better than he knew anyone.

He was the only dad that Harry had ever really known and if by some miracle he grew up to be half the man Sirius was he knew it would be more than enough.

"Harry?" Sirius asked as he uncorked the potion for his shoulder and sat it on the table; gesturing for Harry to sit.

"Yeah?" Harry said as he worked his shirt over his head to allow Sirius to apply the potion.

"Back in my room, you said you thought the locket might be something. What did you think it was?"

Harry grimaced as Sirius' hand found a tender spot. "Well… I thought it might be a horcrux. Ouch, Sirius!"

Sirius had stiffened and gripped Harry's shoulder a bit too tightly. "Sorry." He said quickly. "A horcrux? Are you certain?"

Harry shrugged. "It was just a thought. I mean when you think about it, Voldemort wouldn't want to place a part of his soul in just any old object, would he? He probably realized that the locket once belonged to Slytherin and since he's Slytherin's heir he figures it would be one of the best places to hide his soul. After all, he hates being common so it wouldn't be hard to figure he wouldn't want to use any common object."

Sirius nodded slowly in agreement; letting Harry's words wash over him. It frightened him to know how much the kid knew about the darkest wizard in the entire wizarding world. But if they were careful, he knew that it could be used to their advantage.

"What do you think?" Harry asked.

"I think you may be right." Sirius said as he set the potion back on the table. "We'll have to talk to Snape tomorrow and see." It greatly annoyed him that Snape didn't think it wise to tell them what the horcruxes were. He figured he was afraid that Voldemort would find out what they were up to if Harry knew anything about the horcruxes.

But Sirius didn't want to keep him in the dark… he trusted his godson…

Harry scowled. He wanted to appreciate what the git was doing, he really did, but Snape had not done anything over the course of four years to make Harry like him and respect him, or to believe that there wasn't another reason why he was going along with them.

He trusted Sirius, however, so he supposed on some small level, that he would need to trust Snape as well.

"Your shoulder is looking loads better, by the way." Sirius said lightly. "Your leg on the other hand-"

"I know." Harry nodded. He didn't need for Sirius to say anything. "And listen, about what I said the other day… I didn't mean to sound so disrespectful. I'm sorry for that."

"Don't be." Sirius said with a shake of his head. "I understood. I know it's hard to come to terms with what happened, but you have to. You're not doing yourself any favors by believing otherwise."

Harry nodded. He knew Sirius was right and he was started to believe it himself. "And about Lupin," Harry said and Sirius inwardly winced. "I'm still angry with him, but he had a point. What I did was selfish. If it hadn't been for me he wouldn't have left."

"Don't." Sirius said firmly. "You are not responsible for his actions. It wasn't as if you picked him up and threw him out of the house. He acted of his own accord and therefore is the only one at fault.

"I suppose," Harry admitted in a resigned voice, "but I didn't help matters any. I messed up and now everyone is suffering."

"Look at me."

Harry lifted his eyes to meet Sirius'.

"You are not responsible for Remus leaving. Am I being clear?" Sirius asked firmly. "And it's true I'm going to miss him and I know for sure Tonks will. But we're both tough and we'll put through. Besides, I think we all had a good time around here even without him. You can't focus on the past; you can't change it. You have to look towards the future, alright? You have to remember that I've known Remus since we were kids. Sure, he makes stupid decisions just like the rest of us, and once he realizes just what he's done, he'll be back and begging on his knees for forgiveness."

Harry wasn't so sure. However, Sirius knew Lupin a whole lot better than he did, so he would just have to trust that Sirius knew what he was talking about.

"Now stop feeling guilty." Sirius said bluntly and Harry smiled. "When you feel guilty it gives you wrinkles. And you're not a bad looking kid, so don't ruin what you have going for you."

Harry rolled his eyes.

"All packed and ready to leave tomorrow?"

Harry shrugged. "I suppose. Thanks by the way for the cane. It's not the best substitute but it'll work. I won't feel as though I'm _entirely _useless." He scowled when Sirius hit the back of his head.

"Let me see it by the way." Sirius said and Harry reached over and grabbed it. "I had this idea all along, I just wanted to see how you would do with the cane first." He used his wand to transfigure the cane into an odd looking boot.

Sirius gestured for him to move his leg forward; settling Harry's foot inside it and gently snapped the brace over his foot and along his leg.

"Now like I said, it was only an idea, of course, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to test it out. Go ahead and stand up."

Harry looked at him a bit nervously before taking a deep breath and attempting to stand. This would be the first time he would stand on his own without the aid of Sirius or the cane. He wobbled the moment he was on his feet, but he was still upright.

"Good." Sirius said with an approving nod. "Now take a few steps."

Harry was unsure of how he was suppose to do so. He imagined his leg moving just as it had always done. He felt as though he was floating on thin air; the slight pain in his upper leg was none existent.

To his surprise he found himself moving forward. It was a limp but it was enough."

"Walk to the door and back." Sirius told him. "Slowly!" But it was too late. Harry had attempted to walk too fast and found himself face down on the ground.

Sirius moved to help him stand, only to be waved away. Harry stood on shaky legs; a goofy grin on his face. Sirius was almost afraid that he had hurt his head when he started laughing almost uncontrollably; his laugh full of warm relief and Sirius felt his heart liquefy at the sound.

"Did I ever tell you that I love you?" Harry asked as he hobbled over to his bed and sat down.

Sirius smirked. "Once or twice. I take it you like it then?"

"It's brilliant, Sirius!" He gushed; his face beaming with happiness. "I mean, it's not perfect, but it's better than the cane. Where did you come up with the idea?"

Sirius shrugged. "I'm just brilliant like that I guess." He had actually had the idea in his mind since the night before and he berated himself for not coming up with it sooner. "Like you said, it's not perfect, but given time it will help strengthen your leg. I'm not a healer, but I was able to charm it so that _hopefully _one day you will be able to walk without it. Not perfectly, of course, because that was a major injury."

Harry would take whatever he could get. In that moment he didn't think he had ever loved Sirius more.

After everything Sirius had been through… what Harry had put him through… he still thought of him above everything else and made sure he was provided for; that he was cared for. Being at the Burrow, he felt conflicted when he saw how a real family acted; how they laughed together, cried together, fought with each other- yet loved each other more than anything.

Harry had always supposed that is what families did for each other, yet he didn't have to guess… he knew. After everything that he and Sirius had been through together in such a short amount of time, they had become a family… each other's family.

"Alright, it's late and we're leaving tomorrow so get some sleep." Sirius said with a jerk of his head; gesturing for Harry to slid under the covers. He glanced towards Hedwig to find that she was already nestled in her cage in a deep sleep.

"I'm not tired." Harry said through a yawn.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "It's after eleven. You're tired. Now sleep. Unless of course you want me to stay in here and _make _you sleep."

Harry's eyes widened and he quickly threw himself under the covers; feeling his muscles relax under their warmth. Sirius had spelled his covers again.

"You think you would have an easier time making up your mind." Harry mumbled tiredly as he felt his eyelids grow heavier. "First you want me to get up and then you want me to go to sleep. You're sending me mixed messages, you know."

Sirius shushed him and settled on the edge of his bed; using the tips of his fingers to gently massage Harry's neck.

It really amazed him how quick the kid was to forgive; he took after his mother that way. He still felt thoroughly disgusted with himself remembering how he had acted during the afternoon.

_"I feel like a bloody monster." Sirius said in defeat. _

_"I'm sure you do, but you can't change what happened. Did you apologize?" Tonks asked. _

_Sirius smirked. "I apologized so much Harry practically told me to shut it."_

_Tonks shrugged. "That's all you can do then."_

_Sirius sighed. He hadn't _beat_ Harry for goodness sakes, but he had left a red mark, shouted, and said things he shouldn't have. Regulus' face kept working its way into view and Sirius tried to force back the painful memories. Seeing the locket… it made him feel he was back with his brother, and he was unable to handle those emotions after years of trying to bury them deep beneath the surface. _

_"Does he know you didn't mean to ?"_

_"Did you forget the part where I said I apologized a million times over?" Sirius nearly snapped. _

_"Does he know you still love him?" Tonks asked, completely unfazed by her cousin's remark. _

_Sirius paused. He had told Harry he loved him, but the kid was much too doubtful even then about his godfather's feelings for him. He gave a small shrug. "He told me he loved me, so I can only hope he knows I love him more than anything in the world. I _know _he does." _

_"Then that's all that really matters. The past is the past, so you'd do well to leave it there. You can't change it but you can learn from it. You can only grow from here, Sirius." _

He felt Harry sag into the mattress with exhaustion and kept up the gentle ministrations for a good while longer; content on sitting there and just watching Harry sleep.

When at last he was sure that Harry had submerged into a blissful sleep, he placed a gentle on his forehead, before leaving the room; though not before hearing Harry murmur a soft 'I love you.'

"Love you kid." He said softly; leaving the door open a crack.

Tonks had been right.

Despite everything that life could throw at them, they still had each other… and they could only grow closer.

Remus was gone, he realized, but he had Tonks and he had Harry and really… that's all that he needed.

* * *

**While this one was the longest chapter I've written so far, it was also the most challenging. I was nearly done with this chapter when I started having doubts about it and very nearly got rid of it. I realized, however, that I wanted to keep my original idea. I know Sirius may seem a bit harsh- or maybe more than a bit- but I planned to have him that way (I'm a terrible person). It hurt me to right him that way, but Harry has his godfather on a pedestal, and while I didn't want to knock Sirius off that, I wanted Harry to realize that despite his beliefs, his godfather isn't perfect and _yes_ he'll make mistakes. The journey for the horcruxes is going to be long and hard on both of them and I wanted Harry to understand that though Sirius isn't perfect, they'll never stop loving each other and they know that they'll be able to count on each other for whatever life throws at them.**

**Please let me know what your thoughts are.**


	19. Chapter 19

Harry arose with a start; his heart hammering inside of his chest as sweat poured into his eyes. His stomach gave a giant lurch but he was in too much pain to make it to the bathroom to be sick. He tried to force it back as much as he could, but that seemed to only make it worse. He felt disorientated, yet he could remember the dream quite clearly- almost exactly the same as the ones before the start of his fourth year.

Instead, however, Voldemort had a full body; his glowing red eyes piercing his very soul. It was a place he had never been before, yet the few people he recognized looked nearly frightened. He couldn't blame them really, because Voldemort seemed far angrier than he had in a long time.

Malfoy had been there, along with his father, and a woman with long dirty blonde hair sitting near them he could only guess was his mother; she had that same haughty look about her, yet it was almost hidden by the fear that radiated around her.

She was sitting near another woman, this one with dark black hair, and an expression of utmost excitement on her face. She looked quite familiar and it wasn't only until a minute later that he remembered he had seen the woman inside Dumbledore's pensieve the year prior as well as on the Black family tapestry. She had been one of the Death Eaters who had tortured Neville Longbottom's parents into insanity; resulting in poor Neville being raised by his grandmother.

Wormtail had been there too, cowering in the corner like the filth he was. Harry himself was in the room, watching over the meeting, and he could hear the unmistakable sounds of his whimpering. Harry almost rushed at him, but he was unsure if the dream had been real or not, and if so did that mean he was actually there where they could see him? He couldn't risk going after Pettigrew.

Once or twice he thought he had seen Malfoy glance in his direction, but Harry realized with a hint of surprise that he was avoiding Voldemort's gaze; as though he couldn't bear to have him look at him. It was so pitiful Harry almost felt sorry for him.

Voldemort had asked something, but Harry couldn't remember what it had been. From the way Malfoy was looking away from him though, it appeared as though Voldemort had been addressing him.

"_I don't know." Draco had said in a slightly shaky voice, yet after a steely look from the woman Harry knew to be Bellatrix Lestrange- Sirius' cousin- he quickly amended, "I don't know, my lord."_

"_The Weasley's brat." Lucius said in a hoarse voice, sharing a quick look with his wife, though hardly ever taking his gaze off of Voldemort. "Potter went down to rescue his youngest child- his daughter- the end of his second year."_

_Voldemort considered him for a small moment before nodding; seeming to take that as an efficient answer. "And Weasely," he said in his high chill voice that sent a shiver down Harry's spine, "he has other children? A boy I believe, near Potter's age?"_

_He was looking at Draco again, who gave a slight nod. "He isn't much my lord," Draco said shakily. "They're a muggle loving family after all, but Potter isn't seen anywhere without him and the mudblood Granger."_

"_Thank you, Draco." He said with a crooked smile- if you could call it that. "You have been much helpful. My only problem is this," he hissed softly. "If you are wanting to be in my rank, you must know that I do not tolerate lying; especially when it seems as if you are trying to protect Potter or withhold evidence that I so earnestly need."_

"_My lord," Lucius gasped out, looking almost pleadingly at him. "He's a child. Please…"_

"_Need I remind you of the penalty of lying, Lucius?" He hissed, sending Lucius back into his chair with a small shudder. _

"_N-no, of course not." He said a bit too quickly, Harry thought. "But, my lord, he is new, he doesn't know. This is the first time he has been in your great presence and I think it would be understandable if he was a little nervous."_

"_He will never learn unless he is punished, Lucius," Voldemort said softly, and Draco looked towards his mother in fright. She grasped his arm underneath the table and gave a slight squeeze._

"_Perhaps though, I can excuse it this one time," Voldemort said thoughtfully, "that is of course if someone is willing to take his place…"_

_Lucius stood on shaky legs, though without any hesitation. He looked towards Draco, who stared back fearfully. "I will my lord." He said hoarsely._

Harry had awoken before he could find out what had happened to Malfoy's father. Why on earth had Malfoy lied directly to his face, and about him? But Harry could wonder about that later. Something was going to happen to Ron and Hermione, and maybe Ginny. Somehow, Voldemort was going to use them to get to him.

His scar was still throbbing painfully but the ache in his stomach had receded a bit. He'd just made his way to the loo when his scar seared and he cried out in pain, falling to his knees. A moment later he heard someone tumble down the hall and Harry raised his head, and through a bleary haze, he could make out the disheveled forms of his godfather and Tonks.

"Alright," Sirius breathed, as he walked into the bathroom, "Come on, now. You're alright."

He felt Sirius' arms around his body, trying to lift him up, but he squeezed a little too hard and Harry quickly turned away; jerking himself out of his arms and barely reached the toilet before he threw up.

Sirius winced in sympathy before turning to look at Tonks; a little surprised that she was there in the first place. "Since you're here, would you mind wetting a rag? Not too hot, just lukewarm. There's some in the cupboard around the corner."

"Of course." She said with a nod, before scurrying out of the room.

Sirius sat down on the edge of the tub, bending his head a bit to stare at Harry; his face deathly pale and tears pooling in his eyes. He looked positively miserable. "Are you alright?" he asked quietly, then inwardly flinched. The poor kid had his head in the toilet… of course he wasn't alright.

Harry breathed deeply, gripping the edge of the toilet as he tried to lift himself up. He felt a gentle hand on his back, though, urging him to stay down. He didn't fight it.

"No, just stay there a moment." Sirius said softly. "You might not be done. Tonks will be back soon."

Harry gave a small jerky nod, relishing in the warmth of his godfather's hand on his back. He heard footsteps approach, most likely belonging to Tonks, and the next moment, he felt a warm rag at the base of his neck; water trickling down his shirt as he gave a small involuntarily shiver.

"You're alright." Sirius murmured as he gently massaged Harry's neck with the thin rag. Harry's body tensed in the next moment, a harsh noise splitting from his throat as liquid splashed in the toilet. He groaned, unable to hold in a small whimper.

"Let me up." Harry said in a raspy voice, hoping he might feel better if he was sitting up. He felt Sirius' hand move from his back, as he helped him stand slowly. He settled him on the edge of the tub next to him so that he was close to the toilet if he needed to be sick again.

Sirius sucked in a harsh breath; blood was trickling down Harry's forehead-his scar horribly inflamed. He moved the rag to Harry's forehead to mop up the blood as well as to alleviate some of the pain. Harry's scar looked as if it had split in two.

"Do you want to hold it on?" Sirius asked when he noticed Harry wince, thinking that Harry wouldn't mind it quite so much if he was holding it to his forehead himself.

Harry shook his head. "Don't move." He said in a shaky voice, inwardly pleading with Sirius to stay.

Sirius nodded. "Alright. Tonks reach into the cupboard will you, and pull down a pain relief potion."

"W-won't help." Harry stammered softly, as he placed a clammy hand upon Sirius'. "Don't waste it on me."

Sirius squeezed the base of his neck gently in slight admonishment. "It wouldn't ever be wasted on you." Sirius chided softly. "And you don't know it won't help unless you try it." He nodded in Tonks' direction.

Harry wanted to protest, but it took too much energy, so he stayed silent and let Sirius take care of him.

"Open." Sirius commanded softly. "There you are, good. Just a little more."

Tonks smiled softly in sympathy. "If you don't need anything else, I think I'll leave. You don't seem to need me."

Sirius smiled at her. "Alright then. Good night."

"Night," Harry muttered. "Thanks."

Tonks winked at him, even though she knew Harry couldn't see as he had his head in Sirius' shoulder. "Anytime."

Harry sat that way for a long time before he felt exhaustion begin to take over him. He felt his eyelids grow heavier; his muscles slowing relaxing as he sagged into Sirius' side, not having the energy to make an effort to move. He knew he should feel embarrassed, but he was much too tired and miserable to care at the moment.

He knew Sirius wouldn't mind.

"Come on," Sirius whispered. "Let's get you back to bed."

Harry mumbled something Sirius couldn't quite understand, although he thought it might have been, "Comfy here."

Sirius smirked slightly. "I'm sure you are, but I really don't think you want me carrying you to bed, being fifteen and all." He wouldn't mind the least bit, but he knew Harry would be beyond mortified.

Harry groaned but a moment later he forced himself to move so that Sirius could help him stand. He nearly lost his footing, however, until Sirius took him gently by the shoulders and lead him into his room, urging him to lie down.

Harry lied on his back as he stared up at the ceiling; sweat trickling down the side of his face. He let it as he didn't have the energy to move his arm and wipe it away.

He glanced towards Sirius, feeling his face heat up when he saw his godfather move his desk chair beside the bed and seat himself in it; worry etched upon his face.

"You don't have to stay here, you know." Harry said tiredly; though his insides were twisting. Never before had someone wanted to stay by his bed when he was sick. It was slightly odd, but he found he greatly enjoyed the sentiment.

"Just try and sleep." Sirius replied with a small nod of his head. "It's not even two o' clock."

He didn't want to sleep, but it was if his godfather's word had been magic, because the next moment Harry felt his eyelids close as sleep once again overtook him.

_He was in a cold, dark room; the only light was that of a small flickering bulb hidden beneath a pile of old papers. By the light of his wand, he saw himself staring back at him; at least one hundred papers that read: _

_Harry Potter  
Undesirable No. 1  
_

_*If found, report to Ministry at once. Any attempt to conceal Potter will be punishable by the Death Eaters_

_Harry felt his stomach twist uncomfortably; the Death Eaters- or rather Voldemort- had taken over the Ministry. He turned his head and saw at least a hundred more flyers littered about the floor. Some had been stepped on, others had been walked upon. It comforted him- yet at the same time terrified him- that people were opposing the Ministry. _

_He picked a flyer off the ground and stuffed it in the pocket of his trousers and continued on down the corridor. Every way he looked he saw his face staring back at him. The light from his wand hardly gave any guidance as the darkness seemed to engulf him; nearly blinding him from the brightness of it. _

_It seemed he had walked on for hours until he collided__ with the hard edge of the door. He cursed under his breath; rubbing at the afflicted spot and groped around for the handle._

_He opened the door and to his amazement he was greeted with the sight of thousands of glass spheres. The wisps of smoke flittered about inside them, giving off a faint light. There was soft whispering yet he couldn't make it out as there were too many voices speaking at once._

_He neared the closest shelf to him and reached forward to grab one. There was spark of pain that shot through his hand before he had even touched it. Clearly whatever they were, there were enchantments placed about them to keep anyone from touching them._

_He wanted to hold it in his hands though and try to divulge what it was saying; to discover the hidden secret behind the words it spoke._

_Somewhere in the far off distance Harry could make out the sounds of pain filled screams and soft crying. Something in him was warning him to turn back and just forget everything that he had seen and heard. But he couldn't. Someone was being tortured- he was sure of it._

_The sounds seemed to be coming from somewhere over to the right so he quickly headed towards that direction. All at once he was painfully reminded of the dream he had had about Cedric and the graveyard. But he was determined to make sure that no one died this time._

_The further on he walked it felt as if he was plunging straightforward into a tiny tube; the sides seeming to close in on him, making him gasp for breath._

_When it appeared as though he would have to turn back he felt himself slam into another door. He hardly wasted time in opening it and the next second he was literally falling into darkness._

_"Arresto momentum," he shouted and his nose had barely touched the ground when he felt himself freeze in the air before dropping with a soft "oomph"._

_He could hardly hear the screams anymore when he realized that they had suddenly stopped. His insides coiled with dread. He picked his wand up from the ground and continued on forward._

_He really wished that the lights were as he kept tripping and walking into things. It sure would make it easier to know where he was going- or rather what rooms he found himself in._

_He kept his arm out in front of him to feel his way around. Every second that he walked trying to get to whomever it was that was screaming fear rose within him. Either they had passed out from the pain or the person had finally had enough of their fun and decided to end their enemy's torture._

_He felt something firm collide with his hand; another door. He opened it and swung a foot out to make sure that there wasn't a drop on the other side before walking on._

_There were the soft sounds of sobbing coming from the clearing. He wanted to shout out and tell them that it was alright and that he was there and that he'd help them. But he found that his tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth and he couldn't stutter more than a few mumbles._

_The sobbing was growing closer. He was almost near them when he felt something hit him in the chest; making him seize up and drop to the ground._

_He glanced around quickly; feeling his heart nearly stop when he heard the familiar high cold laugh._

_"Harry Potter." Voldemort spoke quietly and Harry could make out an almost relieved smile on his face. He was standing right over him; the same glowing red eyes that to this day still haunted him were smiling at him. _

_His wand was lying only an inch away from his nose, yet he couldn't reach out and grab it. It was over. He was powerless. Voldemort had finally beat him._

_He stared back defiantly; as if telling him he had better hurry up if he wanted to stay ahead of the game. Harry wanted it over quickly; the wait was torture enough._

_But Voldemort merely stood there smiling at him as if he knew what he was thinking._

_To Harry's surprise he found his muscles relaxing and he was able to move. He wondered whether the spell had worn away or if Voldemort had lifted it. He wasn't stupid and wasn't about to question it. He grabbed his wand quickly before getting slowly to his feet; never taking his eyes off Voldemort even for a fraction of a second._

_His smile grew nastier, but Harry wasn't defenseless any longer, and he hardly cared what Voldemort had in store for him._

_"I have waited a long time for this, Harry Potter," he said casually as though they were out together having lunch. "A very long time. I will make this simple for you Potter," he said calmly, though the smile had faded completely from his face. "You will stop the hunt for my horcruxes; you will turn yourself over to me and surrender."_

_"I'm afraid I can't do that." He spoke with more confidence than he currently felt. "We will find and destroy every last one of them and then I'm coming after you. Just you and me. Neither one can live-"_

_"While the other survives." Voldemort finished coldly. "I must thank you Potter, for allowing me access to your mind. Otherwise I would have had to lure you to the Hall of Mysteries to retrieve it for me. As you can tell it is far easier this way. But enough about that for now. You will surrender to me, Potter."_

_"Is that my only option?" He sneered. He felt bravery mounting within him._

_"There is another, of course." He hissed softly. "If you prefer I could squash out every last person who is most dear to you. The same way I squashed out your father and filthy mother."_

_There was a flash of green light and his mother's last pleading scream as she shielded her only son from Voldemort._

_In the next second he was an inch away from Voldemort; his wand whipped out in front of him, pointed directly to Voldemort's throat._

_Voldemort merely laughed; as though he didn't consider Harry a threat in the least. His laugh filled the whole room. He was enjoying this._

_Harry wanted to blast him away, but his words echoed through his head like a gong. The dream with Malfoy had been real after all... Ron and Hermione and their families were suffering because of him._

_He felt faint. All of a sudden that scream sounded familiar._

_Against his will he felt his arm drop, though he kept his wand pointed at Voldemort. His bravery was leaving him just as quickly as it had came._

_He couldn't surrender but he couldn't leave them to suffer._

_"You have until tonight to find me, Potter," Voldemort said softly. "Or I will find you and you will not like it when I do. Now do we have an agreement?"_

_Harry was at a loss; fishing through his mind as if looking for a different answer._

_But Voldemort was dissolving in a thick cloud of smoke; his words echoing throughout the room in a whisper._

_It seemed Voldemort had already made the decision for him. He knew Harry wouldn't leave anyone to suffer if there was any way he could save them._

_The quiet sobs broke through the smoke and Harry walked forward; his heart thumping madly inside of his chest._

_Hermione kneeled upon the ground, her arms wrapped loosely around her frame as soft sobs tore her throat. The tears were pouring down her ashen cheeks, but she didn't look scared. She merely stared at him; her eyes pleading with him to stay away- to not come for her._

_It took him a moment to realize that she was kneeling beside Ron who was lying on the ground; aftershocks of the cruciatus curse coursing through him._

_Harry dropped to the ground to stare Ron full in the face. But Ron was completely unaware of his presence. His face was as white as sheet; terror still filled his eyes that were glistening with unshed tears._

_Harry reached forward and touched his shoulder; feeling an unexplainable sense of relief when Ron jerked away from his touch. He knew he would be alright. He had to be._

_He opened his mouth to speak but he found his words hadn't registered in either of his friends' minds. Instead they seemed to bounce off a hidden barrier back to him. But the words provided no comfort to him either. He wanted to say how sorry he was for everything that had happened; to tell them that he would never desert them._

_But he found himself falling backwards; back into the blinding darkness._

He felt someone shaking him roughly.

"Harry, wake up!" Sirius said loudly, and Harry snapped his eyes open as he leaned forward quickly. It was dark, but it only took him a mere second to realize that he was back in his room.

Sweat was trickling down the side of his face and he caught the distinct smell of someone who had gotten sick. Had he thrown up again? He hadn't even realized it. He grabbed his head in his hands, a painful groan escaping.

What in the world had happened? He wanted so much to believe that it had only been a dream, but he knew otherwise. It felt the same as that time that Voldemort had overtaken him. Wherever Voldemort was he knew he had Ron and Hermione with him and was more than likely torturing them again. But Hermione had appeared unhurt in his vision and he couldn't understand why. Why would Voldemort torture Ron but not Hermione?

Of course he knew the answer to that already. Ron and Hermione had skirted around each other's feelings for years and Harry had no trouble believing that Ron would do whatever it took to protect Hermione.

"He's got Ron and Hermione." Harry rasped out, staring at his godfather; the fear nearly exploding from his eyes.

"What?" Sirius asked frowning in confusion

"Voldemort." He said insistently as though he feared Sirius didn't believe him. "He's got Ron and Hermione. He's torturing them. I saw it."

"In your dream?"

"It wasn't a dream." Harry said, his voice growing louder. "Look I can't explain what it was- maybe a vision, but-"

"Wait." Sirius cut him off. "You're not making sense Harry. Just start from the beginning."

Harry quickly told him about his vision, noticing with slight relief that Sirius' face paled with every word he spoke. It finally appeared as though Sirius realized just how important this was.

"We have to go after them." Harry said once he was finished.

Sirius raked a hand through his hair; narrowing his eyes slightly as though he was having a hard time understanding. But what was there to understand? Voldemort had Ron and Hermione and he only had tonight in order to turn himself over if he was going to save them.

"You don't believe me." His voice with mingled with accusation, hurt, and anger.

"It's not that I don't believe you, Harry." Sirius said with a shake of his head. "Quite the opposite actually. The more I heard I realized that it wasn't a normal dream."

"So you think it was a vision?"

"Yes. More than likely it was. But I also realized it was probably nothing more than Voldemort trying to get to you."

"What are you saying?" He asked impatiently.

"Ron and Hermione are your best friends and that makes them one of your greatest strengths, as well as one of your greatest weaknesses. Voldemort will use them to get to you."

"So you believe me, but you don't think there's anything wrong with Ron and Hermione?"

"I'm not saying that." He said quietly. "I hope to Merlin that they're fine, I really do. But we can't just rush out without getting our facts straight. Not only is that dangerous, but it's also foolish. That's how people get killed."

"I don't care!" Harry cried. "Even if there was a small possibility that there was something wrong with Remus, or Tonks, or me, you'd go in a heartbeat. You know you would."

"You're right." He said with a nod, as he allowed his tone to become firm. "However, I would only go if I knew for a fact that they were in any real danger. If I went and it turned out to be a trap I could get myself or someone else killed."

Harry glared at him dangerously, but he didn't back down. "Harry if I thought for one minute that something was wrong I wouldn't give it a second thought; I'd be the first to try and save them. But if being an Auror has taught me anything it's that looks are often deceiving. You don't waste time, of course, but you also get your facts straight, and you never go alone."

"I won't be alone!" Harry nearly exploded. "I'll have you and Tonks and maybe Snape if he decides to go." He couldn't understand why Snape would want to go though; he hated Ron and Hermione almost as much as he hated him. But he couldn't believe that he would sit by and just allow them to die.

"Let me be clear on this, Harry." Sirius said firmly. "You will not rush out and do something foolish. I will help you, yes, but only after we make sure that they're really in trouble."

"They _are_ in trouble! Don't you understand?" Harry cried. "I only have until tonight to save them, or they'll _die! _You'd do the same for me. They're my best friends… I can't just leave them."

Sirius regarded him for a moment before sighing. He knew they were his godson's best friends- even after everything that had happened. But they would be walking right into a trap. There wasn't anything wrong with Ron and Hermione… he knew that- he truly did. But Harry would be hard-pressed to believe him. He knew that if he didn't do anything to help his godson's friends, Harry would never forgive him.

That didn't mean that they were just going to walk right up to Voldemort. First thing was to go to the Weasleys and make sure what was the truth and what wasn't; then and only then would he go out there and risk his life.

Harry had a point. If it was Remus or Tonks, or especially him, he wouldn't hesitate to go after them. But he had changed so much in just a short amount of time. He was a father now and he wasn't about to risk anything that would change that. For once in his life, he finally cared whether or not he lived. He hadn't much to live for before Harry had come back into his life. He wasn't about to lose that… not again. If that meant being cautious and smart- heaven forbid- then so be it.

"Look, let's wait until later on, alright? And then we can figure out what to do."

"But it'll be too late." Harry told him almost pleadingly.

"A few hours isn't going to make any difference. I'll wake you up around five and then we can tell the others before we head out. But you need your sleep- some _decent_ sleep."

Harry glanced towards his clock on the bedside table. It was just a little after two in the morning. He couldn't wait until five. But he also knew that anymore attempts to persuade his godfather wasn't going to do anything but waste valuable time. If Sirius wasn't going to take this seriously then he would take matters into his own hands.

He turned away and laid on his side. "Don't touch me." He said harshly, jerking as he felt Sirius grip his shoulder in comfort.

Sirius winced horribly. He waited around a moment longer but Harry wouldn't turn around. He sighed to himself. "Try and sleep." He said softly. "I'll wait you in a few hours."

He leaned down to kiss Harry's head, fighting back the hurt that erupted when Harry jerked away.

The door had barely closed when Harry snapped his eyes open and shot up in bed. It would Sirius less than a minute to make it back to his room, but he still knew it would be best to keep as quiet as he could.

He pulled his shoe on over his boot and quickly but as quietly as he could extracted his wand from the inside of his bedside table. He grabbed a coat from his cupboard, turning sharply when Hedwig let out a loud screech.

If Sirius heard him he'd be lucky if he was able to leave the house until he became of age. Of course that was thinking he would still be alive once Sirius figured out what he had planned.

It was foolish, he knew that. But he couldn't turn away.

He crossed over to Hedwig and stuffed a few treats in her cage; as though bribing her to keep quiet.

But Hedwig refused to take them; instead glaring at Harry as though she knew he was up to no good.

"Don't look at me like that," Harry snapped quietly, as he gently stroked her feathers. "I won't be gone long." He lied. "Just stay here with Sirius, alright? He'll look after you."

If it was possible her glare seemed to deepen. Harry was almost frantic. He wasn't about to be betrayed by his own bird.

"You have to stay quiet, okay? Please. I don't have much time. But if I get caught then Ron and Hermione will be in even more trouble."

She didn't bat an eye.

Harry huffed. He didn't want to, but if it kept her quiet...

"I don't want to put a silencing charm on you, but I will if I have to."

That seemed to do the trick. She glared at him another moment before turning away. Harry hadn't missed the look of hurt and betrayal on her face and he inwardly cursed himself.

He knew he wouldn't have to ask her to keep quiet.

He spared her one last look before gently easing the door open. He'd grab his broom from the closet where Sirius had locked it and then fly to Britain. He only wish he knew how to apparate.

His hand had barely gripped the handle when he felt someone grasp his shoulder. He wheeled around quickly to find Tonks frowning at him.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

Harry pointed his wand at her and before she knew what had happened she felt her body seize up and fall forward.

Harry grabbed her before she could fall to the ground and then gently laid her down.

"I'm so sorry." He whispered earnestly as she stared at him in surprise and anger. "I don't have time to explain. You and Sirius will only try to stop me. I'll be fine. I promise."

She wanted to shout out but she couldn't move an inch. Instead she watched as Harry grabbed his broom from the closet before heading down the hall to Sirius' room.

Harry didn't even have to open the door as Sirius always kept his door open. He stood inside the doorway with his wand pointed at Sirius.

He hesitated. Sirius would be hurt terribly if he knew what Harry was about to do, but knowing that his godfather would only try to stop him gave him the strength to continue.

Once he was certain that he had managed to put the silencing charm up correctly he crossed the room and stood beside his godfather. He remembered a spell he had read that would make someone fall into a deep sleep, but he knew the silencing charm would be more than enough. He hated the thought of using his wand on Sirius.

"I'm sorry." He said softly. "I'll be safe. I promise. Then you can kill me if you want."

He knew he didn't need to leave a note. One look at his empty bed and Sirius would understand what he had done.

He headed towards the guest room and placed a silencing charm on it as well. That's the last thing he needed- to be caught by Snape of all people. Sirius wouldn't have the chance to kill him then as Snape would more than likely kill him for even daring to place a silencing charm about his room.

He winced as he walked passed Tonks. He wanted to lift the spell but she would only be like Sirius and try to stop him.

Voldemort had Ron and Hermione... there was no force on earth that could stop him from rescuing them.

* * *

He was just about the wards when he dropped his broomstick. It would take far too long and only slow him down. He had seen Sirius apparate enough that he was certain he could do it himself. Who cared about the bloody idiots at the Ministry and their damn laws?

He focused hard on the Ministry of Magic and just like he had seen Sirius do, he turned on his heel and to his amazement he heard a loud snap as he was suddenly plunged through a small tube. His insides twisted horribly and it felt like someone was ripping him in two.

Just when he thought he would pass out he landed on something hard and felt his kneecaps shatter. He cried out in pain.

The sun had barely risen in the sky but Harry knew that he had reached his destination. He couldn't help but think that Sirius would be beyond thrilled to know that he had managed it on his first try... after he had finished digging him up from his grave of course.

It looked just like he remembered it. He had only then realized that he had no idea where he was going. He had accidentally found Ron and Hermione in the dark. How was he supposed to find them when it was light?

He'd figure that out once he got inside. He'd probably have a better time figuring out which way to go.

But before he could even take a single step he found someone grab him from behind with strong arms. His first thought was that Sirius had come for him.

He looked back and found a trio of older men with excitement on their faces. The other two had their wands pointed at him; ready to blast him away should he try to escape.

"Get off of me!" He shouted as he fought to free himself. One of them backhanded him across the face so hard he could taste blood. His glasses were askew but he wasn't able to right them.

It only occurred to him at that moment that they were probably in league with Voldemort- or else just wanted the reward for capturing him.

"We've got him! We've got him!" The shorter of the two squealed in delight. "The reward is ours."

"Not if this one doesn't keep quiet." The voice said gruffly behind him with a sharp shake. "We'll be lucky if he doesn't wake the bloody Ministry with the way he's going on."

"Perhaps I didn't hit him hard enough." The taller one said and Harry spat at him as he grew closer.

He wasn't surprised when he felt a hard kick in his stomach that had him gasping for breath as he sagged in the arms that were holding him. "You touch me again and I swear you will live to regret it." Harry hissed sharply.

This caused them to laugh loudly; the shorter one gasping for breath as he was sprawled out on the ground.

"We've got the brat." The taller said. "Let's take him in and get the reward."

"Or perhaps we could have just a little bit more fun?" The shorter asked happily. "I don't think the Dark Lord would mind too terribly if we brought Potter to him on the brink of death."

"You know our orders." The voice behind him snapped. "He is to be brought in alive."

"I won't kill him. I swear. What if we put glamour charms on him?" He asked, his face falling with disappointment.

"If you keep asking that, you'll be the one needing glamour charms," he growled. "Now come on. Let's get that reward and eat. I haven't had a decent meal for months."

"Or a decent shower." Harry mumbled under his breath. He gasped sharply as he felt something slam into his spine. He felt tears swell in his eyes but he wasn't about to let them fall. He wouldn't let them have the satisfaction.

He was infinitely grateful that they had decided to deliver him on foot as he knew he wouldn't have been able to apparate again. The pain was just too great. Of course with these specific idiots, he very much doubted that they had ever learned how to in the first place.

It took half the morning to get wherever they were going and by the time they had arrived Harry was looking at twin kissing gates that surrounded a huge mansion. He knew immediately this had been the place where Voldemort and his followers had met in his vision.

Peacocks were sounding every entrance; their big bulging eyes piercing him like a knife as they seemed to smile at him; as though knowing something terrible was about to happen.

He wanted so much to move his hand to retrieve his wand, but it was tucked away in the man's pocket. Due to the fact that Harry kept stumbling as he was pulled along, which resulted in even more slaps, they finally decided to speed things along and just carry him instead.

He was dropped none to gently onto the floor as they stepped inside. He would have taken the time to admire the beauty of it had it not been for the fact that he could feel his ribs breaking into a thousand pieces.

He didn't have the strength to look up, but the next moment he felt someone grasp his face and force his head up so that he was staring directly into Bellatrix's face; her black flowing hair tickling his face.

She regarded him coldly for a second before sneering at him. She let his head fall as she looked towards the others.

"Put him in the cellar with the others." She said; her icy voice sending a painful chill down his spine.

"E-Excuse me, ma'am, but, c-couldn't we have just a bit more fun with him before the Dark Lord returns?" The man simpered.

Harry felt his stomach coil with dread.

He hadn't been looking up so he missed the ravenous smile on Bellatrix's face.

"Do with him what you want." She said casually before her tone became murderous. "But if he is dead by the time my master returns you won't live to see another day."

"U-understood ma'am." He squeaked before giving a gleeful laugh.

He felt himself being jerked to his feet and guided through the room and down a long staircase before he entered an ice cold dungeon.

He was thrown upon the ground, and looking up a moment later, he gasped in surprise.

It wasn't Ron and Hermione that stared back at him. He had been tricked. Just like Sirius had said.

Remus was chained to the wall, his mouth gagged with rope as he stared fearfully at Harry.

Harry let out a relieved cry before passing out. For once, the darkness seemed far better than the light.


	20. Chapter 20

So if you read my profile you know that I get to keep my stories up. Yay! Don't know what happened but I'm glad. . Don't ask what happened (really confusing) just be happy :-) It had nothing to do with the site though so don't worry.

Does aanyone think I should post my stories on another site in case they get taken down?

The next chapter will be here so don't be confused when this message is gone.


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